Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth
This blog began exactly four years and one day ago.
Since then a whole lot of words have been written and read by countless scoundrels in many countries throughout the world. Thousands of comments have been left, many, many people have been called a cunt.
But, all good things come to an end, and even bad things come to an end too, which is why from today I will no longer be updating the blog. I may pop in the odd post from time to time, more than likely to give info about book two, but there will be no more regular posting.
No more stupid questions from Dirty Dave, no more Stinking Pete putting odd things up his urethra, no more Jimmy being a Bollix, Lucky knocking people off, Splodge splodging around or no more Guinness from Ron. Many of you will also be glad to know there will be no more excruciating puns based on 80s pop music.
I have to say I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this blog. It’s been a creative outlet, often cathartic and it has done many good things for me. I would never have written a book without this blog, I certainly wouldn’t have written two of them (well, one and seven-eighths ed!). I was proud to win an award at the very first Irish Blog Awards, I never thought I’d win Best Blog for three years in a row. Neither did Mulley, I bet, haha.
I loved the anonymity of it and the little bit of mystery it caused. Grainne Seoige asking Una and Sinead Gleeson ‘Just who is this Twenty Major?’ on the TV that day, as if I were the Scarlet Pimpernel, still tickles me to this day. I liked the fact that almost every single Irish blogger respected that anonymity when it would have been a piece of piss to blow it out of the water. I’m very grateful for that.
I loved getting new readers, I liked making people laugh, people groan (at shit puns, not anything else), making people a bit sick, making them a bit emotional, but most of all entertaining people. I know there are those out there that didn’t, and still don’t, like it, but blogs are just like Fair City. You can turn if off if you think it’s a load of old bollocks. Nobody is forcing you to read it. I hope that those who read the blog regularly enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it – and I hope the many people who claimed to hate it but still read it enjoyed it like a dose of the fiery scuts.
So why stop? Well, for one thing I think every non-subject specific blog has a limited lifespan. I mean, if you’re writing about politics or football or tech then you’ve got new content every day now and forever. When you’re making up stories it’s more difficult, it becomes harder to think of things you haven’t done, jokes you haven’t made, and so on. It gets to the point where if you were a sitcom and your brain was the team of writers somebody would eventually say ‘Hey, I know! Let’s get a guest star in, that’ll keep things fresh’. I didn’t want a guest star. This blog does not need a Charlie Sheen cropping up to open up new avenues. I don’t want it to be like that.
As well as that I think Irish blogging has changed a lot and I find it very difficult to identify with many of these blogs. They have their own style, and that’s all well and good, but I just don’t think I have anything in common with them. I know that might seem irrelevant but when you have other blogs to spark off, like there were back in the day, then it does make a difference. Of course my blog stands on its own two feet, it always has done and could continue to do so, but I just feel a bit detached from it all. And it’s not that I was ever in it to make friends or be part of a big community. It’s still not a motivation for me despite meeting some top people down the years. Maybe I’m not explaining this well enough but it’s more a vague feeling than anything concrete. For me the vibrancy and excitement of the scene is gone. I’m not suggesting it was better back then, just better for me. There are those that are new to blogging now that are probably experiencing all that vibrancy now and good luck to them. Anyway, whatever it is it’s a very small part of why I’m shutting up shop.
The main reason is that I’ve been doing this non-stop for four years. Creating something nearly every day, trying to maintain standards and I think I’m just tired now. Not of the blog, as such, but just tired of having to blog, if that makes sense. It’s a pressure sometimes, you set the bar high, you win awards, people have expectations. And while it is a motivating factor after a while it becomes hard going. I won’t say a chore because it hasn’t been, I just think it will be if I keep at it and I would hate that. I would hate that something I have loved doing for so long became a thing of high drudgery. It’s time.
I’m also aware that there has, over the years, grown from this site a little community of sorts. When you have people commenting every day then people get to know each other. It’s something that has been hugely important to the success of the site. I think the comments have, to my mind, sparked two of the best days of blogging ever when we did the name changing stuff (see here and here). People were going all day and it was just brilliantly funny. So as much as I try to make things amusing and so on, when your readers engage with you and the other people on the site in that way it’s a bit special.
I could do a bit about my favourite posts but after four years I can’t remember. Sometimes I read back over the archives and think ‘Hah, I don’t remember writing that at all’. Of course my favourites really were all the puns and being called a cunt after a torturous build-up to a shockingly cheesy was always ace.
Despite my curmudgeonly ways I enjoy the comments, the slagging, the crap puns, jokes, the trolls, the people who just didn’t get things, the mock outrage from others, and even recently when we discovered one of the regulars was diagnosed with scary disease 1 it felt kind of real. Like it was a real person that you knew and had met and stuff. So, with that in mind I’ve set up a forum where anybody who wants to can come and register and continue that little community if they would like to. The forum will not be closed down anytime soon, it’d be great if people wanted to get involved so the daily streams of consciousness could continue, but there’s no pressure. Maybe someone else’s blog will get busy and that’s where all the former cool people will congregate (you would be former cool people if you went somewhere else, I’m sure you all know that).
So really it just remains for me to say thank you to everybody for reading, emailing, commenting and taking part in the blog over the years. Thank you to those of you who bought the first book and I hope you’ll enjoy the second when it does come out in February/March of next year. I will update about it on the forum, definitely, and maybe on the blog.
Until then picture me with an handkerchief tied around a stick, Bastardface at my side and Throatripper chasing a condor through the woods, as I walk away into the distance with the end theme from the Incredible Hulk TV series playing.
Goodbye, you wonderful cunts.
This was Twenty Major, September 29th 2004 – September 30th 2008.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:03 am
Goodbye Ducky, I will miss this place.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:09 am
But I wont miss Ron’s and I will stand you a pint on Gingerday.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Cheers for the laughs Twenty. I’ve been reading now for a number of years and it’ll be a miss.
I’ll just have to find some other cunt to read now.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Well.
Damn.
I’m not sure you’ll know how to quit us.
I guess I’m stuck with ScaryDuck and the ‘Twat for my Euro-blog fixes. It’s not like JonnyB is gonna take your place either.
Damn.
I already said, “damn,” didn’t I?
Hell.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Damn. It takes a goodbye to get me to post, but damn. There goes my morning laughter. Well, briefly anyways. Thanks for the laughs.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:16 am
Hmm – if true, goodbye and I’ll miss logging on from Sydney to see someones take on the daily happenings back home.
Fave blog – think the one about the election that one you an award would have to be up there.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:26 am
well, damn.
g’luck.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:28 am
What a sad day. I’ll miss you twenty, I usually sign in Monday nights to read last weeks blogging, keeps me smiling for the week, love ya x
September 30th, 2008 at 12:30 am
God speed Twenty, nobody will ever do it like you.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:34 am
Thanks. For all of it. Those were the times.
Good luck!
September 30th, 2008 at 12:34 am
Twenty, you bastard!
Now how’s the country going to waste its workday?!
September 30th, 2008 at 12:34 am
Oh. God. No. Seriously I hate when you do these serious posts, you nearly killed me one day in work with the post about the old man and the dog.
I loathe the fact you are calling it a day with the blogosphere, but whatever you do, best of luck, I loved it all. I hope and reckon I will still be reading you in years to come.
Damn this…
ps I still want your first book signed personally please (how will we do that if you are not at the blog awards!!!) and the next when it comes out. Damn.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:36 am
Thanks from me too. ‘Tis the end of an era.
