Too many voices
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on August 19th, 2008
Hurrah, it is done. Draft one of book two is complete and has been sent to the publishers. Now I can forget all about it for a couple of weeks until the editing process begins.
It’s a curious thing, book writing. I have to say I find it a complete pain in the arse. Despite having lots and lots of time to do it I tend to view it as homework and therefore I leave it until the metaphorical Sunday night, if you will.
This creates a lot of stress and pressure, as you might imagine, but even knowing how difficult it is after doing the exact same for the first book I did not change a bit this time around. When I finished the first one I said ‘There’s no way I’m doing that again. Instead I will do a little bit of a work over a long period of time instead of doing a lot of work in a short period of time’. Pffff.
I lie to myself all the time, you know. But I think a lot of people work like that, not just writing books. People need that bit of pressure to make themselves take their finger out and get cracking. From office workers to surgeons. Although surgeons would be bad.
“Doctor, he’s dying, you really have to sew up that hole in his left ventricle”
“Yeah, let me just finish this crossword”
When I was in school I was exactly the same. Weekend homework, if it got done at all, was cobbled together last thing on a Sunday night despite the fact I’d probably spent most of the weekend lying about the place reading and listening to music. There’s the voice in your head that says ‘Do it on a Friday. Then you don’t have to worry about it’. Then there’s the other voice that says ‘Shut up, goody two shoes or I’ll pound your face in’ which makes the first voice go ‘Do what you want, it’s your face anyway’. ‘Touché’, the other voice will say.
Still, I don’t have to listen to either of those voices now. I just have to contend with all the other ones. Sometimes they make me do things.
Procrastination is my middle name.
Seriously…
Jimmy Procrastination SuperGrover.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:16 am
I too have those voices. Not the other ones that make you do things, the procrastinatory ones.
So any time I ever achieve anything it’s in a state of panic and stress, which takes the good out of it a bit.
Do you get to edit it again? All those bits where you were just writing like a bastard, up against it, that probably aren’t as good as they could have been because of it? ;)
August 19th, 2008 at 9:19 am
1
Yeah, there’ll be editing and rejigging and things. It was all about getting the story finished for now.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:21 am
2
Any Elvin poetry in it?
August 19th, 2008 at 9:22 am
3
if it gone done at all
*points finger and cries*
August 19th, 2008 at 9:23 am
4
it works in hillbilly voice
August 19th, 2008 at 9:23 am
5
Here’s a thing about putting stuff off…
My Theory of Doing the Washing Up.
My gaff is usually clean ad free of dirty dishes, etc. but my mate’s gaff is a veritable obstacle course of used breakfast bowls, dinner plates etc.
The way I see it, the amount of washing up doesn’t diminish with time. If you use a cup, it needs washing. So always leaving it ’til later means you just have the same amount to do but constantly live surrounded by detritus.
I don’t see the point.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:26 am
6
I know you’re right SG. I know it on a theoretical level. Yet I just can’t seem to force myself to act on that knowledge.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:32 am
7
I’d take it as an awful personal insult if someone told me to change or edit anything…
‘fuck off and write yer own book’
Don’t think I handle criticism well.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:37 am
8
Ha. It’s fine when you agree. But when you don’t (especially if you don’t agree a lot, and you feel scathing about the suggestions), there’s suddenly this terrible fear that you’re wrong about everything, and you’re just blind to the truth.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:44 am
9
congratulations. i hear it’s like giving birth.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:53 am
10
Yep, congratulations are in order, even if you are a complete and utter cunt.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:59 am
11
Sunday night? Fucking swat. Much less hassle to leave it til monday morning like everyone else, took no time when there were 10 of you working on it together in the cloakroom.
Maybe you should try that if there’s a book three, write it in the pub the night before its due at the publishers.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:09 am
12
Ah, Sunday night ecker pressure. Trying to watch Where in the World at the same time as suppressing the gathering clouds of doom knowing you were guaranteed to get suspended by 10 am the next day for behavioural issues, no ecker done.
