I’m close, so very close to finishing it. And I thank God for that. Thank you God for allowing me to find that literary tramp slumped in a doorway who so kindly agreed to ghostwrite the whole thing. And at a bargain price too!
Fuck you Katie Price and Cecilia Ahern, you’re not the only smart ones.
Anyway, the few details I can give you include the fact that it’s set in Dublin and Barcelona, it involves a stag weekend and the title is ‘Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder’.
How are you going to celebrate?
Yay Twenty! Woo!
Right. Now back to your real job!
“Thank fuck thats nearly finished, I’m bursting for a piss!”
Schubert comments on his 8th (and final) symphony before falling down stairs and impaling himself on his quill. Careful T, you may be tempting fate here!
How are you going to celebrate?
By drinking.
More.
When is it pencilled in for release?
Ah, a Homage to Catalonia for the 21st century?
D’ya know, if I didn’t know Fill3rup, I’d swear you were writing these questions yourself Twenty.
Will there be the usual book signing at the news kiosk in Busaras?
MB:Fark aff!! its a legitimate question,you are only annoyed because you didnt get to ask first… :P
Here’s the rest of the questions, just to save time;
How much will it cost?
Will you be doing personal appearances/signings?
I live in a different shithole to one of the two you mentioned, can I get it from Amazon?
Does the Ginger Albino feature? (Someone will ask!)
When is it out again?
How much do you get out of it? (Don’t tell them!)
I have the whole lot saved in My Documents. I can Copy & Paste it here anytime you like.
heh…
are you going to retire?
Ah, a Homage to Catalonia for the 21st century?
Something like that. Out in Feb 2009.
And retire, Leeroy? It’s barely 4pm.
Here are a few more MB:
The text at the back of the book looks a little pale. Did the copier run out of toner?
Punch holes and cable ties, when did you decide on this novel form of binding?
The word ‘Major’ is spelt with an ‘i’. Do you think this appears on all two hundred copies?
i like the title.
Throw in a few loose herrings there Twenty.
Let’s see what they can come up with.
Well done Toot, well done.
Great title, Twenty.
Can’t wait to read it.
Well done!
loose herrings…..?
loose red herrings
Great title?! You’re fucking joking me…
http://www.google.ie/search?sourceid=navclient&hl=en-GB&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4DAIE_en-GBIE261IE261&q=%22absinthe+makes+the+heart+grow+fonder%22
Are these herrings ‘loose’ in the sense that they are misleading but couldnt give a fuck?
Or perhaps easy to get into bed.
This is me you’re asking.
Fucking whores of course.
Ah bless, Brian’s back..
fucking waster, what took so long
I have to go to work. I expect whores when I get back in the morning.
“Great title?! You’re fucking joking me…”
Christ Twenty, I think a rethink is called for.
How about this:
The Smithwick Papers
Ah bless, Brian’s back..
If you stand really really still he can’t see you and he’ll go away.
David Coppaberg
Little Doritos
Nicholas Nickelbag
Leak House
A Tale of Two Titties
Martin Guzzletwit
…and I havent even started on Shakespeare yet!
Busty Brenda’s Bollock Bonanza…
“Busty Brenda’s Bollock Bonanza…”
Sorry F, never got into Voltaire.
More like Damage to Catalonia I bet. Dobes y’amo.
Good luck with the last few pages Twenty. Always remember, its i before e except after d.
“…and I havent even started on Shakespeare yet!”
Allow me, HOAH …
The Merchant of Ennis
Twelfth Nit (a book about lice)
Bigmac Betg
Much Ado about Nutting (a book about Zidane)
Othello, is it me you’re looking for?
Julius Caesar Salad
, H
A Tale of Two Shities?
Winning the Poo?
Also,
The World According to Harp
A Hat Full of Skyplus
The Hound of the Bastardface
An Affair of the Shart
How’s about a one-word title like Catalangers?
Or I-beer-ia?
A Bonfire of the Liberties
My Fairview Lady
Doctor Do Lidl
McCarthy’s Spar
Dolphin’s Barnaby Rudge
The Spy Who Loved Meath
“What The Butler Heard: A Hot Water Bottle and a Bottle of Bovril”
OK, heard enough. I’m out.