Keep the faith, and keep taking the tablets.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:40 am
So. Farewell
Then
Twenty Major
You are the
Last of the
Great revolutionary
Bloggers
Though how you
Found time to
Write your posts
In addition to
Spending your time
Smoking
In a pub full of
Cunts
Is baffling
Frankly.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:41 am
I have not always agreed with what you say, nor how you say it. but I always admired you for saying it. And whenever you do again, I will admire it then too.
Good luck with Book 2 and dont be a stranger, although you are always a stranger I suppose.
Good night and good luck
September 30th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Cuntfuckistan!
September 30th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Shit.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:44 am
You utter cunt. Thanks for the blogging.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:44 am
Good luck. Have fun, and take care.
Then come back ’cause we’ll miss the fuss.
Or at least enjoy yourself while you are gone.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:45 am
Goodbye, you too, ya cunt ya. It’s been a pleasure talking and hopefully we’ll do it again somewhere.
First Cool Hand Luke, now Twenty…
somethin’s stirring…
September 30th, 2008 at 12:46 am
Lights a silk cut and sighs…. :(
September 30th, 2008 at 12:47 am
Sorry to see you go. Good luck.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:49 am
I was once called the “Twenty Major of food blogging”….one of the highlights of my life that……Cheers for the laughs and best of luck n all that….I’m not crying, there’s just something in my eye…..
September 30th, 2008 at 1:01 am
Thanks for everything. You’re an original and it never looked easy.
Send in the clowns…there aught to be clowns…
September 30th, 2008 at 1:05 am
Is this why Mulley smashed his iPhone? All the best you terrible cunt.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:17 am
All the best.
Ah well, at least there’s a forum now.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:18 am
You were never my favourite, you cunt, that mantle rests with Kav. Enjoyed your spats with Bock… And you always were a decent cunt if something got serious…take care…
September 30th, 2008 at 1:20 am
Well that’s a couple of years of my life down the drain. Fuck it.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:47 am
You cunt Twenty!
Now I’ll have to be doing some work.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:50 am
How can there be blogging without Twenty Major?!
Good luck Twenty, thanks for the laughs.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:16 am
Thanks, Twenty. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for the past –I dunno– half a year. It’s always made me laugh. I’ll miss it. And look forward to the occasional (pleeeease!) blog posts.
Thanks again.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:27 am
Ah Twenty. Jaysis. Dunno what I can say except thanks. You were a big help to me and inspiring in the way you kept at it. Fair play to you. Enjoy the break. I look forward to book 2.
Fuck anyways.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:28 am
On my birthday too, you big upstaging cunt you.
I only came around here in last year or so, but I truly enjoy the tongue-in-cheek-ness of it all.
You took it seriously, but not too seriously.
All the best.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:41 am
While I never read your blog that often, I can really appreciate what you’ve brought to the Irish blogosphere. And anyway, someone who uses the word cunt frequently is alright in my book.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:47 am
Never had the chance to meet you in person, but did enjoy reading your blog many times.
Thanks for all the good work you put into it, and for the great inspiration you have given – and still give – to the Irish blogging community.
Being a writer myself, I can imagine how you feel now. It is indeed not easy to come up with new ideas all the time. But I hope that you will succeed in your new field – writing books – as much as you have succeeded here.
The best of luck to you, for now and the future. I am sure we will hear from you somehow in good time. And since this is a small country on a rather small planet, I hope that our paths will cross some day.
Take care, and may the storm always be your friend!
September 30th, 2008 at 4:13 am
So long Twenty Major.
I’d rather play here with all the madmen for I’m quite content they’re all as sane as me.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:15 am
i think this might be my second comment here, sugar, but thanks for the good reads along the way. take care and be well! xoxox
(if you’re ever in the south, drop on in and i’ll buy you a drink – you can still smoke in our bars!)
September 30th, 2008 at 4:16 am
Well, fuck me. No, not literally, but still.
I’d cry if I was more emotionally capable. Fuck, I really hate it when you get all serious…..
September 30th, 2008 at 4:20 am
Smell you later Twenty,
I have been reading for the last few years. It beats work and gives me a nice one-sided realistic view of Ireland that I cant read on rte.ie.
What else are you going to do? You don’t come off as the most employable type. May I recommend becoming a professional torturer?
Thanks for the memories.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:26 am
Wow, was it really 4 years?! I remember our email war like it was only yesterday, as you came looking for links ya bastard! :)
Well done on a truly excellent job, can’t wait to see what you do next, though chances are we won’t know it’s you who’s actually doing it! :)
September 30th, 2008 at 5:44 am
Respect.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:54 am
Too many good byes of late. Thanks for the read
September 30th, 2008 at 6:01 am
cheers 20, for being an inspiration and a very funny fucker.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:22 am
Well if you are all sentimental you wouldnt delete this would you?
Bye, Bye Mr Major
Balddevil loves you all.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:47 am
I must admit I was never expecting that to happen, and it’s come as a complete shock. I have to sit down for a bit.
-Bald Devil back on Twenty’s blog!
Who’d have thunk it!
September 30th, 2008 at 7:31 am
I come back from me hols to find the world in financial turmoil, Tottenham at the bottom of the Premiership and this blog winding up.
Bollocks! Things will not be the same and as someone else commented, we are now stuck with ScaryDuck.
I’ll probably buy your second book too although I hope it’s better than the first (I’m still trying to get my money back from Amazon).
Here’s hoping for the Return of Twenty Major at some time in the future…
September 30th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Thanks Twenty.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:23 am
*Looks for the hidden camera*
This is a wind-up? Right?
September 30th, 2008 at 8:32 am
[...] of the most dangerous (and best) bloggers in Ireland stops blogging and leaves with some comments on his impressions of blogging in Ireland but true to form his [...]
September 30th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Well Mr. Major I will be sorry to see the end of this fantastic blog. It has helped me through the past year or so in work, brightened up many a dreary day, made me smile and made me angry.
I was actually looking forward to a long rant about Berties golden parachute payment today. Couldn’t you quit tomorrow?
My favourite posts were always the rants about Bertie, at least some good came of the tribunals.
All the breast in your future endeavours. Keep it real.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:38 am
You’ve been responsible for an awful lot of my snot hitting my computer screen over the past few years. I’ll miss cleaning it off with a crusty hanky, you old clunt.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Fare thee well. I can recognise that slight feeling of being forced to feed the monster that is the blog. Thanks for all the laughs and fake outrage.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Good bye old Twenty. And thanks for the laughs. Sincerely, you are a cunt.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Your irreverent, honest humour has been a fantastic daily companion, more than you’ll know. It’s like losing a friend. God bless you, Twenty, whoever you are and whatever you do.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Bugger.
I’ll have to buy the books now.
cunt.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Typical. Just when I make an effort to abide by some house-rules the bastard above goes and closes the whole thing down.
Fucking typical. I hope his book does well but that he also gets one of those annoying little plastic hoops dry cleaners attach things to your clothes with but keeps forgetting about it only for the scratching to start again on the bus just by the traffic lights.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Farewell, you king among cunts
September 30th, 2008 at 9:05 am
You whore.
I knew you were going to pull a stunt like this.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Ah Jaysus
September 30th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Speaking as a fucking yank, fuck you and the goat your mom rode in under. Bastard.
I’ve enjoyed your perspective for several years now, and weep openly, like a syphilitic sore.
Good luck and Godspeed in your future endeavors.
And you’re still a fucking cunt for this, just so you know.
-PLD
September 30th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Twenty, best of luck yeh quitting bollix. You shall be missed.
Red
September 30th, 2008 at 9:17 am
Thanks.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:17 am
[...] Major has retired. I miss Dirty Dave [...]
September 30th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Good luck Twenty, I’m sure you’ll be sneaking in somswhere else.
