Stop the presses
Posted on | February 7, 2009 | 70 Comments
Shock news reaching me hear at Major HQ is that the Sunday Times is going to do a review of ‘Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder’ tomorrow.
Given their previous with me it might be fun to play a game. Pick 3 words which you think will appear in the review. Whoever gets the most right gets a prize. Or something.
I’ll kick it off:
1 – Unfunny
2 – Fails
3 – Juvenile
After you …
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70 Responses to “Stop the presses”
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February 7th, 2009 @ 6:49 pm
1. Park
2. Phoenix
3. Order
February 7th, 2009 @ 6:53 pm
Good One Twenty
February 7th, 2009 @ 6:58 pm
I’ve got a hunch that the following 3 words may appear:
1. Twenty
2. Major
3. Blogger
February 7th, 2009 @ 7:06 pm
You’re proper famous now.
1. Owls
2. Dolphins
3. Sequel
February 7th, 2009 @ 7:11 pm
1) Sublime
2) Joycean
3) Cunt
I’m not in this game for the prizes.
February 7th, 2009 @ 7:23 pm
1. Second
2. Unbelievaby
3. Worse
All in the first sentence too!
February 7th, 2009 @ 7:23 pm
1. Second
2. Unbelievably
3. Worse
(All in the first sentence too!)
February 7th, 2009 @ 7:28 pm
Some of you think you’re so clever…
February 7th, 2009 @ 7:39 pm
You started it!
I’ll try again;
1. Brilliant
2. Only
3. Joking
February 7th, 2009 @ 8:53 pm
1. Crude
2. Rice
3. Damien
February 7th, 2009 @ 8:54 pm
1)Ron’s
2)Barcelona
3)Cunt
February 7th, 2009 @ 8:57 pm
20 Will you post the review tomorrow please ?
February 7th, 2009 @ 10:03 pm
1 – Smart
2 – Intelligent
3 – Witty
*cough. What’s my prize?
February 7th, 2009 @ 10:18 pm
1. The
2. He
3. Book
February 7th, 2009 @ 10:31 pm
1. Major’s
2. Stinking
3. Bollix
February 7th, 2009 @ 10:33 pm
1. Puerile
2. Recherche
3. Cunt
February 7th, 2009 @ 11:41 pm
A review, bad or good, is publicity.
In the same way you resurrected this blog just before the book’s launch is in aid of publicity.
I liked the first book, and I bought it before I had ever visited this site.
This time, I doubt I will even summon up the energy to read a review of the new book, having the dubious benefit of visiting this site and having read your collection of hackneyed, cliched, “Oh aren’t murderers bad? / aren’t the government terrible?” – Insert shite topic de jour to get all the comment monkeys scrabbling around you.
I gather you had (have) a forum, was that not generating enough traffic for your publishers, so they insisted you trawl through the Daily Herald to come up with more blog filler?
Here’s your three words
Lowest
Common
Denominator
February 7th, 2009 @ 11:51 pm
So you’re going to buy it then. Cool.
February 7th, 2009 @ 11:54 pm
Very good denhume.
You seem to have this publishing lark sussed alright.
So when is your book coming out?
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:05 am
oh look it’s the chief arse-licker monkey balls….
(yawn)
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:07 am
I read The Sunday Times, so I look forward to the review.
I see your fanclub is in the house, do I smell a freegan, or was it Brian?
Anyhoo, for the record, my suggestion is
Twenty’s
Second
Book
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:30 am
Chief arse-licker?
Me?
Are you for real?
February 8th, 2009 @ 1:53 am
dehnume Says:
February 7th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
A review, bad or good, is publicity.
In the same way you resurrected this blog just before the book’s launch is in aid of publicity.
I liked the first book, and I bought it before I had ever visited this site.
This time, I doubt I will even summon up the energy to read a review of the new book, having the dubious benefit of visiting this site and having read your collection of hackneyed, cliched, “Oh aren’t murderers bad? / aren’t the government terrible?” – Insert shite topic de jour to get all the comment monkeys scrabbling around you.
