Bosses and Facebook
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on September 25th, 2008
I heard on the radio yesterday that, according to some crowd called Peninsula Business Services, 83% of bosses monitored Facebook to see if employees absences for work were genuine.
Yeah right. That sounds like a great load of bollocks to me, especially when 67% of them say they disciplined staff when they discovered they’d been off ’sick’ when they weren’t sick at all.
Now, I’m sure there is the odd moron who will put something on their Facebook like ‘Haha, called in sick today but I’m not sick at all!! ROFL!! Stupid boss is a stupid head, hahaha! :))))))”, but I’m pretty sure that the vast majority of people who use Facebook aren’t that stupid (even though using Facebook is stupid because Facebook is a load of old horse cock).
If someone rings in sick when they’re not really sick they are not going to announce it for the whole world, are they? And why, if there are people like that, would they have their boss as a friend? Unless your boss is actually your friend in real life there’s not much point having him as a friend on Facecunt.
Surveys like that are so utterly worthless that it makes me want to punch owls in the face all day long. Good for Peninsula Business Services who have managed to get their name in the papers and on the radio but I suspect if I was looking for business services I’d look elsewhere because Peninsula Business Services seem to be the kind of people who use Facebook.
I would be quite specific when hiring someone for business services.
“Do you use Facebook?”
“Of course we do. It’s a multi-level social networking phenomenon that allow us to-”
“NEXT”.
“But-”
“I SAID NEXT!”
I bet in reality about 1% of bosses use Facebook to check up on employees. I mean, I’ve been a boss. I know when someone rings up and is lying about being sick. If they say any of the following phrases you kow it’s a lie - “stomach bug”, “24 hour bug”, “must have been something I ate”, “been up all night vomiting”, “smashed 7 vertebrae in a car accident which cost the lives of four others”, and pretty much anything anyone might say to you on a Monday morning about not coming to work is a lie.
You don’t fucking need Facebook to know that. And if you’re a boss don’t you have better things to be doing that cunting around on Facebook? So any boss that does actually use it to check up on employees is a fucking slack cunt who should be fired for wasting valuable company time.
If I was a boss again I would ensure that Facebook was banned from all computers. In the world. Forever.
Arsebook, Dildo and all those social networking sites are indeed designed for remedial little cunts with an earnest desire to be seen to be having a life.
Which is why they are so popular.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:43 am
So, says boss born in the early 1960’s, what the fuck is facebook? Oh to meet friends says the 1980’s underling. Isn’t that what school/college/the pub/the nightclub is for says the boss? You old fashioned fart says the underling. Why do you prefer to meet them on line says the boss?. Um Um Um Um says the underling…
September 25th, 2008 at 8:47 am
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A company I worked for a while back actually set up face-book pages for us, to get a “team” ethic going (all of us would be connected etc)
Never used it much there, don’t think I could even remember my password now…
September 25th, 2008 at 8:58 am
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Rob, it’s cuntybollocks2004
September 25th, 2008 at 9:16 am
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Ok, Facecunt is stupid. Cuntbook, maybe, though that sounds like a different thing.
You were a boss, Twenty? Were you firm but fair and dryly humourous, or were you a mad, ranting, impatient bastard?
September 25th, 2008 at 9:41 am
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I was fair and most understanding of my employees and the job they were doing. I fought the company on a regular basis for them, mostly because I hated my boss and enjoyed making his life difficult.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:43 am
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:)
September 25th, 2008 at 9:46 am
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Using smileys on his site Jo ? Brave woman!
September 25th, 2008 at 9:49 am
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Can you imagine the new apps..
You have been invited to the “Pull a sickie” APP..
John has just rang straight through to your voicemail,wheezing slightly and going on about a chest infection.
You have rang John back to put the shits up him around 12.30pm when he thinks he can forget about the sickie till he goes in in the morning.
John has not answered the phone..
I can see that taking off alright.. with cunts..
September 25th, 2008 at 9:49 am
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Wow Twenty, I never thought you were one of them, the enemy! Did you wear a suit and spend all day attending enormously long meetings, spouting shite? And the only way you could get the full lowdown on company fiscal policy was by asking the cleaner etc?
And I do not believe you for a minute about that ‘fair’and ‘understanding’ shite!
September 25th, 2008 at 9:51 am
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No, did not wear a suit.
I did have to attend meetings, which were painful. And I was a good boss, I wasn’t that demanding once I was left in relative peace.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:52 am
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I’ll smile at Twenty if I want to Maggot!
September 25th, 2008 at 9:55 am
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Being a boss would be alright if it wasn’t for people.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:56 am
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Careful Twenty - I think the trollop has designs on your body!
September 25th, 2008 at 9:58 am
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Maybe just his hard drive.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:59 am
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Twenty, do you want to meet my sister?
September 25th, 2008 at 10:05 am
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Sorry Twenty, but a sentence with the words ‘boss’, ‘fair’ and ‘understanding’ in it is completely impossible. Up the proletariat!