I got blasted for a few of the comments I made on here…but I’m the only one that got kisses for a comment, and, I’m lead to believe they came from the delightfull ankle brigade, and I know they were of the Silk Cut variety not Rough Shag.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:31 am
‘….made up stories….’
You…were…lying to us?
I feel so violated.
I hope Stinking Pete teabags you before Lucky popsa cap ina your assa you dirty low down quitting Bertie lover. Oh wait, they’re not real are they? They’re made up like Cher, mere creations. Rons Bar? The George more like.
I suppose you don’t have a beard either? I suppose you use the same rusty mach3 that you use on your wrinkly old coin purse? B@astardface and Throatripper? Probably called Fifi-Trixie-Bell and Fluffy-Cute-Fluff in reality. You sir, are the promise of an arse fingering that turns out to be a peck on the cheek. As big a let down as Harneys knickers.
New book? May it gather dust like Berties code of ethics.
Probably a wind up anyways.
Not like you have anything better to do.
Somehow I feel better now.
Wheres my coffee?
(Good luck Twenty)
September 30th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Tsk. Cheers for the laughs.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Feck ya but I know exactly what you mean.
Good luck Twenty and enjoy your retirement.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:38 am
A beautifully composed shocker of a post, Twenty. Thank you for keeping productivity down and the cheer up…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipMNbf4hb28
September 30th, 2008 at 9:39 am
error when posting in forum twenty (and welcome to the shitty crap world of forum admin!)
Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 8388608 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 1245184 bytes) in /home/twentyma/public_html/forum/includes/utf/data/utf_compatibility_decomp.php on line 2
September 30th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Goodbye Twenty. Best of luck with the next book.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Fair play to yer, Twenty. Thanks for the laughs and stuff over the years.
“We’ll never see his like again.”
September 30th, 2008 at 9:42 am
Jaysis Twenty, Good luck with having the non-blogging from now on, you’re missed already!
September 30th, 2008 at 9:45 am
[...] 4 and a bit years the bright shining star of the Irish blogging community, Twenty Major, has decided enough is enough and he’s turning out the [...]
September 30th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Thanks for the memories, ya bollix.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:52 am
g’luck chief.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Good luck in your endevours Twenty
September 30th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Do you know I think that’s the first full post of yours I ever read?
Mind you I did read your book.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Wow… well as someone who stumbled on to your blog less than a year ago,THanks for making me laugh on a regular basis,cringe on an even more regular basis,but also for enabling a few commentors on here get together and actually meet up(MonkeyBalls,Jo,Morgor,PP and myself)
You are a complete cunt but sure what else were we to expect??
Good Luck with (Book) Number 2 and congratulations on your Blog of the Year award for the 4th year in a row :D
September 30th, 2008 at 10:05 am
I was only going to ask you the other night if you ever got tired of blogging? I guess I have my answer. Big up!
September 30th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Girls blouse. I genuinely mean that.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Good luck with the move to Cuntfuckistan.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Bye, Twenty, we’ll miss you.
(And just in case you get too big-headed over all the praise, can I just point out that the clock is wrong on your forum.)
September 30th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Christ Twenty! Just when you got all the kinks ironed out.
You be lucky, you hear?
September 30th, 2008 at 10:14 am
It’s been been shite for about 2 years anyway. Thanks though, you did make me laugh that one time.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Good luck Twenty! Its the end of an era.. or something like that!
September 30th, 2008 at 10:19 am
There will come a day when we ask each other, where were you when Twenty Major ended? And I will say, dammit, I was late bringing the kids to school and had to go to Tesco, so I couldn’t go online when I got the text with the news…
Best of luck, Twenty, thanks for being such a good host. Good luck with book 2.
And I’ll be looking forward to the new blog-incarnation, Busty Major, hopefully soon to be born!
September 30th, 2008 at 10:20 am
CQDX, CQDX. LMVS ASGARD IV O’Sullivan, Capt. Cornelius.
Up periscope.
Run silent run deep, eh? Can’t say as I blame. Freedom to roam and all that. Understandable. Good hunting and there will always be a tot or two behind the bar of the ‘Mariners Mammary’ in Haulbowline for you.
Down periscope. QRT. Standing by.
Cornelius
O/C Western Approaches Command
Contactable by W/T 0900-0930 Mon-Fri
Sat-Sun & Holy Days of Surface-Obligation 0900-1200.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:21 am
I was going to say something fluffy about this being the first blog I started reading etc screw that… Welcome to Cuntsville, population: you.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:23 am
To paraphrase Douglas Adams (another very funny guy)
“So long, and thanks for all the pish!”
Many a dreary day has been brightened by your excruciatingly painful puns.
But myself, I always stood in awe of your creative swearing when in the middle of a full blown rant.
G’wan then, fuck away off and see if we care!!
September 30th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Come back, you fucking splitter!
You’ll be back within three weeks, mark my words.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Congratulations on four brilliant years and best of luck for the future.
And here’s a monumental moment in itself. I’m going to say I word I despise, but you’re so fond of. Twenty, you’re a cunt.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Will he do a Sinatra ?
Is this a ploy for book 3 ( the best of Twenty Major )
Has he quit smoking ?
Dammit Twenty – I was reading a poem by Betjeman in the wee small hours featuriing owls ad wondering.
happy retirement from your wriggly chum.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Well, goddamn, that’s unexpected. So long and thanks for all the posts that led to a lot of time wasted in work!
September 30th, 2008 at 10:37 am
This was on the cards from the moment Bryan McFadden left.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:37 am
better to stop when you are at the top… but still hard to do it when everybody is asking you not to do so!
September 30th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Are you going to be like Gary Glitter, depart and then reappear with ‘It’s Good to Be Back’ or whatever his song was?
Please?
September 30th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Well that’s it…. I’m turning off my PC for ever now.
G’luck Twenty, don’t strat writin’ fuckin’ poetry alright?
September 30th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Your one of three Irish blogs I subscribe to; you, David McWilliams and Richard Delevan.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T GO AWAY. DON’T LEAVE ME WITH THOSE TWO CUNTS!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(
September 30th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Sad to see you go, but thanks for all the laughs and fun. Will of course be picking up the next book and wish you all the best!
September 30th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Are you going to be like Gary Glitter
It’s the beard, isn’t it ?
Sinatra is more flattering.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Adios :)
September 30th, 2008 at 10:47 am
This means I’ll be getting down to actual work 5 minutes earlier every morning. Crap.
Thanks for all the laughs. Cheers, Twenty.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Awwwwwww that’s bad news, but at least the internet checking software here will get a break form all the cunting & fucking and other such stuff..
September 30th, 2008 at 10:54 am
[...] has retired and personally I’m a little heartbroken. Fucks, cunts and cocks, he was the sharpest blogger [...]
September 30th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Quitter!
First you give up the smoking then now this!
You’re dead to me, Major. Dead to me…
(Good luck to whatever you do next, which presumably will involve a lot of yoga, chanting, green tea drinking and writing for profit.)
September 30th, 2008 at 11:03 am
You cunt you! who is gonna write my scripts now you are leaving the blogging world, selfish cunt!
But seriously fair play for the four years hope to see you back blogging again soon in some shape or form, you shall be missed from the blogosphere.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Arghh!!!
Am so NOT happy about this Twenty. Why o Why :(
Well, all the best and I too will stand you a pint in Ron’s Bar someday.
Right its back to work now for me so.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Aw. So when are you starting your weekly Irish Times column?
September 30th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Dis is Baz frum de Blanch, yis is all cunts, ders no Twenty Major hees just sum cunt dat rits for de Gards seein wat yis ar goin ta say so dey can chek up on yis.
