Musical instruments
I have never been able to play a musical instrument although I have made music. Sweet, sweet computer music but music nonetheless.
I think if I could pick any instrument to be able to play it’d be the bass guitar. You just can’t have the funk without the bass, can you?
Plus guitar players annoy me, especially when you’re at a party and some cunt takes his out and starts strumming and singing. Where are you supposed to look? WHERE?
Those people need a solid thrashing.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Plus guitar players annoy me, especially when you’re at a party and some cunt takes his out and starts strumming and singing. Where are you supposed to look? WHERE?
Those people need a solid thrashing.
That Eric Clapton guy is a bit of a show off at parties.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
look him in the eye, threateningly, until he stops.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
“Where are you supposed to look? WHERE?”
at the girl with the biggest tits, of course.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
look him in the eye, threateningly, until he stops.
But it’s hard to keep your eyes off your toes curling.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Fascinating. And to think someone was saying Irish blogging was a boring snooze fest… :)
July 28th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Next time one of those show offy gits takes out his guitar, you take out your fender from Guitar Hero III and play that sucker acoustically
click click click whammy click click
July 28th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Guiter players are knobs, just look at the Edge and Slash….I rest my case m’lud
July 28th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
No, really, isn’t it great when you’re at a party and someone takes out their instrument…
“there’s no rule which says you can’t disagree with somebody about something”
July 28th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
heh
Are you a player, Conan?
July 28th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
“Plus guitar players annoy me, especially when you’re at a party and some cunt takes his out and starts strumming and singing. Where are you supposed to look? WHERE?”
You think that’s bad! What about when you’re at a great party, some cretin whips out his guitar and launches into a medley of Joan Baez protest songs! Talk about pissing on me chips!
July 28th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
aw shucks twenty..my day has come at last
July 28th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I play the acoustic and electric guitar, the latter is my favourite particularly playing, I want to break free or Mr Blue Sky. I cannot sing so tend not to whip my guitar out and start singing. People generally harass me to play then sing themselves. In fairness you can do fark all with a base unless your in a band. Do you want to be in a band Sir? I hope to get a piano this year and my niceee and I can learn to play. Then we will join a travelling show band, singing and dancing and making our own clothes.
Why don’t you learn to play whilst you have all this free time on your hands?
July 28th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
You are sooo right about the bass.
It’s the nuts, the bollocks, of it all.
Low, deep, dark bass notes go straight to the the soul.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
What I do when that happens is start my New Kids on the Block dance routine to “HANGIN TOUGH”…..that usually stops any guitars dead in their tracks……
July 28th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
No, but I had a brief flirtation with the dble bass many years ago, when I was fit enough to carry one.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
If you play bass you’d better get used to the guitar player bitching at you to “stay on the bottom!” They get upset if you play anything but root notes. Guitar players get quite jealous when that chick with the big tits starts looking at the bass player.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
“Plus guitar players annoy me, especially when you’re at a party and some cunt takes his out”
I only play when requested to and when more than 50% of the room wants to hear.
Some of the most talented guitarists/ musicians are not to be found on albums or on stages, but in their bedrooms and at such parties.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
A lot of bassists are ex-guitarists and always want to play lead. They may be the same general shape but are wholly different animals.
90% of the time, bass should be locked in tight with the kit and provide a solid floor. The groove is then well and truly on.
Check out ‘Niteklub’ by The Specials. Bass solo stuff without ever abandoning the groove.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Hey, Ibanez, I used to have a fretless Ibanez Roadstar. It was sweet but the electronics couldn’t really deliver for live use. I wish I hadn’t sold it.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
It had a cartridge slot in the back.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
the ironing is I dont use Ibanez anymore. Im mostly playing Fender Jazz Geddy Lee signature edition.
I can confirm that the bass players get the best girls :-)
July 28th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
“I can confirm that the bass players get the best girls”
Nah! Drummers do.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I was at a party once where I had one too many, and decided to take out my instrument…
i was politely asked to leave..
July 28th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
What free time, Nonny?
Grover, haha, excellent.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
“Im mostly playing Fender Jazz Geddy Lee signature edition.”
Oooh, fancy.
2001 3-EQ Musicman Stingray
July 28th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Twenty, lesson 1 – Country music.
