How to kickstart the economy

I recently had a look in my shed and in the spare room and in some other places in my house and I have accumulated an incredible amount of stuff. Stuff I really don’t need.

I’m pretty sure everybody else has loads of stuff in their houses that they don’t need. However, perhaps some people might want some of the stuff I have but don’t need, and others might want stuff others have that they don’t need.

So it strikes me that the best way to do it is to hold a mandatory car boot sale day in which everybody puts the stuff they have but don’t need up for sale. These cash transactions will put more money in people’s pockets which will increase spending and consumer confidence and everything will get better more quickly.

It’s so simple I’m surprised the government didn’t think of it themselves.

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67 Responses to How to kickstart the economy

  1. Conan Drumm says:

    Right Boss, I’ve an angle grinder here, hardly used, give us forty quid for it and throw in that aul Waterford vase there…

  2. Twenty Major says:

    I’ll add it to my collection of angle grinders so that …

    …oh.

  3. Munro says:

    Dear Twenty….I’ve often wondered but never asked…do you live alone? Also, congrats on the second book!

  4. Fill3rup says:

    I would have had:chloroform,masking tape,a blow torch,a copy of “How to not be a complete Cunt for dummies” and a shotgun.. but it seems that news of McSavage getting a hiding were false so back to Plan A…

  5. Conan Drumm says:

    Thirty five, Boss… give us thirty five an’ the aul vase and we’ll throw in a bit of carpet with the grinder…

  6. Twenty Major says:

    Ahh, you never said there’d be carpet.

    Munro, I live with Bastardface the dog and Throatripper the cat.

  7. Conan Drumm says:

    Only a tenner for the Topic Tunder DVD!

  8. Augusto says:

    Nah, that looks like eBay. People could just exchange things (I’m pretty sure there already exist Web sites for this but I’m too lazy to look for them), thus not spending money at all and helping the economy plunge even more. Anyone interested in swapping a Yamaha DGX-620 for an actual piano?

  9. Conan Drumm says:

    15 and I’ll throw in The Goy in the Stripped Pyjamas…

  10. Munro says:

    thanks Twenty…but I meant ‘significant other’ (read ‘human’). My friend has a crush on you………..and she’s trying to get rid of a shi* load of stuff right now, including her current live-in lover….

  11. SuperGrover says:

    We are in the position of living in an apartment* and disliking clutter. This makes hoarding a virtual impossibility so a spring cleaning takes place every now and then. Oxfam get books and stuff. Clothes bank for old cacks, etc. I reckon if I had more space I would just fill it with crap.

    *Yes, Batty, I live a pointless life in a shoebox in the suburbs where the walls are made of king size rizlas and life is generally shit because I don’t have 4 sq yards of grass to call my own. Good man.

  12. Twenty Major says:

    15 and I’ll throw in The Goy in the Stripped Pyjamas…

    haha, Hebrew puns have been long overjew.

    My friend has a crush on you………..and she’s trying to get rid of a shi* load of stuff right now, including her current live-in lover….

    Is it the blue anorak or the wispy beard she likes best?

  13. SuperGrover says:

    Augusto – I’ll give you €250 for the DGX-620.

  14. Munro says:

    she just thinks you’re hilarious…though I think she’s more intrigued by your mind than your body. If that is your real body.

  15. Twenty Major says:

    Augusto – it would be illegal to swap things. All items must be purchased with cash or viable organs.

  16. SuperGrover says:

    “haha, Hebrew puns have been long overjew.”

    Yid have expected to see them before now, alright.

  17. SuperGrover says:

    Maybe we should be more circumspect about these puns.

  18. Hooronahonda says:

    I reckon she wants the tea cosy you call a hat.

  19. Lou Plic says:

    I’ve a copy of “Shit Lovers 4″ still in its cellophane & a Soda Stream…..and the Best of Des Bishop (slightly scorched)

  20. SuperGrover says:

    Bord na Mona had a TV spot warning against jokes about the jewry and potential recriminations…

    I think it was a Moss Ad.

  21. Conan Drumm says:

    A dvd of Fiddler on the Hoof for those who like heavy shtetl music!

  22. RedLeeroy says:

    I have a fold out couchbed if anyone has a van to collect it. Really uncomfortable so good for the inlaws. Would swap for Waffen SS uniform?

  23. …in our classified section we have some quality israeli porn (Big Kibbutz Vol 5, Barmitzvaginas Vol 2)

  24. Augusto says:

    SG: I’m more inclined to a viable organs deal. I’m willing to accept your lungs, the three of them. You don’t smoke, do you?

  25. SuperGrover says:

    “You don’t smoke, do you?”…

    … oh, y’know, not so much, just, y’know, the odd one…

  26. SuperGrover says:

    €300

  27. Hooronahonda says:

    ‘Moss ad’ – Hah!

  28. Fill3rup says:

    I’ve a 1972 Isreali Olympic Team Tracksuit,slighltly singed..

    It’s Mu-nique!!

    ..Too soon??

  29. Fill3rup says:

    Jesus…maybe it was too soon..

  30. Twenty Major says:

    1972 seems like only yesterday.

  31. Fill3rup says:

    It is my very first pun on here,i dont think i’ll be trying that again…

  32. SuperGrover says:

    as the song says…

    the first pun is the weakest

  33. RedLeeroy says:

    I laughed…. too soon is some sort of finnish word play. 1972 – that’s allowed.

