Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth

This blog began exactly four years and one day ago.

Since then a whole lot of words have been written and read by countless scoundrels in many countries throughout the world. Thousands of comments have been left, many, many people have been called a cunt.

But, all good things come to an end, and even bad things come to an end too, which is why from today I will no longer be updating the blog. I may pop in the odd post from time to time, more than likely to give info about book two, but there will be no more regular posting.

No more stupid questions from Dirty Dave, no more Stinking Pete putting odd things up his urethra, no more Jimmy being a Bollix, Lucky knocking people off, Splodge splodging around or no more Guinness from Ron. Many of you will also be glad to know there will be no more excruciating puns based on 80s pop music.

I have to say I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this blog. It’s been a creative outlet, often cathartic and it has done many good things for me. I would never have written a book without this blog, I certainly wouldn’t have written two of them (well, one and seven-eighths ed!). I was proud to win an award at the very first Irish Blog Awards, I never thought I’d win Best Blog for three years in a row. Neither did Mulley, I bet, haha.

I loved the anonymity of it and the little bit of mystery it caused. Grainne Seoige asking Una and Sinead Gleeson ‘Just who is this Twenty Major?’ on the TV that day, as if I were the Scarlet Pimpernel, still tickles me to this day. I liked the fact that almost every single Irish blogger respected that anonymity when it would have been a piece of piss to blow it out of the water. I’m very grateful for that.

I loved getting new readers, I liked making people laugh, people groan (at shit puns, not anything else), making people a bit sick, making them a bit emotional, but most of all entertaining people. I know there are those out there that didn’t, and still don’t, like it, but blogs are just like Fair City. You can turn if off if you think it’s a load of old bollocks. Nobody is forcing you to read it. I hope that those who read the blog regularly enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it – and I hope the many people who claimed to hate it but still read it enjoyed it like a dose of the fiery scuts.

So why stop? Well, for one thing I think every non-subject specific blog has a limited lifespan. I mean, if you’re writing about politics or football or tech then you’ve got new content every day now and forever. When you’re making up stories it’s more difficult, it becomes harder to think of things you haven’t done, jokes you haven’t made, and so on. It gets to the point where if you were a sitcom and your brain was the team of writers somebody would eventually say ‘Hey, I know! Let’s get a guest star in, that’ll keep things fresh’. I didn’t want a guest star. This blog does not need a Charlie Sheen cropping up to open up new avenues. I don’t want it to be like that.

As well as that I think Irish blogging has changed a lot and I find it very difficult to identify with many of these blogs. They have their own style, and that’s all well and good, but I just don’t think I have anything in common with them. I know that might seem irrelevant but when you have other blogs to spark off, like there were back in the day, then it does make a difference. Of course my blog stands on its own two feet, it always has done and could continue to do so, but I just feel a bit detached from it all. And it’s not that I was ever in it to make friends or be part of a big community. It’s still not a motivation for me despite meeting some top people down the years. Maybe I’m not explaining this well enough but it’s more a vague feeling than anything concrete. For me the vibrancy and excitement of the scene is gone. I’m not suggesting it was better back then, just better for me. There are those that are new to blogging now that are probably experiencing all that vibrancy now and good luck to them. Anyway, whatever it is it’s a very small part of why I’m shutting up shop.

The main reason is that I’ve been doing this non-stop for four years. Creating something nearly every day, trying to maintain standards and I think I’m just tired now. Not of the blog, as such, but just tired of having to blog, if that makes sense. It’s a pressure sometimes, you set the bar high, you win awards, people have expectations. And while it is a motivating factor after a while it becomes hard going. I won’t say a chore because it hasn’t been, I just think it will be if I keep at it and I would hate that. I would hate that something I have loved doing for so long became a thing of high drudgery. It’s time.

I’m also aware that there has, over the years, grown from this site a little community of sorts. When you have people commenting every day then people get to know each other. It’s something that has been hugely important to the success of the site. I think the comments have, to my mind, sparked two of the best days of blogging ever when we did the name changing stuff (see here and here). People were going all day and it was just brilliantly funny. So as much as I try to make things amusing and so on, when your readers engage with you and the other people on the site in that way it’s a bit special.

I could do a bit about my favourite posts but after four years I can’t remember. Sometimes I read back over the archives and think ‘Hah, I don’t remember writing that at all’. Of course my favourites really were all the puns and being called a cunt after a torturous build-up to a shockingly cheesy was always ace.

Despite my curmudgeonly ways I enjoy the comments, the slagging, the crap puns, jokes, the trolls, the people who just didn’t get things, the mock outrage from others, and even recently when we discovered one of the regulars was diagnosed with scary disease 1 it felt kind of real. Like it was a real person that you knew and had met and stuff. So, with that in mind I’ve set up a forum where anybody who wants to can come and register and continue that little community if they would like to. The forum will not be closed down anytime soon, it’d be great if people wanted to get involved so the daily streams of consciousness could continue, but there’s no pressure. Maybe someone else’s blog will get busy and that’s where all the former cool people will congregate (you would be former cool people if you went somewhere else, I’m sure you all know that).

So really it just remains for me to say thank you to everybody for reading, emailing, commenting and taking part in the blog over the years. Thank you to those of you who bought the first book and I hope you’ll enjoy the second when it does come out in February/March of next year. I will update about it on the forum, definitely, and maybe on the blog.

Until then picture me with an handkerchief tied around a stick, Bastardface at my side and Throatripper chasing a condor through the woods, as I walk away into the distance with the end theme from the Incredible Hulk TV series playing.

Goodbye, you wonderful cunts.

This was Twenty Major, September 29th 2004 – September 30th 2008.

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358 Responses to “Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth”

  • fatmammycat Says:

    Goodbye Ducky, I will miss this place.

  • fatmammycat Says:

    But I wont miss Ron’s and I will stand you a pint on Gingerday.

  • floyd.pepper Says:

    Cheers for the laughs Twenty. I’ve been reading now for a number of years and it’ll be a miss.

    I’ll just have to find some other cunt to read now.

  • Joan of Argghh! Says:

    Well.
    Damn.
    I’m not sure you’ll know how to quit us.

    I guess I’m stuck with ScaryDuck and the ‘Twat for my Euro-blog fixes. It’s not like JonnyB is gonna take your place either.

    Damn.
    I already said, “damn,” didn’t I?
    Hell.

  • Angie Says:

    Damn. It takes a goodbye to get me to post, but damn. There goes my morning laughter. Well, briefly anyways. Thanks for the laughs.

  • Johannus Paullus Says:

    Hmm – if true, goodbye and I’ll miss logging on from Sydney to see someones take on the daily happenings back home.

    Fave blog – think the one about the election that one you an award would have to be up there.

  • froodie Says:

    well, damn.
    g’luck.

  • keira Says:

    What a sad day. I’ll miss you twenty, I usually sign in Monday nights to read last weeks blogging, keeps me smiling for the week, love ya x

  • Gav Says:

    God speed Twenty, nobody will ever do it like you.

  • Eolaí Says:

    Thanks. For all of it. Those were the times.

    Good luck!

  • Keith Gaughan Says:

    Twenty, you bastard!

    Now how’s the country going to waste its workday?!

  • red mum Says:

    Oh. God. No. Seriously I hate when you do these serious posts, you nearly killed me one day in work with the post about the old man and the dog.

    I loathe the fact you are calling it a day with the blogosphere, but whatever you do, best of luck, I loved it all. I hope and reckon I will still be reading you in years to come.

    Damn this…

    ps I still want your first book signed personally please (how will we do that if you are not at the blog awards!!!) and the next when it comes out. Damn.

  • Grandad Says:

    Thanks from me too. ‘Tis the end of an era.

    Keep the faith, and keep taking the tablets.

  • dealga Says:

    So. Farewell
    Then
    Twenty Major

    You are the
    Last of the
    Great revolutionary
    Bloggers

    Though how you
    Found time to
    Write your posts

    In addition to
    Spending your time
    Smoking
    In a pub full of
    Cunts

    Is baffling
    Frankly.

  • Rob Says:

    I have not always agreed with what you say, nor how you say it. but I always admired you for saying it. And whenever you do again, I will admire it then too.

    Good luck with Book 2 and dont be a stranger, although you are always a stranger I suppose.

    Good night and good luck

  • Like my granny always Says:

    Shit.