Ijust cum out frum de jAIL in de jOY, and dem in dair all herd about HIM, dem in dair tink hees grate dey reed about him on dem laptop tings, but Inoe dem is rong.
I was in de JoY for hittin a culchie wit shinny buttins on his coat out side de Lillac cus he trid to stop my burd for takin cream frum de kimist, she wantid it to put on her fanny cus de boots I stole from Dunes were too long for her short legs and hacked up de sides of de place she has a bad itch, aldo I said I was sorry, and I did fell a durty cunt, de still giv me 14munts, me burd is helpin me wit de spellin fur de last bit.
donut beeleeve any ting.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:05 am
missed already :(
fare you well!
September 30th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I can’t get into the forum, just as well for now – but I have a question about the terms:
You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-orientated or any other material that may violate any laws be it of your country…
Really? Are we meant to press ‘I agree’ or ‘I don’t agree’?
September 30th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Sorry to hear the news. Still you’ve got a body of work that you can stand over and you can feel good that you never took from shit from no one. You didn’t right? Darn, it seems this blogging lark really is a young man’s game or like a young man on the game I can never remember which. See you next time and keep-watching-the-stars!
September 30th, 2008 at 11:17 am
All the best Twenty! Thanks for all the laughs.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Mind how you go Mister …
September 30th, 2008 at 11:23 am
oh it’s a shame, i enjoyed this space for the many years i quietly read it, too scared of the cool people to comment :)
good luck with book 2 and many more to come
September 30th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Are you going to come back as someone else?
September 30th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Here lies Twenty.
Blogged to Death.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Thanks and good luck, Good stuff.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Damnit, Damnit, Damnit, Damnit!!
Was a lurker – but loved it..
best of luck, Twenty
September 30th, 2008 at 11:46 am
I told the news to my missus as she was on her way to work and her response was “ah fuck it’s not like the book’s selling.”
Anyway cheers and good luck
September 30th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Been reading this blog for a while now. It´s like some kind of drug – I kept saying to myself that I would just have one more shot of Twentymajor, especially as the aftereffects were sometimes unpleasant – there was a lot of stuff posted that didn´t agree with me, let´s say. But now it looks like it´s time for cold turkey… Good luck, so.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Jaysis! Didn’t expect that. I only found this blog about a year ago and spent time going through the old posts. Some great stuff and you’ll be missed! Thanks for all the laughs and the opinions. Ya cunt ya.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:49 am
How the fuck am I going to maintain my low levels of productivity in work now? … …
You’ll be missed Twenty. Best of luck.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Good luck my furry friend.
Mmmuaah!
September 30th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
[...] the man who paved the way for the mass circle-jerk that is the Irish blogging scene, I bid [...]
September 30th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Good luck Twenty & thanks for having providing a home for cantankerous fuckers to hang out in.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Yes. Mr Yeats have something to say about this. Mr Yeats have something to say about everything pretty much. Aiiee!
An Irish Airman Foresees His Death
An Irish Airman Foresees His Death
I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those that I fight I do not hate,
Those that I guard I do not love;
My country is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan’s poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.
Aiiee!!
September 30th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
having providing???…..argh.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
drat, drat and double drat.
I pointed anyone who called the internet a waste of time to your blog.
what will I do now !!
thanks for the laughs you funny fucker.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
… and best of luck with whatever you decide to do next…
you could liven up radio !!
September 30th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
surely the theme to the littlest hobo would be more suitable(i.e you’re a tramp).
September 30th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
As the old saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Enjoyed reading the blog the last few years. Best of luck!
September 30th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I hear that he has gone off to tour Europe with James Blunt.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Jaysus! More people are commenting on Twenty’s demise than people with Diana prayer cards 10 years ago.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Shit! First Newman and now you – it’s been a bad week!
I was but a lurker, but am surprised at how disappointed I feel at this news. As an expat in London, you were my dose of what was really happening at home and a hilarious reminder of what a bunch of useless cunts the government still are. Goodbye I suppose and good luck.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Oh bugger. Why should all good things come to an end ? Why can’t they go on and on, like the credit boom ? Oh, buggery bollocks, that has ended too. I’ll have to start my own blog of cuntybolloxs.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
You’ll be missed, ya cunt!
Make sure and come along to the awards in March, I’ll be wanting book 2 signed as well – might even treat you to a G’n'T!
September 30th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
This is bigger than Meltdown Monday(yesterday)! I’m shocked! But I guess I’m somewhat glad to see that you have the sense that Bertie, Blair, didn’t ….. i.e. you’re going out on a high …
Thank you for many happy hours “wasted” at work …
September 30th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
***sobs***
It’s been brilliant reading you Twenty. Your blend of rancour and terrible puns have been an inspiration to me.
All the best ya bollox… from one who could not hope to fill your shoes.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Eh…… what the holy fuck am I supposed to read while I have my sandwich and cup of tea at lunch time tomorrow and the next day…. and the next day…..etc?
You fuckin’ cunt.
Good work Major.
Over and out.
*stands up and applauds*
*sits back down again*
September 30th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Twenty, you had become my first and last stop each day, and I will miss you. Thank you for helping me to start each day with either a smile or a demented determination to overcome the crap around us sometimes! The very best for the road ahead…and keep the spirits high! Munro
September 30th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I shall forever be scarred by the punchline “Evan is a plaice on earth” ya bastard.
Oh well. So long and thanks for all the fish.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Was going to have a look on the form but coulnd’t register as there is now way I could sign up to this;
‘You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-orientated or any other material that may violate any laws be it of your country, the country where “twentymajor.net” is hosted or International Law’
Its a bit limiting, like. The bit about ‘vulgar’ is the one that haunts me.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Damn. A day without Twenty will be like a day without…nevermind.
You taught me to say the word ‘cunt’ out loud. …and being American that’s no small feat.
Thanks for writing.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Twenty
thank you
…for brightening up dull days
…for leaving me splitting my sides with laughter
…for making me think
so long and thanks for all the fish
Dermot
September 30th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Sorry to hear this. Thanks for creating such a brilliant blog, you will be missed. Looking forward to the 2nd book..
September 30th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Sorry for being a selfish cunt but I only found your blog two weeks ago and since then reading your stuff on this cunting interwebs has been a joy – now it’s over?
Please tell me your bluffing?
September 30th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
salve et vale…
Just tell us you haven’t gone and got a proper job… have you?
September 30th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Thanks for the laughs Twenty, it’s been a helluva ride. I’ll miss this something vicious
At least now, the next time I see ya, I might be able to say hello instead of running away and hiding in awe.
I don’t think anyone other than you could have bowed out with this much style and class, but yer a cunt for doin it when I was already havin a crap day :P
Good luck with where ever the world takes you from here
September 30th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
I’ve been reading this pretty much every day since the Irish Times mentioned your site the day after the first best blog award – loved it and will miss it !
btw, what do you mean “making up stories” – did Jimmy not really promote the mangy yak in Tibet ?!?!
September 30th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
C’mon, this blog is (was?) the funniest way to keep in touch with Ireland. =/
Anyway, so long, and thanks for all the dish. Cheers from Brazil, Twenty, and best of luck.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
You attention-seeking hoor. You’ll be back tomorrow gloating in all the warm and fuzzy shite being spewed on here today.
But just in case, thanks for all the entertainment, ya cuntcha!
September 30th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
don’t do it twenty! How can you leave us. I read your blog every day – thats a whole five mins filled in my day. Thanks for the laughs and best of luck!
September 30th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Slán tamall, a Fhiche.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
All the best with the future plans and the book twenty – love the blog and am surprisingly sad to see it go, but otherwise it would just turn into the last few seasons of the simpsons – uninspired and bland.