It’s great being a grown-up with a few bob and nobody giving me grief.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:12 am
13
Think I’ll write a book. Maybe some erotic fiction based in Coolock flats.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:13 am
14
“… as her teddy bear robe pooled around her soiled slippers…”
August 19th, 2008 at 10:14 am
15
English poet, Ernest Dowson (1867-1900): “Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder”. I think I’d prefer a fond tart to a fond heart.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:18 am
16
This does not have much to do with writing but everything to do with leaving things to the last minute. This actually happened very recently to me and my partner on the way to a party, the conversation went something like this:
She stops to knock on door, I hand her the card in its envelope –
Her “Why does this say happy birthday Rachel on the front?”
Me “Cos its Rachels birthday.”
Her “Its actually her first communion.”
Me “ You told me it was her birthday!”
Her “ You never listen do you? I actually said a lot of kids get their first communion around eight or nine years old and Rachels 8th Birthday almost coincides with her first communion.”
Me “ Well? Give her the card, whats the problem?”
Her “ I did, two days ago on her actual birthday.”
She proceeds to open the envelope.
Her “Why does this card say ‘I have a birthday treat for you in my trousers!’ ?”
Me “ Erm, yes, when you mentioned it was Rachel’s birthday I thought you meant your cousin, the solicitor from Clondalkin. It wasn’t til we pulled into the driveway that I realised my mistake”
Her “ But you were going to let me give this to an eight year old girl anyway?!”
Me “It seemed a little late to try and find another card….”
The conversation deteriorated very rapidly from there.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:19 am
17
hehe, it’s a shame she checked.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:28 am
18
It’s a kind of like the cleaning-your-desk/room/house/car/nearest dinosaur-before-you-can-possibly-sit-down-to-do-your-work scenario.
Oh I hear you. I suffer from it, badly.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:29 am
19
“English poet, Ernest Dowson (1867-1900): “Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder”.
This guy goes to the doctor. Says, ‘Every time I fart it sounds like a motorbike’.
‘Giz a look’ says the Doc.
‘Ah’, says he after a minute’s stargazing, ‘that lump explains it…’
‘Abcess makes the fart go Honda’
August 19th, 2008 at 10:29 am
20
Trollops the lot of them.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:57 am
21
you need a new project…….come up to belfast……I got plans for ye big fella…..
August 19th, 2008 at 11:37 am
22
That’d be the manuel labour then? No thanks.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:42 am
23
Trollops the lot of them.
who?
August 19th, 2008 at 11:42 am
24
I will not be drawn Peadar
August 19th, 2008 at 11:43 am
25
Have you been hurt maggot?
August 19th, 2008 at 11:48 am
26
I shall be revenged Peadar.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:49 am
27
Well done Twenty, at last you get to stop hunkering down and can uncurl your back for a few days.
Paradoxically I can put off anything, except proscratination.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:51 am
28
Famous actress goes to the doc’s:
“Doctor I have a wart on my genitals.”
“This means you will have to refrain from sex.”
“You mean……..?”
“Yes, abstaining makes the wart go Fonda.”
August 19th, 2008 at 11:55 am
29
The Moral of this story - never cross a Hindu - they have so many Gods to pray to for retribution.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:56 am
30
Do ladies get warts there Hoor ? Learn something new every day on this site.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:57 am
31
excuse my ignorance, but what exactly does procrastination mean
August 19th, 2008 at 11:58 am
32
It sounds painfull
August 19th, 2008 at 11:59 am
33
“Do ladies get warts there Hoor ?”
Only if they have sex Maggot. And what’s a Hindu?
August 19th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
34
what’s a Hindu?
Lays eggs.
sorry.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
35
I think we all have that problem Twenty because we realise that if we did do things the way we know we should then it’d be all too easy. It’s like playing golf, if it was easy we wouldn’t bother.
