Monthly Archives: August 2008
Attention span deficit
I did not watch Barack Obama’s speech. Speeches bore the fucking tits off me. I have a low enough attention span as it is. Having to listen to some bloke talk for an hour, or more, is my idea of … Continue reading
Musical truths – part 1
The lead singer of The Sundays sounded much cuter than she actually was.
Morning dilemma
“I’ll be there at 9!”, he said. Now it’s half-nine and he still hasn’t arrived. I am now in the precarious position that I very much need to have a poo but I know that the moment I sit down … Continue reading
Recession? What recession?
Spotted in Superquinn. It should be legal to smash the face in of anyone who buys this. The ultimate cunt accessory.
They don’t come true, mostly
Stinking Pete claims his is when he’s violated by loveable alien Alf who then proceedes to tell everyone what had happened. This causes many people to point and laugh at him and then he gives birth to alien babies from … Continue reading
Missed calls
This morning I rang a wrong number. It went to the answering machine and I hung up when I realised it was the wrong number. A couple of hours later the phone rang. “Hello”, I said. “What?”, said a voice. … Continue reading
Lend me your ears
“Twenty”, said Dirty Dave, “did you see they found a huge statue of a Roman ruler in Turkey?” “No, I did not”. “It’s odd though, isn’t it?” “What is?” “That they would make a statue like that?” “Is it?” “I … Continue reading
Speckled eyeballs
I have spent the day painting ceilings (they get a bit yellowed with all the smoke, don’t you know). However, I believe I should have worn some kind of goggles as my previously captivating hazel eyes are now splattered with … Continue reading
A green solution
A guy came into Ron’s Bar last night and tried to shoot a customer in the head. He missed but I have to say we were outraged. You can’t just walk into a bar and start shooting at people. What … Continue reading
A guy came into Ron’s Bar last night and tried to shoot a customer in the head. He missed but I have to say we were outraged.
You can’t just walk into a bar and start shooting at people. What kind of animals are they? I don’t give a fuck if you want to kill somebody but if you know what bar he drinks in then you know where he lives and shooting somebody in a bar is hugely disruptive.
People start screaming (Dirty Dave) and running around with their hands in the air bemoaning the lack of manners and principles today (Stinking Pete) and generally getting over excited. People go to bars to have some beer or other booze and forget about their troubles. If these scumbag knackers are so determined to shoot somebody they should just wait until the person has finished their hooch. It’s basic manners, let’s be realistic about it.
The guy they were trying to shoot in Ron’s was a nobody. They got him mixed up with his brother who is a cunt. Thankfully no innocent people were hurt in this savage attack but the guy who shot the gun is now pulp and at the bottom of Ron’s green bin.
Recycling is good, sometimes.