  • Lorcan the Lion Says:

    You utter cunt. Thanks for the blogging.

  • Will Knott Says:

    Good luck. Have fun, and take care.
    Then come back ’cause we’ll miss the fuss.
    Or at least enjoy yourself while you are gone.

  • Snookertony Says:

    Goodbye, you too, ya cunt ya. It’s been a pleasure talking and hopefully we’ll do it again somewhere.

    First Cool Hand Luke, now Twenty…
    somethin’s stirring…

  • Maman Poulet Says:

    Lights a silk cut and sighs…. :(

  • Dick O'Brien Says:

    Sorry to see you go. Good luck.

  • manuel Says:

    I was once called the “Twenty Major of food blogging”….one of the highlights of my life that……Cheers for the laughs and best of luck n all that….I’m not crying, there’s just something in my eye…..

  • Daithi Says:

    Thanks for everything. You’re an original and it never looked easy.

    Send in the clowns…there aught to be clowns…

  • Green Ink Says:

    Is this why Mulley smashed his iPhone? All the best you terrible cunt.

  • brenjamin Says:

    All the best.

    Ah well, at least there’s a forum now.

  • derfen Says:

    You were never my favourite, you cunt, that mantle rests with Kav. Enjoyed your spats with Bock… And you always were a decent cunt if something got serious…take care…

  • Bearhunter Says:

    Well that’s a couple of years of my life down the drain. Fuck it.

  • barking toad Says:

    You cunt Twenty!

    Now I’ll have to be doing some work.

  • Claire Says:

    How can there be blogging without Twenty Major?!

    Good luck Twenty, thanks for the laughs.

  • Jill in MN Says:

    Thanks, Twenty. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for the past –I dunno– half a year. It’s always made me laugh. I’ll miss it. And look forward to the occasional (pleeeease!) blog posts.

    Thanks again.

  • Darragh Says:

    Ah Twenty. Jaysis. Dunno what I can say except thanks. You were a big help to me and inspiring in the way you kept at it. Fair play to you. Enjoy the break. I look forward to book 2.

    Fuck anyways.

  • Xbox4NappyRash Says:

    On my birthday too, you big upstaging cunt you.

    I only came around here in last year or so, but I truly enjoy the tongue-in-cheek-ness of it all.

    You took it seriously, but not too seriously.

    All the best.

  • Vic Says:

    While I never read your blog that often, I can really appreciate what you’ve brought to the Irish blogosphere. And anyway, someone who uses the word cunt frequently is alright in my book.

  • Emerald Islander Says:

    Never had the chance to meet you in person, but did enjoy reading your blog many times.
    Thanks for all the good work you put into it, and for the great inspiration you have given – and still give – to the Irish blogging community.

    Being a writer myself, I can imagine how you feel now. It is indeed not easy to come up with new ideas all the time. But I hope that you will succeed in your new field – writing books – as much as you have succeeded here.

    The best of luck to you, for now and the future. I am sure we will hear from you somehow in good time. And since this is a small country on a rather small planet, I hope that our paths will cross some day.

    Take care, and may the storm always be your friend!

  • cnut Says:

    So long Twenty Major.

    I’d rather play here with all the madmen for I’m quite content they’re all as sane as me.

  • savannah Says:

    i think this might be my second comment here, sugar, but thanks for the good reads along the way. take care and be well! xoxox

    (if you’re ever in the south, drop on in and i’ll buy you a drink – you can still smoke in our bars!)

  • Neil Says:

    Well, fuck me. No, not literally, but still.

    I’d cry if I was more emotionally capable. Fuck, I really hate it when you get all serious…..

  • G G Allin Says:

    Smell you later Twenty,

    I have been reading for the last few years. It beats work and gives me a nice one-sided realistic view of Ireland that I cant read on rte.ie.

    What else are you going to do? You don’t come off as the most employable type. May I recommend becoming a professional torturer?

    Thanks for the memories.

  • Daragh Mc Grath Says:

    Wow, was it really 4 years?! I remember our email war like it was only yesterday, as you came looking for links ya bastard! :)

    Well done on a truly excellent job, can’t wait to see what you do next, though chances are we won’t know it’s you who’s actually doing it! :)

  • mob Says:

    Too many good byes of late. Thanks for the read

  • paddy Says:

    cheers 20, for being an inspiration and a very funny fucker.

  • Bald Devil Says:

    Well if you are all sentimental you wouldnt delete this would you?
    Bye, Bye Mr Major

    Balddevil loves you all.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    I must admit I was never expecting that to happen, and it’s come as a complete shock. I have to sit down for a bit.

    -Bald Devil back on Twenty’s blog!
    Who’d have thunk it!

  • Mad Dog Says:

    I come back from me hols to find the world in financial turmoil, Tottenham at the bottom of the Premiership and this blog winding up.

    Bollocks! Things will not be the same and as someone else commented, we are now stuck with ScaryDuck.

    I’ll probably buy your second book too although I hope it’s better than the first (I’m still trying to get my money back from Amazon).

    Here’s hoping for the Return of Twenty Major at some time in the future…

  • Hangar Queen Says:

    *Looks for the hidden camera*

    This is a wind-up? Right?

  • Comings and Goings | Maman Poulet Says:

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  • Pants Man Says:

    Well Mr. Major I will be sorry to see the end of this fantastic blog. It has helped me through the past year or so in work, brightened up many a dreary day, made me smile and made me angry.

    I was actually looking forward to a long rant about Berties golden parachute payment today. Couldn’t you quit tomorrow?

    My favourite posts were always the rants about Bertie, at least some good came of the tribunals.

    All the breast in your future endeavours. Keep it real.

  • Conor O'Neill Says:

    You’ve been responsible for an awful lot of my snot hitting my computer screen over the past few years. I’ll miss cleaning it off with a crusty hanky, you old clunt.

  • Eoin Says:

    Fare thee well. I can recognise that slight feeling of being forced to feed the monster that is the blog. Thanks for all the laughs and fake outrage.

  • Sid Trotter Says:

    Good bye old Twenty. And thanks for the laughs. Sincerely, you are a cunt.

  • Big Ulsterman Says:

    Your irreverent, honest humour has been a fantastic daily companion, more than you’ll know. It’s like losing a friend. God bless you, Twenty, whoever you are and whatever you do.

  • RockyRoader Says:

    Bugger.
    I’ll have to buy the books now.
    cunt.

  • Batty O'Sullivan Says:

    Typical. Just when I make an effort to abide by some house-rules the bastard above goes and closes the whole thing down.

    Fucking typical. I hope his book does well but that he also gets one of those annoying little plastic hoops dry cleaners attach things to your clothes with but keeps forgetting about it only for the scratching to start again on the bus just by the traffic lights.

  • jajujayme Says:

    Farewell, you king among cunts

  • morgor the outraged Says:

    You whore.

    I knew you were going to pull a stunt like this.

  • SuperGrover Says:

    Ah Jaysus

  • Lusus Naturae Says:

    Speaking as a fucking yank, fuck you and the goat your mom rode in under. Bastard.

    I’ve enjoyed your perspective for several years now, and weep openly, like a syphilitic sore.

    Good luck and Godspeed in your future endeavors.

    And you’re still a fucking cunt for this, just so you know.

    -PLD

  • RedLeeroy Says:

    Twenty, best of luck yeh quitting bollix. You shall be missed.

    Red

  • Dring_Dring Says:

    Thanks.

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  • size ten Says:

    Good luck Twenty, I’m sure you’ll be sneaking in somswhere else.

    I got blasted for a few of the comments I made on here…but I’m the only one that got kisses for a comment, and, I’m lead to believe they came from the delightfull ankle brigade, and I know they were of the Silk Cut variety not Rough Shag.

  • didhno Says:

    ‘….made up stories….’

    You…were…lying to us?
    I feel so violated.
    I hope Stinking Pete teabags you before Lucky popsa cap ina your assa you dirty low down quitting Bertie lover. Oh wait, they’re not real are they? They’re made up like Cher, mere creations. Rons Bar? The George more like.
    I suppose you don’t have a beard either? I suppose you use the same rusty mach3 that you use on your wrinkly old coin purse? B@astardface and Throatripper? Probably called Fifi-Trixie-Bell and Fluffy-Cute-Fluff in reality. You sir, are the promise of an arse fingering that turns out to be a peck on the cheek. As big a let down as Harneys knickers.
    New book? May it gather dust like Berties code of ethics.

