Positive recessionismisation
Posted on | March 6, 2009 | 20 Comments
“Ahh, I’m sick of all this talk of depression and recession and all that”, said Dirty Dave last night, over a pint in Ron’s.
“Is that so?”, said Jimmy the Bollix.
“It is so. We all know they’re cunts, we all know we’re fucked. How is going on and on about it going to make things any better?”
“Fucked if I know”, said Jimmy.
“So from now on I’m going to be positive and think of positive, uplifting things to power me through the day”.
“Such as?”
“Well … erm … spring is coming and then it’ll be summer!”
“Great, three months of monsoon rain”.
“The price of the pint won’t be going up!”
“Competition authority said that was against the rules. Now publicans will be obliged to increase the price just to show they weren’t engaged in sharp practices”.
“We have our health!”
“When none of us can afford to anything but rice which is 97% gravel then we’ll all be fucked. The hospitals can’t cope as it is”.
“Lots of people being unemployed means they’ll have more time to spend with families!”
“Depressed fathers, desperate for money, sitting around drinking cans of Dutch Gold, getting fat in front of daytime TV, becoming violent and abusive. A throwback to olden times”.
“In times of crisis you see the best in people. We’ll all work together to pull ourselves out of this mess. Community spirit will return!”
“Survival of the fittest. Eat or be eaten. Destroy or be destroyed. Cunts will take advantage of niceness so there’s no point being nice to anyone. Look after yourself because nobody else will”.
“Shops and business will lower prices in an attempt to increase consumer spending meaning better value and more bargains for consumers!”
“Just shows how much they were ripping us off before”.
“Well … you are the negative Nancy, aren’t you? Maybe you should think of something positive”.
“Hmmm, ok then. At least nobody’s punched me in the throat”.
“What do you mean ‘Nobody’s punched me in …. ghaaarrrkkkkkk ….. uuuggggggghhhhh”.
“That uplifted you right out of your seat!”, said Jimmy. “Guinness please, Ron”.
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20 Responses to “Positive recessionismisation”
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March 6th, 2009 @ 11:47 am
Here’s something to cheer you up Twenty
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7927668.stm
Of course I’m not encouraging anybody to throw things over politicians like Cowen and I especially wouldn’t suggest slurry or battery acid or anything like that as it would be illegal.
March 6th, 2009 @ 12:03 pm
Seen as how you all have very little to do now what with there been no jobs
maybe one of you can tear your selves away from the tv and shoot that ryan air bastard o leary he’s starting to get airplay all over the world and he really is a bit of a git,
March 6th, 2009 @ 12:10 pm
Maybe somebody could throw this over Brian Cowen and make the world a nicer place to be:
http://tinyurl.com/c7bm4a
March 6th, 2009 @ 12:45 pm
Yet, it is true, it’s not about what happens to us in life, it’s about the way we react to what happens that makes a difference.
I think that at the moment we only have four types of people:
Scared employed taxpayers
Sickeningly happily employed taxpayers
Depressed fucking unemployed taxeaters
Sickeningly happy unemployed taxeaters
is Dirty Dave employed or unemployed sickeningly happy person?
March 6th, 2009 @ 12:52 pm
God I miss my dad.
March 6th, 2009 @ 1:19 pm
“Negative Nancy”
I like her already, can she join the boys as a regular in Ron’s?
March 6th, 2009 @ 1:38 pm
I am presently a happy self-fulfilled single dad who is merrily looking for gainful employment opportunities in a rural part of the country in which I dwell. In my spare time I like to sit back and watch actors doing their thing on Television during the day and drink as much fucking beer as I possible can to try and make this fucking nightmare end…. fuck I need a drink
March 6th, 2009 @ 1:48 pm
I am presently a happy self-fulfilled single dad who is merrily looking for gainful employment opportunities in a rural part of the country in which I dwell. In my spare time I like to sit back and watch actors doing their thing on Television during the day and drink as much fucking beer as I possible can to try and make this fucking nightmare end…. fuck I need a drink
“Ho about having a wank?”
Cheers me up everytime!
March 6th, 2009 @ 2:10 pm
LOL I’ll get right on that Fillerup
March 6th, 2009 @ 2:12 pm
is Dirty Dave employed or unemployed sickeningly happy person?
He’s mildly retarded.
March 6th, 2009 @ 3:05 pm
That’s a point, Twenty. Why are there no girls in your gang?
March 6th, 2009 @ 3:06 pm
Why would there be?
March 6th, 2009 @ 3:11 pm
because they’re midly retarded?
(well, most of them)
March 6th, 2009 @ 3:46 pm
Why would there be?
Government Regulation 56928-87 :
” All groups, of lawful or unlawful nature, must forthwith be containing a minimum of 10% minge-bearers, excepting the following categories : farmers, labourers, homosexuals”
March 6th, 2009 @ 4:49 pm
I’ve always thought I was slightly autistic.
March 6th, 2009 @ 5:17 pm
I think the majority of men have a shade of Asberger’s syndrome about them Holemaster, but I wouldn’t worry about that in your case.
Why would there be?
Er, ok. I suppose it worked for Tolkein.
March 6th, 2009 @ 6:23 pm
I think the majority of men have a shade of Asberger’s syndrome about them Holemaster
hehe, surely that depends on your emotional benchmarking.
Crying at films -> over-emotional.
not crying at your wife’s funeral -> under-emotional.
March 6th, 2009 @ 11:22 pm
Well one thing the recession did do, was turn a once negative nation full of moaners into a nation full of begging drunk moaners…
March 7th, 2009 @ 8:24 am
[...] in the manner of 20M, we should always look on the bright [...]
March 7th, 2009 @ 3:00 pm
“How about having a wank?”
Cheers me up everytime!
have a crank