Resident Eejits
Posted on | September 12, 2008 | 72 Comments
Katy French is a zombie, has come back to life and can move at enormous speed. Well, that’s the conclusion I’ve drawn from tonight’s Evening Herald front page. The headline screams:
GARDAI CHASE KATY’S KILLER
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September 12th, 2008 @ 3:04 pm
she killer herself, eh?
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:07 pm
did anyone know her before she died?
..if I kill myself, will I become a legendary internet blogging figure?
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:07 pm
Did she go to university or was she a ‘model’?
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:08 pm
That is something that always confused me – tonights paper being available for sale at lunchtime. Or the “City Edition” because it had a different fucking picture on the front – from somewhere that could never be found on a real map.
It could also be that I was on more drugs than Drew Barrymore before I was ten. Like her I cleaned up. She does look better than me though. I would also wager she is wealthier. Not by much mind.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:08 pm
Batty,
She did both. Ambidextrous she was.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:08 pm
They are chasing Katy French’s bodyweight in cocaine?
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
B’Dum,
The Irish independent and Katy were “close friends”.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:10 pm
bad ambassador: be hard to put handcuffs on the cocaine.
ubollix: “close friends” meaning in a relationship? …with a newspaper?
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
B’Dum,
Only a “close friend” could that far up her
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:15 pm
I’m sure those of us from the 19th century may even have referred to it as being a form of patronage.
Or setting up another bimbo for a fall. Take your pick.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
‘GARDAI CHASE KATY’S KILLER’.
You have to hand it to the Herald. They have people everywhere.
What’s tomorrow’s early edition going to say?
‘NIPPY GARDA TAPS KILLER’S ANKLE, ALMOST BRINGS DOWN!’
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:22 pm
Tomorrow night’s edition will have KILLER STUMBLES BUT KEEPS HIS FEET, GAME ON!
Sunday will be stressful awaiting the Monday edition update
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:29 pm
Is the Herald still a shite paper? They still owe me £200.00 for a profile piece I sold them. They’ve a shit habit of agreeing a price for articles with freelancers and not bothering to pay them.
I got my own back though as I had the story on Stephen Tomkinson and Dervla Kirwan when they were filming Ballykissangel in Wicklow three months before the Sun broke the story in the UK and I never gave it to them because they stiffed me on the profile job.
I knew you’d all be interested.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:30 pm
Rivetting Batty – got any more crackers like that? I haven’t slept all week
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:35 pm
Ubollix says: Rivetting Batty – got any more crackers like that? I haven’t slept all week
Yeah. Katy French’s killer was the fourth man at the party in Navan. Put his arse scientifically up against the wall and escaped through the black hole.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:38 pm
That would make an interesting, nay dull movie.
Keep em rolling batty, can feel a yawn coming on, although it could be a technicolour one
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:40 pm
ballykissangel, eh?
i am somewhere in this clip. a shiny penny to the person who spots me…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEQAGVuKmTw&feature=PlayList&p=9FD8AA0EF42F91D1&index=54
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:42 pm
SG: Are you Dervla Kirwan?
Ubollix: The Fourth Man’s name was ‘Rimmer’.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:46 pm
Bertie Aherne was spotted late at night at Katy French’s graveside with a shovel and a packet of condoms.
He claimed he was only giving her a ‘dig-out’.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:47 pm
With the condoms would it not have been Bertie getting a “dig in”?
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:50 pm
Thats disgusting. Are you implying that our former Taoiseach is in the habit of hopping on freshly disinterred corpses?
It would certainly explain Celia, though.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:52 pm
Bertie ‘I see Dead People’ Aherne. Heh.
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
‘French kissing in the nuddy-aye, French kissing in the nuddy-ayay’.
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:02 pm
It says on wikipedia that Katy was a ‘massive animal lover’.
Did they bury her with her favourite elephant?
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:07 pm
‘It says on wikipedia that Katy was a ‘massive animal lover’.
no no that was a typo.
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:07 pm
Also known as Bertie’s party trick ….
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:13 pm
Ubollix says: Also known as Bertie’s party trick ….
Bloody hell- she took on the whole of Fianna Fail?
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:20 pm
The Herald has three main headlines (and practically no content)
1. GET EXCITED BY THIS HEADLINE (but let-down by the story)
2. BE VERY AFRAID (although it might never happen)
3. WATCH US TOTALLY OVER-REACT (every fucking day)
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:22 pm
i am somewhere in this clip. a shiny penny to the person who spots me…
SuperG, you’re obviously the long-haired hippy dude hovering in the background, and I claim my shiny penny. I’ll also wager my foreskin that it’s the closest to a proper job that you ever had in your life.
