Attention span deficit
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on August 29th, 2008
I did not watch Barack Obama’s speech. Speeches bore the fucking tits off me. I have a low enough attention span as it is. Having to listen to some bloke talk for an hour, or more, is my idea of hell on earth. I’m sure he’s a wonderful orator and all but the soon to be President of Funk doesn’t necessarily cover topics that I give a fish’s tit about - apart from terrorist fist jabs, of course, which are the most awesome thing on earth.
I blame computers and the internet though. To be fair I’ve always been a bit of a fidget. I have to be doing something but since the internet came along I’ve gotten worse.
For example, there was a time when I would sit at my computer and watch a film. Click ‘full screen’, headphones on, sit back and enjoy. Or not enjoy. Mostly not enjoy because most films are utter shit. Now though, I have Quicktime windowed and while watching a film I’ll check my blog or browse other websites or reply to emails.
I cannot just watch a film. I have to be doing something else. If I’m reading a book then I also listen to music. Sometimes somebody will send me a link to a YouTube video and as it begins I’ll go ‘Awww, four minutes? That’s fucking ages’. I want the payload inside 30 seconds these days. If it’s not awesome in half a minute then I really struggle.
Am I alone in this? When you think about four minutes it’s nothing but the reaction is entirely involuntary. Soon that 30 seconds will become 20 then 10 and eventually I’ll be living in a world where the punchline is king and you get it with no context.
Man gets hit with football in the groin. Hahaha.
It’s coming. You know it.
Resist this. It is not good for you. We are all naturally heading this way but need to fight the urges.
Don’t watch a film on PC, watch it on DVD / telly with a beer / wine / tea / whatever and do buggerall else for the duration.
Maybe a good film too is key to staying put.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Man getting hit by football is a classic, all the same.
But Barney’s punchline was worth waiting for “Don’t cry for me, I’m already dead” or something.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:59 am
1
But the football … his groin …. bwa ha ha ha
August 29th, 2008 at 9:02 am
2
but wait, please wait. I know man with football is great. But this is up there.
Kid getting hit with basketball.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwjZB9Wh_qo
August 29th, 2008 at 9:05 am
3
haha, that is brilliant. Right up there with the sub-10 second masterpiece that is man hit with shovel.
http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=JzbORXt6J-s
August 29th, 2008 at 9:07 am
4
A colleague lately asked me something about Russia / Georgia etc. as in he hadn’t a breeze what was going on and wanted to know.
I sent him a link to a short pithy overview style article about 1 page long.
He didn’t read it. Too many words and stuff.
Attention span, you’ve got to train it or you’re doomed.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:10 am
5
I got as far as Russia/Georgia. Can someone summarise the rest for me?
August 29th, 2008 at 9:12 am
6
6-second gratification…
funny too
http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=xAh101Dqs-Q
August 29th, 2008 at 9:12 am
7
There are a coupe possible explanations here.
1. You’re a four year od boy.
2. You’ve ADD.
In fairness, number two would explain quite a lot.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:13 am
8
Fantastic - six seconds, wham, bam, thank you ma’am.
Jo - 1, not true. 2, no way do I have ADD. I’m just fidgety.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:15 am
9
You don’t do that thing of jiggling your leg manically under the table, do you?
August 29th, 2008 at 9:18 am
10
You might like the film “Idiocracy” then Twenty.
Anyway, yeah I have that too.
Hence why I’ve flicked between about 10 different windows checked a few mail accounts and read a few webpages in between writing these 3 sentences.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:19 am
11
You don’t do that thing of jiggling your leg manically under the table, do you?
Oh that’s me.
Plus anything on the table in front of me get . . . used.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:20 am
12
No, my legs stay still under the table. Is that the main symptom.
I think I’ve seen that film, Morgor. I wrote parts of book 2 while watching it.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:20 am
13
that shovel shit was excellent, and the roundhouse to the kids mush was amusing too.
Twenty, I assume you never made Airfix models as a kid ?
August 29th, 2008 at 9:24 am
14
No, my legs stay still under the table. Is that the main symptom.
Not as far as I know, it’s just really annoying.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:37 am
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…. did you see that S car go?
Ba’dum tishhhh.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:38 am
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I used to doodle compulsively - on mysef, if necessary. I don’t do it quite as much any more, but then I suppose I don’t have a pen in my hand as much as I did when in school and college.