    Probably a wind up anyways.
    Not like you have anything better to do.

    Somehow I feel better now.
    Wheres my coffee?
    (Good luck Twenty)

  • insomnesia Says:

    Tsk. Cheers for the laughs.

  • Mad Mick Says:

    Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

    Feck ya but I know exactly what you mean.

    Good luck Twenty and enjoy your retirement.

  • papalamour Says:

    A beautifully composed shocker of a post, Twenty. Thank you for keeping productivity down and the cheer up…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipMNbf4hb28

  • Rowche Rumbler Says:

    error when posting in forum twenty (and welcome to the shitty crap world of forum admin!)

    Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 8388608 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 1245184 bytes) in /home/twentyma/public_html/forum/includes/utf/data/utf_compatibility_decomp.php on line 2

  • Lottie Says:

    Goodbye Twenty. Best of luck with the next book.

  • cenred Says:

    Fair play to yer, Twenty. Thanks for the laughs and stuff over the years.

    “We’ll never see his like again.”

  • raptureponies Says:

    Jaysis Twenty, Good luck with having the non-blogging from now on, you’re missed already!

  • “Good Night And Good Fuck…” « The Whole Curiosity Blog (prop. Rick O’Shea) Says:

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  • Keith Says:

    Thanks for the memories, ya bollix.

  • Trouble Says:

    Good luck in your endevours Twenty

  • MMN Says:

    Do you know I think that’s the first full post of yours I ever read?

    Mind you I did read your book.

  • Fill3rup Says:

    Wow… well as someone who stumbled on to your blog less than a year ago,THanks for making me laugh on a regular basis,cringe on an even more regular basis,but also for enabling a few commentors on here get together and actually meet up(MonkeyBalls,Jo,Morgor,PP and myself)

    You are a complete cunt but sure what else were we to expect??

    Good Luck with (Book) Number 2 and congratulations on your Blog of the Year award for the 4th year in a row :D

  • Matt Vinyl Says:

    I was only going to ask you the other night if you ever got tired of blogging? I guess I have my answer. Big up!

  • Rick Says:

    Girls blouse. I genuinely mean that.

  • Rick Says:

    Good luck with the move to Cuntfuckistan.

  • Tinman18 Says:

    Bye, Twenty, we’ll miss you.

    (And just in case you get too big-headed over all the praise, can I just point out that the clock is wrong on your forum.)

  • Hooronahonda Says:

    Christ Twenty! Just when you got all the kinks ironed out.
    You be lucky, you hear?

  • Johnny5 Says:

    It’s been been shite for about 2 years anyway. Thanks though, you did make me laugh that one time.

  • Joe Says:

    Good luck Twenty! Its the end of an era.. or something like that!

  • Jo Says:

    There will come a day when we ask each other, where were you when Twenty Major ended? And I will say, dammit, I was late bringing the kids to school and had to go to Tesco, so I couldn’t go online when I got the text with the news…

    Best of luck, Twenty, thanks for being such a good host. Good luck with book 2.

    And I’ll be looking forward to the new blog-incarnation, Busty Major, hopefully soon to be born!

  • Batty O'Sullivan Says:

    CQDX, CQDX. LMVS ASGARD IV O’Sullivan, Capt. Cornelius.

    Up periscope.

    Run silent run deep, eh? Can’t say as I blame. Freedom to roam and all that. Understandable. Good hunting and there will always be a tot or two behind the bar of the ‘Mariners Mammary’ in Haulbowline for you.

    Down periscope. QRT. Standing by.

    Cornelius
    O/C Western Approaches Command
    Contactable by W/T 0900-0930 Mon-Fri
    Sat-Sun & Holy Days of Surface-Obligation 0900-1200.

  • John Braine Says:

    I was going to say something fluffy about this being the first blog I started reading etc screw that… Welcome to Cuntsville, population: you.

  • baldrick Says:

    To paraphrase Douglas Adams (another very funny guy)

    “So long, and thanks for all the pish!”

    Many a dreary day has been brightened by your excruciatingly painful puns.

    But myself, I always stood in awe of your creative swearing when in the middle of a full blown rant.

    G’wan then, fuck away off and see if we care!!

  • Scaryduck Says:

    Come back, you fucking splitter!

    You’ll be back within three weeks, mark my words.

  • Darren Says:

    Congratulations on four brilliant years and best of luck for the future.

    And here’s a monumental moment in itself. I’m going to say I word I despise, but you’re so fond of. Twenty, you’re a cunt.

  • maggot Says:

    Will he do a Sinatra ?

    Is this a ploy for book 3 ( the best of Twenty Major )

    Has he quit smoking ?

    Dammit Twenty – I was reading a poem by Betjeman in the wee small hours featuriing owls ad wondering.

    happy retirement from your wriggly chum.

  • Pete08 Says:

    Well, goddamn, that’s unexpected. So long and thanks for all the posts that led to a lot of time wasted in work!

  • Xbox4NappyRash Says:

    This was on the cards from the moment Bryan McFadden left.

  • dublin Says:

    better to stop when you are at the top… but still hard to do it when everybody is asking you not to do so!

  • laughykate Says:

    Are you going to be like Gary Glitter, depart and then reappear with ‘It’s Good to Be Back’ or whatever his song was?

    Please?

  • SlapHead Says:

    Well that’s it…. I’m turning off my PC for ever now.
    G’luck Twenty, don’t strat writin’ fuckin’ poetry alright?

  • Fragrant Pete Says:

    Your one of three Irish blogs I subscribe to; you, David McWilliams and Richard Delevan.

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T GO AWAY. DON’T LEAVE ME WITH THOSE TWO CUNTS!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(

  • Deborah Says:

    Sad to see you go, but thanks for all the laughs and fun. Will of course be picking up the next book and wish you all the best!

  • maggot Says:

    Are you going to be like Gary Glitter

    It’s the beard, isn’t it ?

    Sinatra is more flattering.

  • Annie Says:

    This means I’ll be getting down to actual work 5 minutes earlier every morning. Crap.

    Thanks for all the laughs. Cheers, Twenty.

  • Ianoo Says:

    Awwwwwww that’s bad news, but at least the internet checking software here will get a break form all the cunting & fucking and other such stuff..

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  • JC Skinner Says:

    Quitter!
    First you give up the smoking then now this!
    You’re dead to me, Major. Dead to me…
    (Good luck to whatever you do next, which presumably will involve a lot of yoga, chanting, green tea drinking and writing for profit.)

  • McAWilliams Says:

    You cunt you! who is gonna write my scripts now you are leaving the blogging world, selfish cunt!

    But seriously fair play for the four years hope to see you back blogging again soon in some shape or form, you shall be missed from the blogosphere.

  • mata Says:

    Arghh!!!

    Am so NOT happy about this Twenty. Why o Why :(

    Well, all the best and I too will stand you a pint in Ron’s Bar someday.

    Right its back to work now for me so.

  • Dave Says:

    Aw. So when are you starting your weekly Irish Times column?

  • anonymous Says:

    Dis is Baz frum de Blanch, yis is all cunts, ders no Twenty Major hees just sum cunt dat rits for de Gards seein wat yis ar goin ta say so dey can chek up on yis.

    Ijust cum out frum de jAIL in de jOY, and dem in dair all herd about HIM, dem in dair tink hees grate dey reed about him on dem laptop tings, but Inoe dem is rong.
    I was in de JoY for hittin a culchie wit shinny buttins on his coat out side de Lillac cus he trid to stop my burd for takin cream frum de kimist, she wantid it to put on her fanny cus de boots I stole from Dunes were too long for her short legs and hacked up de sides of de place she has a bad itch, aldo I said I was sorry, and I did fell a durty cunt, de still giv me 14munts, me burd is helpin me wit de spellin fur de last bit.

    donut beeleeve any ting.

  • Sinéad Says:

    missed already :(

    fare you well!

  • Jo Says:

    I can’t get into the forum, just as well for now – but I have a question about the terms:

    You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-orientated or any other material that may violate any laws be it of your country…

    Really? Are we meant to press ‘I agree’ or ‘I don’t agree’?

