Stupid radio ads – part 790
Posted on | March 5, 2009 | 40 Comments
Questions kids ask:
Do I have to go to bed?
Instead of dinner can I have Smarties?
Do I have to do my homework?
But it’s my room, why do I have to clean it?
I know you are but what am I?
Who made God? But how can God have always existed?
Can I play my xBox now?
Why not?
Why do I have the worst parents in the world?
But why shouldn’t I eat mud?
Questions kids don’t ask:
Mommy, why is that little boy in Africa starving?
Mommy, has little Mbeki from Tanzania sent us another illegible, indecipherable letter?
Mommy, is my face full of joy as you try to make sense of what the starving little boy has written?
Mommy, why do all his letters say ‘Send food’ over and over again?
What does ‘distended’ mean?
***
Sponsor my hoop.
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40 Responses to “Stupid radio ads – part 790”
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March 5th, 2009 @ 8:53 am
Ignore the last two questions in kids ask.
And thats a typical sounding day to many with sprogs.
March 5th, 2009 @ 8:53 am
put me down for a fiver, so
March 5th, 2009 @ 8:58 am
Mommy, why is that little boy in Africa starving?
Give the little fucker a big long lecture on the history of colonial Africa up until now followed by a lecture on psychology.
Or alternatively say, it’s because they’re mad fuckers and keep killing each other rather than growing food or making stuff, like cars or watches.
March 5th, 2009 @ 9:04 am
And what will your hoop be doing to merit this sponsorship? Getting itself shaved by a friendly Turkish barber? A half-shitathon? Or just selflessly putting itself receiving a good pounding from each sponsoree?
March 5th, 2009 @ 9:12 am
There will be a range of special events, culminating with Hoopapalooza.
“There’s a 3 day rock festival in my arse and everyone’s invited!”
March 5th, 2009 @ 9:16 am
“Where can I buy butt fuses for my butt plug ?” is a tricky one. Tescoes ?
March 5th, 2009 @ 10:11 am
You forgot, “Can I have some money?” and
“Does that fat lady have a baby in her tummy?”
March 5th, 2009 @ 10:22 am
On the bus once.. Guy with SEVERE Burns.. loud child sitting opposite him..
“WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT MANS FACE MAMMY??
..”MAMMY?”….MA-AAM!..
“WHATS WRONG WITH HIS FACE?”…. Morto.. everyone including the poor crispy chap..
March 5th, 2009 @ 10:37 am
I get at least 50 “but why?” questions every fucking day, none of which relate to poor little kids in Africa.
I guess my kids give as much a fuck about them as I do…
March 5th, 2009 @ 10:39 am
At least they’ve taken the voice of former PD TD Helen Keogh, CEO of Worldvision (Irl), off the ads.
What odds she’s claiming a nice Dail & Seanad pension while she’s in fulltime employment?
March 5th, 2009 @ 11:02 am
Um. The kids’ channels on the Box bombard us with sponsorship ads for Africans, dogs and dolphins.
So my daughter does actually ask a lot of those type of questions, and asks to send money.
She has also expressed a wish to be like little Indian Lucy who carries water miles everyday, and works really hard… some Cinderella fantasy.
I pointed out that she has issues with bringing something from one room to another when asked to, so I didn’t think abject poverty and child labour would bring her that much joy.
March 5th, 2009 @ 11:16 am
Jo:”Dear Jim,Can you Fix it for me….?”
March 5th, 2009 @ 11:17 am
Jo, I think you’re onto something. There could be thousands of children being brainwashed like that, giving us a ready-made labour market for the Nikes and Primarks of the world.
March 5th, 2009 @ 11:17 am
I pointed out that she has issues with bringing something from one room to another when asked to, so I didn’t think abject poverty and child labour would bring her that much joy.
haha
Conan – I doubt you’d get odds on that at all.
March 5th, 2009 @ 11:47 am
The last word on children asking questions.
… seven minutes in, mind you, but it’s all good stuff.
March 5th, 2009 @ 11:51 am
Hmm, didn’t post properly. Le link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fdc28bZ90G4
March 5th, 2009 @ 12:45 pm
“Domestos is so yummy”
March 5th, 2009 @ 12:55 pm
Remeber that Ad in Viz:It was a Doll on a plinth holding a bottle of Domestos,the Doll was called
“Mummy this Lemonade tastes Funny!”