I gather you had (have) a forum, was that not generating enough traffic for your publishers, so they insisted you trawl through the Daily Herald to come up with more blog filler?
Here’s your three words
Lowest
Common
Denominator
Here’s 3 letters; lsd. It’ll do you the world of good denman, ye tetchy little cunt.
February 8th, 2009 @ 3:05 am
1. The
2. And
3. Or
:-)
February 8th, 2009 @ 4:45 am
1 – Unfunny
2 – Fails
3 – Juvenile
I was going to buy it but those three words put me off
February 8th, 2009 @ 10:03 am
Yeah, but how cool would it be if it said…
1 – Unfunny
2 – Juvenile
3 – FAIL
Us internet types are SO FUCKING FUNNY!
Jays, Twenty, you’re attracting the anonymous ire today aren’t you? It’s all too easy to tear a writer’s work apart whilst hiding behind a monitor. Did I say easy? I meant absolutely fucking inhumane, as constructive as an empty box of Lego, and a reflection of deep-seated arseholery.
I wonder does anyone go up to Cecilia Ahern at glitzy parties, call her a useless wagon and punch her in the face? Because if the position hasn’t been filled I’ll gladly apply.
February 8th, 2009 @ 10:25 am
Absinthe
Farts
Honda
February 8th, 2009 @ 10:51 am
Yikes! Looks like a right old savaging. Oh well, you expected it. And you were right.
February 8th, 2009 @ 11:04 am
..just read the review. I think Colin Doyle might be a pseudonym for Adrian Chiles.
You didn’t use the “g-word” in the novel did you?
February 8th, 2009 @ 11:58 am
Have they had a go, as expected? The Sunday Times is renowned for spewing knocking copy on the back of someone else’s work.
They would much rather give someone 1000 words to write an ego-trip at someone else’s expense instead of ignoring books/films/programmes they don’t like and giving the space to work that they do like and needs the publicity.
They don’t really know how to be positive.
February 8th, 2009 @ 11:59 am
Yeah, pretty much a hatchet job. They were on to the publishers about two weeks ago looking for artwork and an advanced manuscript. It’s fairly obvious what the brief was.
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:01 pm
And no Rob, I just about stopped myself using the ‘G-word’. I mean, if I had I’d be first to say that review was spot on.
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:05 pm
There’ll always be bad reviews.
I don’t read the Sunday Times because it’s crap. There’s one.
The thing is, sure lots of people won’t like the book because of its crude and juvenile aspect.
And lots of people will like it for that.
And lots of people will like it for that and the rest of it and so on.
And as for reviving the blog,ffs. Any writer has every right to publicise his own book, written out of his own fucking sweat and tears, whether it’s crap or an opus.
Blogging is an excellent and canny way of advertising, and provides hell of a lot more interest, creativity and interactive potential than a picture on a bus shelter. Whether the blog revival was or was not a cynical marketing ploy on Twenty’s part, he would have been an idiot not to do it.
ARSE.
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:10 pm
AND.
I think that’s an excellentpoint about positive review.
There’s no real point in slating something. If you find it that offensive or unbearable, it’s not for you, pass it on.
Otherwise you’re just Homer in that food critic episode.
Is it on the shelves yet, Twenty?
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:11 pm
Not yet – should be in shops towards the end of the week.
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:22 pm
I’ve re-read the review. And he has reviewed it as “literature” and I think even you would admit it’s not high-art.
However, neither is Ross O Carroll, but he seems to get a bye on that issue. I smell a chattering classes clique…
Maybe if you used “roysh” a lot and ordered a couple of ‘kens in Ron’s, all would be well.
Best of luck with the book regardless.
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:41 pm
dehnume, you truly are the dullest type of cunt there is.
professing to be hugely bored by something while at the same time obviously exercised by it at some level.
you have a god complex of sorts, looking down on the ant-farm that is us comment-monkeys while affecting to stifle a yawn as maidens feed you grapes.
up your hole, you bore.
