People I hate today
I mean this is the sense that I hate them more than I usually hate them.
- People who say they will post something on a Monday and then don’t. And don’t post it on a Tuesday either. And in all probability haven’t posted it today. I hope they break all their legs, but only after they do manage to post it, the slack cunts
- People who do not return phone calls and when you call them back after a couple of hours make no apology for not ringing you back. You can break your spine, cuntchops.
- Whoever owns the house up the road whose alarm is going off non-stop. Coccyx, break, etc.
I have that hate, it grows strong in me. I am turning to the dark side. Their lightsabers were better colours anyway.
August 20th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Waiting for those royalty cheques is a fucker, eh Twenty?
August 20th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
My target of the day would be university support staff who won’t answer email about whether I have a fucking office or where it might be or who my teaching assistants are or anything else.
Blee.
August 20th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
you call them back a couple of hours make no
missing a “later” there champ.
August 20th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I’m a lover not a hater……day off init…….normal order will be restored tomorrow……
August 20th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
True that re: light sabres.
On a cheerier note, if you go into boots and buy a pack of 20 condoms you get another pack of 20 condoms free. That’s pretty cool, no? That’s a free 13.70 so it is.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I hate people like the guy who posted the second answer to the question here:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080528154410AATC1QD
August 20th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Great shoes though Boggle.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Welcome to todays dark thoughts of Twenty.
My own dark thoughts are with you at this moment on point 2
I’m waiting for that fuckin call too.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I was especially captivated by the red shoes on this page:
http://www.kanaccasshoes.com.
Spent the last twenty minutes transfixed.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I was especially captivated by the red shoes on this page
http://www.kanaccasshoes.com./
I spent the last fifteen minutes transfixed.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
they also do underwear
http://www.kanaccasshoes.com./shopdisplaycategories.asp?id=2&cat=Panties
good lord
August 20th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Just hate everybody. Saves time. But you can discriminate by using the word ‘cunt’ a lot.
I hate my family. But they aren’t cunts, like.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Curse you SG. I’ll have to go on a rampage now.
I hate the smarmy insincere cunts whose adverts I’ve seen today – fuckers who pretend to give a shit about whether or not I’m getting the cheapest car insurance, That raddled, botoxed old geebag Andie McDowell and all the other painted trollops who most definitely are NOT worth it and that bitch who trys to be seductive for M&S’s over-priced up market junk food.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
p.s and nonny.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Maggot: Are you Confused dot com?
August 20th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
i’ll get me coat….
August 20th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I was feeling placid with no hate in my soul until maggot mentioned Andie McDowell.
Now I’m a bitter murderous nutcase.
What exactly is it about her that makes me so angry?
August 20th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Her MASSIVE forehead maybe SG?
August 20th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
maybe it’s her willingness to sell snake oil so sincerely?
or her crap tits
August 20th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Her strange arse in that white trouser suit and the strange way her feet move in a circle as she runs towards that plane ?
On the plus side – some of thse poor East European girls on the sexy “text me” ads are so grotesque they are strangely endearing – esecially the one with the cross eyes and the chipmonk teeth. Haven’t seen her in ages – I guess she’s working “upstairs” at Rons.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
or her crap tits
They cannot all be like Jennifer Aniston SG, would spoil the fun in trying for a good one.
Thank God Jenny Agutter has stopped flashing hers though.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
goldie hawn’s were the weirdest – like the heels from a large pan
August 20th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Think that’s a non-ecclesiastical rodent maggot. And who says they’re from eastern Europe? they look strangely like some of the vapid bimbettes in our Spar & the chippy- only without the snarl & the stripey uniforms.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
for the non-locals – “heels from a large pan” means the 2 end slices from a loaf of sliced white bread.
you’re welcome.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Twenty Major suffers heart trouble while returning from extended vacation in Asia!
http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00028/glitter_28297a.jpg
August 20th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Channel-hopping away from an advert the ther night I was quite shocked to see Billie Piper flashing in that call girl thing – and then attacking the punter’s prostate!
August 20th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
which is related to Baps..