Good luck mate.
Sheepworrier the cunt.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I think you, more than anyone else, Twenty, have been responsible for my increasingly bad language over the years. “Fucking cunts!” I would yell at sweet, kind grannies on the telly with whom I disagreed on a minor point and my husband would turn and stare at me. “It’s OK,” I’d say. “Just been hanging out at Twenty’s today.”
No more of that then. Ah me. Thanks for all the fun, Twenty, and the best of luck to you in the future.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
CUNT
September 30th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Jasus! Where did that come from? Ah your shitting us. You have to be…
Well good luck with your next venture.
I’ve been reading this now for over two years. Crazy stuff.
What am I going to read now when I get to work?
Looking forward to book 2. Book 1 was very good.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
All you moaners- Get over to the forum and sign yourselves up.
http://twentymajor.net/forum/
It’s not like Twenty’s just turned his back on you and left you with nothing. It’s up to all of us now to keep the momentum going.
The forum has potential to be even better than the blog.
The way I see it, Twenty closed the playground and opened up a funpark for us.
So thank you Twenty. I think it’s a brilliant idea.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
For fuck’s sake, is that it then? ‘I’m sorry Hon, it’s not you, it’s me. I feel this relationship is stifling and I now need to find myself.’
Bollix! You’ve led me on and now you’ve broken my heart (laughing). I’m going to find you and cut the sleeves off all of your suits – and if as I suspect you’re not suit wearing cunt I’m going to feed Bastardface a half ton of laxatives .
C’mon Baby, you know you want it! You need it real bad.
I give you two weeks and some politician cunt is going to piss you off so much that you’ll need to vent – and where better that in the bosom of this incestuous, foul mouthed scatological shower of hoors, this miscellany of misfits that you’ve gathered online.
We’ll be waiting.
BUT in case you’re fucking serious – have a good life and I’m looking forward to the book. We’re here if you want us.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Awww Twenty – I’ll miss the hell out of you. You’re a class act, you old bastard.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
4 years to the day, eh? A bit suspect if you ask me. I reckon you made parole and won’t have all that spare time any more.
Take care twenty and enjoy the slack. If you ever plan to be in the Barrio Chino in the future, pop me an e-mail and I’ll spot you a dirty glass of fire water and a sugar lump at the Marsella.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I knew that once you got published, it’d go to your head and you’d forget about the little people!!
September 30th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
20 you cunting selffister. You’re like a drug dealer. Get people hooked with the free online samples and then start charging by selling books. Yacuntcha. At least come back with another ‘Twas the night before Xmas-style summary of the year. Without a doubt the funniest man I have never met, and I too will stand you a pint in Ron’s. Whenever I find the fucking place…
Thank you & goodnight
September 30th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Jesus, I just found this. Par for the course. Fairwell.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
ALl the very best, twenty – hope your book career is a rip roaring success. May the wind be always at your back.
Thanks for all the fun.
rgd Shebah
September 30th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Thanks Twenty. Gonna miss the blog(not the genuinely annoying puns). I have a sneaking suspicion though that we have been privileged to witness the birth of a great writer and will be reading your work for many years to come. The meduim might have changed – the man hasn’t.
*one man standing ovation.
Good luck cunt.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
[...] but I’m strangely affected by Twenty’s departure. It’s not so much the fact he stopped (I can understand the reasons) but it’s what he [...]
September 30th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Your early morning posts were the only thing that made my 8am start possible, I’m going to hand in my notice…
September 30th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Understand entirely Twenty, but you will be a big loss.
Thanks for the giggles, the guffaws, the groans, and the Irish stuff us simple foreigners didn’t get anyway.
…and thanks to the community too. All human life was here.
*slinks sadly away*
September 30th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Question Twenty:Does your retirement from this blog have anything to do with Govt’s imenant Fiscal Holocaust escape plan??
Are you off to the cayman Islands with the €700million??
Just asking…
September 30th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Thanks for the kind words, everyone.
And if I had £700m I’d pay some cunt to write this for me while I sat around sipping mojitos.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Cheers for everything and best of luck Twenty, your blog kept my productivity down along with my desire to top myself on a Monday morning!
The only thing I loved more than your posts were the demented gang of cunts reading it and their comments, it will be missed!
September 30th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
The last final drag on a crushed, spit sodden butt, the smoke so hot from being pulled into your lungs too fast that it burns your tongue and throat, stings your chest and makes your eyes water just a little, as you rush to
finish the cigarette before walking into the office where it cannot follow you, careful not to burn your fingers on the bright, glowing ball of ash that remains clinging to the last wisps of tobacco above the white and charred-brown paper.
A bitter sweet end to an all to short relationship, where you gave bugger all, and Mr.Major gave his all, only to be discarded and forgotten, soon to be replaced by another.
But Mr. Major will have the last laugh when you die of cancer…
Good Luck, Good Times, Good Bye.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Every blog I browse today is speaking about you! Have a nice holiday…
September 30th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Thanks for all the laughs you brought me, you’ll be missed!
September 30th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Twenty
That’s two of my favourite blogs that are closing down this year. I always appreciated your wit and humour, and logged on every day. I bought the first book, and will buy the second.
I have to say, though, that it always gave me something of a sense of wonder that someone who writes as eloquently and amusingly as you did this for free, for so long. I enjoyed it very much while it lasted, and will enjoy the second book.
Thanks for the blog. I’ll miss it. Good luck.
Kevin K
September 30th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
shame you’re hanging up your blogging boots. It’s been fun.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Cheerio!
September 30th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Twenty
You always provided a laugh or a sneer or a reaction. My daily reading has diminished because of your departure.
You certainly left footprints in the sand
September 30th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
I like the ‘Incredible Hulk’ theme, but with all due respects, how about ‘The Littlest Hobo’? At least it’s a little more upbeat?
September 30th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
This is just like when my favourite pub closed in 1994 and it’s local lunatics / lunatic locals? wandered around the streets looking for somewhere else to go.
All the best Twenty
September 30th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I’ve never left a comment but read your blog with great interest over the last six months. Many thanks for all the laughs and a certain amount of education. I’ll miss this great blog.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Damn! Yer after dropping a ton of shit on the day. Gunna miss ya, ya auld scut. The best. Loco.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
agh! my comment didn’t post.
i’ll summarise it:
-fuck you’re gone! how’d this happen?
-first blog i commented on, presume many are the same
-thanks for blogroll, helped me loads
-i need a new big commenty blog now
-fuck you’re gone! how’d this happen?
September 30th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Thanks Twenty, it’s been grand.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
[...] original and just so damn good, and he says so in a rare glimpse into the mind of the real Twenty on his blog today. He will be missed from the Irish Blogging community where he has reigned as Best Blogger for the [...]
September 30th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Bye now.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Fuuucckk…
Well, take care of yourself.
Cheers.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Thanks for some great reads, Twenty.
Thanks also to your many commenters.
C U Next Tuesday
September 30th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I’ll miss this blog a lot.
All the best man
September 30th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Dang.
This and bock’s blog are the only blogs i’ve really followed. And now this damn bombshell! Sigh. Keep writing books and shit, your writing is fucking groovy.
You fucking cuntbag.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
go raibh míle maith agat
September 30th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Roisin Ingle said the exact same thing, nearly to the word.
Thanks for the entertainment. Best of Luck out there.
September 30th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
That first ‘Change-One-Letter’ day you linked to up there Twenty; http://twentymajor.net/2008/01/23/ch-ch-change-not-changes/
Have a look at comment #313.
Just then first line.
They can’t say they weren’t warned.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Who are all these sycophantic cunts in the comments? I hardly recognise any of them…ah but that’s my own fault.