  • Dan Sullivan Says:

    Sorry to hear the news. Still you’ve got a body of work that you can stand over and you can feel good that you never took from shit from no one. You didn’t right? Darn, it seems this blogging lark really is a young man’s game or like a young man on the game I can never remember which. See you next time and keep-watching-the-stars!

  • Jose Montoya Del Miguez El Toro Fernando Says:

    All the best Twenty! Thanks for all the laughs.

  • Capal Dubh Says:

    Mind how you go Mister …

  • tatoca Says:

    oh it’s a shame, i enjoyed this space for the many years i quietly read it, too scared of the cool people to comment :)
    good luck with book 2 and many more to come

  • Annie Rhiannon Says:

    Are you going to come back as someone else?

  • Dukephil Says:

    Here lies Twenty.

    Blogged to Death.

  • one man and his dog Says:

    Thanks and good luck, Good stuff.

  • NoughtieNurse Says:

    Damnit, Damnit, Damnit, Damnit!!

    Was a lurker – but loved it..

    best of luck, Twenty

  • Scouser Says:

    I told the news to my missus as she was on her way to work and her response was “ah fuck it’s not like the book’s selling.”

    Anyway cheers and good luck

  • elmarolamontaña Says:

    Been reading this blog for a while now. It´s like some kind of drug – I kept saying to myself that I would just have one more shot of Twentymajor, especially as the aftereffects were sometimes unpleasant – there was a lot of stuff posted that didn´t agree with me, let´s say. But now it looks like it´s time for cold turkey… Good luck, so.

  • Lost Says:

    Jaysis! Didn’t expect that. I only found this blog about a year ago and spent time going through the old posts. Some great stuff and you’ll be missed! Thanks for all the laughs and the opinions. Ya cunt ya.

  • Dan Says:

    How the fuck am I going to maintain my low levels of productivity in work now? … …

    You’ll be missed Twenty. Best of luck.

  • Nonny Says:

    Good luck my furry friend.
    Mmmuaah!

  • IrishURLS Blog » For Twenty Major Says:

    [...] the man who paved the way for the mass circle-jerk that is the Irish blogging scene, I bid [...]

  • Anfearbui Says:

    Good luck Twenty & thanks for having providing a home for cantankerous fuckers to hang out in.

  • Delicious M'Swati O'Sullivan Says:

    Yes. Mr Yeats have something to say about this. Mr Yeats have something to say about everything pretty much. Aiiee!

    An Irish Airman Foresees His Death

    An Irish Airman Foresees His Death
    I know that I shall meet my fate
    Somewhere among the clouds above;
    Those that I fight I do not hate,
    Those that I guard I do not love;
    My country is Kiltartan Cross,
    My countrymen Kiltartan’s poor,
    No likely end could bring them loss
    Or leave them happier than before.
    Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
    Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
    A lonely impulse of delight
    Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
    I balanced all, brought all to mind,
    The years to come seemed waste of breath,
    A waste of breath the years behind
    In balance with this life, this death.

    Aiiee!!

  • Anfearbui Says:

    having providing???…..argh.

  • neil c Says:

    drat, drat and double drat.

    I pointed anyone who called the internet a waste of time to your blog.
    what will I do now !!

    thanks for the laughs you funny fucker.

  • neil c Says:

    … and best of luck with whatever you decide to do next…
    you could liven up radio !!

  • lazlo panaflex jnr Says:

    surely the theme to the littlest hobo would be more suitable(i.e you’re a tramp).

  • Eddie Says:

    As the old saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Enjoyed reading the blog the last few years. Best of luck!

  • Fourth Former Says:

    I hear that he has gone off to tour Europe with James Blunt.

  • Bernie Goldbach Says:

    Jaysus! More people are commenting on Twenty’s demise than people with Diana prayer cards 10 years ago.

  • Lmg Says:

    Shit! First Newman and now you – it’s been a bad week!

    I was but a lurker, but am surprised at how disappointed I feel at this news. As an expat in London, you were my dose of what was really happening at home and a hilarious reminder of what a bunch of useless cunts the government still are. Goodbye I suppose and good luck.

  • Cogly Says:

    Oh bugger. Why should all good things come to an end ? Why can’t they go on and on, like the credit boom ? Oh, buggery bollocks, that has ended too. I’ll have to start my own blog of cuntybolloxs.

  • elly parker Says:

    You’ll be missed, ya cunt!

    Make sure and come along to the awards in March, I’ll be wanting book 2 signed as well – might even treat you to a G’n'T!

  • cadrjr Says:

    This is bigger than Meltdown Monday(yesterday)! I’m shocked! But I guess I’m somewhat glad to see that you have the sense that Bertie, Blair, didn’t ….. i.e. you’re going out on a high …

    Thank you for many happy hours “wasted” at work …

  • Govstooge Says:

    ***sobs***
    It’s been brilliant reading you Twenty. Your blend of rancour and terrible puns have been an inspiration to me.
    All the best ya bollox… from one who could not hope to fill your shoes.

  • Walter Ego Says:

    Eh…… what the holy fuck am I supposed to read while I have my sandwich and cup of tea at lunch time tomorrow and the next day…. and the next day…..etc?

    You fuckin’ cunt.

    Good work Major.

    Over and out.

    *stands up and applauds*

    *sits back down again*

  • Munro Says:

    Twenty, you had become my first and last stop each day, and I will miss you. Thank you for helping me to start each day with either a smile or a demented determination to overcome the crap around us sometimes! The very best for the road ahead…and keep the spirits high! Munro

  • MartyBanana Says:

    I shall forever be scarred by the punchline “Evan is a plaice on earth” ya bastard.

    Oh well. So long and thanks for all the fish.

  • Batty O'Sullivan Says:

    Was going to have a look on the form but coulnd’t register as there is now way I could sign up to this;

    ‘You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-orientated or any other material that may violate any laws be it of your country, the country where “twentymajor.net” is hosted or International Law’

    Its a bit limiting, like. The bit about ‘vulgar’ is the one that haunts me.

  • Sugar Britches Says:

    Damn. A day without Twenty will be like a day without…nevermind.

    You taught me to say the word ‘cunt’ out loud. …and being American that’s no small feat.

    Thanks for writing.

  • Dermot Says:

    Twenty

    thank you

    …for brightening up dull days
    …for leaving me splitting my sides with laughter
    …for making me think

    so long and thanks for all the fish

    Dermot

  • Jay Says:

    Sorry to hear this. Thanks for creating such a brilliant blog, you will be missed. Looking forward to the 2nd book..

  • erugalatha Says:

    Sorry for being a selfish cunt but I only found your blog two weeks ago and since then reading your stuff on this cunting interwebs has been a joy – now it’s over?

    Please tell me your bluffing?

  • Conan Drumm Says:

    salve et vale…

    Just tell us you haven’t gone and got a proper job… have you?

  • George Says:

    Thanks for the laughs Twenty, it’s been a helluva ride. I’ll miss this something vicious

    At least now, the next time I see ya, I might be able to say hello instead of running away and hiding in awe.

    I don’t think anyone other than you could have bowed out with this much style and class, but yer a cunt for doin it when I was already havin a crap day :P

    Good luck with where ever the world takes you from here

  • jonny_boy Says:

    I’ve been reading this pretty much every day since the Irish Times mentioned your site the day after the first best blog award – loved it and will miss it !

    btw, what do you mean “making up stories” – did Jimmy not really promote the mangy yak in Tibet ?!?!

  • Augusto Says:

    C’mon, this blog is (was?) the funniest way to keep in touch with Ireland. =/

    Anyway, so long, and thanks for all the dish. Cheers from Brazil, Twenty, and best of luck.

  • Chucky Says:

    You attention-seeking hoor. You’ll be back tomorrow gloating in all the warm and fuzzy shite being spewed on here today.

    But just in case, thanks for all the entertainment, ya cuntcha!

  • Ann-Marie Says:

    don’t do it twenty! How can you leave us. I read your blog every day – thats a whole five mins filled in my day. Thanks for the laughs and best of luck!

  • Cionaodh Says:

    Slán tamall, a Fhiche.

  • sheepworrier Says:

    All the best with the future plans and the book twenty – love the blog and am surprisingly sad to see it go, but otherwise it would just turn into the last few seasons of the simpsons – uninspired and bland.

    Good luck mate.

    Sheepworrier the cunt.