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:24 pm
I heard that she collapsed in CityWest Hotel (that shit hole frequented by Fianna Failers and most nouveau riche gangsters) and was bundled into a car and driven to Navan. Mansfield’s son knows all about it, dirty knacker scumbag family that they are.
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:29 pm
Wouldn’t the traffic have been bad between City West and Navan though of an evening? I suppose there’d be no mistaking the stiff, though, when they got there.
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:32 pm
The perfect Daily Mail (UK) headline is;
‘HOODIE DIANA ASYLUM RAPE BENEFIT SCAM’.
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:36 pm
M50 Batty, M50. It was late evening too.
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:38 pm
Holemaster says: M50 Batty, M50. It was late evening too
Proves my point about Irish authorities following ideas from US and UK nicely though.
Where do the M1 through M49′s go?
Fianna Fucking Fail.
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:41 pm
Always liked the idea of the knack- sorry, travelling community all lined up with the caravans and ready to bomb down the new motorway and be the first to annoy a whole new town.
‘We declare this new motorway op-’
‘G’WAN NEDDY, Y’CUNCHYA! HUP! HUP!’
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:48 pm
I’m responsible for 16 posts on this subject, out of 35 at time of publication.
Not only am I annoying everyone by overposting I’m compounding the problem by publishing statistics on it.
Grandda would have been so proud.
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:00 pm
Batty, why don’t you do the world a favour, and set up your own blog? It’s simple. It’s free. It only takes minutes.
Makes you easier to ignore too, so it’s bound to be popular. No Guarantee
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:05 pm
Batty .. the cows need milking … come back and wipe the shit off yer boots when you come in the house
Hold on .. come-in the house
I mean enter the house …fuckit ..
I mean like open the door and then your in the house
fuck the fucking fuckers says I …
them bastArd christian brothers says you
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:09 pm
whatever happened to Gluestain?
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:12 pm
Batty ate him for breakfast with some black pud.
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:22 pm
Holemaster, are you shtill shtuck in the hopsital under the loving care of the Sisters of the Divine Lash?
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:28 pm
No, home at the moment Batty waiting on the call back for the op next week. I might change my name to Lung the Lesser.
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:31 pm
I have too many things to do, Monkey Nuts. To set up a blog of one’s very own is a labour of regular love and I do not know if I love her enough to update her.
Besides. I kind of like the no-holds barred humour and punnery on display here. Mind you, next week you’ll enjoy a break from Batty as the brother is home from the sea.
I may introduce you two. Or rather, I may encourage him to greyhound your hare. Perhaps he may be kinder than myself to the challenged among us.
Shouldn’t you be at a Luas stop with your paper comb and a hopeful rattly-tin? You’ll miss the commuter rush and run out of heroin by Sunday morning.
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:33 pm
Holemaster says: No, home at the moment Batty waiting on the call back for the op next week. I might change my name to Lung the Lesser.
Grand, grand. At least at home you’ll be able to follow up on the nurse fantasies in peace without a really ugly wan suddenly coming through the swing doors and interrupting your savoir-faire.
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:37 pm
FG, There’s nothing more boring than a drunk in the pub with a Blackberry in his hand and jealousy in his heart- longing to go home but afraid in case his friends will talk about him. Have one for me.
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:54 pm
Nurses. mmmmmm.
September 12th, 2008 @ 6:09 pm
Shit, Batty. With all due respect and a personal history of over commenting, could you now go and file some copy or something?
Supergrover, I thought your were Stephen Tomkinson… if it was you with the hair, theun commiserations, you poor, broken man. Though it looked more like my friend Ciaran.
September 12th, 2008 @ 6:11 pm
By the way, a friend of mine taught Katy French English. Said she was reserved, deeply intelligent, a consistent A student.
September 12th, 2008 @ 6:41 pm
“The Fourth Man’s name was ‘Rimmer’.”
He was only a hologram though.
September 12th, 2008 @ 7:21 pm
Sg you were the shifty dude in sunglasses with the stylish sleeves(or else he was shiftily edging close to the small boys & too stupid to notice the cameras and/or Famous People)
September 12th, 2008 @ 8:08 pm
I think the Roscommon cunt John Waters had her killed.