Well done Twenty, what a body of work. You done good, you did.
I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled for Twenty Silk Cut Ultra, your new healthy living blog.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Thanks for a lot of stuff
– being able to say cunt again
– the fucking puns
– saying what a lot of people agree with
– saying what a lot of people disagree with
– that lovely political incorrectness
– our love child
– your admiration of Bertie
– your charming friends
– herpes
– having a right good rant
Besht of luck
September 30th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Cheers Twenty.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
HOLY SHIT MONKEYBALLS!!!
YOU PREDICTIVE FUCK!!
September 30th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
You can take the man out of the blog…
September 30th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Ah, Jaysus indeed.
Cheers Twenty. Utter cunt…
September 30th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
What am i going to read over my morning coffee now you inconsiderate snotfuck…
All the best though ya CUNT!
September 30th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
oh well. thats that. I found you similar to the Ray D’arcy show on so many levels… didnt really rate it at the start, bit of a foroige leader quality to him to be honest…. then it sort of captured the zeitgeist, and he started to say the word “shite” a lot and play music that had shades of the alternative, and now he really doesnt have that much to say, tries to veer towards what he thinks people want to hear, keep on the lefty safe and narrow, like today when he sided with the lesbians and the lesbians were obviously in the wrong. Ho hum, a double whammy, from today I no longer look at your website, and I also made a decision that I’m no longer listening to D’arcy too. swings and roundabouts.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Shite. Have to go back to Keats & Chapman for puns now. Flogging a dead horse and all that…
September 30th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Or was it dogging a fled horse?
Anyway, cheers Twenty for all the entertainment.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I also though this was a wind-up.
Thanks for the fun and the insights.
Best wishes
September 30th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
My name is Pat Kenny, so fuck off you and the cuntin lot that comes with you that never buys a drink, just fuck off, and take that sister with the worn heels with you.
The Belfast bastard can go too.
And them Jocks.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Well feck you anyway Twenty.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:00 am
Whenever I hear that song by Cutting Crew, the lyrics are now forever ingrained on my brain as “Eye juice tied in your arms tonight.”
Thanks for the laughs, Twenty, especially the puns. Best of luck for the future.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:13 am
For real? But… but !!
Oh alright, have it your way. Thanks for the entertainment
October 1st, 2008 at 12:22 am
I hope you’re having a Month’s Mind.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:24 am
All the best to you Major. I always found you engaging and I know you only pretend to think I’m a digusting, bin-dipping, dreadlocked bastard!
Best wishes and good luck in all you do.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:52 am
Thanks for the leg-up
October 1st, 2008 at 1:04 am
Mama take this blog offa me,
I can’t use it anymore.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:24 am
Where is the farewell party?? I’ll arrange a heli-copter-thimgy for ya…
October 1st, 2008 at 2:41 am
Farewell Friend. Thanks for all the hard work.
Have enjoyed reading almost everyday for about a year and a half. Learned a lot, mainly new swearwords…
October 1st, 2008 at 5:09 am
4 years is impressive man, I’ve only been reading the odd time, but hats off to you on a terrific blog.
October 1st, 2008 at 6:20 am
Have they gone yet?
October 1st, 2008 at 9:07 am
This bank bail-out thing is a load of…
… oh, right, sorry…
October 1st, 2008 at 9:38 am
SG
I was thinking exactly the same thing. But where is Twenty to give us his view on the plan that is being hailed across Europe as being innovative and, dare I say it, right. Brian and Brian as leaders – who would ever have thought that!
October 1st, 2008 at 10:09 am
I think in honor of your leaving, my periodical may do a lavish 28 page spread.
Then again, maybe not
Goodbye and good luck Mr Major
October 1st, 2008 at 10:12 am
Always leave em wanting more.
You’re dead right, finish on a high. I’ll miss you but I’ve no doubt you’ve a few more irons in the fire and I look forward to your next incarnation
October 1st, 2008 at 10:16 am
The voice of reason has gone quiet it seems.
Or was it un-reason?
October 1st, 2008 at 10:21 am
You are allways worth the time wasted.
Sorry to see you sign off.
Just as thing are getting back to reality too !
Strange that.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:09 am
I must say I really like the rules on the new forum. If you break them, or never bother to read them, the only consequence is that it becomes your fault.
No punishment.
No penalty.
No nothing.
Just inner shame.
So get over there and sign yourselves up. NOW!
http://twentymajor.net/forum/
October 1st, 2008 at 11:16 am
It’s been emotional.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:20 am
Yer cunt.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:32 am
My family have have a big building company, 10 race horses, loads of big cars, I have a Porsche and my aunty has one as well with a big oak door at the front of it, so you see I don’t realy care, the bet today is, MAMLAKATI, in the 4.05 at Salisbury, go easy it’s only worth one house,
I’m not happy about the treatment I got when I commented here before, but sorry about you giving in so easy, good luck.
My girl friend says Hello and she feels much better.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:59 am
Jesus, even Kav resurrected himself to say goodbye! It’s like Dev’s funeral, or when they re-patriated Casement. Sniff…
October 1st, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Bah! Blatant “I’ve got something terminal” post.
I made this blog what is today.
Go fuck yourself.
Ciaran..
October 1st, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Twenty has left the building.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:18 pm
There was a young man from Stamboul, Who soliloquized thus to his tool: “You took all my wealth And you ruined my health, And now you won’t pee, you old fool.”
Slaughterhouse 5
gl twenty; you deserve it
October 1st, 2008 at 1:51 pm
It’s a tad strange not to have a Twenty’s post in the morning, isn’t it? It doesn’t feel right. Send in the ghost writers, please.
October 1st, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Who gets the last word?
October 1st, 2008 at 2:44 pm
me
October 1st, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Howld yer horses there I usually get the last word ;) Thanks Mr.T. Major for the entertainment over the years. Toodle pip !
O look someone else is going to get the last word in I wonder who could that be……
October 1st, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Hiya Twenty,
I didn’t post that much, I’m not smart ass enough for that, but I did read your posts daily for over a year now.
Your posts really did make me laugh like no other blog can.
Find it a great pity that you are stopping, but I can understand.
All the best for the future, and who knows maybe in a while after a break, you will miss it and come back even better.
Thanks for all the laughs you gave over the years!
October 1st, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Hmm. I smell a conspiracy. First Sweary disappears, then Twenty. I bet the hoor is down in Cork having his wicked way with her. Traitor.
G’luck Twenty!
October 1st, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Go on so. Go and fuckin shite.
Cunt.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Thanks for the laughs twenty, been reading your blogs for a good while now, never had anything witty to comment, so I just laughed my ass off at everyone else’s. You will be missed.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Haven’t commented in a long time, but still regularly reading it. Loved the book, love the blog.
You started when I came to Ireland, but I only caught up with you when the Love Ulster parade thought that Dublin was safe to march. Never left since. Good luck Twenty, I will miss the rants and the comments. Thanks for your wonderful blog.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Twenty – I’ll miss you ..
October 1st, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Is this blog going to explode when comments get to 250, or something?
October 1st, 2008 at 10:27 pm
[...] Twenty Major departs the blogosphere hanging up his blog Twenty Major – Still smoking in Dublin bars Blog Archive Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mou… [...]
October 1st, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Gonna miss you, Twenty.
You benny.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Best of luck Twenty.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Good luck and thanks for the daily laughs
October 1st, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Hats off to you for being so creative for so long. Enjoy the retirement.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:39 pm
What the fuck.
I go away for a few days and find the economy’s in the shitter and now you’ve retired the blog.
Good luck, Twenty.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Is this blog going to explode when comments get to 250, or something?