  • problemchildbride Says:

    I think you, more than anyone else, Twenty, have been responsible for my increasingly bad language over the years. “Fucking cunts!” I would yell at sweet, kind grannies on the telly with whom I disagreed on a minor point and my husband would turn and stare at me. “It’s OK,” I’d say. “Just been hanging out at Twenty’s today.”

    No more of that then. Ah me. Thanks for all the fun, Twenty, and the best of luck to you in the future.

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    CUNT

  • Darragh Says:

    Jasus! Where did that come from? Ah your shitting us. You have to be…

    Well good luck with your next venture.

    I’ve been reading this now for over two years. Crazy stuff.

    What am I going to read now when I get to work?

    Looking forward to book 2. Book 1 was very good.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    All you moaners- Get over to the forum and sign yourselves up.
    http://twentymajor.net/forum/

    It’s not like Twenty’s just turned his back on you and left you with nothing. It’s up to all of us now to keep the momentum going.

    The forum has potential to be even better than the blog.
    The way I see it, Twenty closed the playground and opened up a funpark for us.

    So thank you Twenty. I think it’s a brilliant idea.

  • chuntzu Says:

    For fuck’s sake, is that it then? ‘I’m sorry Hon, it’s not you, it’s me. I feel this relationship is stifling and I now need to find myself.’

    Bollix! You’ve led me on and now you’ve broken my heart (laughing). I’m going to find you and cut the sleeves off all of your suits – and if as I suspect you’re not suit wearing cunt I’m going to feed Bastardface a half ton of laxatives .

    C’mon Baby, you know you want it! You need it real bad.

    I give you two weeks and some politician cunt is going to piss you off so much that you’ll need to vent – and where better that in the bosom of this incestuous, foul mouthed scatological shower of hoors, this miscellany of misfits that you’ve gathered online.

    We’ll be waiting.

    BUT in case you’re fucking serious – have a good life and I’m looking forward to the book. We’re here if you want us.

  • Andraste Says:

    Awww Twenty – I’ll miss the hell out of you. You’re a class act, you old bastard.

  • Lung the Younger Says:

    4 years to the day, eh? A bit suspect if you ask me. I reckon you made parole and won’t have all that spare time any more.

    Take care twenty and enjoy the slack. If you ever plan to be in the Barrio Chino in the future, pop me an e-mail and I’ll spot you a dirty glass of fire water and a sugar lump at the Marsella.

  • ja Says:

    I knew that once you got published, it’d go to your head and you’d forget about the little people!!

  • stevelknievel Says:

    20 you cunting selffister. You’re like a drug dealer. Get people hooked with the free online samples and then start charging by selling books. Yacuntcha. At least come back with another ‘Twas the night before Xmas-style summary of the year. Without a doubt the funniest man I have never met, and I too will stand you a pint in Ron’s. Whenever I find the fucking place…

    Thank you & goodnight

  • Mr Henderson Says:

    Jesus, I just found this. Par for the course. Fairwell.

  • Shebah Says:

    ALl the very best, twenty – hope your book career is a rip roaring success. May the wind be always at your back.

    Thanks for all the fun.

    rgd Shebah

  • Night Operator Says:

    Thanks Twenty. Gonna miss the blog(not the genuinely annoying puns). I have a sneaking suspicion though that we have been privileged to witness the birth of a great writer and will be reading your work for many years to come. The meduim might have changed – the man hasn’t.

    *one man standing ovation.

    Good luck cunt.

  • Twenty « The Blog Pound Says:

    [...] but I’m strangely affected by Twenty’s departure. It’s not so much the fact he stopped (I can understand the reasons) but it’s what he [...]

  • Chell Says:

    Your early morning posts were the only thing that made my 8am start possible, I’m going to hand in my notice…

  • Silly Old Sod Says:

    Understand entirely Twenty, but you will be a big loss.

    Thanks for the giggles, the guffaws, the groans, and the Irish stuff us simple foreigners didn’t get anyway.

    …and thanks to the community too. All human life was here.

    *slinks sadly away*

  • Fill3rup Says:

    Question Twenty:Does your retirement from this blog have anything to do with Govt’s imenant Fiscal Holocaust escape plan??
    Are you off to the cayman Islands with the €700million??

    Just asking…

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

    And if I had £700m I’d pay some cunt to write this for me while I sat around sipping mojitos.

  • sakimotosan Says:

    Cheers for everything and best of luck Twenty, your blog kept my productivity down along with my desire to top myself on a Monday morning!

    The only thing I loved more than your posts were the demented gang of cunts reading it and their comments, it will be missed!

  • you are gonna hate me for this but,,, Says:

    The last final drag on a crushed, spit sodden butt, the smoke so hot from being pulled into your lungs too fast that it burns your tongue and throat, stings your chest and makes your eyes water just a little, as you rush to
    finish the cigarette before walking into the office where it cannot follow you, careful not to burn your fingers on the bright, glowing ball of ash that remains clinging to the last wisps of tobacco above the white and charred-brown paper.
    A bitter sweet end to an all to short relationship, where you gave bugger all, and Mr.Major gave his all, only to be discarded and forgotten, soon to be replaced by another.

    But Mr. Major will have the last laugh when you die of cancer…

    Good Luck, Good Times, Good Bye.

  • Dublin Says:

    Every blog I browse today is speaking about you! Have a nice holiday…

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME.

  • Shannon Says:

    Thanks for all the laughs you brought me, you’ll be missed!

  • Kevin K Says:

    Twenty

    That’s two of my favourite blogs that are closing down this year. I always appreciated your wit and humour, and logged on every day. I bought the first book, and will buy the second.

    I have to say, though, that it always gave me something of a sense of wonder that someone who writes as eloquently and amusingly as you did this for free, for so long. I enjoyed it very much while it lasted, and will enjoy the second book.

    Thanks for the blog. I’ll miss it. Good luck.

    Kevin K

  • anotherlurker Says:

    shame you’re hanging up your blogging boots. It’s been fun.

  • Anto Says:

    Twenty

    You always provided a laugh or a sneer or a reaction. My daily reading has diminished because of your departure.

    You certainly left footprints in the sand

  • francis mahon Says:

    I like the ‘Incredible Hulk’ theme, but with all due respects, how about ‘The Littlest Hobo’? At least it’s a little more upbeat?

  • Spaghetti Hoop Says:

    This is just like when my favourite pub closed in 1994 and it’s local lunatics / lunatic locals? wandered around the streets looking for somewhere else to go.

    All the best Twenty

  • P Says:

    I’ve never left a comment but read your blog with great interest over the last six months. Many thanks for all the laughs and a certain amount of education. I’ll miss this great blog.

  • Loco Lobo Says:

    Damn! Yer after dropping a ton of shit on the day. Gunna miss ya, ya auld scut. The best. Loco.

  • B'dum Says:

    agh! my comment didn’t post.

    i’ll summarise it:
    -fuck you’re gone! how’d this happen?
    -first blog i commented on, presume many are the same
    -thanks for blogroll, helped me loads
    -i need a new big commenty blog now
    -fuck you’re gone! how’d this happen?

  • Coco Says:

    Thanks Twenty, it’s been grand.

  • icedcoffee | words » twenty’s gone - what a bastard Says:

    [...] original and just so damn good, and he says so in a rare glimpse into the mind of the real Twenty on his blog today. He will be missed from the Irish Blogging community where he has reigned as Best Blogger for the [...]

  • Mark Says:

    Fuuucckk…

    Well, take care of yourself.

    Cheers.

  • Whiskeyintheditch Says:

    Thanks for some great reads, Twenty.

    Thanks also to your many commenters.

    C U Next Tuesday

  • Sean D Says:

    I’ll miss this blog a lot.

    All the best man

  • DaughterFunk Says:

    Dang.

    This and bock’s blog are the only blogs i’ve really followed. And now this damn bombshell! Sigh. Keep writing books and shit, your writing is fucking groovy.

    You fucking cuntbag.

  • kelly d Says:

    go raibh míle maith agat

  • Crock Says:

    Roisin Ingle said the exact same thing, nearly to the word.

    Thanks for the entertainment. Best of Luck out there.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    That first ‘Change-One-Letter’ day you linked to up there Twenty; http://twentymajor.net/2008/01/23/ch-ch-change-not-changes/

    Have a look at comment #313.
    Just then first line.

    They can’t say they weren’t warned.

