But it’s no choice at all

The magic genie appeared. I wasn’t even polishing a lamp or anything. He said when he gets bored he picks people at random and offers them a chance to make the world a better place.

I congratulated him on such a noble pursuit. I know if I were a magic genie I’d be far more mischevious than that. I’d make the world a better place … for me. It’s unlikely that too many others would benefit from my contrivance.

Anyway, he said I had the opportunity to do something wonderful. For a small forfeit he said he would bring lasting peace to the Middle-East, cure Africa of AIDS and HIV, ensure the recession that is about to hit Ireland would only last until next Friday week at which point huge oil reserves would be found in Leitrim which would make us richer than Saudi Arabia seeing an end to all taxation and the government spreading the wealth throughout the population after investing in state of the art medical, transport and cybernetic infrastructure, make Creme Eggs available all year round and make it so that every time Gerry Ryan tried to make a vowel sound the noise of a hippo farting into a tuba would emerge from his big fat mouth instead.

It sounded very tempting until he told me that in order for all this to come true I had to listen to the Ray Foley show for an hour.

He disappeared, cackling, before I could even finish the word ‘off’.

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36 Responses to But it’s no choice at all

  1. SAm Crea says:

    I have tried to listen to this guy since Fillerup was on about him, but I keep missing him and getting Tony Fenton.. he couldnt be as bad as Tony Fenton surely?

  2. Fill3rup says:

    Tony Fenton is John Peel Compared to him…

    Twenty,how could you be so selfish???…oh right..

    He’s gonna be on to you now John.Are you afraid?

  3. Peadar says:

    Ah comon lads, like he says, it’s just a bit of fun for your lunch time, nothing too ser……….

  4. Peadar says:

    If you were to kill a genie, would you inherit his magic powers?

  5. Conan Drumm says:

    Foley & crew constitute an aural abomination. I can only imagine that they get airtime because they are the love-children of Denis O’Brine, and feed freely at the trough of his munificence. For the sake of clarity I must reiterate that I can only imagine that.

  6. Jo says:

    I have a confession. I find that ‘just a little bit of fun for your lunch time’ thing sort of funny. I listen in momentarily every so often, and I can’t believe they’re still getting away with it.

  7. Maxi Cane says:

    Hey Twenty,

    Love the site.

    “Yaaaaayyyyy”

  8. Twenty Major says:

    Someone’s on the good drugs.

    This applies to the previous two comments, I think.

  9. Conan Drumm says:

    That’s a certainty, Twenty. Yellow card the pair of them.

  10. Jo says:

    Oops, I forgot to duck and cover there. I do still agree about him though. It’s not like I go seeking out a bit of fun for my lunchtime or anything.

    What’s up your nose there, Maximus?

  11. fill3rup says:

    He’ll be lookin for Hugs next….

  12. Jo says:

    He would have us to believe otherwise.

    I think he wants a bitchfight with Twenty. He’s v confrontational, Maxi. Remember what he did to BaldDevil…

  13. Twenty Major says:

    Fighting on the internet? How far have we sunk?

  14. Jo says:

    You’re right Twenty. It’s barbaric.

    That or a cunning stunt…

  15. Peadar says:

    or a stunning cunt

  16. Jo says:

    Yes, Peader.

  17. Jo says:

    Or even Peadar.

  18. Maxi Cane says:

    Hang on a minute, who wants a fight?

    Jo:
    Your ma is up my nose.

  19. Augusto says:

    Hmm, I’ve just Googled Creme Eggs. They look yummy.

  20. Monkey Balls says:

    Maxi, the best fights are over in the forum.
    We even have multiple-pseudonym tag-wrestling. Well, we did, until the other guy(s) ran away after we, I mean I, gave him a good seeing-to.

  21. divneymathers says:

    Genie mac!
    Creme eggs? by Cadburys? And risk salmonella!

  22. Jo says:

    I had American friends living here at Easter. They got a Creme Egg and were SO disappointed when it wasn’t filled with Creme. God bless them, but the thought of that is just vomitous.

  23. emordino says:

    Is he as bad as Colm and Jim Jim? I was subjected to them one morning, they spent five consecutive minutes playing honk noises and laughing their holes off. Honest to god, I don’t know why anyone thinks any Irish people have any talent whatsoever.

  24. Twenty Major says:

    He’s worse than cancer of the foreskin.

  25. Maxi Cane says:

    That can be sorted out with a snip. I imagine Ray Foley is one of those cunts who has gone to great lengths to protect himself against those of us who hate him.

  26. Twenty Major says:

    Do you mean he has a moat around his house?

  27. Maxi Cane says:

    Yeah, portcullis, drawbridge the lot, the fuck.

  28. Twenty Major says:

    He thinks he’s so clever but he’s not. All you have to do is put a minotaur in his wardrobe when he’s doing his radio show, then we he comes home, changes his zany t-shirt for a slightly less zany but still quite zany t-shirt he gets minotaured to death.

    He’s an amateur.

  29. Maxi Cane says:

    Have you ever tried to get a minotaur?

    More hassle than it’s worth.

    Being violently raped by a drunk pantomime horse would offer more viewing satisfaction.

  30. Twenty Major says:

    I’m a minotaur whisperer.

  31. Holemaster says:

    I know a few Minoan lads, no harm in asking.

  32. Jo says:

    The uber-banter! I’m almost aroused!

  33. Maxi Cane says:

    Jo:
    It was my contributions that made you wet, wasn’t it?

    These other people going on about nibbling the ears of minotaurs.
    Perverts.

  34. Jo says:

    No Maxi, it’s the man on man repartee. Twenty’s on top with that minotaur whisperer comment, isn’t he?

  35. Maxi Cane says:

    He is.

    After I hit submit I thought of a great reply.

    Always the same.

    I will have to up my game.

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