As I was filling up my Honda 50 in the petrol station a car pulled up at the pump beside me.
In it were two girls. One of them got out and started putting petrol in the car, the other sat in the car smoking a cigarette. I went in to pay for my petrol, to buy some milk and a box of Creme Eggs (last night was the annual Cool Hand Luke reinactment in which we make Dirty Dave eat 50 Creme Eggs), and of course some delicious Major, and when I came out I noticed the girl who was in the car smoking was tapping her ash out the window of the car … at the petrol pump.
As a righteous and concerned citizen I felt it my duty to say something lest she explode the place or another petrol station later in her repugnantly ugly life. I walked over to the car, the window was down a little bit.
“Are you really tapping your ash outside the car window while sitting at a petrol pump?”, I asked.
She said nothing, but sneered the sneer that only the truly, monstrously thick can sneer.
“You realise you’re at a petrol station, right?”
“Wha’?”, she sneered again.
“You stupid thick, ugly cunt”, I said cheerfully, heading back to my trusty Honda. Then I spied her friend coming back from paying for the petrol. Perhaps she was unaware of how stupid her pal was so I thought I’d alert her.
“You know”, I said most politely, “that it’s not particularly clever to tap burning ash out of the window of a car while you’re at a petrol pump?”
She sneered that sneer. Dammit.
“It’s quite dangerous indeed”, I said, hoping my pleasant manner would help me avoid a slanging match of sorts.
“Fuck off”, said the friend, “and mind your own fucking business”.
At that point I could restrain myself no longer.
“It is my fucking business if you’re doing something that might blow me up, you pair of fat, ugly, geebag cunts”, I regretfully retorted.
They called me some more names, then drove away at top speed.
I know the Nazis get a bad rap, and rightly so for the most part, but the enforced sterlisation of people too fucking stupid to be allowed to breed is something we should consider.
Where so you stand on the Rolo eggs ?
Bleurgh
People would probably have less a problem getting their heads around the idea of natural selection if there were a few more fiery suicides-by-pigshit-stupidity.
I dunno, I fear there are quite a lot as it stands.
50 Creme Eggs. Ugh, god.
That’s actually worse than real ones.
Lindt eggs. Creme de la Creme. Or truffle de la truffle, to be exact.
Truffle-icious.
It’s really a Honda Accord, isn’t it?
Hi Gordon
I know that sneer. Fucking pond life.
Why were you yelling at the friend? Why not just complain to the one that was smoking? Why Victor, WHY?
Because they were both stupid and deserved to be shot in the snout, that’s why.
Killing them would have been self defence.
It’s really a Honda Accord, isn’t it?
My guess would be 1960s car coat and Austin Allegro
What’s red and white and wobbles between your legs?
I’ll get me coat.
It throbs between your legs.
Your heading sounds like the first half of a Neil Young couplet, come on finish it off..
too stupid to live,
too fat and ugly to forgive..
Howzaboudat!
you should have offered to give them a hand . . . by pouring petrol into their car window.
You were perfectly within your rights to shove the petrol hose in the car window, let loose a splash and toss in a match.
Hang on….. maybe that’s your statutory right, no wait…..
@ morgor,
he quite rightly responded to ignorance and vulgarity with righteous indignation, and so the cycle continues..
Speaking of statutory rights, wouldn’t those two girls have been entitled to shove the Creme Eggs up your hole?
I mean c’mon, a Honda 50?
No traffic jams for me.
You should have used the Petrol hose as a flame thrower Like Patrick Swayze in P “Point Break” that would have rocked…
You could have said a cool line like “Got a Light ma’am?”
It’s a Civic isn’t it? With alloys and flame red Recaro seats?
But you know you should really be driving a Capri.
Being one of those thankfully not so stupid and not so ugly and glad to be called skinny bitch, I have to say, man, I would end up slapping them with my manicured hand if I would happen to be there.
Hold on, I haven’t had manicure lately, I was too busy reading the new Darwin Awards: http://www.darwinawards.com
There is no excuse for
.. endless stupitidy.
Sounds like you’ve watched Robocop one too many times Twenty, yet another sign of your redoubtable awesomeness.
Btw, and off-topic, when one mentions the title of your new book during the course of polite conversation should one affect a lisp?
Abthinthe makth the heart grow fonder?
Yeah, it would be a thort of pothitively dithcriminating way to thay it so that folkth with a thpeech impediment would feel comfortable purchathing it in thopth.
Fucking stupid cunts… I would have thrown petrol over them and had them blow themselves up later on down the road.
There was a petrol attendant years ago in Donabate who filled cars while smoking. I doubt he lasted long though.
Honda 50s are responsible for the diversification of the gene pool in rural areas all over the world. Once you got a Honda 50, you could go to a dance fifteen miles away and meet girls were not related to you.
With your penchant for 80′s music I would’ve expected your response to be more along the lines of that scene in Zoolander.
You disappoint me.
So would that stop the inbreeding in the knacker community? Give them all Honda 50s. I doubt it
Bet it worked though. Bet she won’t do it again. Sometimes the only way to get through the fog of thoughtless idiocy is to lob a geebag/cunt/creme-egg bomb in there. Shatter her moronic calm.
I know the hose those cunts need! the one in my trousers.
Honda 50..
Nice to see you doing your bit for the envoirnment.
Good to see it’s not just those in Mississippi that do that. Was on a business trip there once, and this woman was pumping gas while smoking. Was completely floored and figured maybe that is how things were done in the South.
Teleport them and their scobmobile to a bush fire in Aus.
Facking spaz skangeretts.
maybe these lovely ladies were simply better informed than you. mythbusters proved how hard it is to light fuel with a fag, jokes on you.
u shud have took the number plate, bribed a cop to find out where the women live and burn there car out.
“I know the Nazis get a bad rap, and rightly so for the most part, but the enforced sterlisation of people too fucking stupid to be allowed to breed is something we should consider”
HERE HERE.
These sub-human fucks have been allowed to breed like rabbits (surviving mostly on handouts/free houses/dole paid for by everyone else) over the last few decades infecting all corners of the city. I swear these idiots dont have any cognitive thought process at all barring the ability to react violently to the colours, shapes and sounds they encounter (i.e. the world in general) on a daily basis because its all too much for their undeveloped primitive minds.
I vote we cull them all by firebombing before its too late. Remember they may look human but are far from it :)