February 8th, 2009 @ 12:42 pm
sorry, i forgot to add the word ‘crashing’
a splendid term…
you, sir, are a crashing bore
February 8th, 2009 @ 1:17 pm
Well, the Dolphins and Owls have got their act together and perfected the weather weapon. The cunts.
February 8th, 2009 @ 2:11 pm
Well it’s been too snowy here for me to venture out and get me times yet, so haven’t read it; but personally, I buy lots of books and would choose one based on either a quick flip-through in the shop or the recommendation of someone who’s opinion I’d trust. Reviewers tend to be up their own arses so I’d never go by what they think.
And as nob end up there said, ” A review, bad or good, is publicity.”
February 8th, 2009 @ 2:17 pm
wojous is my new word for the week Grover, you can use it if you like.. See you can learn stuff from hanging around the Forum.
And to the crashing boring cunt who said it, an empty box of lego, is just an empty box surely?
Couldnt that very same box be described as an empty box of sheeps testicles?
Pedantry is gone out of fashion around here!
(mostly)
February 8th, 2009 @ 2:22 pm
and if this is a cynical advertising exercise, will you please at least put the new book at the top of the books page, the morkeshing goy is coming out in me here, sorry!
February 8th, 2009 @ 2:35 pm
Sunday Times is a Murdoch cuntfest of a paper anyway. They always put a sinister negative slant on Irish issues while pretending to be an Irish version of the paper. Anyone who writes for that paper works for the master.
But I suspect this may well be an attack on blog land too. Journos get really vexed by us comment monkeys having such access to the public domain. It’s probably like how a secretary designing a top class brochure in Wordperfect pisses off Graphic Designers.
February 8th, 2009 @ 3:45 pm
Damn print only review…i wonder if not putting it in the online Times was Fuck you to everyone here…
Apparrantly people that read and write blogs dont read anything if its not on a computer screen..
Cunts.. Im gonna buy the fucking thing just to piss them off…
February 8th, 2009 @ 3:46 pm
That’ll show em!!
February 8th, 2009 @ 3:54 pm
There’s a lot of truth in that Holemaster. It’s telling, the way the last line of the review dismisses the book as ‘an interruption to the usual service of his daily blog’.
Know your place bloggers!
PS
Major, I got 5 words. Where’s my prize? One of them ‘Ross O’Carrol Kelly’ books would be nice. I hear they’re very good.
February 8th, 2009 @ 3:57 pm
Its a bit High Brow for you MB…
How about Cecilia Ahernes next 3 books for a prize? I hear Twenty is the ghost writer..
February 8th, 2009 @ 4:29 pm
Who do you think you are kidding Fill ? You’ll buy the Sunday Sport as usual.
February 8th, 2009 @ 4:54 pm
The Sunday Times is an anti-irish; MI5 “leak” anti-irish; anti-lisbon (remember sarah carey story..mmmmmmm…..sarah carey), anti-democratic piece of fucking shite. I’ve never bought, never will and anyone who states “I buy it for the culture section” – go and fuck.
Support the circular flow of income; buy de book and stop the sunday times presses – don’t buy that piece of fucking shit sunday times
have a nice day.
February 8th, 2009 @ 5:18 pm
I used to buy it for the Culture section.
From now on though, I’ll be buying to piss you off.
Cheers.
February 8th, 2009 @ 7:06 pm
Jesus, Sam, you are a speed-reading plike, aren’t you?
“And to the crashing boring cunt who said it, an empty box of lego, is just an empty box surely?”
Well strike me on the head with the Mallet Of Obviousness! The whole point was based around the ridiculous concept of the box being empty! I guess your box is always half-full.
You slut.