The thing is we resent being made to do things for others, if we want to do it, like giving a present, that’s fine, but the idea that something has to be done just doesn’t sit with us, there are too many other important things to be doing like taking it easy
August 19th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
36
“excuse my ignorance, but what exactly does procrastination mean”
I could explain now Peadar but there’s plenty of time tomorrow!
August 19th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
37
heh
August 19th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
38
I get the jist of it
August 19th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
39
what’s a Hindu?
Lays eggs.
sorry.
hahaha
August 19th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
40
Come on Twenty, you cost me three quid last year. Are you expecting me to part with that much annually?
August 19th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
41
What’s a greek urn?
August 19th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
42
Come on Twenty, you cost me three quid last year. Are you expecting me to part with that much annually?
The power and greed have gone to his head.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
43
What’s a greek urn?
I’m guessing an urn from greece.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
44
Come on Twenty, you cost me three quid last year.
He’s dropping his prices as he gets older.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
45
Drachmas?
August 19th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
46
What I’d like to know is, how do you make a swiss roll?
August 19th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
47
Ah, the old Jacobs Ad - How do they get the figs in a fig roll Habibi ?
August 19th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
48
Push him down the mountain
August 19th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
49
Don’t tell him!
Do Not Tell Him!
August 19th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
50
“What’s a greek urn?”
About four drachma’s an hour. Whats a Hospice?
August 19th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
51
Methinks a hoss pisses hoss piss
August 19th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
52
About 4 litres
August 19th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
53
You guys could be keeping Stan Boardman in business.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
54
“Go back to your curry house in Bradford - your elephant is waiting”.
Mr Boardman’s attempt at humour in response to an Asian heckler.
Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/1964321.stm
August 19th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
55
On a serious note, would you not agree that the internet is head and shoulders above everything else in enabling and encouraging procrastination?
August 19th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
56
Gravatars too!
August 19th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
57
Political correctness has it’s good points then Boggle ?
August 19th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
58
Noticed your gravatar has changed MB, you now have a giant cock.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
59
If you look Hoor you’ll see that PP has stayed with his Twenty prostate exam gravatar.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
60
Not sure if political correctness has any good points, but I would like to see people like Jim Davidson charged with crimes against comedy.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
61
Samuel Beckett, being very short of money, wrote a very fine poem overnight and entered it in a competition in which others had submitted weeks before the deadline. Sammy won. It turns out that the level of entries were generally so shite that the judges were relieved to get something even vaguely acceptable at the eleventh hour.
Sheer panic is a great motivator. Now perhaps I should get back to writing the presentation for tomorrow for which I was given four months notice. I have an idea or two but the panic is about to set in and I’m grateful for it.
‘Have you ever tried and failed? Try again. Fail again. Fail better.’
Top lad, Sammy.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
62
If you look very closely maggot there is a brown stain slowly spreading down the extended digit. (PP is a bit of a Nutella fiend)
August 19th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
63
“Have you ever tried and failed? Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Not the sort of thing one would normally hear in a tyre commercial methinks?
August 19th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
64
Look closer Hoor, the tide mark is at my wrist
August 19th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
65
I did not know they produced jars that big PP, well done.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
66
What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
67
Procrastination is a fucking curse. I suffer from it too and I have to work at it to control it. I would sit drinking coffee listening to the radio or reading the paper and actually spend about an hour wondering whether or not to go and get milk in the shop or just have it black. The shop is a five minute round trip.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
68
Boggle quotes Beckett says:
What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
Congratulations Boggles. That was the right answer. You win a copy of Twenty’s new book. Pay the man, Twenty.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
69
I was the same way with my dissertation. It hung over my head like a jail sentence. I say it took me less than a year to write it, but the truth is that it was really written over two months of 12 and 15 hour days sitting at the computer. When I finished, I felt a trace of disgust and relief.
Well done, Twenty.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
70
Congrats Twenty!
Trying to do my thesis in two weeks at the moment….at least you got to make yours up!
