I’ve been hearing and reading about this new searching engine called Cuil which is apparently pronounced ‘cool’.
It should be pronounced ‘crap’.
It’s all well and good saying you’re going to compete with Google but you’re not going to compete with Dirty Dave’s home made Google (a set of Encyclopedia Brittanica with a Texas Instruments calculator sellotaped to the front of it) with crap search results.
Naturally I searched for twenty major. Despite saying they wouldn’t be relying on Wikipedia like Google it’s the first result up. Then you click for the next page of results and it tells you that no results have been found. Click back and try again and it brings you through. I got to about 5 pages and still had found no results whatsoever for my site (the .net, it has loads for the old Blogspot blog though, ironically enough owned and powered by Google). After that I got bored trying to make the site work,
A search for “twenty major” returned no results whatsoever three times in a row then brought up the exact same results as the previous search.
From the article:
The would-be Google rival says its service goes beyond prevailing search techniques that focus on Web links and audience traffic patterns and instead analyzes the context of each page and the concepts behind each user search request.
What fucking concepts? I am searching for something. I want you to give me results. I don’t want concepts or analysis. I can figure that out for myself.
Some more random searches bring results which are, for the most part, pretty rubbish and often irrelevant to what I’m looking for.
So, I’ll stick with Google. It might be a monster corportation, an ad company more than a search company but at least I can find good stuff. With Cuil I still haven’t found what I’m looking for and any search engine that turns me into Bono can get fucked.
Update: Having given it a day or two to find its feet, this morning I searched for my entire URL. I put in http://twentymajor.net and not one single result in the first five pages was from my site. I didn’t go any further than five pages because it would have been pointless. You want results on the first page, nobody goes five pages in.
There were loads of pictures of Tom Raftery though.
Another search for ‘twenty major blog’ returned 0 results.
A search for ‘twenty major smoking blog’ returned a massive 1 result which was for Grandad.
Sorry Cuil, but your site is rubbish and I won’t be using it ever again.
U2, huh?
I’ll get me coat.
I cuiled myself this morning as a tester.
Nothing.
I’m not famous or anything but I know there are some direct references to me on a few sites.
First on the list was Perry Groves, ex Arsenal footballer.
I’m not sure I want to “Cuilie” myself. Isn’t that some sort of slang for big mangey coldsores or something??
What I want to know is how these guys allegedly got $25m in funding.
Very uncuil.
i tried it yesterday, the server was down
121,617,892,992 websites and there’s nothin on
121,617,892,992 websites and there’S nothin on
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So is Google the new Microsoft then? It works pretty well for me, I have to admit.
I typed in internet, it exploded.
Shite name. If you’re going to use an Irish name for a brand, think about it long and hard. Cuil is crap, it could be mistaken for Kill, Quill, Cull, etc. It’s rubbish.
Also the first page is all black and reflective. I don’t want to see myself in the morning on the computer.
Rummage would be a good name for a search engine…
I rummaged it….. Stop asking me, go fucking rummage it.
I’m shamed by the blogging world’s geekery. Damien Mulley’s site makes me feel like a small, foolish girl-child. As is evident, I can’t even type.
Couple interesting hits for maggot
Maggot Brain
And the really gross, perverted and NOT WORK SAFE
Maggot Lover
I might have known something as shinner as Cuil would lead to deviancy!
ugh, christ. And I thought stepping on a slug was bad. Not that I’m going to look, mind. LALALALA
The mouse hovered over maggot’s link, daring me to click it, i mean how much trouble could I really get into ??
Scary thought – There are people out there even sicker than the reprobates Twenty has as regulars.
meh, i tried one search and it was ok.
By the way, does anyone else here love Old Gregg?
WARNING: Do not type the word “search engine” into Cuil. This will cause an infinite reality loop, which could result in the end of the universe as we know it.
100% of FACT.
I considered disagreeing with that, but as someone once expressed his delight at the thought of fucking my five year old, I won’t argue with the terms sick or reprobate…
Jesus Jo – that really was outrageous.
It’s ok, Tinman gave out to him :)
It’s going to be some aeons before I learn to find that sort of thing funny, though.
Eww, was that on here?
Yep.
