How to kickstart the economy
I recently had a look in my shed and in the spare room and in some other places in my house and I have accumulated an incredible amount of stuff. Stuff I really don’t need.
I’m pretty sure everybody else has loads of stuff in their houses that they don’t need. However, perhaps some people might want some of the stuff I have but don’t need, and others might want stuff others have that they don’t need.
So it strikes me that the best way to do it is to hold a mandatory car boot sale day in which everybody puts the stuff they have but don’t need up for sale. These cash transactions will put more money in people’s pockets which will increase spending and consumer confidence and everything will get better more quickly.
It’s so simple I’m surprised the government didn’t think of it themselves.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Right Boss, I’ve an angle grinder here, hardly used, give us forty quid for it and throw in that aul Waterford vase there…
September 24th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I’ll add it to my collection of angle grinders so that …
…oh.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Dear Twenty….I’ve often wondered but never asked…do you live alone? Also, congrats on the second book!
September 24th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I would have had:chloroform,masking tape,a blow torch,a copy of “How to not be a complete Cunt for dummies” and a shotgun.. but it seems that news of McSavage getting a hiding were false so back to Plan A…
September 24th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Thirty five, Boss… give us thirty five an’ the aul vase and we’ll throw in a bit of carpet with the grinder…
September 24th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Ahh, you never said there’d be carpet.
Munro, I live with Bastardface the dog and Throatripper the cat.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Only a tenner for the Topic Tunder DVD!
September 24th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Nah, that looks like eBay. People could just exchange things (I’m pretty sure there already exist Web sites for this but I’m too lazy to look for them), thus not spending money at all and helping the economy plunge even more. Anyone interested in swapping a Yamaha DGX-620 for an actual piano?
September 24th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
15 and I’ll throw in The Goy in the Stripped Pyjamas…
September 24th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
thanks Twenty…but I meant ’significant other’ (read ‘human’). My friend has a crush on you………..and she’s trying to get rid of a shi* load of stuff right now, including her current live-in lover….
September 24th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
We are in the position of living in an apartment* and disliking clutter. This makes hoarding a virtual impossibility so a spring cleaning takes place every now and then. Oxfam get books and stuff. Clothes bank for old cacks, etc. I reckon if I had more space I would just fill it with crap.
*Yes, Batty, I live a pointless life in a shoebox in the suburbs where the walls are made of king size rizlas and life is generally shit because I don’t have 4 sq yards of grass to call my own. Good man.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
15 and I’ll throw in The Goy in the Stripped Pyjamas…
haha, Hebrew puns have been long overjew.
My friend has a crush on you………..and she’s trying to get rid of a shi* load of stuff right now, including her current live-in lover….
Is it the blue anorak or the wispy beard she likes best?
September 24th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Augusto – I’ll give you €250 for the DGX-620.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
she just thinks you’re hilarious…though I think she’s more intrigued by your mind than your body. If that is your real body.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Augusto – it would be illegal to swap things. All items must be purchased with cash or viable organs.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
“haha, Hebrew puns have been long overjew.”
Yid have expected to see them before now, alright.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Heaven nose I did.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Maybe we should be more circumspect about these puns.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I reckon she wants the tea cosy you call a hat.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I’ve a copy of “Shit Lovers 4″ still in its cellophane & a Soda Stream…..and the Best of Des Bishop (slightly scorched)
September 24th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Bord na Mona had a TV spot warning against jokes about the jewry and potential recriminations…
I think it was a Moss Ad.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
A dvd of Fiddler on the Hoof for those who like heavy shtetl music!
September 24th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I have a fold out couchbed if anyone has a van to collect it. Really uncomfortable so good for the inlaws. Would swap for Waffen SS uniform?
September 24th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
…in our classified section we have some quality israeli porn (Big Kibbutz Vol 5, Barmitzvaginas Vol 2)
September 24th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
SG: I’m more inclined to a viable organs deal. I’m willing to accept your lungs, the three of them. You don’t smoke, do you?
September 24th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
“You don’t smoke, do you?”…
… oh, y’know, not so much, just, y’know, the odd one…
September 24th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
€300
September 24th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
‘Moss ad’ – Hah!
September 24th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I’ve a 1972 Isreali Olympic Team Tracksuit,slighltly singed..
It’s Mu-nique!!
..Too soon??
September 24th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Jesus…maybe it was too soon..
September 24th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
1972 seems like only yesterday.
September 24th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
It is my very first pun on here,i dont think i’ll be trying that again…
September 24th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
as the song says…
the first pun is the weakest
September 24th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I laughed…. too soon is some sort of finnish word play. 1972 – that’s allowed.
September 24th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
..also due to the Isreali Governments legendary sense of humour,Mossad probably have my IP address too.. great..
