Fat Rick will save the day
Worried about the economy? Concerned about your future employment chances? Anxious about house prices?
Well don’t be. Fat Rick Moranis is here to save the day. That’s right. At Fat Rick Moranis’s Government Warehouse we have the answer to all your needs. World economy in meltdown, public concern growing? Fear not, just take a 3 month holiday, close your eyes and hope for the best!
Shortfall in revenue projections? Just bring forward the budget so you can screw people twice inside 12 months. But there’s no need to come back from holidays just yet.
Floods. Gangland crime. Hospital waiting lists. MRSA. The continued existence of Ryan Tubridy. Whatever your worry Fat Rick Moranis will make it right. He’ll take your mind off all the problems by making a hilarious boxing pose.
Look at him. Are you still worried about all those trivial things? Look at him! He’s making like a boxer. And the funny thing is, you know Fat Rick Moranis isn’t a boxer because he’s fat and Rick Moranis just doesn’t have the face of a prize fighter. If it were Fat Robert De Niro you might be a bit concerned still because although he might be fat you know he could land a punch or two. But not Fat Rick Moranis.
And if the boxer thing doesn’t work Fat Rick Moranis gives you his iron-clad guarantee to make you forget your troubles by doing his hilarious ‘I am the keymaster’ routine with Mary Hanafin playing the role of the gatekeeper.
So come on down to Fat Rick Moranis’s Government Warehouse. We’re open sometime in September until some time in early summer. Opening hours are … well, kinda random … but when we’re there we’re really there! Unless we’re not.
This message is brought to you by Fat Rick Moranis Ltd – suppliers of finest politicians to Leinster House since, erm, about 3 months ago.
September 4th, 2008 at 9:09 am
hahaa, brilliant , love it.
‘Fear not, just take a 3 month holiday, close your eyes and hope for the best!’ — so doomed.
September 4th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Honey I shrunk the economy?
September 4th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Wow, you’re suffering comment cutbacks,it’s worse than we thought…
September 4th, 2008 at 10:22 am
I just can’t afford to post comments these days, what with it being the 1970s or something
September 4th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Post here while you can SG, the cost of 20 Major is gonna rocket come October.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Get the feeling we’re about to be shafted?
September 4th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Fat Rick Moranis is good. We need the full cast of Ghostbusters filled out however.
He really does look like a fat rick moranis. Did you hear him singing the other day? It was bemusing stuff at some Fleadh in Tullamore.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Fat Rick Moranus… who ya’ gonna call? Ghostbudgets!
More to the point, I believe he also heads the cast of The Little Shop of Horrors.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:55 am
But who? Who could possibly be Slimer?
WHO?!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 10:56 am
I’m thinking of emigrating to Albania or becoming a reservation Irishman
September 4th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Right, who’ll set the ball rolling on the ‘Send maggot to Albania Fund’?
September 4th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Only if Jo joins me to play Jiggy back!
September 4th, 2008 at 11:03 am
You can’t take Jo to Albania! This country needs cakes.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:10 am
I don’t underrstand why Maggot wants to “trade up” and go to Albania. Quite a big step for a lowly Maggot. Cheaper to send him to Liverpool, and its only slightly downmarket compared to Albania.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:15 am
I’ve been on to Rowntree’s, and they say that if we collect enough Kit-Kat wrappers, they’ll
ship the fsend maggot a ticket.September 4th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Liverpool ? It’s full of perverts – I had a week end there in the 70s, ended up in a waterfront nigtclub that ahad all sorts of transvestites and ladyboys doing unspeakable things to each other on the dance floor. Not to mention Cilla, Keith Chegwin, Tony Booth, Jimmy Tarbuck etc etc .
September 4th, 2008 at 11:19 am
The government has given 11 million to an American oil company called Marathon Petroleum that are worth over 21 billion, that should keep the Jews in handkerchiefs and the Kennedys in whores for the foreseeable future.
Ireland gets billions from the EU and waste it all.
No wonder some of the other EU countries want rid of them.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:22 am
No wonder some of the other EU countries want rid of them.
-Really?
September 4th, 2008 at 11:41 am
MMN:Harney will Have to be Stay Puft Marshmallow man
September 4th, 2008 at 11:41 am
The government has given 11 million to an American oil company called Marathon Petroleum
why?