September 25th, 2008 at 10:14 am
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No thanks, Batty.
Sorry to burst your bubble. I was like the hacky-sack playing dean from when Homer went back to college.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:17 am
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I’d guess he was more like the boss Hank Scorpio when Homer became an executive for Globex Corporation! Evil genius.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:26 am
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it’s pretty funny how much the media demonises those sites though.
they seem to think that by having an account your entire life is open to be read by paedophiles and perverts.
they’re right though, 99.5% of all children on bebo will be raped by an old man.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:31 am
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hello dean ? you are a stupid head.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:31 am
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Yeah, Hank was great if you worked for him. It was everybody else he wanted to waste.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:33 am
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hello dean ? you are a stupid head.
Homer?
September 25th, 2008 at 10:33 am
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from the same episode:
“Mrs Simpson?We’ve all got nosebleeds”
September 25th, 2008 at 10:42 am
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You played bass in the pretenders? cool.(sort of)
twenty as manager - i can only see you as manager of somewhere like the secret book and music shop on wicklow st.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:48 am
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hello dean ? you are a stupid head.
it was indeed homer.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:48 am
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Ralph Wiggum?
September 25th, 2008 at 10:50 am
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… for the nosebleeds thing, Ralph Wiggum?
September 25th, 2008 at 10:53 am
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Ralph Wiggum?
Nope
September 25th, 2008 at 10:53 am
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The three nerds !!
September 25th, 2008 at 10:54 am
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The three nerds !!
Correct!!
September 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am
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‘twenty as manager - i can only see you as manager of somewhere like the secret book and music shop on wicklow st.’
Is that like the costume shop where Mr. Benn used to set off on his adventures?
September 25th, 2008 at 11:17 am
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Was your door always open Twenty ?
September 25th, 2008 at 11:19 am
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I didn’t have a door so much as a well located desk in an open plan office.
Mr Benn was cool.
September 25th, 2008 at 11:33 am
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Did you run the hot dog stand in Baggot street ?
September 25th, 2008 at 11:57 am
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No.
September 25th, 2008 at 11:59 am
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I RAN THE HOT DOG STAND IN BAGGOT STREET STILL DO BUT NOT IN BAGGOT STREET
September 25th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
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I wouldn’t say my boss was a technophobe (he does type the occasional edict on his PC) but if you mentioned Facebook to him he would more than likely think its the big, black book where the gardai keep their photo fits, the doddery old fucker.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
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whats wrong with pulling a sickie?? You can be sick 5 days a year because youre better off not being near the place.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
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I can see who’s on here too.
Fools, all of ye.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
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Folks in the Irish army can ring up and say “I wont be in today I am taking a USL”
What’s a USL I hear you say. Uncertified sick leave. Essentially a day at home chillin with Sgt Slaughter knowing it too.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
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What’s a USL I hear you say.
You didn’t hear me say it!
September 25th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
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Peninsula Business Services are employment law specialists. What a remarkable coincidence that they should be involved in a survey on sickies.
If you are an employer they have a hotline number prominently displayed on their website.
In other news, a recent survey I carried out reveals that 99.9% of the sample group question definitely want to hear from a senior member of the Irish Naval Services on maritime matters.
Aye.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
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Sgt Slaughter
We are talking about the Irish Army.THey only thing the Irish Army slaughter are a shit load of pints in the Barracks “subsidised” bar,and then maybe slaughter some civilians in a brawl..
September 25th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
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Fill3rup says: Sgt Slaughter We are talking about the Irish Army.THey only thing the Irish Army slaughter are a shit load of pints in the Barracks “subsidised” bar,and then maybe slaughter some civilians in a brawl..
Ah now. They can bring back loads of Leb ganj from peacekeeping duties. Is it still the case that no returning soldier’s kit can be searched by customs?
The barracks near us used to have a lovely smell coming from it when the lads were back from the Lebanon.
I know an officer who drove a new Merc back from Damascus cause they were cheap there and legally he didn’t have to pay any import duty.
We’re all safe in our beds.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
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SAm Crea
..Is pretty tired after a long afternoon checking out his “Friends” on Faecesbook..
September 25th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
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The beers are on Twenty
Profit of twenty major banks triples.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
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The word cunt is used frequently on this site,
Is this man the biggest cunt, on the planet?
conjurer or cunt
September 25th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
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Im gonna try and go on mastermind ..with a specialist subject being ” The posts of twenty major “2004 - 2008″
Will this get me a free book twenty
September 25th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
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Did you know that Mondays and Fridays account for 40% of sick leave usage?
September 25th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
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Not shocking,Friday being the best day of the week and Monday being the worst..
September 25th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
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The best sicky scam i witnessed was in the Welsh Public Sector and went like this:
Go off somewhere nice (not Wales then) on annual leave.. go to doctor whilst on holiday. Get sick note. Come back in to office with tan at end of holiday. Get annual leave back due to sick note..And the individual that did this was a manager too. A lazy fuckwit of a manager.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
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Filler, read it again.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
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I said:
“Did you know that Mondays and Fridays account for 40% of sick leave usage?”
