I have always hated birds.
Dreadful, flappy, squawking things. The only good bird is plucked and in an oven somewhere. ‘Oh but what about …?’ the bleating animal lovers will say – as if we don’t have the technology to synthesise eggs in this day and age.
People complain about KFC breeding these mutant, beakless, blind gelatinous creatures that eventually get covered in the Colonel’s secret spices and fried up for the eating but I don’t see the problem at all. These birds, such as they are, cannot flap, nor can they poo on you from a great height, or do any of the other horrible things that birds do.
To me the concept of a bird indoors is absolutely terrifying. It’s like walking into a room to find a shark in there. Birds have no business being indoors unless they’re in a cage. And if sharks started appearing in your toilet then you’d certainly start hearing about it. Birds are simply air sharks.
Then you have bastard birds like the ones who deliberately took down that plane in New York last night. ‘Bird strike’ my hoop. This was a concerted attack on humanity by renegade geese. Where’s the fucking war on bird terror? Why aren’t we going around stomping on hatchlings and setting nests on fire like Afghan villages? Why are we ignoring the threat of suicide herons? Where’s the CNN ticker for this shit?
It’s obviously time to provide all passenger jets with a force-field so that if geese or griffins or other large flappy bastards decide they’re going to try and kill people then they simply bounce off. Like the Silver Surfer, trapped on earth and every time he went to try and surf his way to freedom he’d hit the shield and bounce off.
It’s either that or planes have to be modified to accomodate a gattling gunner who can obliterate the flying menace with 5mm bullets as soon as they get near, that evil glint in their eye.
Too many people are fooled by birds who like to make out they’re all innocent and part of nature but they don’t fucking fool me, the cunts. When the time comes and the world ends birds will be behind it, mark my words.
Twenty. Birds are not airsharks.
Unless they’re pterodactyls.
Pull yourself together man.
See, you’re underestimating their menace.
Such paranoia about the natural world. Did you watch Hitchcock at too delicate an age?
No, I’m just better at identifying pure evil.
Birds of Prey are cool,its the one’s that people think are harmless,like the Magpies and Swallows..that are the threat.
Jo In Hitchcock’s The Birds.. There was little sign of Birds of Prey,it was all seagulls and Crows..
Birds of Prey feast on these Bastards ergo they are cool…
Alan Moore and Bauhaus have just the song for this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFK2Xq2RyiU
Sinister indeed, but very, very tasty.
http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg188/matthewxdanger/anatidaephobia_far_side.jpg
Leave Bird’s alone! They make lovely custard. Or is this some kind of obesity inducing, type plot by the winged members of the animal kingdom? (cue Twilight Zone theme).
http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=zPcdVdE7rfk
Birds are a menace indeed. They poo on you to get you distracted, then beak off your eyes and then poo on you again just for the fun of it. Birds are not airsharks? Tell that to my one-eyed cousin.
And I want a chicken that lays Creme Eggs.
Yeah, they can be bastards when they get a chance.
One of my earliest memories is getting hassled by a blackbird or something when in my pram in the garden.
I was twelve.
Click on the link, it’s a classic!
Wait a minute! There must be more insect related deaths per year than death by bird? I don’t see anybody taking up cudgels when a wasp or woodlouse raises its ugly, eight eyed head!
http://twentymajor.net/2005/06/07/insects-are-cunts/
On that Twenty,you know that Daddy Long Legs are one of the most poisonous insects in the world,but they havent got a strong enough sting to break through human skin…
Cats are cunts.
But pussy is great.
On that Twenty,you know that Daddy Long Legs are one of the most poisonous insects in the world,but they havent got a strong enough sting to break through human skin…
I didn’t know that but I’m not in the least bit surprised. What with them being cunts and all.
Excellent Twenty! I’m glad to see your misomania encompasses invertebrates as well as most other forms of life.
I didn’t know that but I’m not in the least bit surprised. What with them being cunts and all.
useless Cunts at that..
Imagine having that kind of firepower in your arsenal and not being able to do supreme evil with it?
Yeah, that’d like being able to fly but only 2 feet above the ground.
Hoor…
“Excellent Twenty! I’m glad to see your misomania encompasses invertebrates as well as most other forms of life.”
He has a penchant for fermented bean curd?
Twenty .. there something about this new site I dont like.
Fuckit I cant put my finger on it. I think its either the font or the layout.
