Book II

Posted on | August 14, 2008 | 108 Comments

I’m close, so very close to finishing it. And I thank God for that. Thank you God for allowing me to find that literary tramp slumped in a doorway who so kindly agreed to ghostwrite the whole thing. And at a bargain price too!

Fuck you Katie Price and Cecilia Ahern, you’re not the only smart ones.

Anyway, the few details I can give you include the fact that it’s set in Dublin and Barcelona, it involves a stag weekend and the title is ‘Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder’.

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Comments

108 Responses to “Book II”

  1. RedLeeroy
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:19 pm

    How are you going to celebrate?

  2. Jo
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:19 pm

    Yay Twenty! Woo!

  3. Monkey Balls
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:31 pm

    Right. Now back to your real job!

  4. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:32 pm

    “Thank fuck thats nearly finished, I’m bursting for a piss!”

    Schubert comments on his 8th (and final) symphony before falling down stairs and impaling himself on his quill. Careful T, you may be tempting fate here!

  5. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:34 pm

    How are you going to celebrate?

    By drinking.

    More.

  6. Fill3rup
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:41 pm

    When is it pencilled in for release?

  7. Conan Drumm
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:44 pm

    Ah, a Homage to Catalonia for the 21st century?

  8. Monkey Balls
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:44 pm

    D’ya know, if I didn’t know Fill3rup, I’d swear you were writing these questions yourself Twenty.

  9. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:46 pm

    Will there be the usual book signing at the news kiosk in Busaras?

  10. Fill3rup
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:47 pm

    MB:Fark aff!! its a legitimate question,you are only annoyed because you didnt get to ask first… :P

  11. Monkey Balls
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:53 pm

    Here’s the rest of the questions, just to save time;

    How much will it cost?
    Will you be doing personal appearances/signings?
    I live in a different shithole to one of the two you mentioned, can I get it from Amazon?
    Does the Ginger Albino feature? (Someone will ask!)
    When is it out again?
    How much do you get out of it? (Don’t tell them!)

    I have the whole lot saved in My Documents. I can Copy & Paste it here anytime you like.

  12. Fill3rup
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:54 pm

    heh…

  13. RedLeeroy
    August 14th, 2008 @ 3:57 pm

    are you going to retire?

  14. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:02 pm

    Ah, a Homage to Catalonia for the 21st century?

    Something like that. Out in Feb 2009.

    And retire, Leeroy? It’s barely 4pm.

  15. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:03 pm

    Here are a few more MB:

    The text at the back of the book looks a little pale. Did the copier run out of toner?
    Punch holes and cable ties, when did you decide on this novel form of binding?
    The word ‘Major’ is spelt with an ‘i’. Do you think this appears on all two hundred copies?

  16. roosta
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:11 pm

    i like the title.

  17. Monkey Balls
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:19 pm

    Throw in a few loose herrings there Twenty.
    Let’s see what they can come up with.

  18. fatmammycat
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:24 pm

    Well done Toot, well done.

  19. Medbh
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:25 pm

    Great title, Twenty.
    Can’t wait to read it.
    Well done!

  20. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:25 pm

    loose herrings…..?

  21. Monkey Balls
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:27 pm

    loose red herrings

  22. Brian
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
  23. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:33 pm

    Are these herrings ‘loose’ in the sense that they are misleading but couldnt give a fuck?

  24. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:36 pm

    Or perhaps easy to get into bed.

  25. Monkey Balls
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:38 pm

    This is me you’re asking.
    Fucking whores of course.

  26. Fill3rup
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

    Ah bless, Brian’s back..

  27. Peadar
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

    fucking waster, what took so long

  28. Monkey Balls
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

    I have to go to work. I expect whores when I get back in the morning.

  29. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:40 pm

    “Great title?! You’re fucking joking me…”

    Christ Twenty, I think a rethink is called for.

    How about this:

    The Smithwick Papers

  30. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:41 pm

    Ah bless, Brian’s back..

    If you stand really really still he can’t see you and he’ll go away.

  31. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:42 pm

    David Coppaberg

  32. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:43 pm

    Little Doritos

  33. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:43 pm

    Nicholas Nickelbag

  34. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:45 pm

    Leak House

  35. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:46 pm

    A Tale of Two Titties

  36. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:49 pm

    Martin Guzzletwit

  37. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:50 pm

    …and I havent even started on Shakespeare yet!

  38. Fill3rup
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:53 pm

    Busty Brenda’s Bollock Bonanza…

  39. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:54 pm

    “Busty Brenda’s Bollock Bonanza…”

    Sorry F, never got into Voltaire.

  40. 10 PARK DRIVE
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:56 pm

    More like Damage to Catalonia I bet. Dobes y’amo.

  41. Hooronahonda
    August 14th, 2008 @ 4:59 pm

    Good luck with the last few pages Twenty. Always remember, its i before e except after d.