Dunno, LK, but we’re about to find out (even though I know this is really number 251)
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:16 am
[...] the only explanation I can think to explain his sudden departure. He dead, or at least the person behind the Twenty mask, and as part of his will he requested this [...]
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:28 am
Good news from the blogosphere at last.
Stick to your guns.
Rest in peace, as long as you stay there.
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:25 am
and we are supposed to care either way? ….
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:50 am
What happened to you man? Did you just hit forty or something?
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 am
All the best Twenty. Thanks for the insights, angst and laughs. Good luck with finishing the book.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:31 am
Tsk. I’m always the last to know everything. Good luck, godspeed, and remember to write occasionally, whatever you do. Oh and don’t forget your hanky xx
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:18 am
Twenty – you’ll be missed greatly.
Best of luck with the new challenge!
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:44 am
You fucker! I’ve been reading your blog for 3 years, even the drunk middle of the night ones & I can’t believe thats it! Fair play to you though, your reasons are sound…. or are you just trying to boost your book sales??? Fuckit, it’ll work
Thanks mate
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
This sucks big time.
Good luck with whatever you’re up to.
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Well break the Batsign and bugger with the bulbs!
See you later in some other place…
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Give me a call when Twenty returns
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Psssst!
If you go over and sign up on the forum NOW, there’s a very good chance that you’ll become member #100.
Imagine the prestige!
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Jesus Fucking Christ. I tunnel myself and a load of old fellas out of hospital and read this?
I feel like the little blonde kid at the end of the movie “Shane”.
October 2nd, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Good luck hi….
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Dring dring…”
Hello.
[Some Cunt]: Have you seen the news?
What fucking news? There’s a lot of it you know.
[The Cunt]: Twenty Major’s blog is shut down.
Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, now Fucking Maje. Couldn’t they find a few hundred billion to keep the cunt going then?
[The Cunt]: They said there was nothing left after Bertie’s take.
Lard-arsed cunts. I suppose it’s time to shift my few bob out of AIB then?
[The Cunt]: I reckon. That cunt Twenty knows something and fucked off sharpish.
I thought that cunt at least was on our side against the international cunt epidemic. Bastard. And his fucking cat. One poxy double book deal and he’s off.
[The Cunt]: Yeah. Everyone lets you down in the end. So you’ve got a bit in the AIB then? Could you lend me a couple of euro till the end of th…
CLICK!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Sad to see you go but am sure it’s not the last we hear of you
Best of Luck!
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Is anyone else still checking back here on the daily basis… just in case?
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Twenty is Oscar Mike.
He’ll be on Reeling in the Years in 2028.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:57 pm
It’s a pressure sometimes, you set the bar high, you win awards, people have expectations…..
since when did u give a fuck!!!
anyway…well done man, my first reading was ‘like, like you know” the one about the american birds you overheard…that was 3 and a half years ago, and it has been great….
hope u dont meet any dolphins on your travels…..
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:00 am
Brilliant I must say you “Boggie.”
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:26 am
If you’re going to push this whole David Bowie / Ziggy Stardust thing – shouldn’t this site run for “Five Years”? Eh? EH?
By my maths, that’s another 364 days of blogging you owe us, fella.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
This cant be happening, im soooo alone
Im not buying your fucking book you cunt
If you come back ill give you a bottle of whiskey
Im so sad
Ah well
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Can’t believe people are still posting here.
That’s just sad. Get a life…
… oh, right
D’OH!
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:17 pm
[...] Finally, the Irish blogger Twenty Major is retiring. [...]
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Don’t worry people, Twenty hasn’t gone away, you know.
He’s just taken over as manager of NUFC, disguised as Joe Kinnear.
http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/0,17033,8749_4238893,00.html
It’s just a six week break.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
You finally got the Lung Cancer I see.
Well another one bites the dust…
I hope you also got Knob Rot just for yucks
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Encore ! Encore !
October 4th, 2008 at 12:10 am
I hope to fuck your tolling.
Now drag your lazy miserable arse back in front of the computer and entertain us.
October 4th, 2008 at 12:26 am
SuperGrover, you sad bastard, let it go for fecks sake…
October 4th, 2008 at 1:06 am
G’luck
October 4th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I hope that litigating hoor Hoggins didn’t get to you.. OR WAS IT JUST IN THE STARS?
October 4th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
good luck, thanks
October 5th, 2008 at 2:18 am
you fucking cunt
The feckless Scotch cunt.
October 5th, 2008 at 6:46 am
unfuckingbelievablecunt
October 5th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
[...] 2. Twenty Major has stopped blogging. [...]
October 5th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
u will be missed – just heard a twenty style joke:
What do you call a bay of fannies?
a portoguese
best of luck
October 5th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Farewell, Twenty, you old bastard and thanks for all the cunts.
DK
October 6th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Oh;( Bye Twenty and good luck with finishing your book.
October 6th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Holy shit! You meant it! You really meant it! Shit!
October 6th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Good riddance.
October 6th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
It’s been a week now and you sad cunts are still hanging in there posting comments. Wouldn’t catch me doing that.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:22 am
best of luck auld son. you were the first blog i ever read and the only one i look at with any sort of regularity.you ll be..
October 7th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Emotional.
Adieu.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Thanks Twenty, you rotten old bollock
Nxx
October 7th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
You truly are a cunt.
See you next Saturday !
October 7th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
So long and thanks for all the puns
October 7th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
have we decided where we will all congregate now??
Somebody make a decision!!
Fuck twenty
*sobs*
October 8th, 2008 at 4:52 am
Fuck It !!
Terrible. I’ve been reading this blog for years when back home now I’m in Canada and it was nice to still check in a see you there. You’ll be missed, Thanks for all the years of laughter..
October 8th, 2008 at 9:19 am
For Fucks Sake
According to every newspaper or programme the world is doing the back stroke up shit river with political leaders calling the shots from the banks and now this ……… has there been a hot line set up??????
Pass me the toaster im going for a bath.
Thanks Twenty….your emails have made my day and sometimes my whole week (depending on the gag)
October 8th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
300 comments, Spartan.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
fuck, shit, piss, bugger and of course cunty cuntington. As every one has said we will miss the blogging. Ta very much.
Keep on doing what you need to do.
Cherrio.
October 9th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Jaysus, I hadnt checked in for a while. its a shitter that your leaving twenty, but ya gotta do whats best etc..etc..
best of luck man
October 9th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Ahhh bugger. I’m gettin Justin Lee COllins on your case. Bring back… Twenty Major!!
Cheerio Twenty.
October 9th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
This can’t be the end?!
If Bobby Ewing can come back so can Twenty.
October 9th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Twenty, wake up in the shower will ya,
October 9th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
surprised he’s lasted this long, anyone doing a book on when he’ll be back!
October 10th, 2008 at 12:08 am
“Nothing in his life
Became him like the leaving it…”
Ah, he was a runt from the waterfront,
born with a grunt, an affront,
a bit of a stunt, certainly blunt
when he chose to confront
and lead a head-hunt
to bunt some bollocks with the brunt of his dunt.
Like Alfred Lunt,
he’s turned his back to shunt,
Twenty Major faces exeunt,
the cunt.
October 10th, 2008 at 12:13 am
[...] just heard the news and felt I must mark the occasion in some way… "Nothing in his life Became him like the [...]
October 10th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Quitter!
October 10th, 2008 at 3:29 am
Jaysus, I head off to Galway for a month, just to remind me why I left the kip all those years ago to come down under…….and I get back last night, log on to Twenty’s site cos I needed a laugh after the long haul back….and the cunt’s doin’ a runner on us…….I protest, shouldn’t be allowed. Let’s organise a ‘make him stay’ thingy…….but if that’s not happenin’, let me say a BIG THANKS FOR THE CRACK. I’ll miss ya:)
October 10th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Adios Twenty and thanks for the great ride. Me hole is smithereens though, you dirty rapist.
