Book II
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on August 14th, 2008
I’m close, so very close to finishing it. And I thank God for that. Thank you God for allowing me to find that literary tramp slumped in a doorway who so kindly agreed to ghostwrite the whole thing. And at a bargain price too!
Fuck you Katie Price and Cecilia Ahern, you’re not the only smart ones.
Anyway, the few details I can give you include the fact that it’s set in Dublin and Barcelona, it involves a stag weekend and the title is ‘Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder’.
How are you going to celebrate?
August 14th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Yay Twenty! Woo!
August 14th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
1
Right. Now back to your real job!
August 14th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
2
“Thank fuck thats nearly finished, I’m bursting for a piss!”
Schubert comments on his 8th (and final) symphony before falling down stairs and impaling himself on his quill. Careful T, you may be tempting fate here!
August 14th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
3
How are you going to celebrate?
By drinking.
More.
August 14th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
4
When is it pencilled in for release?
August 14th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
5
Ah, a Homage to Catalonia for the 21st century?
August 14th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
6
D’ya know, if I didn’t know Fill3rup, I’d swear you were writing these questions yourself Twenty.
August 14th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
7
Will there be the usual book signing at the news kiosk in Busaras?
August 14th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
8
MB:Fark aff!! its a legitimate question,you are only annoyed because you didnt get to ask first… :P
August 14th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
9
Here’s the rest of the questions, just to save time;
How much will it cost?
Will you be doing personal appearances/signings?
I live in a different shithole to one of the two you mentioned, can I get it from Amazon?
Does the Ginger Albino feature? (Someone will ask!)
When is it out again?
How much do you get out of it? (Don’t tell them!)
I have the whole lot saved in My Documents. I can Copy & Paste it here anytime you like.
August 14th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
10
heh…
August 14th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
11
are you going to retire?
August 14th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
12
Ah, a Homage to Catalonia for the 21st century?
Something like that. Out in Feb 2009.
And retire, Leeroy? It’s barely 4pm.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
13
Here are a few more MB:
The text at the back of the book looks a little pale. Did the copier run out of toner?
Punch holes and cable ties, when did you decide on this novel form of binding?
The word ‘Major’ is spelt with an ‘i’. Do you think this appears on all two hundred copies?
August 14th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
14
i like the title.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
15
Throw in a few loose herrings there Twenty.
Let’s see what they can come up with.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
16
Well done Toot, well done.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
17
Great title, Twenty.
Can’t wait to read it.
Well done!
August 14th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
18
loose herrings…..?
August 14th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
19
loose red herrings
August 14th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
20
Great title?! You’re fucking joking me…
http://www.google.ie/search?sourceid=navclient&hl=en-GB&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4DAIE_en-GBIE261IE261&q=%22absinthe+makes+the+heart+grow+fonder%22
August 14th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
21
Are these herrings ‘loose’ in the sense that they are misleading but couldnt give a fuck?
August 14th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
22
Or perhaps easy to get into bed.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
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This is me you’re asking.
Fucking whores of course.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
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Ah bless, Brian’s back..
August 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
25
fucking waster, what took so long
August 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
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I have to go to work. I expect whores when I get back in the morning.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
27
“Great title?! You’re fucking joking me…”
Christ Twenty, I think a rethink is called for.
How about this:
The Smithwick Papers
August 14th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
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Ah bless, Brian’s back..
If you stand really really still he can’t see you and he’ll go away.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
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David Coppaberg
August 14th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
30
Little Doritos
August 14th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
31
Nicholas Nickelbag
August 14th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
32
Leak House
August 14th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
33
A Tale of Two Titties
August 14th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
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Martin Guzzletwit
August 14th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
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…and I havent even started on Shakespeare yet!
August 14th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
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Busty Brenda’s Bollock Bonanza…
August 14th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
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“Busty Brenda’s Bollock Bonanza…”
Sorry F, never got into Voltaire.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
38
More like Damage to Catalonia I bet. Dobes y’amo.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
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Good luck with the last few pages Twenty. Always remember, its i before e except after d.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
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“…and I havent even started on Shakespeare yet!”
Allow me, HOAH …
The Merchant of Ennis
Twelfth Nit (a book about lice)
Bigmac Betg
Much Ado about Nutting (a book about Zidane)
Othello, is it me you’re looking for?
Julius Caesar Salad
, H
August 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
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A Tale of Two Shities?
August 14th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
42
Winning the Poo?
August 14th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
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Also,
The World According to Harp
A Hat Full of Skyplus
The Hound of the Bastardface
August 14th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
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An Affair of the Shart
August 14th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
45
How’s about a one-word title like Catalangers?
August 14th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
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Or I-beer-ia?
August 14th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
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A Bonfire of the Liberties
My Fairview Lady
Doctor Do Lidl
McCarthy’s Spar
August 14th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
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Dolphin’s Barnaby Rudge
August 14th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
49
The Spy Who Loved Meath
August 14th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
50
“What The Butler Heard: A Hot Water Bottle and a Bottle of Bovril”
August 14th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
51
OK, heard enough. I’m out.
August 14th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
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I know I know I know -
The Order of the Phoenix Park 2 and 2 turds and a bit
August 14th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
53
Saw the artwork for the cover. What, no beer gut?
August 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
54
Shhh, nobody’s seen the artwork yet. Nice bit of belly showing though, eh?
August 14th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
55
It’s, um, provocative. The first 3 chapters involve a sit-up regime before your holiday? You might have waxed for fuck’s sake. Or is that the continental look?