But I find the ‘What’s better than shagging twenty six year olds?’ pretty much in the same category – though perhaps it doens’t land the same if you don’t currently have a small child…
It was in response to mourning the good old days of filth and evil, rather than chats and going for pints I think. A reclaiming of territory, and I understand it as such. But still…
When was that?
A good while ago now. I couldn’t tell you. And I think the name disappeared into the ether again. Don’t worry about it.
Fair enough.
I went looking for myself too found very little except some dodgy german looking dj……which is not me……
Christ Jo. That’d make you give up the interweb.
Even though I’ve never met any of your good selves, I feel very protective towards to you all with the exception of FCS.
Keano, Keano, Keano,
There’s only one Keano.
And isn’t that wanker from cork
Maggot, I’m afraid to click on your links. I’m a chicken. Can’t even look at rotten.com
And it isn’t ……………
Is it Jimmy Keano from Offaly?
Cuil.com is great… I typed in “My car keys” and it said “In your pocket”. So then I put them in the fridge and did it again and it said “Beside the butter”. Brilliant.
haha
And isn’t that wanker from cork
Is is the Desperate Dan looking cunt from Tallaght? Poxy prick and now a Scouse poxy prick.
Holemaster – I’ll bet Johnny5 is the end one!
Once he scores 20+ goals I don’t care how much of a prick he is.
Tallaght is poxy alright
when i enter ‘how to murder amy winehouse’ into cuil i get some strange results, but when i type ‘how to murder robbie keane’ i get nothing. strange.
Hey Peader, maybe Liverpool can teach him the offside rule the useless cunt. He will be at home in Liverpool, his thieving Tallaght ways, and the Liverpudlians overwhelming dress sense should make him more than comfortable.
I hope he snaps both his achilles after celebrating his first goal with his trademark tumble and gunslinger routine, the fucking cock.
The signing of Keane is the last piece of the jigsaw in lining up the greatest battle of our generation – The Doomsday Knacker Battle between Stevie G and Robbie K. It will probably be the usual messy one on one battle to the death, but they should consider a Superstars type confrontation where the two wealthy scobes enter into a battle of (no, definitely not wits) shiny tracksuits as they test their skills – hubcap lifting, shop liftling, legging it from the shades, knocking up teenage gurlz and of course, signing on the dole.
Sometimes I miss being on the islands. Still scary how much cash has been spent on Keane over the last 10 years – Coventry will probably get a cut of this deal.
Oh that Keano.
He’s a right gay cunt.
Its a pity the two robbies wont be playing together (fowler & Keane). They’re enough to give any back line nightmares.
…and I dont mean their dazzling ball control skills.
Wow, he’s not very popular here, is he? Ye are begrudging shower of cunts.
He gave up that stupid celebration ages ago
Story 20? How goes it these days? This new country is fierce strange – which says a lot for new countries in general but thankfully my drug free environment is keeping the productivity at a splendid standard so I don’t really notice just how fucking strange this new lot are.
I have even taken to having my Guinness imported to avoid them making any form of profit from my drinking – they have a weasel-esque attitude to charging people for every scratch of the balls. Bit paranoid too. Still, good fun when you don’t even make up stories about the Irish and they think you are exaggerating. I feel a jolly boys outing to Sheriff St coming along ….
If you saw these two running at you it would be like watching Jurassic Park in 3D.
No he didn’t Peader – he still does it with all the panache and style of a Sunday league footballer down in Rathfarnham.
It’s all good Ubollix. Mostly. Where are you these days?
I never saw him do it once for spurs last season
Hey Major, you want an argument..my girlfriend says you are a cunt, Cuil is extremly good, but perhaps you need to read the instructions properly uou spas…her words not mine, but I am inclined to go with her opinion as she is in the business.
With respect to your girlfriend she’s talking out of her arse. I’ve been using it all morning and it’s worse than asking an old man something.
A boring hell Twenty.
A real life, before death, boring hell.
The work is great. Not for everyone but still one of those dreamish type contracts of employment. So I’m happy which is really all that matters at the end of the day.
I saw him do it for sure last season – during of those stupid 5-5 draws they had over christmas.
I think. Then again, I was exceptionally shitfaced all day every day. Great place for christmas drinking.
Well if you’re happy then I’m … erm … reasonably please. Or something.
You’re in hell yet you’re happy?