September 4th, 2008 at 11:44 am
hmm an article about it here
September 4th, 2008 at 11:44 am
article about it on my link.
damn your anti-spam protection
September 4th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Morgor: i believe it a monetary cock suck, see also: shell,Intel,Dell (anyone see a pattern here?)
September 4th, 2008 at 11:50 am
They all end with an ‘L’?
September 4th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Marathon Petroleum doesn’t rhyme with shell, Intel and Dell.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Give us another clue.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Give us another clue who am i Chris Tarrant?
Maggot:you are right but the 3 i decribed to rhyme.although i wouldnt be at all surprised if Marathon Petroleum were connected with shell.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:56 am
sorry ,ive been at the oxo this morning
September 4th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I’m writing to Michelin man this afternoon abot my newly formed comany, Maggotel, asking for 10 million Euro to help me start up an Albaniam Jiggy back Holiday Agency.
September 4th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Marathon Petrol… I think they’re called Snickers Gas in the states.
September 4th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
That went well
September 4th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Did somebody say Mary Harney? Alright, alright. Liked Twenty’s post above and Cowen does look like a useless Rick Moranis.
As for the Government handing out millions to rich companies it’ll be because if they don’t then how the fuck are they going to convince Boards of Directors that ministers need non-executive directorships after they’ve finished plunderin- I mean, managing the economy?
And also those big companies, if they don’t get their hands on money for nothing they’ll all up sticks and take the tax they don’t pay in Ireland to other countries and not pay it there instead.
As the business media says, No Fucking Tax-Holiday, No Fucking Comment.
September 4th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Twenty, you should have just called this blog “I hate Brian Cowen and I think he is a grotesquely ugly blimp”
That would be fine, your hatred of him is self-evident and he is a gruesome looking cunt, so no problems there.
However, you show little if any appreciation of politics / economics if you think that the Dail being closed started a recession and them coming back would end it.
Either you don’t know this, in which case you shouldn’t blog about it (leave that to the tabloid newspapers on a slow day, and Newstalk on any day) or you do know this, but are ignoring it because you needed to file some copy today.
Is Brian Cowen a fat useless pile of midlands shite? Probably
Can 166 various gombeens sitting around making “Yarr” noises and gurning at the cameras make a difference to our small, open economy. Probably not.
Another small point (I know this has gone on long enough enough, apologies)
Who do you think is angling for a dig-out to the construction industry (who could lower their proces the thieving cunts), the newspapers, who for the last 12 years have seen most of their income come from various property supplements and advertising, funded by…..The construction industry.
Property Developers, putting the cunt into construction since 1996….
September 4th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Still things aren’t all bad, are they? I mean Irish women are much better looking now than they used to be, right? I mean that’s progress of a sort.
Still you don’t get any milfs in Latvia, just to follow up on em… yeah, they’re all hatchet-faced bruisers who look like every Russian gangster you ever saw on TV. Oddly enough the North of Spain has a similar problem. All the non-loaded women look like Antonio Banderas, or worse, Ben Stiller, with his massive eyebrows.
Speaking of massive eyebrows, what the fuck is up with the ‘Duchess’ movie poster featuring the massive caterpillars of Keira Knightley??? Maybe she’s got that thing where you get so thin you start getting hairy. That’s a ‘thing’, right?
September 4th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
It’s not really a ‘thing’, more an ‘optical illusion’.
September 4th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I think the only “thing” that Keira Knightley has got is sheer fucking class. I think you should respect your elected government, the economy is in safe hands and even if it’s not you have all had years of unprecedented wealth under this government so what if you have to go short for a few weeks/months/years.
September 4th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Mary Hanafin has just said that the unemployed in Ireland should seek further training, well I have just found the place to start that training, they are holding an open weekend on the 9th and 10th at a Donkey sanctuary in Mallow, good luck everyone.
September 4th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Alfie, that was irresponsible, the kind of perverts that read this blog will be planning a trip to the sanctuary equipped with swarfega thanks to you.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Swarfega? It’s all ‘Marathon Petroleum Jelly’ ’round our way this year.
Welcome back Alfie.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
…what’s it all about, Alfie?
(coming over all musical at the thought of swarfega and donkeys)
September 4th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
So, who’s up for a trip to Mallow?
September 4th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
If Brian Cowen is reading this he will be thinking
“Mallow…Mmmm, Choc Mallow….”
September 4th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
PP, I have seen some fucked up shit, don’t get me wrong, but a massive eyebrows fetish is a new one on me. You might just be able to pioneeryour own little corner of porn if you move fast and there’s not too many people who can say they pioneered internet porn. Think of the fun you could have with Brooke Shields.