I’d certainly be inclined to do more than one thing at once. I’m not sure that’s actually attention span related, possibly more to do with mutiple intelligences. Some people need to have more than one thing happpening to think clearly.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:43 am
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I did make Airfix. Was never any good at them though. And lego - the only thing I could ever build was a wall.
I do doodle, as I’ve mentioned before. I doodle compulsively, always have though so I don’t count that as getting worse.
Walter - Terrible. That’s a punchline, not a comment, honestly.
August 29th, 2008 at 9:57 am
18
Twenty,i am exactly the same. I cant just do one thing (watch a movie),i’ll be watching said film and go into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and i’ll see a cd i havent heard in a while,out it on,make the coffee and walk in between the sitting room and kitchen multi-tasking in a poor way.. i think im handicapped.
BTW:Man getting hit by football starring George C Scott is the one “Ahh,my Groin!!!”
August 29th, 2008 at 9:57 am
19
I couldn’t read all that…
August 29th, 2008 at 10:04 am
20
All wh
August 29th, 2008 at 10:07 am
21
“I’d certainly be inclined to do more than one thing at once. I’m not sure that’s actually attention span related, possibly more to do with mutiple intelligences.”
Are you schizophrenic, Jo?
Let’s all sing, “Two Jo the mamas, there’s only two Jo the Mamas…”
August 29th, 2008 at 10:18 am
22
“…eventually I’ll be living in a world where the punchline is king and you get it with no context.”
No comment.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:22 am
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My dog has no nose.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:25 am
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“Terrible”
August 29th, 2008 at 10:27 am
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I doodle compulsively, always have though so I don’t count that as getting worse.
I never said anything about getting worse?
And I wasn’t serious about the ADD, you know. Or the four year old boy - my powers of deduction may be limited, but still. A little grumpy this morning?
I’ve just remembered my mother getting to the point where she’d only watch blockbusters. Anything back and white or with subtitles bored her. I do think it’s conditioning, really.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:39 am
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Twenty, if I was you I would declare you have a syndrome, get yerself down to the doctor and get a pile of ritalin, pharmaceutical grade speed is just the ticket for someone who is already fidgety
August 29th, 2008 at 10:44 am
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When you get to the doctor rember to growl and bite his leg.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am
28
Remember the Two Ronnies all you poor, elderly and decrepit people? They predicted texting donkey’s years before it was invented. Is this the future of comedy?
http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=h-mX9T2qyIQ
August 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am
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Kid getting kicked in the face was HILARIOUS. I was hoping he wouldn’t realise and keep on going to get the other little kid too.
Agreed on the attention span thing though - I dont know whether to blame the interweb or not though. I don’t watch tv anymore - ever. I hate the bloody thing. I can watch something interesting on tv alright, but if there is an ad-break at all I don’t have the patience to sit and wait for it to come back on, no matter how good it is. I can watch a movie though - that I can do yes. If it is one I’ve seen once or twice I minimise it and do stuff with half an eye on it.
The only thing I can do without being a fidgety weirdo these past few years is read a book. If I settle down with a book I grow roots.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am
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http://www.livegen.fr/forum/uploads/av-6508.jpg
Happy friday bitch-faces! Today’s joy-joy message is:
Digiweb = cunts.
“And yay, the message was spread among the trillions of visitors to this most… em… to this… and anyway the Lord did spake to Moses and he was in accord with MMN when he commanded Moses to recognise that Digiweb are indeed a pack of cunts, and timeless cunts at that.”
August 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am
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“but if there is an ad-break at all I don’t have the patience to sit and wait for it ”
Is it me or is there a conspiracy that means ad-breaks are at the same time on Sky channels, so that you cannot avoid but listen to various ads about thrush and athletes foot.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am
32
Genuine question: Is masturbation about the single biggest waste of time there is?
August 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
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Imagine some poor girl got thrush because someone with athlete’s foot stuck his foot in her…
No sir, I have nothing serious to do today.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am
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Is it me or is there a conspiracy that means ad-breaks are at the same time on Sky channels, so that you cannot avoid but listen to various ads about thrush and athletes foot.
They are on at the same time, and they turn up the volume for them too.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
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I’m only posting this post so that there’s a block of concurrent MMN posts so that it’s easier to find them later.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
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What do you need to find them for?
