Missed calls
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on August 26th, 2008
This morning I rang a wrong number. It went to the answering machine and I hung up when I realised it was the wrong number.
A couple of hours later the phone rang.
“Hello”, I said.
“What?”, said a voice.
“What do you mean, what?”
“What do you want?”
“Erm, you rang me”.
“I got a missed call from this number this morning”.
“Oh, sorry about that. My fault, I rang the wrong number”.
“Yeah, but I got a missed call from this number this morning”.
“I just told you, I dialled the wrong number”.
“So you didn’t want anything?”
“No. Goodbye”.
Now, who the fuck rings a number back when they miss a call? Weirdos, that’s who. If I see I’ve missed a call from a number I don’t recognise then the last thing I’d do is call it back. I figure if it’s important they’ll call again, or at least leave a message.
I wouldn’t call back. What if it was someone you really didn’t want to talk to? So I figure the bloke this morning was either really lonely and desperate for human contact or a glutton for punishment.
Do you have those people (the ‘knibheads’ I call them) who have a bluetooth earpiece stuck on the side of their heads yet?
I first noticed them in the States- usually on people who were standing in hotel bars by themselves. Because they don’t have any friends. Which is why they need to pretend that people want to contact them 24/7.
Lots of people who you wouldn’t suspect of being essential to the economy have them here in the UK.
The Knibheads. I hope they all develop Harney-size tumours.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I have to ring the number! curiosity gets me every time
August 26th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
1
Some of the bluetooth earpieces were becoming so small and unobtrusive that customers were complaining.
So they put a little blue flashing light on the earpiece. Now the customers are happy because they can be seen to have one of these things on their head in gloomy wine-bars.
The first politician seen with one of these things will die by my hand.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
2
I just google their number. If it comes up “not found” then I know it likely wasn’t some friend of mine stuck in a shout-out situation in some fekkin’ game show where they needed to know the capital city of Andalusia in the next 20 seconds.
Cuz, you know, it could happen.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
3
Nine out of ten times I won’t even answer the ‘phone even if its someone I know. Nobody needs to be ringing me unless there’s a family emergency.
There’s great fun to be had in having a mobile phone and not answering it. You’d be amazed but the world keeps turning anyway.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
4
Next time somebody asks you for your ‘mobile’ tell them you don’t carry one.
Watch the jaw go slack as they try to figure out the inmplications.
“But how do you meet up with people in town?”
“I arrange to meet them somewhere beforehand and have this peculiar habit of being there on time.”
“But what if you are delayed?”
“I leave enough time to get there.”
“But-but- what do you do if there’s some kind of emergency at home?”
“There usually isn’t much I can do at that point anyway. Knowing about it almost instantly isn’t going to resolve the problem.”
“You do realise people will think you are a bit odd?”
“Yes. But they’ve all got a low IQ, a bluetooth headset and an emerging ear tumour.”
August 26th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
5
I’ve noticed that the wearers of bluetooth headsets tend to be about 5′6″ and have a prediliction for moustaches, ironed jeans and moccasins.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
6
I couldn’t pronounce the capital of Andalusia in twenty seconds.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
7
Why Blue Tooth? Why not blue head or gums? Is this some sort of long term effect these things have on your teeth?
August 26th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
8
A Bluetooth stuck in the ear gives the wearer a feeling of importance. Besides, you can talk to yourself and anyone looking would think that you’re on the phone talking to your broker or some big shot. No one needs to know that you’re a nut. A beanie with a propeller completes the costume.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
9
When bits of your body turn blue doesn’t that indicate oxygen deprivation which can lead to brain damage, probably explains the people who wear the headsets.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
10
There was a very efficient scam here in Japan a few years ago.
1. You get a call from a number you do not know
2. You call back, and the person you talk to drags out the converation as much as possible.
(Or you get a recorded message)
3. Next month, when you get your bill, you find out the number was a “1-800″ type service that charges something like $500 a second.
4, Since you called their number, you are now a “member”, and must pay the membership fee of $500/month.
5. They cannot process your cancellation of membership until you pay the $5000 cancellation fee, or because you have not informed them of the user password (which they never told you in the first place.)