Play a note, then play the one geographically just above it (lower 5th).
Repeat.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Well your at home writing book, you could easily squish in learning to play.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Lesson 2 – U2.
Play the same note all the time. Get rich.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
“I can confirm that the bass players get the best girls”
Nah, rapists do.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
torqemada, torquemada? why is that name familiar ??
July 28th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
i was reading the other day that drummers are in the same physical condition as professional footballers.
My brother’s a bass player but apart from him bass players are always way sexier than lead guitarists. They’re quieter and more mysterious. And they’re funnier too.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Nothing sexier than a man with a geetar. And Eric Clapton while my guitar gently weeps,great stuff. Except perhaps for a well played saxophone.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
actually that was George Harrison – doh!
July 28th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
“Where are you supposed to look? WHERE?
Those people need a solid thrashing.”
especially when it’s “one of their own songs”. it’s 3am, I’m pished outta my head, i’m waiting for the rollie to come back round my way, play something i know or the guitars goin up your jaxie.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Worse than the guitarist (at least some of them have talent) is the twat who keeps changing music on the stereo and trying to explain to everyone about obscure music while you’re just trying to chill.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Hmm. I read that about drummers too. In the Irish Times! Drummers may be fit, but they’re not so good for conversation, and they fucking tap stuff and fidget all the time, it’s wearing.
I’ve slept with two bass players, and one guitarist. But I married the guitarist. Make of that what you will. You will be happy to know, Twenty, that he refuses to whip his out at parties, for exactly the same cringing reasons. In 15 years, I’ve never seen him succumb.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
“I’ve slept with two bass players, and one guitarist. But I married the guitarist.”
Proving that bassists are way cooler.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
It’s good to hear he doesn’t just whip it out at parties, Jo.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Yes, yes, I said it on purpose, no need to harp on it – I thought that comedic ground had already been covered above and I was just following suit.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
SG, hehe.
Except perhaps for a well played saxophone.
Ugh, saxophones are the seediest instrument known to man.
I just think of the saxophone player in the lost boys whenever someone mentions that instrument.
Michael Bolton or whoever he is.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Heh heh, orange boobs, and chains and sweat. Oh yeah. Still a sexy song though. The sax is great.
For some reason every time I go to say the word saxophone, my brain presents me with jaccuzzi instead. Strange one.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I still can’t say oboe without saying omoboboe
July 28th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
hahaha
July 28th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Ha, third reich anthems. Third reich synth anthems, maybe.
What’s omaboboe from?
I love Homer singing ‘Saxomophooone’
July 28th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Other sites get a much better class of troll than fatcocksacker, the illiterate, retarded cuntbag. If you’re reading this fats, and I know you are, fuck off and give it a fucking rest.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
fcs does not post, he merely comments. I think the comment-removal is warrented. A rain is gonna come and was the shit off the streets, eh? Or words to that effect.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Also from the Simpsons, Jo.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Scum, that’s it. Not shit.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
twenty…
can you also remove my post to fcs cos now i look like a loon?
you can keep the hahaha which is now after your post
July 28th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
And wash not was. Meh!
July 28th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Done and done.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Yeah, Twenty, while you sorting that out for SuperGrover, will also fix all my typos? It souldn’t take that long, there’ll still be time for nonny to give yo uguitar lessons.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
When I was younger and my brother wanted to piss me off he’d whip out his accordian and play it badly, deliberately – Our mother would always back him up cos he would say he was just practicing.
The Bastard, I still consider it an instrument of torture.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
If it wasn’t for pornography, the saxaphone would have passed off into extinction.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I’m engaged to a bass player. Who could resist this baby?
July 28th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
There’s this bloke, his name is Mark. He’s married to the sister of my brother’s wife. He has a guitar. He brings it with him wherever he goes. He’s the reason I don’t go to family gatherings with the same gusto as I ought to have.
He’s a cunt.
And another thing, all the good music has been done already. The only way forward is to sample the fuck out of it, distort it, and add a little reverb/vibratto/compression/echo/ring-modulation (Oooh-arrrh! F’nukk, F’nukk!). There’s no longer any need for traditional instruments. The future is digital.