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
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The only thing I can do without being a fidgety weirdo these past few years is read a book. If I settle down with a book I grow roots.
Yeah, i can still sit down and read a good book for hours at a time.
Or play a good video game for as long as I can stay awake.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:02 am
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I thought athlete’s foot was fungal, and thrush was bacterial.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:03 am
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Some of us don’t have our own blogs you know, twenty, and like, you know… you gotta record your passage through history in some tiny regard.
*sniffle*
so like when I come back this afternoon to sift through about a million posts I just want to be able to remember the good times. We can’t all be demi-gods of the internet you know!
Jo, I’m no doctor, but I… no, no I think that covers it.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:09 am
40
Thrush is a yeast infection spread by dirty fingers Jo.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:10 am
41
Now seriously, about this masturbation bit. Friends of mine (ahem) have described the phenomenon as a ‘wank-trance’; a situation whereby you have you have sifted through so much porn that you completely lose all sense of time and then you come out of it (ahem) and you have no idea who you are, where you are or what you did for the last two and a half hours.
Anyone? Anyone? Come on now, if you have enough time to post here you definitely have some special, alone self-love time with the internet? Right? Right??
August 29th, 2008 at 11:12 am
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…and don’t forget what day it is kids, it’s “Digiweb are cunts Friday”!
August 29th, 2008 at 11:19 am
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Why name a bird after a fungal/yeast infection? Alternatively, why name a yeast/fungal infection after a bird? Which came first, the thrush or the thrush?
Is this entry too long? I can edit it if you want?
August 29th, 2008 at 11:33 am
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I suppose because thrushes are speckeldy.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:35 am
45
Apparently there’s a monkey for sale in the Buy and Sell - pray.for.Mojo…
August 29th, 2008 at 11:37 am
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Thrushes are irritating cunts ?
August 29th, 2008 at 11:38 am
47
“They are on at the same time, and they turn up the volume for them too.”
Thank you!.. I thought that I was just going intermittently deaf.
Relief!
August 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am
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Apparently there’s a monkey for sale in the Buy and Sell - pray.for.Mojo…
Scary jo,i just used “Pray for mojo” in a gchat to a mate..at the same time you did.. cowinkydink(coincidance)
Btw am suffering the mother of all hangovers at the moment..pray for mojo..
August 29th, 2008 at 11:42 am
49
We’re living in the age of distraction. It’s getting increasingly difficult to do anything or focus your efforts on one thing. I’m praying for some sort of back to the basics revolution. Backwards steps are definitely necessary at this stage. Distraction should be found strung up and painted grey. He’s fucked things up for long enough now.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:47 am
50
Helper monkey, eh?
August 29th, 2008 at 11:48 am
51
Limerick is lovely this time of year, I’m told.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:51 am
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Well,it is a big grey at the moment but the sun is shining in my heart Mrs O’Sullivan :D
Any of ye cunts heading to Electric Picnic?
August 29th, 2008 at 11:53 am
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Jo, do they give a reason for selling the monkey? Have they upgraded to a chimp?
August 29th, 2008 at 11:55 am
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someone told me that they’ve passed a new law that allows them to increase the duration of ads on tv now too.
but i have nothing to back that up.
Apart from jesus
August 29th, 2008 at 11:55 am
55
‘Any of ye cunts heading to Electric Picnic?’
I’m heading to France for a bit of joie de vivre Fill. You wasters will have to live without my shining wit for two weeks from tomorrow.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
56
France ? Are you mad ? It’s full of irritating foreigners and the toilets are vile! I was in Paris for 4 days - nearly killed me, for the life of me I couldn’t poo.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
57
Paris is the finest city in the world (fact)
I dont want to hear any arguments to the contrary because if you haver been there and dont think the same you are dead inside..(maggot being the exception,although i would have thought you would have thrived in such unsanitary conditions)
August 29th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
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Can only poo in the right environment Fill.
Incidentally - last night’s dream was a new one - I was shaving a tonsure on a semi-sedated reindeer (with horns) on a kitchen table. It wasn’t happy and people kept interrupting me so it wandered off semi-tnsured - looked very silly indeed.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
59
Morgor the egg maestro- do you realise I actually clicked on that jesus link?