See
http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/nn20020802b5.html
August 26th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
11
Have you noticed that knibhead activity rises when they are at mundane tasks like packing groceries or feeding a parking meter? That is because they need to evoke to the world around them that they are carrying out MUCH more important and world-critical tasks than that - like rescuing the oil crisis or addressing a live web conference on geo-politics in Abu Dhabi.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
12
You’d be surprised at the number of sad bastards that return missed calls to numbers they don’t know.
I always carry a mobile but I only answer the phone to a number I recognise and if I feel like speaking to that particular person.
I never answer numbers I don’t recognise, if it’s important they’ll leave a voice message and I might return the call then.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
13
Exactly
August 26th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
14
I always have my phone on silent/vibrate. Generally I prefer to miss calls, then when I see the missed call, I can decide whether I want to talk to that person.
I don’t like talking to people. What can’t they just leave me alone?
August 26th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
15
The real problem with ‘phones is that I am somewhat restricted in the mischief I can get up to with them.
Wait’ll the video phones catch on- I’ll frighten the life out of the family on a daily basis by making short films involving people with guns behind me.
‘Ma. Its me. How much have you got in the Premium Bonds again?”
“Who are dem fellas?”
“Never mind that. How much?”
August 26th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
16
I hate the answering service the large corporate and retail boys have on their systems:
“If you want to talk to the operator, press one.”
“If you want to talk to marketing, press two.” etc
Where will it all lead?
“If you want to talk to God, press 713 followed by star.”
7 - 1 -3 - *
“Hello you have reached the Holy Trinity. Please choose one of the following options:
If you want to speak to God, press one.
If you want to speak to Jesus, press two.
If you want to speak to the Holy Spirit, press three.”
August 26th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
17
And as for the cunts who think its funny to ring at 4 in the morning when they’re on the beer and you’re not! It’s not fucking funny ya sad bastards
August 26th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
18
hahaha
August 26th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
19
Hooronahonda says:
‘Why Blue Tooth? Why not blue head or gums? Is this some sort of long term effect these things have on your teeth?’
It will all have been worked out on a white-board and some thirteen year old will have been promoted Vice President Marketing Nomenclature (EMEA Tech) on the back of it.
It will spend the rest of its life fruitlessly trying to match up technology and body-parts.
“‘Poo-Wire’- no, that won’t float. ‘Flash-Faeces’. Oh god the mortgage.”
August 26th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
20
There is a ‘Blueface’ too in the communications world…..
August 26th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
21
There’s a ‘Blue Arse Fly’ in the frisbee world…
http://www.bluearseflies.co.uk/
August 26th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
22
Have you considered ensuring that you dial the correct number in the first place? That might keep the “weirdos” at bay.
It’s a plan so crazy it might just work.
August 26th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
23
Find yourself a stalker, no 25
August 26th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
24
I never answer calls that come up as “Private Number” or “ID Withheld”.
August 26th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
25
Neither do professional escorts…oops
August 26th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
26
“Find yourself a stalker, no 25″
Were you talking to me there, maggot?
And if you were, what sort of weird time travel thing was that?
August 26th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
27
True, Dr Boggle, but human error is unavoidable at times.
August 26th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
28
The first time in my life that I ever called back a ‘missed call’ from a number that I didn’t know was yesterday.
The thing is, I’d normally be the first to say “fuck ‘em” and ignore it, but somehow I just knew who it was, and I was right.
Isn’t that correct, PP?
August 26th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
29
Oh dear, I’ve called back a missed call on occasion. Through nosiness and the feeling I might be missing something - I hope it was never you, Twenty.
I will admit to being a loney sad peson, but I think it’s more to do with how you feel about communication - it KILLS me to have to let my phone ring, but my husband does it all the time, and he doesn’t answer numbers he doesn’t recognise.
I fine that weirdly paanoid and anti social. I mean remember in the days before mobiles and caller ID you just.. answered the phone?
I agree about comment no 5 though.
And Boggle’s a good stalker.
August 26th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
30
Sounds like Monkey Ball’s is finding his way to you, Twenty… one.commenter.at.a.time….