  42. Tinman18
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:01 pm

    “…and I havent even started on Shakespeare yet!”

    Allow me, HOAH …

    The Merchant of Ennis
    Twelfth Nit (a book about lice)
    Bigmac Betg
    Much Ado about Nutting (a book about Zidane)
    Othello, is it me you’re looking for?
    Julius Caesar Salad
    , H

  43. Conan Drumm
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:05 pm

    A Tale of Two Shities?

  44. Conan Drumm
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:06 pm

    Winning the Poo?

  45. Tinman18
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:08 pm

    Also,

    The World According to Harp
    A Hat Full of Skyplus
    The Hound of the Bastardface

  46. Tinman18
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:09 pm

    An Affair of the Shart

  47. Conan Drumm
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:10 pm

    How’s about a one-word title like Catalangers?

  48. Tinman18
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:12 pm

    Or I-beer-ia?

  49. Tinman18
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:17 pm

    A Bonfire of the Liberties
    My Fairview Lady
    Doctor Do Lidl
    McCarthy’s Spar

  50. Boggle
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:21 pm

    Dolphin’s Barnaby Rudge

  51. Boggle
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:22 pm

    The Spy Who Loved Meath

  52. Boggle
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:28 pm

    “What The Butler Heard: A Hot Water Bottle and a Bottle of Bovril”

  53. Boggle
    August 14th, 2008 @ 5:28 pm

    OK, heard enough. I’m out.

  54. Peadar
    August 14th, 2008 @ 6:03 pm

    I know I know I know -

    The Order of the Phoenix Park 2 and 2 turds and a bit

  55. Green Ink
    August 14th, 2008 @ 6:30 pm

    Saw the artwork for the cover. What, no beer gut?

  56. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 6:33 pm

    Shhh, nobody’s seen the artwork yet. Nice bit of belly showing though, eh?

  57. Green Ink
    August 14th, 2008 @ 6:35 pm

    It’s, um, provocative. The first 3 chapters involve a sit-up regime before your holiday? You might have waxed for fuck’s sake. Or is that the continental look?

  58. Xbox4NappyRash
    August 14th, 2008 @ 6:38 pm

    For fuck sake, I’m planning a break in Barcelona later in the year, if the place is crawling with jackeen turds when I get there I’m holding you responsible.

  59. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 6:41 pm

    GI – I think it hirsutes me.

    Xbox – book’s not out till next year. There are loads of the cunts out there already though.

  60. Green Ink
    August 14th, 2008 @ 6:48 pm

    It’s been seen by everyone who’s read a certain blog since last Friday. Or looked at the pictures (hint hint).

  61. morgor the shameless
    August 14th, 2008 @ 7:00 pm

    Morgor -bonus points from Twenty if you can find dolphin or owl and midget in revealing wedding dress porno!

    So very close

  62. maggot
    August 14th, 2008 @ 7:00 pm

    Busty Brenda ? Pics please.

    Still bitter about Celia leaving you for Bertie then Twenty ? Maybe she’ll have you back ?

  63. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 7:02 pm

    Cecilia, maggot, you halfwit.

  64. maggot
    August 14th, 2008 @ 7:05 pm

    All these bosoms, weddings and now the awesome picture of you ( look better with the beard) with Dolphin and Owl (thanks morgor ) have unsettled me Twenty.

  65. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 7:06 pm

    Take a drink. It’s the only answer

  66. Jo
    August 14th, 2008 @ 7:26 pm

    morgor, what the fuck are you doing to our blog!

    Imagine how little sense that would make if you went there without having been here first :)

  67. problemchildbride
    August 14th, 2008 @ 8:17 pm

    Well done, Twenty. best of luck with it.

  68. Holemaster
    August 14th, 2008 @ 8:41 pm

    Absinthe Makes the Fart go Longer?

  69. Rob
    August 14th, 2008 @ 10:24 pm

    excellent title, best of look with the launch. I suggest you give away signed copies as prizes in an upcoming pun competition….

  70. Rob
    August 14th, 2008 @ 10:25 pm

    look = luck, no sub-editor for me….

  71. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 10:27 pm

    Cheers, Sam. And ta, Rob. Maybe a prize or two would be in order all right.

  72. maggot
    August 14th, 2008 @ 10:34 pm

    A cunning ploy to get our real names and addresses and then Lucky comes calling. Or even worse, Nonny.

  73. missy
    August 14th, 2008 @ 10:35 pm

    A book, a tree, a child.

  74. missy
    August 14th, 2008 @ 10:39 pm

    write [2], plant, have

  75. maggot
    August 14th, 2008 @ 10:41 pm

    Will Owlman
    be in the book ?

    Owlman has quite a few hits and images on google – including real life reports ftpm Cornwall of attacks!