I am now infected with the italian brain virus and am currently drawing up a huge list of plays, films and other cultural events I intend to demand are banned without my ever having seen them, attended the events or read anything about them.
its the christian way.
Not happy. If i wake up in a confessional box in a catholic church tomorrow exchanging mumbles with an experienced child-molestor it’ll be your fault.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
60
I definitely have that condition. There’s actually a name for it now, it called Continuous Partial Attention, apparently.
It’s basically the internet’s fault, i believe. And Mulley’s.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
61
I wonder did the idea of torches come about from someone noticing the light rays around Jesus’ noggin and saying ‘That’d be handy coming home from the Caesar’s Arms of a night-time in the dark.’
He’d probably be locked in an intellectual copyright row with Eveready if he came back now. If I were him I’d stay away. The Lawyers would be the only winners there.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
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there is only one thing I can do while reading, - Poo.
Sky news I am sure will have condensed his speech by now into a 45 second series of soundbites…
If you can bear to watch..
I wont watch youtube videos without having a quick look at the time clock thingie, if its too long it doesnt stand a chance…
August 29th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
63
When in Paris, visit Shakespeare & Co, one of the world’s most eccentric bookshops.
The owner is a dead ringer for Twenty.
Pic here: http://www.shakespeareco.org/
August 29th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
64
i dont have the attention span to read more than the first 4 commments…
i have an external monitor which i connect to my laptop anytime im home, i use this for watching movies whilst browsing etc on the laptop.
it’s the only way forward!
August 29th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
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On reflection, perhaps he doesn’t. First thought not necessarily best thought.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
66
Paris, New York, Mullingar. They all have their idiosyncratic attractions.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
67
Can’t wait for them to switch on the Large Hadron Collider over in France/Switzerland.
It’d be great if there was a ‘pop’ and the sun clicked off.
Me and Jesus would make a fortune lighting people’s way home from the pub. I’d have to go along in case he forgot and led people out onto a lake or something.
Its alright for Him.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
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They are both 91 and hideous to look at so you weren’t far off the mark Boggle.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
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‘It’d be great if there was a ‘pop’ and the sun clicked off.’
Similar thing happened when I switched on a deep fat fryer we bought in Lidl. Don’t think it was one of Hadron’s products though.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
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I want the payload inside 30 seconds these days. If it’s not awesome in half a minute then I really struggle.
Tantric sex - what a load of crap!
August 29th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
71
Payload. Greatest word ever.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
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Naming people in the village after what they do;
Tom the Post
Betty the Meat
Joe the Veg
Is it possible to do teh same for the scientific community?
Ida the Collider?
Collette the Pippete?
August 29th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
73
Bunsen Burner. Greatest Word Ever.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
74
Whts ths abt? Waded thru yr frst prgrph but nthng. whts pnchlne?
August 29th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
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Is it possible to do teh same for the scientific community?
or the blogging community
Genevieve the tedious ?
August 29th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
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I’ll nominate cuntybollix as the greatest word ever Red, just ahead of cuntchops.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
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I like the wordy ’scaldy’.
As in scaldy balls, ya scaldy oul bollix, etc.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
78
Lobsters hate that word SG.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
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not true…
http://www.wikipedia.org/lobsters_like_the_word_scaldy
August 29th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
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you did, didn’t you?
August 29th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
81
Listen here, I married a lobster, I know what words they dislike.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
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Is it possible to do teh same for the scientific community?
or the blogging community
Genevieve the tedious ?
One more like this and its back to Mary Harney. Yiz have been tolt.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
83
Nope - I resisted because a neighbour has started cutting his grass - what an irritating racket.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
84
i married a woman but she doesn’t watch soaps and can reverse a car
not all lobsters are the same
August 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
85
I like the wordy ’scaldy’.
As in scaldy balls, ya scaldy oul bollix, etc.
And scabby.
“i’d eat a scabby baby”
August 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
86
One more like this and its back to Mary Harney. Yiz have been tolt.
one more about MH and Twenty will hit the big red button.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
87
she doesn’t watch soaps and can reverse a car
come on, be serious!
August 29th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
88
and she has a mickey…
… oh
August 29th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
89
They all have a hidden mickey.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
90
Mrs Genevieve O’Sullivan,
Have you ever heard of Quality, not Quantity!
August 29th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
91
Soapytitwank- Best word ever!!!