March 5th, 2009 @ 1:51 pm
Yep – Domestos threatened to sue until Viz asked them when they were planning to introduce childproof tops.
Anybody ever watch “Worlds Strictest Parents” ? my favourites were the Indian family and the South Afrcan family.
March 5th, 2009 @ 2:08 pm
Yeah.there’s one on Joseph Fritzl next week..
March 5th, 2009 @ 2:20 pm
Can a man be guilty of loving his children too much ?
March 5th, 2009 @ 2:22 pm
If he loves them repeatedly in the hoop?
Then yes..
March 5th, 2009 @ 2:38 pm
*Bathroom, saturday morning*
Little boy asks:
Daddy what’s thing with all the hair between your legs?
Oh that’s my hedgehog son.
Wow, he has a fine big bollocks on him.
March 5th, 2009 @ 3:17 pm
**Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the shower:
Points to her crotch:
“Mammy,whats that?”
“Thats where Daddy hit mammy with an Axe”
“Ooh,right in the cunt!”
March 5th, 2009 @ 3:34 pm
Some of you will have heard this already.
Went to see Bill Bailey’s live show last December – excellent stuff.
He said he was in the car with his five year old son when James Blunt started on the radio.
“who’s that?” he asked
“James Blunt” I replied
He looked up at me and said, “He’s spoiling my brain”.
March 5th, 2009 @ 3:37 pm
Classic..still makes me chuckle..
March 5th, 2009 @ 3:50 pm
That’s where Daddy HIT ME WITH AN AXE??
WTF?
March 5th, 2009 @ 3:51 pm
Last night a woman brought her 10 year-old son to the dog park and told us how he had once pointed between his legs and asked what it was. When she informed the boy that it was called his penis, he said “it makes me all tingly inside.”
After all the women were finished laughing at the kid I said to him “wait until you’re older and she tells that story to your girlfriend.”
March 5th, 2009 @ 3:54 pm
I didnt write the Joke Jo.I have no idea why thats there..
Probably an extreme example of Catholic prudishness.The mother would rather explain away a perfectly natural body part with a made up act of extreme domestic abuse..
I think i’ve spoiled the magic of the Joke now though…
March 5th, 2009 @ 4:10 pm
That’s where Daddy HIT ME WITH AN AXE??
Never heard of the “hachet gash”? “beefy curtains”?
Anyway, how come there are so many stories about young Johnny5?
March 5th, 2009 @ 4:14 pm
After all the women were finished laughing at the kid I said to him “wait until you’re older and she tells that story to your girlfriend.”
And she will, no doubt about it.
After she tells him to keep it in his pants till he’s married.
March 5th, 2009 @ 4:46 pm
Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the shower:
Points to her crotch:
“Mammy,whats that?”
“Thats my hedgehog”
A couple of days later johnny walks into bathroom while his granny is getting out of the shower. He runs down stairs to his ma and says
“Grannys hedgehog is dead”
“Why do you say that Johnny?”
“Cause its guts are hanging out”
March 5th, 2009 @ 5:14 pm
Ann and Stan are out walking,Ann says ‘I need a piss’,and goes behind a bush.Stan hears her knickers come down,and feeling kinky,puts his hand through the bushes and between her legs.He feels something hanging,’Ann,have you changed your sex?’…’no’…she replies ‘I’ve changed my mind,I’m having a shite’….
March 5th, 2009 @ 5:27 pm
Mammy, why am I going around in a ring?
Shut up or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor as well!
March 5th, 2009 @ 5:48 pm
Maa! I sent your bank account number to a man in NIgeria. We’re gunna be rich.
March 5th, 2009 @ 9:21 pm
That Alfie Patten’s partenity test has come negative.Police are now looking for other males with a cock the size of a 12-year old.Probably best you keep your head down Bock
March 5th, 2009 @ 9:24 pm
Just back from the gym and there’s a new machine,only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.It’s good though-it does everything…KitKats,Mars Bars,Snickers and crisps…
March 5th, 2009 @ 9:28 pm
Patrick Swayze and Jane Goody appearing together in panto next Christmas…..OH NO THEY’RE NOT
March 6th, 2009 @ 4:05 am
Wrong! Oh so very wrong…….
March 6th, 2009 @ 8:45 am
Right! Oh so very right…..