  • kav Says:

    Who are all these sycophantic cunts in the comments? I hardly recognise any of them…ah but that’s my own fault.

    Well done Twenty, what a body of work. You done good, you did.

    I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled for Twenty Silk Cut Ultra, your new healthy living blog.

  • Miles O Tool Says:

    Thanks for a lot of stuff

    – being able to say cunt again
    – the fucking puns
    – saying what a lot of people agree with
    – saying what a lot of people disagree with
    – that lovely political incorrectness
    – our love child
    – your admiration of Bertie
    – your charming friends
    – herpes
    – having a right good rant

    Besht of luck

  • OneForTheRoad Says:

    HOLY SHIT MONKEYBALLS!!!

    YOU PREDICTIVE FUCK!!

  • IT Therapist Says:

    You can take the man out of the blog…

  • peckerhead Says:

    Ah, Jaysus indeed.

    Cheers Twenty. Utter cunt…

  • Mr Tusk Says:

    What am i going to read over my morning coffee now you inconsiderate snotfuck…

    All the best though ya CUNT!

  • sligoknacker Says:

    oh well. thats that. I found you similar to the Ray D’arcy show on so many levels… didnt really rate it at the start, bit of a foroige leader quality to him to be honest…. then it sort of captured the zeitgeist, and he started to say the word “shite” a lot and play music that had shades of the alternative, and now he really doesnt have that much to say, tries to veer towards what he thinks people want to hear, keep on the lefty safe and narrow, like today when he sided with the lesbians and the lesbians were obviously in the wrong. Ho hum, a double whammy, from today I no longer look at your website, and I also made a decision that I’m no longer listening to D’arcy too. swings and roundabouts.

  • Pooka MacPhellimey Says:

    Shite. Have to go back to Keats & Chapman for puns now. Flogging a dead horse and all that…

  • Pooka MacPhellimey Says:

    Or was it dogging a fled horse?

    Anyway, cheers Twenty for all the entertainment.

  • Keith Shirley Says:

    I also though this was a wind-up.

    Thanks for the fun and the insights.

    Best wishes

  • Pat Kenny Says:

    My name is Pat Kenny, so fuck off you and the cuntin lot that comes with you that never buys a drink, just fuck off, and take that sister with the worn heels with you.

    The Belfast bastard can go too.

    And them Jocks.

  • the mush Says:

    Well feck you anyway Twenty.

  • GerryOS Says:

    Whenever I hear that song by Cutting Crew, the lyrics are now forever ingrained on my brain as “Eye juice tied in your arms tonight.”

    Thanks for the laughs, Twenty, especially the puns. Best of luck for the future.

  • Pinkie Says:

    For real? But… but !!

    Oh alright, have it your way. Thanks for the entertainment

  • Bock the Robber Says:

    I hope you’re having a Month’s Mind.

  • Fred Freegan Says:

    All the best to you Major. I always found you engaging and I know you only pretend to think I’m a digusting, bin-dipping, dreadlocked bastard!

    Best wishes and good luck in all you do.

  • Mary Harney Says:

    Thanks for the leg-up

  • Sniffle&Cry Says:

    Mama take this blog offa me,
    I can’t use it anymore.

  • Mary Harney Says:

    Where is the farewell party?? I’ll arrange a heli-copter-thimgy for ya…

  • SAm Crea (Movie Pirate) Says:

    Farewell Friend. Thanks for all the hard work.
    Have enjoyed reading almost everyday for about a year and a half. Learned a lot, mainly new swearwords…

  • Karl Hungus Says:

    4 years is impressive man, I’ve only been reading the odd time, but hats off to you on a terrific blog.

  • Mary Harney Says:

    Have they gone yet?

  • SuperGrover Says:

    This bank bail-out thing is a load of…

    … oh, right, sorry…

  • Anto Says:

    SG

    I was thinking exactly the same thing. But where is Twenty to give us his view on the plan that is being hailed across Europe as being innovative and, dare I say it, right. Brian and Brian as leaders – who would ever have thought that!

  • The Editor Says:

    I think in honor of your leaving, my periodical may do a lavish 28 page spread.

    Then again, maybe not

    Goodbye and good luck Mr Major

  • aphrodite Says:

    Always leave em wanting more.
    You’re dead right, finish on a high. I’ll miss you but I’ve no doubt you’ve a few more irons in the fire and I look forward to your next incarnation

  • didhno Says:

    The voice of reason has gone quiet it seems.
    Or was it un-reason?

  • noddy Says:

    You are allways worth the time wasted.
    Sorry to see you sign off.
    Just as thing are getting back to reality too !
    Strange that.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    I must say I really like the rules on the new forum. If you break them, or never bother to read them, the only consequence is that it becomes your fault.
    No punishment.
    No penalty.
    No nothing.
    Just inner shame.

    So get over there and sign yourselves up. NOW!
    http://twentymajor.net/forum/

  • O'Reilly Says:

    It’s been emotional.

  • London Tim Says:

    My family have have a big building company, 10 race horses, loads of big cars, I have a Porsche and my aunty has one as well with a big oak door at the front of it, so you see I don’t realy care, the bet today is, MAMLAKATI, in the 4.05 at Salisbury, go easy it’s only worth one house,
    I’m not happy about the treatment I got when I commented here before, but sorry about you giving in so easy, good luck.
    My girl friend says Hello and she feels much better.

  • Conan Drumm Says:

    Jesus, even Kav resurrected himself to say goodbye! It’s like Dev’s funeral, or when they re-patriated Casement. Sniff…

  • Ciaran Says:

    Bah! Blatant “I’ve got something terminal” post.

    I made this blog what is today.

    Go fuck yourself.

    Ciaran..

  • Elvis Says:

    Twenty has left the building.

  • itchybollix Says:

    There was a young man from Stamboul, Who soliloquized thus to his tool: “You took all my wealth And you ruined my health, And now you won’t pee, you old fool.”

    Slaughterhouse 5

    gl twenty; you deserve it

  • Augusto Says:

    It’s a tad strange not to have a Twenty’s post in the morning, isn’t it? It doesn’t feel right. Send in the ghost writers, please.

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    Who gets the last word?

  • SuperGrover Says:

    me

  • Scawgeen Says:

    Howld yer horses there I usually get the last word ;) Thanks Mr.T. Major for the entertainment over the years. Toodle pip !

    O look someone else is going to get the last word in I wonder who could that be……

  • Ian Murphy Says:

    Hiya Twenty,

    I didn’t post that much, I’m not smart ass enough for that, but I did read your posts daily for over a year now.

    Your posts really did make me laugh like no other blog can.

    Find it a great pity that you are stopping, but I can understand.
    All the best for the future, and who knows maybe in a while after a break, you will miss it and come back even better.

    Thanks for all the laughs you gave over the years!

  • Rudy Says:

    Hmm. I smell a conspiracy. First Sweary disappears, then Twenty. I bet the hoor is down in Cork having his wicked way with her. Traitor.

    G’luck Twenty!

  • Fucksticks Says:

    Go on so. Go and fuckin shite.
    Cunt.

  • commentvirgin Says:

    Thanks for the laughs twenty, been reading your blogs for a good while now, never had anything witty to comment, so I just laughed my ass off at everyone else’s. You will be missed.

  • daniel Says:

    Haven’t commented in a long time, but still regularly reading it. Loved the book, love the blog.
    You started when I came to Ireland, but I only caught up with you when the Love Ulster parade thought that Dublin was safe to march. Never left since. Good luck Twenty, I will miss the rants and the comments. Thanks for your wonderful blog.

  • that girl Says:

    Twenty – I’ll miss you ..

  • laughykate Says:

    Is this blog going to explode when comments get to 250, or something?

  • Twenty Major departs the blogosphere - Irish SEO, Marketing & Webmaster Discussion Says:

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  • Colin Says:

    Gonna miss you, Twenty.

    You benny.

  • Tommy Says:

    Best of luck Twenty.

  • Peadar Says:

    Good luck and thanks for the daily laughs

  • United Irelander Says:

    Hats off to you for being so creative for so long. Enjoy the retirement.

  • Medbh Says:

    What the fuck.
    I go away for a few days and find the economy’s in the shitter and now you’ve retired the blog.

    Good luck, Twenty.

  • Tinman18 Says:

    Is this blog going to explode when comments get to 250, or something?