August 14th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
56
For fuck sake, I’m planning a break in Barcelona later in the year, if the place is crawling with jackeen turds when I get there I’m holding you responsible.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
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GI - I think it hirsutes me.
Xbox - book’s not out till next year. There are loads of the cunts out there already though.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
58
It’s been seen by everyone who’s read a certain blog since last Friday. Or looked at the pictures (hint hint).
August 14th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
59
Morgor -bonus points from Twenty if you can find dolphin or owl and midget in revealing wedding dress porno!
So very close
August 14th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
60
Busty Brenda ? Pics please.
Still bitter about Celia leaving you for Bertie then Twenty ? Maybe she’ll have you back ?
August 14th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
61
Cecilia, maggot, you halfwit.
August 14th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
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All these bosoms, weddings and now the awesome picture of you ( look better with the beard) with Dolphin and Owl (thanks morgor ) have unsettled me Twenty.
August 14th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
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Take a drink. It’s the only answer
August 14th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
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morgor, what the fuck are you doing to our blog!
Imagine how little sense that would make if you went there without having been here first :)
August 14th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
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Well done, Twenty. best of luck with it.
August 14th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
66
Absinthe Makes the Fart go Longer?
August 14th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
67
excellent title, best of look with the launch. I suggest you give away signed copies as prizes in an upcoming pun competition….
August 14th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
68
look = luck, no sub-editor for me….
August 14th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
69
Cheers, Sam. And ta, Rob. Maybe a prize or two would be in order all right.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
70
A cunning ploy to get our real names and addresses and then Lucky comes calling. Or even worse, Nonny.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
71
A book, a tree, a child.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
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write [2], plant, have
August 14th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
73
Will Owlman
be in the book ?
Owlman has quite a few hits and images on google - including real life reports ftpm Cornwall of attacks!
August 14th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
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Owlman! Twenty has a nemesis! Now all we need is Dolphin Girl, for the underwater adventure segment.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
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The irony is that 95% of these suggestions would actually word as Twenty Major book titles. Not looking to start a fight or anything, just making an observation.
“Tale of Two Titties? Brilliant! You’re a genius Twenty…” etc. etc.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
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Not looking to start a fight or anything
heh, right.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
77
I thought all the Dickens ones were most amusing.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
78
Could it be this Brian ?
August 14th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
79
Brian, you’re never going to top Nonny’s put down: ‘I read your book - IN AN HOUR.
Heh, that told you, eh, Twenty?
August 14th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
80
Yeah, Nonny can add speed reading to her many other talents.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
81
Maybe that’s why she misses the point so much :)
August 14th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
82
Would a third piece of chocolate fudge cake be tempting fate?
August 14th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
83
is Fate worth it?
August 14th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
84
best chocolate fudge cake I’ve ever had - as good as carrot cake.
August 14th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
85
“maggot says:
Could it be this Brian ?”
Ah shite, rumbled. Yes, that’s me - deluded Yank hippy, guilty as charged…
August 15th, 2008 at 12:49 am
86
How about “Portrait of the piss-artist as a smelly old cunt”
August 15th, 2008 at 2:38 am
87
Surely it should be “Absinthe Makes the Fart Go Honda.” Which it does. And that’s pretty fucking embarrassing when you’re at a Kawasaki press conference, believe me…
August 15th, 2008 at 3:04 am
88
Stag party in Barcelona? “All Hat and No Catalan”.
August 15th, 2008 at 7:15 am
89
‘Across the Liffey and into the Trees’ (Ernie)
‘Ussyless’ (Himself)
‘Down all the drinks’ (Christy)
‘Twenty’ by Leon Uris
August 15th, 2008 at 8:59 am
90
I shoulda called it ‘Catch Twenty poo’.
August 15th, 2008 at 9:01 am
91
Or Brownfinger?
August 15th, 2008 at 10:09 am
92
The Plopfather
August 15th, 2008 at 10:32 am
93
Plop!! Or my Mom will shoot!!
August 15th, 2008 at 10:32 am
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Live and let plop
August 15th, 2008 at 10:33 am
95
Journey to the centre of the plop
August 15th, 2008 at 10:33 am
96
Plop Club
August 15th, 2008 at 10:34 am
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The Aeneiplop
August 15th, 2008 at 10:35 am
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The Old Curiosity Plop…
Sorry, Plop, you looked lonely there.
August 15th, 2008 at 10:47 am
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Hold me.
August 15th, 2008 at 11:05 am
100
S.Q.U.A.T.
August 15th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
101
Sex and the Shitty.
August 15th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
102
I haven’t even read the first book.
August 15th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
103
icedcoffee | words says:
[...] Major has the title of book II; ‘Absinthe makes the heart grow [...]
August 16th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
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le craic » Twenty Major’s New Book says:
[...] in February 2009. Called ‘Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder’, the only details Ireland’s #1 most unrepentant smoker will give is that it’s set in Dublin and Barcelona and involves a stag [...]
August 17th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
105
Very good name.
August 18th, 2008 at 4:10 am
106
u r v.funny man. Have lived in dublin tallaght (badspelling i know) and now just visit palmerstown but stumbled on ur blog and its soo funny ur name grabbed me they used to call my dad woodbine im told so u know do u i dont but what is ur book and where can it be bought as im from THE MAINLAND (hahaha only joking that term FUCKS OFF every irish person i know inc me and i was born in sunny england)but anyhow ur blog dosent say the names of your 2 books can someone tell me i bet they are a class read thanks and dont change u r too cool
August 21st, 2008 at 11:54 pm
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