August 29th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
92
You have been watching that Jordan sex tape again Fill. You’ll get warts on your thrushes.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
93
how about scaldy-cuntybollix-soapytitwank(er)
August 29th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
94
My girlfriend doesn’t watch soaps, can drive well and hates shopping beat that you cunts
August 29th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
95
Although her name is Bob and sex has been different since we got together
August 29th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
96
That’s great Red! Sounds like somebody throwing a knacker down a stairs.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
97
So, anyway, Mr. 20, looks like you’re not the only one who gets easily distracted.
It’s like a remedial class in here.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
98
Ironically this topic of lack of attention span and easy distraction stayed on topic for quite a long time without deviation.
I find myself with the laptop, telly and newspaper on the go all at the same time. Sometimes when I’m watching TV I’ll flick between two programmes for their duration. I’ll know what’s about to happen in Fraser then flick over to Simon Shama for an update, then back to Fraser and so on.
You all know the story of the bloke on the jacks, that’s an extreme example.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
99
Grover its all A’s B’s C’s and cunts
August 29th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
100
That Simon Shama, he’s a bit odd isn’t he? Didn’t he once call Henry the Eighth a scaldycuntybollixsoapytitwanker?
August 29th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
101
…it’s almost Guinness O’Clock….
August 29th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
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Honda, I believe he actually said hotwaterbottleandabottleofbovril
August 29th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
103
ah jaysus not that again
August 29th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
104
honda - yes but I believe that he was once called ‘an insufferable yid’
August 29th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
105
…it’s almost Guinness O’Clock….
The Doctor (in my head) says that the only cure is to go for a lovely pint or 3 after work.Only problem is its 80 mins wait..damn lack of time machines!!
August 29th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
106
What I like most about Guinness is that it shuts your systems down one by one without inducing any rage at all.
Actually there are far too may things I like about guinness to call any one of them my favourite.
Mmmmmmmm. Guinnnneesssssss.
Mmmm.
Mm.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
107
Last night i had five pints of Carlsberg, one Jameson and one vodka and tonic. Following on from that I had a lamb kebab. At lunchtime today I had my monthly secret McDonalds. I tried to take a photo of a morbidly obese man who was sitting near me but I lost my nerve.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
108
where are we all going then? i wouldn’t mind doing some mild stalking after 5pm
August 29th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
109
That’s you in the future, that is
August 29th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
110
Are you sure HM? I thought I heard him say it when he fell down the main staircase at Hampton Court Palace.
It went something like:
“…although Henry was a bigamist in the eyes of the catholic church he was also a…scaldycuntybollixsoapytitwanker…!’
August 29th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
111
SAm Crea says: Have you ever heard of Quality, not Quantity!
Yes. Yes I have. Whether I’ll take a blind bit of notice is another matter.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
112
Toner’s on baggot st and then the sackville lounge off o’connell street.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
113
Work ’til 5? 4 o’clock leggit from here.
Off to mate’s gaff for a jam and a smoke.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
114
I think i shall also see a man about a dog. And perhaps try and create electric picnic in the kitchen.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
115
Is that a bit like the Liberal Democrats condemning Russia? IE Fucking pointless?
He may well have a big red button. But is in the centre of the little yellow plastic wheel on his plastic feckin’ car in which he does the weekly Superquinn run.
A good comic writer, is Twenty. But don’t expect much more than that and a couple of annoyed little ‘beep-beeps’ from behind you.
Good man, the Maggot.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
116
Toner’s on baggot st and then the sackville lounge off o’connell street.
Civil service is it MMN?
August 29th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
117
So that was you with the camera phone HM? Next time I eat at Supermacs!
August 29th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
118
Mrs O’Sullivan, do you promote a blog or is it just http://bollocks/ ?
August 29th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
119
I had a good laugh at all these posts today. I didnt read them but was sure they were all funny as fuck.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
120
ah, the rat!
August 29th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
121
and @ Mrs Genevieve O’Sullivan ,
Yes it does seem that you don’t pay much attention to a lot of things…
August 29th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
122
Oh here comes the kebab and the double quarter pounder with cheese…. off I plop.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
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‘I didnt read them but was sure they were all funny as fuck.’
14 thru 28 were a riot.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
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piss
August 29th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
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Right, that’s it I can’t take it anymore.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
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