    Dunno, LK, but we’re about to find out (even though I know this is really number 251)

  • WillKnott.ie » Blog Archive » Death by threes Says:

    [...] the only explanation I can think to explain his sudden departure. He dead, or at least the person behind the Twenty mask, and as part of his will he requested this [...]

  • Benny the Bridgebuilder Says:

    Good news from the blogosphere at last.

    Stick to your guns.

    Rest in peace, as long as you stay there.

  • noname Says:

    and we are supposed to care either way? ….

  • lawbra Says:

    What happened to you man? Did you just hit forty or something?

  • Radio F.C. Says:

    All the best Twenty. Thanks for the insights, angst and laughs. Good luck with finishing the book.

  • English Mum Says:

    Tsk. I’m always the last to know everything. Good luck, godspeed, and remember to write occasionally, whatever you do. Oh and don’t forget your hanky xx

  • Tom Doyle Says:

    Twenty – you’ll be missed greatly.

    Best of luck with the new challenge!

  • Anne H Says:

    You fucker! I’ve been reading your blog for 3 years, even the drunk middle of the night ones & I can’t believe thats it! Fair play to you though, your reasons are sound…. or are you just trying to boost your book sales??? Fuckit, it’ll work
    Thanks mate

  • the Pole Says:

    This sucks big time.
    Good luck with whatever you’re up to.

  • V Says:

    Well break the Batsign and bugger with the bulbs!

    See you later in some other place…

  • Anto Says:

    Give me a call when Twenty returns

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Psssst!
    If you go over and sign up on the forum NOW, there’s a very good chance that you’ll become member #100.
    Imagine the prestige!

  • Holemaster Says:

    Jesus Fucking Christ. I tunnel myself and a load of old fellas out of hospital and read this?

    I feel like the little blonde kid at the end of the movie “Shane”.

  • Dundalkman Says:

    Good luck hi….

  • Dobharchu Says:

    Dring dring…”
    Hello.
    [Some Cunt]: Have you seen the news?
    What fucking news? There’s a lot of it you know.
    [The Cunt]: Twenty Major’s blog is shut down.
    Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, now Fucking Maje. Couldn’t they find a few hundred billion to keep the cunt going then?
    [The Cunt]: They said there was nothing left after Bertie’s take.
    Lard-arsed cunts. I suppose it’s time to shift my few bob out of AIB then?
    [The Cunt]: I reckon. That cunt Twenty knows something and fucked off sharpish.
    I thought that cunt at least was on our side against the international cunt epidemic. Bastard. And his fucking cat. One poxy double book deal and he’s off.
    [The Cunt]: Yeah. Everyone lets you down in the end. So you’ve got a bit in the AIB then? Could you lend me a couple of euro till the end of th…
    CLICK!

  • Quickroute Says:

    Sad to see you go but am sure it’s not the last we hear of you
    Best of Luck!

  • Pinkie Says:

    Is anyone else still checking back here on the daily basis… just in case?

  • Holemaster Says:

    Twenty is Oscar Mike.

    He’ll be on Reeling in the Years in 2028.

  • shaz (bad looking) Says:

    It’s a pressure sometimes, you set the bar high, you win awards, people have expectations…..

    since when did u give a fuck!!!

    anyway…well done man, my first reading was ‘like, like you know” the one about the american birds you overheard…that was 3 and a half years ago, and it has been great….

    hope u dont meet any dolphins on your travels…..

  • Proud Englishman Says:

    Brilliant I must say you “Boggie.”

  • Scaryduck Says:

    If you’re going to push this whole David Bowie / Ziggy Stardust thing – shouldn’t this site run for “Five Years”? Eh? EH?

    By my maths, that’s another 364 days of blogging you owe us, fella.

  • Ibanez Says:

    This cant be happening, im soooo alone
    Im not buying your fucking book you cunt
    If you come back ill give you a bottle of whiskey
    Im so sad
    Ah well

  • SuperGrover Says:

    Can’t believe people are still posting here.

    That’s just sad. Get a life…

    … oh, right

    D’OH!

  • A missing week | Dave Kelly :: Blog Says:

    [...] Finally, the Irish blogger Twenty Major is retiring.  [...]

  • roryjohn Says:

    Don’t worry people, Twenty hasn’t gone away, you know.

    He’s just taken over as manager of NUFC, disguised as Joe Kinnear.

    http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/0,17033,8749_4238893,00.html

    It’s just a six week break.

  • PJ Carrolls Says:

    You finally got the Lung Cancer I see.

    Well another one bites the dust…

    I hope you also got Knob Rot just for yucks

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    Encore ! Encore !

  • wiskers Says:

    I hope to fuck your tolling.

    Now drag your lazy miserable arse back in front of the computer and entertain us.

  • Silly Old Sod Says:

    SuperGrover, you sad bastard, let it go for fecks sake…

  • one man and his dog Says:

    I hope that litigating hoor Hoggins didn’t get to you.. OR WAS IT JUST IN THE STARS?

  • grison Says:

    good luck, thanks

  • Dr Maroon Says:

    you fucking cunt

    The feckless Scotch cunt.

  • Roy (irish taxi) Says:

    unfuckingbelievablecunt

  • Sunday Round-Up #10 Says:

    [...] 2. Twenty Major has stopped blogging. [...]

  • eoin Says:

    u will be missed – just heard a twenty style joke:

    What do you call a bay of fannies?

    a portoguese

    best of luck

  • Devil's Kitchen Says:

    Farewell, Twenty, you old bastard and thanks for all the cunts.

    DK

  • ellen Says:

    Oh;( Bye Twenty and good luck with finishing your book.

  • Loco Lobo Says:

    Holy shit! You meant it! You really meant it! Shit!

  • Brautigan Says:

    Good riddance.

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    It’s been a week now and you sad cunts are still hanging in there posting comments. Wouldn’t catch me doing that.

  • chanchan Says:

    best of luck auld son. you were the first blog i ever read and the only one i look at with any sort of regularity.you ll be..

  • Hershel Says:

    Emotional.

    Adieu.

  • Steve Says:

    You truly are a cunt.

    See you next Saturday !

  • leaveitout Says:

    So long and thanks for all the puns

  • Ibanez Says:

    have we decided where we will all congregate now??
    Somebody make a decision!!

    Fuck twenty
    *sobs*

  • YourMama Says:

    Fuck It !!
    Terrible. I’ve been reading this blog for years when back home now I’m in Canada and it was nice to still check in a see you there. You’ll be missed, Thanks for all the years of laughter..

  • bigraff Says:

    For Fucks Sake

    According to every newspaper or programme the world is doing the back stroke up shit river with political leaders calling the shots from the banks and now this ……… has there been a hot line set up??????

    Pass me the toaster im going for a bath.

    Thanks Twenty….your emails have made my day and sometimes my whole week (depending on the gag)

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    300 comments, Spartan.

  • franko Says:

    fuck, shit, piss, bugger and of course cunty cuntington. As every one has said we will miss the blogging. Ta very much.
    Keep on doing what you need to do.
    Cherrio.

  • Molson 12 Pack Says:

    Jaysus, I hadnt checked in for a while. its a shitter that your leaving twenty, but ya gotta do whats best etc..etc..
    best of luck man

  • Jack McMad Says:

    Ahhh bugger. I’m gettin Justin Lee COllins on your case. Bring back… Twenty Major!!

    Cheerio Twenty.

  • conor Says:

    This can’t be the end?!

    If Bobby Ewing can come back so can Twenty.

  • Sid Trotter Says:

    Twenty, wake up in the shower will ya,

  • Roy (irish taxi) Says:

    surprised he’s lasted this long, anyone doing a book on when he’ll be back!

  • Omaniblog Says:

    “Nothing in his life
    Became him like the leaving it…”

    Ah, he was a runt from the waterfront,
    born with a grunt, an affront,
    a bit of a stunt, certainly blunt
    when he chose to confront
    and lead a head-hunt
    to bunt some bollocks with the brunt of his dunt.
    Like Alfred Lunt,
    he’s turned his back to shunt,
    Twenty Major faces exeunt,
    the cunt.

  • From Bath to Cork with Baby Grace :: Twenty Major exits stage left :: October :: 2008 Says:

    [...] just heard the news and felt I must mark the occasion in some way… "Nothing in his life Became him like the [...]