  34. Fill3rup says:

    ..also due to the Isreali Governments legendary sense of humour,Mossad probably have my IP address too.. great..

  35. Fill3rup says:

    ..Finnish Black boards.. slightly damaged..

    …sorry…

  36. Fill3rup says:

    i’m not afraid of the Finnish secret service..you can here the huskies cominf a mile off..

  37. Fill3rup says:

    right..i am logging off now ,before i say something i regret,(for a few minutes)

  38. Hooronahonda says:

    Can we bit a bit more methodical in the minorities we are disparaging today please? Lets start with the A’s. For instance:
    Al Qaeda – What a bunch of scallywags they are eh? The only people in the world who can get off public transport without leaving their seats.

  39. SuperGrover says:

    And you’re just going to sip over aardvarks like they don’t have case to answer?

  40. SuperGrover says:

    skip, not sip

  41. Hooronahonda says:

    There is nothing to gain in taunting animals SG. They merely look at you or run away. And I find sarcasm is totally wasted on them. Best stick to your fellow man.

  42. Jo says:

    aardvarks have minoity status now?

  43. Jo says:

    And car boots are a pain in the ass. The people who go are so stingy. No one’ll pay more than €2 for anything.

  44. Augusto says:

    I was checking the price of a new DGX-620 in the Oooh-K and it’s about €550 there. I paid €920 here in Brazil. A PhD scholarship in Ireland is about €1300/mo whilst in Brazil it’s about €660/mo. That’d be 2.4 DGX-620s a month vs. 0.7. =/

    Electronic devices are way too expensive here. But hey, we’ve got good and inexpensive beef. :) How’s that EU embargo on Brazilian beef going?

  45. fatmammycat says:

    They can come round to mine, I’ll take their 2 quid if they’ll take some of the crap in the garage.

  46. maggot says:

    These cash transactions will put more money in people’s pockets which will increase spending and consumer confidence and everything will get better more quickly.

    Hold on – They won’t ut more money in peole’s pockets, just move the same money round. So if I buy your Damien Rice CD collection, OK, you will have an extra Euro in Your pocket, but there will be one euro less in mine!

    And thing of the terrible green implications – millions of car boot journeys means a huge carbon footprint thingy and Dolphins will die.

  47. I went to a car-boot sale once, there were no car boots for sale.

    Aardvarks are terribly dangerous, especially after they have had a few pints

  48. maggot says:

    and Dolphins will die.

    You cunning bastard!

  49. 1972 Isreali Olympic Team Tracksuit,slighltly singed..It’s Mu-nique!!

    Ha! technically it’s a dodgy pun, but the topic is gold.
    Gold taken from gassed Jew teeth gold.

  50. Paschal says:

    I have an Anal Intruder 2000 (used only once, nothing a good wash would not solve).

    I’ll swap for a really difficult riddle.

  51. maggot says:

    For sale – Bertie’s integrity, never been used.

  52. Dobharchu says:

    “It’s so simple I’m surprised the government didn’t think of it themselves.”
    Hang on! Not so fast. Those cunts will spread the whole fucking country out for sale.

  53. Those cunts will spread the whole fucking country out for sale.

    they haven’t already?

  54. maggot says:

    I have an Anal Intruder 2000 (used only once, nothing a good wash would not solve).

    Are you Michael Barrymore ?

  55. fill3rup says:

    Morgor:point taken ,i new it was probably pushing the pun-barrier but hell,you have to take risks sometime..

  56. Jo says:

    Twenty, your book cover is making me want to go on holiday. Did you get to go away for ‘research’ purposes?

  57. Whiskeyintheditch says:

    Does anyone on here have a Hotpress subscription?

  58. MMN says:

    They shot him.

    I cannot fucking believe they shot him. He’s like the coolest black guy on TV ever and they shot him.

    Fuck.

  59. Monkey Balls says:

    De ne neh neh,
    De ne neh neh,
    De ne neh neh,
    De ne neh neh,….

    [Deep American Voice]
    At precisely 23:00H you entered the Twilight Zone.

    Now fuck off, and let us clean this shithole up in time for tomorrow’s guests.

  60. Loco Lobo says:

    Governments do give stuff to people, that’s why they walk funny!

  61. SG *Yes, Batty, I live a pointless life in a shoebox in the suburbs where the walls are made of king size rizlas and life is generally shit because I don’t have 4 sq yards of grass to call my own. Good man.

    Eheh.

  62. In Amsterdam (and some places in Germany?) where they have a day set aside to put out stuff that people don’t need.

    People can also sell stuff from outside their house and there’s no license or tax to pay or any of that governmental interference shite.

    Can you imagine it in Ireland or the Oooh-K- there’s be any number of social climbers buying stuff just to put it outside on the day and say ‘ahh, sure that oul’ ting’.

    It’s be great to see what mad stuff people have though.

  63. If the dread Dolphins are supposed to be so smart why don’t they have an economy?

    I’ve been to the seaside loads of times and never seen a dolphin-of-death selling anything along the strand.

  64. Jo says:

    I think they just get on with living, Batty – perhas they’re clever enough to do that without creating economies.

  65. Hooronahonda says:

    maggot said ‘peole’ (snigger)

  66. Dublin says:

    well, it takes time to do this, so I’m more waiting for a service company who take picture of all my stuff, and publish them in some kind of ebay websites!

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