August 19th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
71
Ta, both. Now I’m going to sit around and play video games for a few days. Oh yeah…
August 19th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
72
“Procrastination is a fucking curse.”
To write, to spell and to abide, HM. Hispanics have a similar malady they simply call it ‘manana’, their version of the long finger.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
73
Now I’m going to sit around and play video games for a few days. Oh yeah…
I’ve had a strange apathy for computer games recently.
and I haven’t been drinking as much as usual.
I must be very ill.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
74
Now I’m going to sit around and play video games for a few days.
A likely story - he’ll be off to Ron’s place.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
75
“Ta, both. Now I’m going to sit around and play video games for a few days. Oh yeah…”
What are you playing at the moment?
August 19th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
76
Hey if it’s any consolation, your first book made humour writing look easy! You’ve an excellent knack for this lark even if it is a pain in the arse.
I find spliffs help with unpleasant boring tasks. A lot.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
77
morgor - “I’ve had a strange apathy for computer games recently.”
Jesus, me too. I am worrying that I’m finally growing up.
For the first time in years I am ’sans console’.
Maybe when the PS3 is cheaper and Gran Turismo 5 is out..?
Then again, maybe not.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
78
Agreed on the whole ‘fail better’ thing, though apparently JK Rowling gave some lecture on the importance of failure that was included in the ‘what’s hot’ bit on the inside of the Times mag one saturday. I suppose you have to be a billionaire to give a talk about how important it is to fail.
Another crap expression is: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger. Unless you had a stroke.
I also have a particular hatred of the Sheryl Crow lyric (and song?) that asserts: If it makes you haaaa-pppyyy… then it can’t be baaaaa-aad…
That’s all very well, but what about paedophiles and murderers? What about what makes them happy? So thanks for nothing, Sheryl. Except maybe your legs, which I recall as being fairly sexy, once.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
79
Having procrastinated for over an hour about where to get lunch, I’ve decided to go to the deli down the road now. I still haven’t decided whether to have a shower first or when I come back. Also not sure when to go for a walk, now or later on this evening. This is hell.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
80
morgor - “I’ve had a strange apathy for computer games recently.”
Jesus, me too. I am worrying that I’m finally growing up.
For the first time in years I am ’sans console’.
Yeah, it’s awful.
When i was in college our living room was : pc on the left with chair, large tv in the middle with NTL and PS2 and 3 seater couch, medium tv on the right with single seater sofa and another PS2.
All the games seem the same now… *sob*.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
81
Don’t worry lads, I grew up and then last year bought a Wii and an XBox360, I am now gaming out my nut, although I do find them more frustrating the higher I get.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
82
“single seater sofa”
armchair?
August 19th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
83
armchair?
er, yeah. I get stuck for words sometimes.
Willies.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
84
What are you playing at the moment?
I just bought metal gear solid something for the ps3
August 19th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
85
I am currently throwing the xbox 360 controller around the room in anger and frustration at Ninja Gaiden 2..it is the hardest game i have EVER played..i have been playing games for 20 years..
August 19th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
86
I am currently throwing the xbox 360 controller around the room in anger and frustration at Ninja Gaiden 2..it is the hardest game i have EVER played..i have been playing games for 20 years..
Do any of you cunts actually work?
August 19th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
87
I love the way video games have the sluttiest costumes for women.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
88
I am playing Bad Company at the moment and am quite enjoying killing Russians and stealing their gold.
All games are getting harder, or perhaps our reflexes are getting slower?
August 19th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
89
I used to be able to beat nearly any game on hard,
Has anyone ever tried Civilisations 4 on “deity”?
Even being able to re-take every turn with autosave it’s impossible.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
90
I am actually at work,i meant at the moment generally…
Im not doing any work though..perish the thought..
August 19th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
91
Just had my faith restored in games since my mate bought mario kart for the wii - friggin love it! Only played gears of war on the 360, so havent much clue about the next gen consoles. Just gimme a megadrive and snes and i’d be happy as a harney in shite.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
92
I find it very hard to invest time in games these days. Just gimme something I can dip in and out of.