  • Northside Langer Says:

    Quitter!

  • Mary Hickey Says:

    Jaysus, I head off to Galway for a month, just to remind me why I left the kip all those years ago to come down under…….and I get back last night, log on to Twenty’s site cos I needed a laugh after the long haul back….and the cunt’s doin’ a runner on us…….I protest, shouldn’t be allowed. Let’s organise a ‘make him stay’ thingy…….but if that’s not happenin’, let me say a BIG THANKS FOR THE CRACK. I’ll miss ya:)

  • DogsCock Says:

    Adios Twenty and thanks for the great ride. Me hole is smithereens though, you dirty rapist.

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    I just want to say that I registered and tried to navigate the forum and found it all too difficult and confusing. I admit it. Too old I guess. So farewell to y’all. And thanks.

  • Dr Maroon Says:

    So, like, has he fucking gone or what?
    He promised I could have any drink left in the house.
    I never liked the fucker, he was too smart by half.
    “On the Edge” was funny, after that it went to shite.
    Anyone got a light?
    £20 a quarter and I left me lighter in the pub.
    Fuck it all

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    10 Park Drive, and anyone else who hasn’t tried out the forum yet, please, do yourself a favour, and give it a go.

    Navigation is a little different than here on the blog, but after using it for a short while you’ll soon get into the swing of it.

    If you asked me, I’d say it’s even funnier than the blog ever was. You could say it was like multiple versions of the blog, all on the go at the same time. If you can’t find something to tickle your fancy, (doubtful, you can start a new discussion off on any topic you like.

    The learning process is really simple. You can preview anything you compose before you post it, and tweak it on-the-fly.

    The new freedom you’ll have, like being able to post pictures and videos, might be a little overwhelming for some, but just take your time. It’ll come to you. The best thing is, if you make a mistake, you can go back in and edit it, as often as you like. (Or delete it altogether!)

    Hope to see every single one of you over there. It’s the best free laugh on the internet.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    See there, the way I left out the right bracket after the word ‘doubtful’? If this was the Forum, I’d be able to fix that!

    I’m going back to the forum. It’s much better than here.

  • old knudsen Says:

    Its about time you ran out of words you mucksavage just as well you never linked to me, threatened by my greatness I suppose ach away with ya, go write a book or something silly I hear they are the next big thing in Ireland, toilet paper being expensive and all.

  • Stevie Says:

    “Does Twenty’s passing, signal the death knoll for once and for all off the Celtic Tiger? Discuss”

    -Could be a good Junior Cert English Question

  • flirty Says:

    How you kept going so long is a testament to your talent – or lots of drugs – not sure which.

  • HalifaxDave Says:

    Jesus Christ

    I go away for a few weeks and this is what happens. Loved the Blog Twenty have been reading it for the last 2 years. Great laughs thanks you will be missed on this side of the planet…Now I got to go crawl into a bottle of Jameson’s to deal, fucking great thanks so much

    Cheers and good luck to ya

  • Blog and let blog… « The Narocroc Weblog Says:

    [...] wagging and navel gazing of late in the so-called blogosphere (I fucking hate that term!). So some people have kicked the blogobucket. And some people lament the way it used to be; back in the good old [...]

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    No comments for a few days so I am trying for the last word again.

  • laughykate Says:

    Not a fucking chance 10 Park.

  • john oneill Says:

    I presumed this was a hoax. I dropped by just now for an update and there is none.
    This is mad. One of the great dangers of blogging is that it is addictive and many intelligent bloggers end up devoting much time to projects which are well lets say moderate.
    Here we have a huge blog. The best in Ireland as agreed by all clever enough not to consider their own blog. And he is walking away!
    What did you do today Major? What did you want to do? Maybe you are happy. Maybe this is the right choice. It remains however, beyond me. Best of luck.

  • stephen Says:

    Come back you fucker, we need some Twenty Major insight into the current budget related clusterfuck!

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    Yeah Stephen, let’s start a campaign to get the old cunt back. Fuck the forum.

  • HelloPickle Says:

    Long time lurker here (3ish years I think…)

    Very sad to see you go, but considering I had a blog that lasted about a year, 4 is damn fine. At some point, I will find somewhere in Oxford that will let me have a guinness and a cigarette at the same time, carve a bearded man into the table, and move on…

  • eanna Says:

    Stephen is right – at least a few posts – it’s not like there is a shortage of targets…

  • Fred Freegan Says:

    John O’Neill, you spa.

  • Ronnie Says:

    Fuck, Twenty, you were like the Shelbourne Hotel,nice to pop into even though I was never near your standard.
    It was because of you that I started blogging and pretty much because of you that I gave it up through burn-out trying to match your quality and work rate.
    Thanks and g’luck, you oul’ cunt.

  • Peadar Says:

    10 Park Drive,

    I didn’t like the forum at first but I’m getting use to it. Give it another try.
    I find the best way is to click ‘view new posts’. From there you can see what topic has been commented on last and who left the comment.

    Of course there are plenty of tossers there like
    MB, Supergrover, holemaster etc. (only kidding)
    Comon give it a try, the more the merrier. Comon Ibanez, you as well, everyone get over there. Don’t let Monkey Balls frighten ye :)

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    Cheers Peadar. But today I am celebrating our victory.

  • Rob Carry Says:

    That’s a fucking shame bud. I suppose I’ll have to buy one of your bastard books now.

  • Proud Englishman Says:

    Shame. Stuck in the States without a single “Boggie” to take the piss out of….

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    I can not allow that obnoxious cunt to have the last word.

  • Proud Englishman Says:

    I just did 10. You bog swimming twat!

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    What a predictable cunt.

  • Proud Englishman Says:

    It would seem that you are the predictable one 10. Jump back in your bog you thick twat.

    The Sun never sets on my Empire!

    Proud Englishman

  • Prof. Jane Blight Says:

    I have been on a scientific expedition to the Amazon basin and have been out of contact with the “civilised” world for several months. I have returned to the terrible news that your blog is now defunct. Worse news than that; the dogs dick sucking Proud Englishman is still around.

  • Proud Englishman Says:

    Jane, I didn’t know they let trollops teach?!?

    Jump back in your bog slag.

    Well into double digit drinking and I can still out “banter” the Irish!

    Twats!

  • Megan Says:

    Oh no! Who’s going to blaze a badass trail now? Who’s going to show all us normies up for the squares we really are? Who, but who, will continue to smoke in Dublin’s bars?

  • Mucksavage Says:

    move it along. Nothing to see Here
    c’mon now .
    Have ye no homes to go to ???

  • Tony Says:

    Bye bye twenty. You’re a prize cunt. I’ll miss ye!

  • Roy (irish taxi) Says:

    Ya know summit?
    I don’t think he’s comin’ back
    dammit

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    So why doesn’t the lazy cunt close this site down?

  • Titler Says:

    I’d say it’s coz you’re a total cunt.

  • Proud Englishman Says:

    Oh fuck wank!

  • Janice PID Says:

    Ah fuck him. His dick’s too small anyway.

  • Friday Dedication #4: Twenty is a ‘C’ word. « Life On Mars? Says:

    [...] started reading him daily just weeks before he quit blogging [insert 'c' word] and cheated us all by starting a forum absolutely littered with… the [...]

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    To anybody who is still clicking on this site, awaiting the return of Twenty; I wish you all a very merry Xmas. (Except for that queer cunt Proud Englishman who can go fuck himself up the Khyber with his tree.)

  • Blazing Says:

    Happy Christmas you cunts…

  • Gluaistean Says:

    Ye all look well now ye spendthrift cunts!!!

  • Peadar Says:

    Glueface, you found the caps lock button at last.
    Well done you!

    10 Park Drive, have you tried the forum yet?

  • From Bath to Cork with Baby Grace :: 2008 - the reconciliation :: January :: 2009 Says:

    [...] see an empty blog, a disappeared presence in the Irish blogosphere. I see 20 Major go, Paige Harrison too, Sinead Gleeson – all stars, and John of Dublin only speaks now in [...]

  • 10 PARK DRIVE Says:

    Peadar, I looked at it a couple of times. I will try and get in to it eventually, I guess. But thanks for asking.

  • Romano Says:

    fucking cunt, 4 years,does he does he think he’s a godamm politician…hehehehehehehehe

    I bet it’s not the last of you we have seen Twenty ciao

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