September 12th, 2008 @ 8:27 pm
Spar strawberry jam is hard to beat!
September 12th, 2008 @ 10:35 pm
Maggot, Kit Kat special offer in Spar at the moment. 18 plus 50% extra free. I can’t stop eating them. That’s about 27 two finger kit kats I bought. How can it be 27, wouldn’t be a square off pack, hang on, oh yeah three in a row by 9.
September 12th, 2008 @ 10:40 pm
Jo says:
By the way, a friend of mine taught Katy French English. Said she was reserved, deeply intelligent, a consistent A student.
What was her first language?
September 12th, 2008 @ 10:58 pm
Not the hairy, nor the shifty.
September 13th, 2008 @ 12:26 am
Were you the passer by, gone before I could get a look, and wasn’t bothered watching the whole thing again to check?
Wa Wa Waaaa, Whiskey. Amusing. Why no, I meant English as in the popular and compulsory Leaving Cert Subject, rather than English as a Foreign Language.
September 13th, 2008 @ 2:38 am
Batty O’Sullivan says:
The perfect Daily Mail (UK) headline is;
‘HOODIE DIANA ASYLUM RAPE BENEFIT SCAM’
possibly the most perfectly succint sentence about that paper i’ve ever read. Good work
September 13th, 2008 @ 2:40 am
although i’m not sure about implying an actual distinction between daily mail uk and daily mail “some of the title page is printed in green” ireland edition.
September 13th, 2008 @ 9:11 am
The Royal Navy is goin to sell Nelson’s flag ship, HMS Victory, the Americans are going to buy it and turn it into McDonalds fattening pen, Ike is making provisions to float it in Texas, and we can all fly out as tourists to see it..XL-e-l-e-n-t.
September 13th, 2008 @ 9:27 am
HOODIE DIANA ASYLUM RAPE BENEFIT SCAM’
You forgot the words Gay Parents..
Just to really rile the readership up..
You would smell the righteous indignation from miles around..
September 13th, 2008 @ 9:45 am
I never met Katy or her family. But Im glad she is dead. it had a huge effect on the nations coke taking fuckwits.
They gave it a good week before crawling back up their own holes.
Ireland has gone to hell. I can either stand by and do nothing or take potshots from the safety of my beer-stained keyboard. I truly remember better times.
September 13th, 2008 @ 4:17 pm
No one around today huh?
September 13th, 2008 @ 4:32 pm
yep fill3rup, only I am supposed to be working I wouldn’t be here either….must go out & buy the Daily Mail, reading the above has made me nostalgic- do they still do fred basset?
September 13th, 2008 @ 4:35 pm
I have never,or will i ever pay for that rag,but i find their scare mongering xenphobic Nimby headlines very entertaining..
i would imagine they still do fred basset though..
September 13th, 2008 @ 5:43 pm
why buy a paper when you can head into a shop at 9pm and get it for free?
September 13th, 2008 @ 6:37 pm
Is it not obvious B’dum? You buy a paper so as you have something to read while you’re hanging around the bins waiting for 9pm to come along so you can get your free paper.
September 13th, 2008 @ 7:17 pm
for the litter tray B’dum. The kitten finds the Times less absorbent than the more pulpy trashy ones. It’s a plus if it has Maggie Thatcher’s face on a page.We don’t get free stuff here, sadly, the shop closes at 4& the papers are bundled away by about 2.30.
September 13th, 2008 @ 7:20 pm
Just realised it’s not Sunday! Another day to finish up the ‘work’ I’ve been avoiding all day. Plus the shop will still be open…. did someone mention special deal on KitKats earlier?
September 14th, 2008 @ 12:45 am
Yup
September 14th, 2008 @ 10:34 am
He’s off debauching again – it’s a scandal.
September 15th, 2008 @ 9:59 am
SuperGrover says:
ballykissangel, eh?
i am somewhere in this clip. a shiny penny to the person who spots me…
Right… this is series 3 which was broadcast in 1998, so probably filmed in 1997.
So 11 years old.
Your Youtube account says you are 40.
Minus 11 is 29 years of age so that rules out any of the younglads dossing around by the church wall.
You’re not the longhaired guy, or the guy in the shades. That would mean I should probably go for the guy with the ponytail and beard…
…but I’m going to say the short guy in the grey jumper who appears about 23 seconds in and has a chat with the hippy.
September 16th, 2008 @ 3:02 pm
Well?