There something amiss …can you change back to the previous one.
By the way im making a pair of trousers at the moment out of sparrows …I catch them using half melted tar on my window sill
Hold on dont birds polinate flowers and shite … so if there was no birds thered be no flowers
which is not a bad thing in an of itself
But If there was no flowers there d be no valentines day and no valentines day means no love
So you want to kill all love is it
Christ your a cranky huor
Do you want death to all birds or what … do you have a “final solution” for the feathery fuckers
No, I like this one. I like the rippedy papery look. So there.
Am I losing my mind or did i leave a comment earlier which is no longer here?
Fermented bean curd eh? He probably uses it to lure tits into his murderous hands.
i shot a bird out my window recently…
with my camera :)
I heartily agree, birds are cunts.
Check out this series of photos.
Poor ickle bunny, drowned and eaten by a heron…..
http://miedin.googlepages.com/Heron.jpg
Fuck Div! I never saw anything like that on ‘The Animals of Farthing Wood’. And yes Holemaster, you’re as mad as a box of ferrets.
I used to dream about a pet ferret.
I no longer like herons. I will now throw stones at them while thy are quietly reposing in the middle of ponds.
Bunny killers; there’s nothing worse.
YOU ARE FUCKED. WE ARE GOING TO GET YOU. YOU HUMAN CUNT.
All in capital letters too, well what do you expect from birds…. cunts.
Peck off you birdstards
Flock you
Shower of Wingkers!
Our owner doesn’t clip our wings. We are allowed to fly all around the house. Sure we shit everywhere we want. But so do you Irish.
PJ .. your IP has been noted. And the pan is warming
Oh he’ll be Jackdaw’fd at that!
On your head be it.
Aviary cloud has a silver lining.
its great to be ignored
http://www.b3tards.com/u/23a81a36a044d13fc056/mad-fer-it.jpg
I wanna see this pilot fucker hauled up in front of the ASPCA and banned from keeping pets for life.
Gash, that was very amusing. You have a vacation coming up ?
I hate birds myself – I have to keep looking up everywhere to make sure there no germ-bag sitting on top of the electricity wires or the lamp-post ready to send me some air mail…
Polly and Joey, hmmm. Capt’n?
I CONCUR WHOLEHEARTEDLY FUCK BIRDS
I’ve often thought of them as flying rats, but SHARKS? We have Gangsta pigeons in Sydney. Fuckers will walk right up to you and take the burger out of your hand while squaking “What? What you gonna fucking do about it” then shitting in your eye.
Feathered fuckers.
You’re back?! So that’s even more time wasted with my head up the internet’s arse.
“And Twenty said unto man, have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowls of the air, and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth. And Twenty saw every thing that he had made, and behold, they were all cunts.”
(Genitals 1,20)
Except otters.
Getting your mone out of the AIB is like getting the dole, it’s handy to have but you know in the back of your mind that it’s your hard working neighbours that is paying you.
Zimbawie has a better banking system, the people are more intelegent and less corupt than our god fearing fellows.
Cowen made the right move, he went to Japan just in time and he knows he can’t be extradited from there.
I went to Zimbawie once on me holliers.
No, hang on a minute, it wasn’t Zimbawie.
I think it was Luxemourg.
Or maybe Columia.
Mr. John Major,
your kindred spirits are here…
http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com/
Hey Monkey Balls, have you been to Arados or Elgium?
I really should keep my finger on the pulse a bit more.
I didn’t know you were back posting.
Well done.
News from Poland, NO Irish need apply!
What goes around comes around.
Twas in the year of 39 the air was full of lead,
Hitler hit for Poland and Paddy for Hollhead.
But nobody ever told the Polish not to apply.
Hey Alfie, long time no hear.
How’s Birmingham these days?
What’s that?
Still a shithole?
You’ve been re-bloggered!
See:
http://thamus.stumbleupon.com/review/29381288/
Birds are good planes are bad, there were no birds involved in downing them towers in Screw U York.
The jayflying birds get the brunt of the terrestrial terrorists ire once again.
Spread the word Dobharchu.
I’ve heard from a reliable source that the geese were Muslim. They were trained by Bin Laden himself. Some of the geese had explosives strapped on under their feathers, but luckily they didn’t explode. Mad suicidal bastards. But all birds aren’t bad, just like all Muslims aren’t bad. What? All Muslims are bad? Oh, ok.