September 24th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
..Finnish Black boards.. slightly damaged..
…sorry…
September 24th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
i’m not afraid of the Finnish secret service..you can here the huskies cominf a mile off..
September 24th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
right..i am logging off now ,before i say something i regret,(for a few minutes)
September 24th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Can we bit a bit more methodical in the minorities we are disparaging today please? Lets start with the A’s. For instance:
Al Qaeda – What a bunch of scallywags they are eh? The only people in the world who can get off public transport without leaving their seats.
September 24th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
And you’re just going to sip over aardvarks like they don’t have case to answer?
September 24th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
skip, not sip
September 24th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
There is nothing to gain in taunting animals SG. They merely look at you or run away. And I find sarcasm is totally wasted on them. Best stick to your fellow man.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
aardvarks have minoity status now?
September 24th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
And car boots are a pain in the ass. The people who go are so stingy. No one’ll pay more than €2 for anything.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I was checking the price of a new DGX-620 in the Oooh-K and it’s about €550 there. I paid €920 here in Brazil. A PhD scholarship in Ireland is about €1300/mo whilst in Brazil it’s about €660/mo. That’d be 2.4 DGX-620s a month vs. 0.7. =/
Electronic devices are way too expensive here. But hey, we’ve got good and inexpensive beef. :) How’s that EU embargo on Brazilian beef going?
September 24th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
They can come round to mine, I’ll take their 2 quid if they’ll take some of the crap in the garage.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
These cash transactions will put more money in people’s pockets which will increase spending and consumer confidence and everything will get better more quickly.
Hold on – They won’t ut more money in peole’s pockets, just move the same money round. So if I buy your Damien Rice CD collection, OK, you will have an extra Euro in Your pocket, but there will be one euro less in mine!
And thing of the terrible green implications – millions of car boot journeys means a huge carbon footprint thingy and Dolphins will die.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I went to a car-boot sale once, there were no car boots for sale.
Aardvarks are terribly dangerous, especially after they have had a few pints
September 24th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
and Dolphins will die.
You cunning bastard!
September 24th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
1972 Isreali Olympic Team Tracksuit,slighltly singed..It’s Mu-nique!!
Ha! technically it’s a dodgy pun, but the topic is gold.
Gold taken from gassed Jew teeth gold.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I have an Anal Intruder 2000 (used only once, nothing a good wash would not solve).
I’ll swap for a really difficult riddle.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
For sale – Bertie’s integrity, never been used.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
“It’s so simple I’m surprised the government didn’t think of it themselves.”
Hang on! Not so fast. Those cunts will spread the whole fucking country out for sale.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Those cunts will spread the whole fucking country out for sale.
they haven’t already?
September 24th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
I have an Anal Intruder 2000 (used only once, nothing a good wash would not solve).
Are you Michael Barrymore ?
September 24th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Morgor:point taken ,i new it was probably pushing the pun-barrier but hell,you have to take risks sometime..
September 24th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Twenty, your book cover is making me want to go on holiday. Did you get to go away for ‘research’ purposes?
September 24th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Does anyone on here have a Hotpress subscription?
September 24th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
They shot him.
I cannot fucking believe they shot him. He’s like the coolest black guy on TV ever and they shot him.
Fuck.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:04 am
De ne neh neh,
De ne neh neh,
De ne neh neh,
De ne neh neh,….
[Deep American Voice]
At precisely 23:00H you entered the Twilight Zone.
Now fuck off, and let us clean this shithole up in time for tomorrow’s guests.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:49 am
Governments do give stuff to people, that’s why they walk funny!
September 25th, 2008 at 8:24 am
SG *Yes, Batty, I live a pointless life in a shoebox in the suburbs where the walls are made of king size rizlas and life is generally shit because I don’t have 4 sq yards of grass to call my own. Good man.
Eheh.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:28 am
In Amsterdam (and some places in Germany?) where they have a day set aside to put out stuff that people don’t need.
People can also sell stuff from outside their house and there’s no license or tax to pay or any of that governmental interference shite.
Can you imagine it in Ireland or the Oooh-K- there’s be any number of social climbers buying stuff just to put it outside on the day and say ‘ahh, sure that oul’ ting’.
It’s be great to see what mad stuff people have though.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:30 am
If the dread Dolphins are supposed to be so smart why don’t they have an economy?
I’ve been to the seaside loads of times and never seen a dolphin-of-death selling anything along the strand.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:05 am
I think they just get on with living, Batty – perhas they’re clever enough to do that without creating economies.
September 25th, 2008 at 11:24 am
maggot said ‘peole’ (snigger)
September 30th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
well, it takes time to do this, so I’m more waiting for a service company who take picture of all my stuff, and publish them in some kind of ebay websites!