August 20th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Goldie Hawn had tits? Next you’ll be telling me Michael Flatley isn’t a bollocks.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Did somebody say “heels”?
August 20th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Have you sent Twenty those pics of the guy getting implants put in his tattoo’s breasts ?
August 20th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I had a teacher who couldn’t say ‘Olympics’ properly. He used to say ‘Olumpics’.
You can imagine how well educated I am with that kind of educational mentor.
It would annoy you right up your ‘Lumphatic’ glands.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
“Michael Flatley isn’t a bollocks.”
He isn’t, he is a cunt weasel riddled infectious diseases.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Unfair on Weasels. He’s a midget dolphin who used Michael Jackson’s surgeon.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Puerile Pish says:
“Michael Flatley isn’t a bollocks.”
‘He isn’t, he is a cunt weasel riddled infectious diseases.’
Ah. Right you are. I stand corrected. Any woman or man who lies with him in the biblical sense deserves to be exiled to Mullingar to the knacker estate with a big sign tattoed on his head saying ‘all knackers should be exterminated’. Not wishing him any harm, like.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I hate the aul one across the road that feeds our cats,and doesnt even call them their real names ,even though their names are on the collars.. Old people fall down stairs all the time doent they?
August 20th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
He has a specially trained weasel or maybe a stoat which fulfills his every need when inserted into his back passage. That’s why he dances like that.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
maggot says:
god- wouldn’t that make a lot of sense all of a sudden? Its like a double-header insult- neither Flatley or the fascist midget dolphin militia would be happy but everyone else would be quite blase. And I’m not putting a ‘grave’ (French fada to you Twenty) over the word blase because it would give me away as a Dublin 4×4.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Nor will I quote maggot properly. That’s just what he’d expect me to do and I like to keep some suspense in his life.
August 20th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Andie McDowell-hating is noble use of hatred.
Her scene in the rain in four weddings and a funeral is so ball-achingly unconvincing I swore I’d never crack one off to a L’Oreal commercial ever again.
She’s still not as bad as the lead singer from M-People though. I fucking hate that bitch.
August 20th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Nor will I quote maggot properly. That’s just what he’d expect me to do and I like to keep some suspense in his life.
Swine!
Did you see that cat- Yoda – with four ears in yesterday’s paper ?
August 20th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Only the (American) Irish could make epilepsy into a dance form.
August 20th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
I hate my neighbours builders who are all ignorant cunts, I hope they have their fucking 4×4s repossessed when they run out of work. They are also the most inept bunch of “tradesmen” in the history of building they make Mr O’ Reilly from Fawlty Towers look professional.
August 20th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
True comment from Michael Flatley on his website:
“The success I have achieved as an artist and creator has been enormously fulfilling but I’m most proud and touched to hear from so many of you that my creative endeavors have not just brought joy and entertainment but have also been a source of hope and determination. Thank you all for your loyalty, support, and for sharing your inspiration with others.”
August 20th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
How about shop assistants who break off from talking to you when the phone rings to take the call. I’m RIGHT HERE, you felchbubbles, and that tosser can’t be bothered interrupting his viewing of daytime TV to come on down to your miserable shop. So GET OFF THE PHONE TO HIM NOW or I will STICK THIS PITCHFORK (which I just happen to be carrying) UP YOUR ARSE.
August 20th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Batty I suspect you are from down westh.
No D4b4 goes with a handle like Batty.
August 20th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
number 27: what?!
My reply to this thread will be posted on Monday.
August 20th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I feel better. With the cheery post on assisted suicide (like anyone dies without “assistance” anyway), I had suspected Twenty had invested all his humor in the book–the book goes to the publisher and all of a sudden we’re walking in on a scene from “The Dead.” Tx
August 20th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
It’s always handy carrying a pitchfork to the shops. I don’t leave home without one.
August 20th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Ak-47, Twenty, when absolutely have to kill every pyjama-zombie in the shop…
Beats a pitchfork everytime..
August 20th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Cuntchops? You have made my day, Twenty Major. Word of the week and beyond….