  76. Jo
    August 14th, 2008 @ 10:49 pm

    Owlman! Twenty has a nemesis! Now all we need is Dolphin Girl, for the underwater adventure segment.

  77. Brian
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:06 pm

    The irony is that 95% of these suggestions would actually word as Twenty Major book titles. Not looking to start a fight or anything, just making an observation.

    “Tale of Two Titties? Brilliant! You’re a genius Twenty…” etc. etc.

  78. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:09 pm

    Not looking to start a fight or anything

    heh, right.

  79. Jo
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:18 pm

    I thought all the Dickens ones were most amusing.

  80. maggot
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:19 pm

    Could it be this Brian ?

  81. Jo
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:21 pm

    Brian, you’re never going to top Nonny’s put down: ‘I read your book – IN AN HOUR.

    Heh, that told you, eh, Twenty?

  82. Twenty Major
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:23 pm

    Yeah, Nonny can add speed reading to her many other talents.

  83. Jo
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:30 pm

    Maybe that’s why she misses the point so much :)

  84. maggot
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:41 pm

    Would a third piece of chocolate fudge cake be tempting fate?

  85. stipes
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:46 pm

    is Fate worth it?

  86. maggot
    August 14th, 2008 @ 11:48 pm

    best chocolate fudge cake I’ve ever had – as good as carrot cake.

  87. Brian
    August 15th, 2008 @ 12:49 am

    “maggot says:

    Could it be this Brian ?”

    Ah shite, rumbled. Yes, that’s me – deluded Yank hippy, guilty as charged…

  88. Second mouse
    August 15th, 2008 @ 2:38 am

    How about “Portrait of the piss-artist as a smelly old cunt”

  89. Bearhunter
    August 15th, 2008 @ 3:04 am

    Surely it should be “Absinthe Makes the Fart Go Honda.” Which it does. And that’s pretty fucking embarrassing when you’re at a Kawasaki press conference, believe me…

  90. Boggle
    August 15th, 2008 @ 7:15 am

    Stag party in Barcelona? “All Hat and No Catalan”.

  91. Batty O'Sullivan
    August 15th, 2008 @ 8:59 am

    ‘Across the Liffey and into the Trees’ (Ernie)
    ‘Ussyless’ (Himself)
    ‘Down all the drinks’ (Christy)
    ‘Twenty’ by Leon Uris

  92. Twenty Major
    August 15th, 2008 @ 9:01 am

    I shoulda called it ‘Catch Twenty poo’.

  93. Holemaster
    August 15th, 2008 @ 10:09 am

    Or Brownfinger?

  94. Plop
    August 15th, 2008 @ 10:32 am

    The Plopfather

  95. Plop
    August 15th, 2008 @ 10:32 am

    Plop!! Or my Mom will shoot!!

  96. Plop
    August 15th, 2008 @ 10:33 am

    Live and let plop

  97. Plop
    August 15th, 2008 @ 10:33 am

    Journey to the centre of the plop

  98. Plop
    August 15th, 2008 @ 10:34 am

    Plop Club

  99. Plop
    August 15th, 2008 @ 10:35 am

    The Aeneiplop

  100. Tinman18
    August 15th, 2008 @ 10:47 am

    The Old Curiosity Plop…

    Sorry, Plop, you looked lonely there.

  101. Plop
    August 15th, 2008 @ 11:05 am

    Hold me.

  102. Fill3rup
    August 15th, 2008 @ 12:33 pm

    S.Q.U.A.T.

  103. Batty O'Sullivan
    August 15th, 2008 @ 1:05 pm

    Sex and the Shitty.

  104. Batty O'Sullivan
    August 15th, 2008 @ 3:11 pm

    I haven’t even read the first book.

  105. icedcoffee | words
    August 16th, 2008 @ 12:15 pm

    [...] Major has the title of book II; ‘Absinthe makes the heart grow [...]

  106. le craic » Twenty Major’s New Book
    August 17th, 2008 @ 5:55 pm

    [...] in February 2009. Called ‘Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder’, the only details Ireland’s #1 most unrepentant smoker will give is that it’s set in Dublin and Barcelona and involves a stag [...]

  107. G G Allin
    August 18th, 2008 @ 4:10 am

    Very good name.

  108. nicola hegartymchugh (cnt decide)
    August 21st, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

    u r v.funny man. Have lived in dublin tallaght (badspelling i know) and now just visit palmerstown but stumbled on ur blog and its soo funny ur name grabbed me they used to call my dad woodbine im told so u know do u i dont but what is ur book and where can it be bought as im from THE MAINLAND (hahaha only joking that term FUCKS OFF every irish person i know inc me and i was born in sunny england)but anyhow ur blog dosent say the names of your 2 books can someone tell me i bet they are a class read thanks and dont change u r too cool

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