I know I know I know -
The Order of the Phoenix Park 2 and 2 turds and a bit
Saw the artwork for the cover. What, no beer gut?
Shhh, nobody’s seen the artwork yet. Nice bit of belly showing though, eh?
It’s, um, provocative. The first 3 chapters involve a sit-up regime before your holiday? You might have waxed for fuck’s sake. Or is that the continental look?
For fuck sake, I’m planning a break in Barcelona later in the year, if the place is crawling with jackeen turds when I get there I’m holding you responsible.
GI – I think it hirsutes me.
Xbox – book’s not out till next year. There are loads of the cunts out there already though.
It’s been seen by everyone who’s read a certain blog since last Friday. Or looked at the pictures (hint hint).
Morgor -bonus points from Twenty if you can find dolphin or owl and midget in revealing wedding dress porno!
So very close
Busty Brenda ? Pics please.
Still bitter about Celia leaving you for Bertie then Twenty ? Maybe she’ll have you back ?
Cecilia, maggot, you halfwit.
All these bosoms, weddings and now the awesome picture of you ( look better with the beard) with Dolphin and Owl (thanks morgor ) have unsettled me Twenty.
Take a drink. It’s the only answer
morgor, what the fuck are you doing to our blog!
Imagine how little sense that would make if you went there without having been here first :)
Well done, Twenty. best of luck with it.
Absinthe Makes the Fart go Longer?
excellent title, best of look with the launch. I suggest you give away signed copies as prizes in an upcoming pun competition….
look = luck, no sub-editor for me….
Cheers, Sam. And ta, Rob. Maybe a prize or two would be in order all right.
A cunning ploy to get our real names and addresses and then Lucky comes calling. Or even worse, Nonny.
A book, a tree, a child.
write [2], plant, have
Will Owlman
be in the book ?
Owlman has quite a few hits and images on google – including real life reports ftpm Cornwall of attacks!
Owlman! Twenty has a nemesis! Now all we need is Dolphin Girl, for the underwater adventure segment.
The irony is that 95% of these suggestions would actually word as Twenty Major book titles. Not looking to start a fight or anything, just making an observation.
“Tale of Two Titties? Brilliant! You’re a genius Twenty…” etc. etc.
Not looking to start a fight or anything
heh, right.
I thought all the Dickens ones were most amusing.
Could it be this Brian ?
Brian, you’re never going to top Nonny’s put down: ‘I read your book – IN AN HOUR.
Heh, that told you, eh, Twenty?
Yeah, Nonny can add speed reading to her many other talents.
Maybe that’s why she misses the point so much :)
Would a third piece of chocolate fudge cake be tempting fate?
is Fate worth it?
best chocolate fudge cake I’ve ever had – as good as carrot cake.
“maggot says:
Could it be this Brian ?”
Ah shite, rumbled. Yes, that’s me – deluded Yank hippy, guilty as charged…
How about “Portrait of the piss-artist as a smelly old cunt”
Surely it should be “Absinthe Makes the Fart Go Honda.” Which it does. And that’s pretty fucking embarrassing when you’re at a Kawasaki press conference, believe me…
Stag party in Barcelona? “All Hat and No Catalan”.
‘Across the Liffey and into the Trees’ (Ernie)
‘Ussyless’ (Himself)
‘Down all the drinks’ (Christy)
‘Twenty’ by Leon Uris
I shoulda called it ‘Catch Twenty poo’.
Or Brownfinger?
The Plopfather
Plop!! Or my Mom will shoot!!
Live and let plop
Journey to the centre of the plop
Plop Club
The Aeneiplop
The Old Curiosity Plop…
Sorry, Plop, you looked lonely there.
Hold me.
S.Q.U.A.T.
Sex and the Shitty.
I haven’t even read the first book.
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Very good name.
u r v.funny man. Have lived in dublin tallaght (badspelling i know) and now just visit palmerstown but stumbled on ur blog and its soo funny ur name grabbed me they used to call my dad woodbine im told so u know do u i dont but what is ur book and where can it be bought as im from THE MAINLAND (hahaha only joking that term FUCKS OFF every irish person i know inc me and i was born in sunny england)but anyhow ur blog dosent say the names of your 2 books can someone tell me i bet they are a class read thanks and dont change u r too cool