February 8th, 2009 @ 7:22 pm
I stopped buying Sunday Newspapers last year. They’re full of shit mostly, silly columns about silly trivial crap written by friends of the editors, re-hashed seasonal content, someone’s weekend in Seville, someone else’s hiking trek in Argentina, a useless guide to something inanely boring, bad films reviews, smug restaurant reviews, wine of the week, best SUV for under €40K, farmers market of the year, some fake tanned Z list couple who got married in a tacky hotel like Citywest, an article about how BMWs out number Ford Fiestas, some cunts house interior photos for some reason, top 50 rich list which is always the same and are all related to each other.
February 8th, 2009 @ 7:24 pm
My three words are:
1. Geek.
2. Crude.
3. Peurile.
None of the above words reflect the views of the management (me).
February 8th, 2009 @ 7:36 pm
Don’t buy Sunday papers. If you like a read of the paper at the weekend, get the Guardian and the Irish Times of a Saturday… even if it is just for Charlie Brooker and the telly guide.
February 8th, 2009 @ 8:04 pm
Don’t buy Sunday newspapers.
Simply hang around the newsagents’ bin at closing time and you’ll be able to get loads of them for free.
February 8th, 2009 @ 8:15 pm
My sentiments exactly, SG, except I don’t know who charlie Brooker is.
The IT magazine is a bit disgustingly bourgeouis these days though, al designers and ski holidays and so on. And I’m not impressed with the new social section at the back.
And for some reason I can’t bring myself to muster any interest in Rosin Ingle’s pregnancy. Quite theopposite, really.
February 8th, 2009 @ 9:23 pm
Metro all the way – all the feckin’ way.
February 8th, 2009 @ 10:10 pm
Hey, Twenny – I saw this and thought of you immediately.
http://www.pooparcels.com/
Haven’t read the review yet. If they make me pay money for a subscription to get into it I’m not doing it because that’s the kind of ninny-arsed outdated thinking that is killing newspapers these days. And will I be a party to ninny-arse-banditry. Oh no. Nope. Not this ninny-arse.
February 8th, 2009 @ 10:22 pm
Thank God somebody’s keeping the ninny-arse standards high around this place.
February 8th, 2009 @ 10:41 pm
No, you don’t understand the depths here, the depths of my ninny-arsedness. I have tried but I am buggered if I can find the review online. Is the Sunday Times the Irish Times Sunday Edition or is it the UK Sunday Times Irish edition? Or is it something else entirely? In any case, I looked at them all and nada.
February 8th, 2009 @ 10:43 pm
It’s not online …
February 8th, 2009 @ 10:44 pm
Well I do buy the Sunday papers every week and not read them; but I read your review today when I eventually got it and what I thought was : if you’re going to be that harsh and dismissive of something that someone has created, then you should at least be funny and Colin Coyle(which is, let’s face it, something that gets shoved up cunts)was not even a bit witty. He sounded like a crusty old teacher at best.But in fairness, he did manage to use a couple of words I didn’t understand and couldn’t be arsed to look up.
February 9th, 2009 @ 1:03 am
1. Chin.
2. Up.
3. Champ.
Read a book called The Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. It’s a bunch of interesting little sociological stories, pay particular attention to the section about 10,000 hours.
And don’t quit because your book came out.
February 9th, 2009 @ 2:01 am
Sweary my comments were just linked to a sheeps testicle infatuation, please disregard..
I bought the times (for the culture section *cough)
and saw the review, if thats what you call it, I’ll still buy the book anyway..
February 9th, 2009 @ 9:04 am
so where is the fucking fatted calf then ?
February 9th, 2009 @ 9:09 am
Johnny5 can’t get on from work any more, maggot.
February 9th, 2009 @ 9:39 am
Is that code for he is doing hard time ?
February 9th, 2009 @ 9:42 am
I really hope so.
February 9th, 2009 @ 9:48 am
If he’s not, how about we send him on a holiday – BBQ in Australia ?
February 9th, 2009 @ 10:50 am
Tell Johnny5 to use this;
http://accessanywebsite.com/
Good ol’ technology. There’s always a way.