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/247183~Brooke-Shields-Posters.jpg
September 4th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Has anyone seen the price of carrots these days?
-I’m afraid I’ll have to curtail my visit to Mallow to a measly day-trip now. What a let-down!
September 4th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I rang the donkey sanctuary and asked to speak to one of the animals, but the owner said he wasn’t prepared to put his ass on the line.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Christ almighty, don’t cause a Rick Moranis revival!
The Chevy Chase one was annoying enough.
Plus those shits getting revivals means Will Ferrell might get one at some point.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
chevy chase did a revival?
September 4th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
DONKEY!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Do you do a revival or have a revival?
I will concede that gondolas aren’t poled. I scrutinised some pictures and they just have misleadingly long oars.
September 4th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
punts are poled though
September 4th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Uncle Peter says:
DONKEY!!!
Charlie fuckin’ Chuck. I had comp[letely forgotten about him.
Like a cross between Fr. Jack and Eamon Dunphy.
Was that on the James Whale show?
September 4th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
someone else causes(does) the revival, the person involved has one.
chevy chase appeared on loadsa award shows and had cameos in several films early this decade
September 4th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I loved Johnny Carson’s quote about Chase;
“Chevy Chase couldn’t ad-lib a fart after a bean supper”
September 4th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I believe I was indeed DONKEY!!! on the James Whale Show, many years ago.
More recently though, I’ve been a regular DONKEY!!! visitor on some Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer series that I forget the name of.
Or was I?
DONKEY!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Big Night Out?
September 4th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Or punted…
Have you all seen Holemaster’s blog today? http://www.eskerriada.wordpress.com
September 4th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Ireland’s economic problems are caused by rapid housing inflation and the fact that everyone wants a piece of that cake.
Over there.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Ever been to Albania Jo ?
September 4th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Crikey – Good luck Holemaster .
September 4th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Ireland does not have an economy, badly managed and badly spent handouts does not make an economy, even the HSBC bank are pulling out and those bastards thought hard about leaving Chernovyl.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Aye, all the best Holemaster.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Good luck HM.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
agree with everything up ^^^^^ there.
Best of luck HM
September 4th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Good luck, HM.
September 4th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Hope it all works out HM.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
What’s goin on with holemaster?
Brian Cowen became taoiseach at a difficult time. Cut him some slack.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Brian Cowen became taoiseach at a difficult time. Cut him some slack.
A taoiseach who wasn’t part of the previous government might deserve some slack – But with collective cabinet responsibility, Cowen is surely just as responsible as Bertie Ahern?
September 4th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
What’s goin on with holemaster?
Check his blog
http://www.eskerriada.wordpress.com
September 5th, 2008 at 12:49 am
Speaking of Rick Moranis lookalikes and revivals, it looks like a sequel to Streets of Fire is being made, called The Road to Hell.
Co-incidence, or prescience?
September 5th, 2008 at 1:49 am
[...] the brief* introductory speech from a few people, including Ry(aw)n Tubridy (*I flash back to Twenty’s post yesterday about the the evils of our world “Floods. Gangland crime. Hospital waiting [...]
September 5th, 2008 at 8:42 am
I hate that prig Tubridy too,Twenty. I used to listen to RTE in the morning.Not any more.
September 5th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Just back after 4 weeks over there .Jaysus wept.What a mess.
September 5th, 2008 at 10:10 am
4 WEEKS OVER WHERE?
September 5th, 2008 at 10:12 am
just curious, cos I’m of somewhere and I don’t want to go there
September 5th, 2008 at 10:20 am
This is ridiculous!
Somebody wake Twenty up, and tell him it’s not Saturday.
September 5th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Oh! He’s awake!
September 5th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Read this very slowly so it sinks in.
IRELAND. Gobshite.
September 5th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Spliffo is a pity.
A pity thats running this gaff.
We’re doomed I’m telling yeh, doomed.
September 5th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
He’s on with Pot Kenny, right now…
September 7th, 2008 at 12:36 am
Dont you all wish that Biffo,Bertie, the bankers, an the builders, were all together on a jolly when the IMPOSSIBLE happened:
Would anybody bother to throw the F*ckers a lifebuoy.?
I would throw them all a fuck*ing lead ingot.! Good riddance.
Dream on sucker!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4HYXWjwZoM