August 26th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
31
This is all very well and good, but did you guys know that it was Roman emperor who invented the concept of deja-vu?
August 26th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
32
I have to answer the phone when it rings, because I am haunted by the memories of my time in `Nam when many screaming children burnt to death as a result of my complacency as a stoned emergency services switchboard operator.
Do any other Twentymajor.net readers have amusing stories about their social habits?
August 26th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
33
This is all very well and good, but did you guys know that it was Roman emperor who invented the concept of deja-vu?
heh
Sounds like Monkey Ball’s is finding his way to you, Twenty… one.commenter.at.a.time….
Still plenty to go, so!
August 26th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
34
It’s in my latest book “guide to avoiding picking up stalkers” (work in progress*)Tinman - See how Twenty’s interest has been aroused ? Before he knows it he’ll be tracing the hapless fool who phoned him back, then camping outside his doorstep with notebook, binos and thermos.
* Stuck on title for current book -
“wanking, nature’s miracle cure”
“Wank yourself healthy”
Visian express, my sponsors, are getting impatient.
August 26th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
35
Which comment no 5 Jo ? The one labelled 4 or the one labelled 5 ?
August 26th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
36
“Do any other Twentymajor.net readers have amusing stories about their social habits?”
Yes, Dr. Boggle, me…
I always sit with my back to a room since I was held down and bummed by a thuggish clique of gibbons.
August 26th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
37
never sit with my back to a room, i mean
August 26th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
38
or do i?
August 26th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
39
See me for a private consultation.
August 26th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
40
will i fuck
August 26th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
41
Um, yes, I’d take that private consultation SG :)
Comment numbered 5, maggot. None of us had mobiles in college, and yet we managed to get by. And with better manners, somehow.
August 26th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
42
Wanking is healthy, by the way, I read an article about it.
August 26th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
43
This Dr. Boggle, if that is his real name, seems a mite shady to me.
August 26th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
44
Does he do Prostates ?
August 26th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
45
He stalked me with Cape Fear music! But so far, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
46
Damn would have been funny if nobody commented after your wanking is good for you comment Jo.
Yeah Bluetooth, what the fuck. Salesmen with plaid jackets use them. I watched in amazement as one of those 5ft6 red faced bluetooth wearing salesmen somehow infiltrated holemaster security and walked in on a meeting with his fucking stationary brochure. The balls on him. So I asked him was that a hearing aid knowing full well it wasn’t. As he tried to answer me and tag on a sales pitch I asked to leave and make an appointment next time.
He rang 15 minutes later. He was told to call back in two months.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
47
Ha, you’re right, that would have been brilliant. A little wanking exodus.
August 26th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
48
Actually Jo, I think there is one happening. Must dash..
August 26th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
49
Bluetooth. I don’t get it.
Since when is walking around, shouting to yourself like a mental, with a bat stuck to your ear, a good look?
August 26th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
50
Since when is walking around, shouting to yourself like a mental, with a bat stuck to your ear, a good look?
Since the release of “The Dark Kniggit”, but only if you’re dead and then it’s genius.
August 27th, 2008 at 2:02 am
51
The worst consumer product I ever saw was an ad on TV in the states for ‘Doggy-Stair’. It had a poor little West Highland White Terrier trying to bump its way up on to the couch repeatedly and failing and looking very sad about it.
THEN. New Doggy-Stair saved the day. Yes, its a cardboard-covered-with-car-seat-cover-fur set of steps the little dog can run up and get on to the counch only to get clouted off it again.
$49.95. ‘Doggy-Stair’. If you sent away they gave you as a free gift a dog hair removing- brush for free. Which presumably helped get the little white dog hairs off your couch.
I knew then that America was doomed.
August 27th, 2008 at 8:55 am
52
America was doomed long before the doggy stair.
August 27th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
53
I think any country which has the Betta-ware catalogue delivered to your door is on a very slippery slope. It is still the only place I know you can see the knitted toilet brush cover and there are pages and pages of similar shit. The thing is it must sell, but who the fuck buys stuff like that?
August 27th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
54