Monthly Archives: January 2009
Tony Hart RIP
They’re dropping like flies. First Ricardo, now Tony Hart. He made me want to be an artist (at least for the duration of his TV show). Sadly the fact that I’m nothing more than a mediocre doodler stood in the … Continue reading
Birds, what utter cunts
I have always hated birds. Dreadful, flappy, squawking things. The only good bird is plucked and in an oven somewhere. ‘Oh but what about …?’ the bleating animal lovers will say – as if we don’t have the technology to … Continue reading
But it’s no choice at all
The magic genie appeared. I wasn’t even polishing a lamp or anything. He said when he gets bored he picks people at random and offers them a chance to make the world a better place. I congratulated him on such … Continue reading
RIP Ricardo
For a time in the late 70s I wanted to be Ricardo Montalban. I didn’t want to be as Mexican as he was, and I certainly didn’t want a midget scurrying about my feet wherever I went, but he oozed … Continue reading
Let them be known!
2,600 gardaí are driving patrol cars without the necessary qualifications it emerged today. Well, well, well, isn’t that something. I think, in the interests of public safety, that anybody without the necessary qualifcations should only be allowed drive with a … Continue reading
Healthy living
“Twenty”, said Dirty Dave, “you know in this time of recession we all have to tighten our belts?” “I certainly do”. “Well I’ve taken to doing my weekly shopping at one of the cheap German supermarkets who use all manner … Continue reading
Too much caffeine in your bloodstream
He zooms through the streets every day. Rain, shine, cold and wet. The elements make no difference. He is the wind. He cannot see those who come towards him but every so often his neck cranes and he takes stock … Continue reading
“I think I’ll have the duck. What about you, Galbraith?”
People who make airports worse than they already are need a good kick in the ringpiece. Like the Gardai who have been on an unofficial ‘go slow’ (I know, how ironic), since a €29 a day meal allowance was withdrawn. … Continue reading
Israel vs Palestine
See if they had this on Pay Per View with a flashy promo complete with dramatic and gravelly voice-over? Then I might be interested. Forget missiles and rockets and tunnels, give them old fashioned weapons like scimitars, those iron balls … Continue reading
See if they had this on Pay Per View with a flashy promo complete with dramatic and gravelly voice-over? Then I might be interested.
Forget missiles and rockets and tunnels, give them old fashioned weapons like scimitars, those iron balls with spikes sticking out that you swing around on a chain and flaming arrows. Then it’d be good viewing.
As it is I just can’t find it in myself to give a shit. Modern warfare is too too much like a computer game. I want to see thousands of Jews come over the crest of a hill, pause, give a great shout, like so many Jon Lovitz’s heading into battle, before charging headlong at thousands of Arabs.
Precision missles have taken all the fun out of it. Anyone can shoot in a rocket into a school full of children. That’s easy. Getting up close and personal enough to slice someone’s head off then holding it in the air and shouting “Who’s next?!”, now that’s the kind of shit we need to see.
If both of these sides will insist on fighting, and I think it’s fair to assume that they will no matter what kind of temporary truce is being brokered, can’t we at least make it entertaining for the rest of us? All the hand-wringing is doing my fucking head in.