This is a ‘joke stat’, if you figure that there are 5 days in a week, each day is 20% (5×20 = 100%), then 20 % on Monday and 20% on Friday is perfectly normal (20% Tuesday, 20% Wednesday, etc.)
Best class I ever had was “How to Lie with Statistics”. My boss was sure he had a problem when I told him that 40% Sick leave was used on Mondays and Fridays, the fuckwit.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
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Now he’s calling you a fuckwit, Filler.
I wouldn’t stand for it, I tells ya.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
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Then again, he IS Bruce Springsteen, so…
September 25th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
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Or maybe Charlie Haughey
(or Hockey as Batty’s Lahndan cronies would call him)
September 25th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
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Ah fuck off then
September 25th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
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I’m not calling Filler anything, just pointing out how stats can prove about anything you want.
As long, of course, as they stay within the ‘range of believability’
September 25th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
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just saw blaines’ supporters felt cheated that he had a harness for his 40 foot dive of death.
now while it is flagrant mis-advertising,and there is nothing more i would of like to have seen than him landing heavily on his legs,snapping them and driving his spine through his brain,surely the people who were standing watching had an inkling that this wasn’t gonna happen?surely?
September 25th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
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SG: or Hockey as Batty’s Lahndan cronies would call him)
More like ‘that slippery Irish political gentleman who taught Aherne everything he knows’.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
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So lads,ive off doin work …Whats been goin on???
September 25th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
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I would say David Blaine is both conjurer AND cunt, to be honest.
I think he’s funny. He provides light relief, with his stunting about.
Anyone seen Chris Angel, his rockn’roll counterpart?
September 25th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
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“Anyone seen Chris Angel, his rockn’roll counterpart?”
Oh Jesus, Jo, is that the heavy metal conjurer with the Michael Bolton hairdo.
Shite. Utter shite.
Maybe I have committed a major faux pas and you think he’s great. If so, tough.
September 25th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
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David Blaine = Cunt
Chris Angel = Bill Ray Cunt
September 25th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
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Ah fuck David Blane, you’d wonder if the cunt could endure never, ever appearing in public again ever. Maybe he could pioneer mime-stunts: amazing feats that in no way impinge on the public consciousness.
Anyway could we not poke some fun at the ploughing championships this week Twenty? I understand the agri-lympics is drawing record crowds and the final of the muddy wellington boot-toss takes place tomorrow morning. Other disciplines at the ploughing championships include divot-measuring, polluting, bribery and drink-driving.
Sounds like a fucking blast actually.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
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Why would you want to punch owls in the face? Owls do good things; they eat mice, rats, and other assorted vermin. And when they evolve into larger sizes they will eat actors, TV newscasters, shitty writers and politicians. And they have long memories Twenty, looong memories.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
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Started to read the David Blaine link & got sidetracked by Nicole Kidman video link beside it ‘I swam in fertlity water to get pregnant’. So maybe the Ma WAS right about toilet seats. Must warn my girls.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
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MMN:I believe the Shooting the traveller and throwing him over a wall cup went to Mayo once again..
September 25th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
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I hate owls
September 25th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
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Heh, Billy Ray Cunt. Chris Angel’s more big hair than mullet though, he’s not country!
September 25th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
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Twenty, you sound like an aged, paranoid man in a threadbare overcoat, huddling in his shack in the woods. It’s very poignant!
September 25th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
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So maybe the Ma WAS right about toilet seats. Must warn my girls.
Even more important - warn the boys!
September 25th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
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A friend of mine wants to borrow some money, needs to borrow some money, stupid cunt should have stayed in that great America.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
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re the agrilympics, Luka Bloom referred to them as Grasstonbury. class or what
September 25th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
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Luka Bloom aka Christy Moore’s brother, should get a proper fucking name, the hippie sounding cunt
September 25th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
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Why the owl hate?
Were you shut in a small room with one as a child?
Or is it cause they’re smug fuckers?
September 26th, 2008 at 5:53 am
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Smug fuckers. They’re like dolphins. They know stuff we don’t. And they won’t tell.
September 26th, 2008 at 7:45 am
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Who gives a hoot?
September 26th, 2008 at 9:26 am
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Holemaster update: I visited the Holemaster in his hospital bed today - I was trying to leave something in for him, but they wouldn’t let me, so I had to go pester him in person. And it’s his birthday! Post birthday messages to http://www.eskerriada.wordpress.com
He’s doing good, should be out next week, if all goes according to plan.
He does however have a nasty tube coming out of him (there were two) to drain off fluid from the site of the operation, which pinches inside(bleh, and double bleh)!
I think it’s been sore, he had to stop reading is funny book because it was making him laugh too much, and they’re x raying him every day to make sure the lung is working.
But as he said himself, he’ll be back to Holemastering soon enough.
September 27th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
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