October 10th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I just want to say that I registered and tried to navigate the forum and found it all too difficult and confusing. I admit it. Too old I guess. So farewell to y’all. And thanks.
October 11th, 2008 at 12:09 am
So, like, has he fucking gone or what?
He promised I could have any drink left in the house.
I never liked the fucker, he was too smart by half.
“On the Edge” was funny, after that it went to shite.
Anyone got a light?
£20 a quarter and I left me lighter in the pub.
Fuck it all
October 11th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
10 Park Drive, and anyone else who hasn’t tried out the forum yet, please, do yourself a favour, and give it a go.
Navigation is a little different than here on the blog, but after using it for a short while you’ll soon get into the swing of it.
If you asked me, I’d say it’s even funnier than the blog ever was. You could say it was like multiple versions of the blog, all on the go at the same time. If you can’t find something to tickle your fancy, (doubtful, you can start a new discussion off on any topic you like.
The learning process is really simple. You can preview anything you compose before you post it, and tweak it on-the-fly.
The new freedom you’ll have, like being able to post pictures and videos, might be a little overwhelming for some, but just take your time. It’ll come to you. The best thing is, if you make a mistake, you can go back in and edit it, as often as you like. (Or delete it altogether!)
Hope to see every single one of you over there. It’s the best free laugh on the internet.
October 11th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
See there, the way I left out the right bracket after the word ‘doubtful’? If this was the Forum, I’d be able to fix that!
I’m going back to the forum. It’s much better than here.
October 15th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Its about time you ran out of words you mucksavage just as well you never linked to me, threatened by my greatness I suppose ach away with ya, go write a book or something silly I hear they are the next big thing in Ireland, toilet paper being expensive and all.
October 15th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
“Does Twenty’s passing, signal the death knoll for once and for all off the Celtic Tiger? Discuss”
-Could be a good Junior Cert English Question
October 16th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
How you kept going so long is a testament to your talent – or lots of drugs – not sure which.
October 16th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Jesus Christ
I go away for a few weeks and this is what happens. Loved the Blog Twenty have been reading it for the last 2 years. Great laughs thanks you will be missed on this side of the planet…Now I got to go crawl into a bottle of Jameson’s to deal, fucking great thanks so much
Cheers and good luck to ya
October 17th, 2008 at 12:12 am
[...] wagging and navel gazing of late in the so-called blogosphere (I fucking hate that term!). So some people have kicked the blogobucket. And some people lament the way it used to be; back in the good old [...]
October 21st, 2008 at 3:55 pm
No comments for a few days so I am trying for the last word again.
October 22nd, 2008 at 9:23 am
Not a fucking chance 10 Park.
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I presumed this was a hoax. I dropped by just now for an update and there is none.
This is mad. One of the great dangers of blogging is that it is addictive and many intelligent bloggers end up devoting much time to projects which are well lets say moderate.
Here we have a huge blog. The best in Ireland as agreed by all clever enough not to consider their own blog. And he is walking away!
What did you do today Major? What did you want to do? Maybe you are happy. Maybe this is the right choice. It remains however, beyond me. Best of luck.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Come back you fucker, we need some Twenty Major insight into the current budget related clusterfuck!
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Yeah Stephen, let’s start a campaign to get the old cunt back. Fuck the forum.
October 27th, 2008 at 12:50 am
Long time lurker here (3ish years I think…)
Very sad to see you go, but considering I had a blog that lasted about a year, 4 is damn fine. At some point, I will find somewhere in Oxford that will let me have a guinness and a cigarette at the same time, carve a bearded man into the table, and move on…
October 27th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Stephen is right – at least a few posts – it’s not like there is a shortage of targets…
November 3rd, 2008 at 2:11 am
John O’Neill, you spa.
November 4th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Fuck, Twenty, you were like the Shelbourne Hotel,nice to pop into even though I was never near your standard.
It was because of you that I started blogging and pretty much because of you that I gave it up through burn-out trying to match your quality and work rate.
Thanks and g’luck, you oul’ cunt.
November 5th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
First!
November 5th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
10 Park Drive,
I didn’t like the forum at first but I’m getting use to it. Give it another try.
I find the best way is to click ‘view new posts’. From there you can see what topic has been commented on last and who left the comment.
Of course there are plenty of tossers there like
MB, Supergrover, holemaster etc. (only kidding)
Comon give it a try, the more the merrier. Comon Ibanez, you as well, everyone get over there. Don’t let Monkey Balls frighten ye :)
November 5th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Cheers Peadar. But today I am celebrating our victory.
November 5th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
That’s a fucking shame bud. I suppose I’ll have to buy one of your bastard books now.
November 9th, 2008 at 4:36 am
Shame. Stuck in the States without a single “Boggie” to take the piss out of….
November 14th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
I can not allow that obnoxious cunt to have the last word.
November 15th, 2008 at 12:10 am
I just did 10. You bog swimming twat!
November 15th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
What a predictable cunt.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
It would seem that you are the predictable one 10. Jump back in your bog you thick twat.
The Sun never sets on my Empire!
Proud Englishman
November 21st, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I have been on a scientific expedition to the Amazon basin and have been out of contact with the “civilised” world for several months. I have returned to the terrible news that your blog is now defunct. Worse news than that; the dogs dick sucking Proud Englishman is still around.
November 23rd, 2008 at 6:55 am
Jane, I didn’t know they let trollops teach?!?
Jump back in your bog slag.
Well into double digit drinking and I can still out “banter” the Irish!
Twats!
November 23rd, 2008 at 11:04 pm
All the best.
November 28th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Oh no! Who’s going to blaze a badass trail now? Who’s going to show all us normies up for the squares we really are? Who, but who, will continue to smoke in Dublin’s bars?
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:00 am
move it along. Nothing to see Here
c’mon now .
Have ye no homes to go to ???
December 9th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Bye bye twenty. You’re a prize cunt. I’ll miss ye!
December 11th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Ya know summit?
I don’t think he’s comin’ back
dammit
December 12th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
So why doesn’t the lazy cunt close this site down?
December 13th, 2008 at 12:15 am
I’d say it’s coz you’re a total cunt.
December 14th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Oh fuck wank!
December 16th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Ah fuck him. His dick’s too small anyway.
December 19th, 2008 at 11:25 am
[...] started reading him daily just weeks before he quit blogging [insert 'c' word] and cheated us all by starting a forum absolutely littered with… the [...]
December 22nd, 2008 at 6:15 pm
To anybody who is still clicking on this site, awaiting the return of Twenty; I wish you all a very merry Xmas. (Except for that queer cunt Proud Englishman who can go fuck himself up the Khyber with his tree.)
December 22nd, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Happy Christmas you cunts…
December 24th, 2008 at 7:06 am
Ye all look well now ye spendthrift cunts!!!
January 5th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Glueface, you found the caps lock button at last.
Well done you!
10 Park Drive, have you tried the forum yet?
January 5th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
[...] see an empty blog, a disappeared presence in the Irish blogosphere. I see 20 Major go, Paige Harrison too, Sinead Gleeson – all stars, and John of Dublin only speaks now in [...]
January 7th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Peadar, I looked at it a couple of times. I will try and get in to it eventually, I guess. But thanks for asking.
September 5th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
fucking cunt, 4 years,does he does he think he’s a godamm politician…hehehehehehehehe
I bet it’s not the last of you we have seen Twenty ciao