Something short.
(And I don’t mean midgets!)
August 19th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
93
Kylie?
August 19th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
94
Anybody here seen a blog by a gent called Twenty Major? I appear to have blundered into some sort of computer geeks love fest.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
95
I have never owned a games console in my life and never will.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
96
What moans at 30MPH, and has a little red and white thing wobbling between it’s legs?
That’s right! Hooronahonda50.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
97
What’s a console?
August 19th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
98
I have never owned a games console in my life and never will.
Nor I. My parents could never afford to buy me one. *sob sob*
Now I’m glad they couldn’t, real men don’t bother with that crap
August 19th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
99
It’s a hole in a prison wall, through which someone has escaped.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
100
More pithy MB, a convicts rectum. What’s a roundabout?
August 19th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
101
a game of baseball?
August 19th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
102
what’s a matta you, hey
August 19th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
103
Its about getting the drinks in, tight bastard.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
104
real men don’t bother with that crap
Real men beat each other with shticks in muddy fields for de laugh.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
105
Real men beat each other with shticks in muddy fields for de laugh.
No, they’re fucking idiots. Real men stand around looking at them knocking lumps out of each other
August 19th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
106
real men?
hey, sorry, i didn’t realise it was the seventies.
time to drink some harp and listen to shawaddywaddy.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
107
hmmm, what to procrastinate next…..
August 19th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
108
Real men wear toxic levels of old spice and sport huge sideburns whilst dallying with the womenfolk. Bit like Pat Mustard.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
109
Have you posted a posted today, Hm? And is this what you’re doing with your holiday??
August 19th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
110
Can any of you ‘musicians’ out there enlighten me as to what exactly ‘Ring Modulation’ is?
Surely it’s not what I think it is?
August 19th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
111
With a cock like yours MB, ring modulation is a must.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
112
according to the internet itself…
Ring modulation is a signal-processing effect in electronics, related to amplitude modulation or frequency mixing, performed by multiplying two signals, where one is typically a sine-wave or another simple waveform. It is referred to as “ring” modulation because the analog circuit of diodes originally used to implement this technique took the shape of a ring. This circuit is similar to a bridge rectifier, except that instead of the diodes facing “left” or “right”, they go “clockwise” or “anti-clockwise”.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
113
I used to procrastinate, but now I just can’t seem to find the time….
I’ll finish this later….
Tony
August 19th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
114
I have indeed posted Jo, just earlier today. I am taking a well earned rest at the moment and might head off next week to do some hill walking and pint drinking depending on the weather. Or might head to Greece for a week if I can convince a lazy arse friend of mine.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
115
Cheers Supergrover. That’s what I thought it was.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
116
Groan. I want to go to Greece. Thinking about it is bringing tears to my eyes! Sun. Feta. The Rose-beetle Man.
Went in search of your post, it’s both amusing and sort of poignant. Or something.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
117
Haven’t to Greece in years, really like though. I need some warm sun badly!
August 19th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
118
Rose-beetle man?
August 19th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
119
If you haven’t, especially if you do go to Greece, read Gerald Durrell’s ‘My Family and Other Animals’ - gorgeous descriptions of Corfu. And funny.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
120
Actually, I should have said haloumi, not feta. Halouuuuumi, yum.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
121
Apologies in advance, but this was too easy to let it pass.>/i>
Groan. I’m ‘greeced’ up, and ready to go. Thinking about it is bringing tears to my girlfriend’s eyes! Fun. Smegma. The purple helmet man……
August 19th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
122
Yeah, I know>/i>
August 19th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
123
Jeeze, Monkey Balls, is that my life through your lens?
August 19th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
124
Halloumi, Hummus, rough salads of vegetables that taste, Pita Bread. That is living!
August 19th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
125
Ye know what, maybe I’ll go to Ibiza. It’s not all umcha umcha. The city is nice and the north too.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
126