Aha!
Enter ” Major, Twenty ” into Cuil and bingo!
Even the book is on the first page.
Happiness is a cigar called, no that isn’t it, em, let’s see, happiness is when you are happy, nope, that can’t be right, no I got it, happiness is when you realise you deserve to be there.
Happy in hell. Have to be.
That’s right.
There is nothing reasonable about being pleased Twenty. In fact, they are two words that are actually anti-words.
only link for my blog goes to some prick who gave me a score of 6/10.
lets call it 3 stars outta 5 though…. nicer.
I dunno, there are degrees of pleasure, surely.
He doesn’t seem orgasmically pleased…
Holemaster, re your interweb comment, I did think about that, I’ll admit.
What did he give you that for, B’dum?
“But I find the ‘What’s better than shagging twenty six year olds?’ pretty much in the same category – though perhaps it doens’t land the same if you don’t currently have a small child…”
That joke as reported on here a little while back by Twenty was “What’s the Worst thing about shagging etc etc”.
I replied with the context of the original in mind and asked of the aforesaid Mr Major ‘Shouldn’t that be “What’s the best thing etc etc”‘.
So you see even our crude ‘n’ snide Twenty has his limits. He’s no Chris Morris.
As for Cuil, I’d love to see it out search the tabloid Google.
What’s the big deal with no limits? What’s wrong with limits? I don’t really get bad taste for its own sake, as opposed to humour’s. Just so you can be seen to be … what?
Hmm, I sound prim. I’m far from prim, really.
The point I was trying to make Jo was, not that I endorse paedophilia, I most certainly do not, but that, even though Twenty uses copious amounts of what is considered the last great swear word there are some avenues he will not venture down.
Passages, even.
Hmm, apparently I don’t exist on Cuil. There are probably several people who wish its results were accurate at that rate! Back to Google, where they do love me…
Heh! Damn, I’m going to burn in Hell!
I’m not sure how an enthusiasm for saying cunt (and so on) means you should also embrace paedophilia? Thw wishing violent death on everybody does get wearing. I’ll admit :)
I’m sitting on my hands so as not to travel any further down the ‘passage’ route today.
Back on track though. I think that the good thing about Cuil is that it’s not going down the popularity route that Google uses.
When I have to search for solutions with Google I have to wade through an enormous amount of shite to get what I want.
I think Cuil could have great academic use.
“it’s worse than asking an old man something”
Twenty, I think you’re onto something there. Cuil is probably an old boy with a laptop in a cottage at the back of the beyonds in the Conamara Gaeltacht.
You’d think he’s got parkinsons but he’s actually shaking with laughter at the size of the “deontas” he got out of Údarás na Gaeltachta.
“Twenty, I think you’re onto something there. Cuil is probably an old boy with a laptop in a cottage at the back of the beyonds in the Conamara Gaeltacht.”
Paradise. For me anyway….. Well, once I have a missus…. oh and a border collie to go to the shops for me coz you can train them to do that.
Jo, surely he gave me less than 11/10 because he’s the man and cannot comprehend my extreme views on supermarket shelves!
I have been pondering fame in the age of the www. Seeing as how many people are so bitterly disappointed at not finding a reference to themselves on a relatively new search engine. Here is the question, does appearing on a search engine either under your pseudonym or with your real name constitute your fifteen minutes of fame? And if you are overlooked by search engines does this mean your moment in the Sun is gone forever? Surely the criterion for fame is no longer how briefly your face remains in the public eye, a la Warhol, but how many hits you get on the interweb? Twenty is probably the most famous person I dont know. Does that make any sense?
oops!
Sorry, thought my web connection was fucked for a moment.
Yeah so out with it!
I was going to say whats wrong with looking people up in the phone book and in the court reports? Use the most reliable search engine in the world, your own brain!
..this excludes Monkey balls.
…and Morgor
..and holemaster.
fatcocksacker.
Supergrover.
Forget I said anything.
Oh dear – back to the drawing board
“Cuil gives users a richer display of results [such as] images to identify topics,” reads the company’s press release. And as loyal Reg reader Jonathan Grattage points out, he and his quantum research are identified with “little pictures of a US serviceman and a guy masturbating over some other poor sap”:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/07/29/cuil_launch/