….And every ‘musician’ is a cunt.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
I am a very exceptional multi-instrumentalist, trapped in the body of a talentless, lazy bastard.
My mate is learning to play bass, his sense of timing is on a par with that of a digestive biscuit, so it should be fun.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I knew a bunch of cunts in London, who once invited me to take part in a rehearsal with their new ‘band’. I explained that I couldn’t play an instrument, or sing, and I was told it wouldn’t be a problem. I could come along and just scream my head off if I wanted.
I didn’t go. They became the ‘Lo-Fidelity All-stars’.
Phew! Lucky escape!
July 28th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
“You’re at a party and some cunt takes his out and starts strumming and singing.”
That’s precisely when you do wish the cunt had a guitar ….
July 28th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Jack Bruce Rules – check link
nephew grub’s joke
Q : What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend ?
A : Homeless
July 28th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Cunt strummer at a party?…1 easy solution…
ALWAYS have an mp3 player with an phono out lead on it..while the cunt is murdering a Dylan song or something else wanky to impress the girls.. Simply select the Loudest Drum n Bass tunes from your player, plug into the stereo and let er rip (for added effect you can stare at beardy sixstring soapdodger while you do it)..
Just a thought..
July 28th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Try being a drummer. People really don’t like it when you break out your snare at a party and start playing away.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I worked in a guitar shop for years and I play guitar, but I can safely say that 98% of guitar players are cunts.
That’s all I have to say on the matter.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
MB: were they really cunts? I heard the main guy was a twat alright..he thought he was a genius..
I liked their 1st album mind ,couple of very good tracks on it..
July 28th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
They were all up their own arses, which is the same as being up each other’s arses, but in a selfish, me, me, me, kinda bad way.
I agree about that first album, there were a couple of half-decent tracks on it, but it only proves that they suffered from having only one or two good ideas. They were a spent force before they even got off the ground, and only got a contract by being in the right place at someone else’s right time.
They needed me, but I was already on a mission. My spunk was needed elsewhere.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
He he …Spunk..
July 28th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
What kind of a prick brings a guitar to a party anyway “just in case”.
Shove it into the washing machine with all the crockery when he’s finished.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Use it as a Stair Sled….
it gets destroyed,you have a laugh in the process
July 28th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
I’m sorry. It’s a hot day here in Tallaght, and I’ve been drinking all day. I’m pretty pissed already.
Why am I sorry? Because I said there were a couple of half-decent tracks on Lo-Fidelity All-Stars 1st album. There isn’t. They’re just a bunch of cunts, and wouldn’t even put me on their guest-list that time they played in the Olympia. Fuckin’ bassstarddSSS!!!
C-C-C-CUNTZ!!!!!
I fuckin’ hate them!!!!!
CUNTS!
July 28th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
THats more like MB,dont hold back…
July 28th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
And on that note, watch as I swivel 180 degrees on my heel, lift my elbows to exaggerate the swell of my chest, and fall falt on my back, cracking my skull open on the hard concrete.
At least I made my point.
July 28th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Still on for pints on Thurday then?
July 28th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah!
I’m always still on for pints. Will I rally up the troops? Or will you do it, ‘cos you’re better at that sort of stuff?
You’re much better at making coffee too.
(Two sugars)
July 28th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
As amatter of fact i do make excellent coffee (coffee,sugar and milk in first,stir, then stir in the boiling water)
I think the rest of them are unable to make it,but i’ll send out a mail anyway just to annoy them..
July 28th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
No! Coffee goes like this;
Coffee, coffee, coffee, sugar, sugar, more coffee.
Hot water.
Just the ‘m out of the milk (We don’t want to drown it, do we?)
More coffee to taste.
July 28th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
and after aaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllll you’re my wonder waaaaalllllllllllll.
the pricks that play a guitar and sing that^?
July 28th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
No B’dum, they’re not the worst. At least that song was vacuous to begin with.
It’s the cunts who murder decent songs, like eh…
eh….
July 28th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Eh……
July 28th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Monkey, what happened the pirate bay?
July 28th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Aw yeah, the Pirate Bay, I forgot about them.
Talk about backing a lame horse!
Never trust a Pirate.
Arrrhhhh!
July 28th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Supergrover, you look like a messed up Dodd….well done sir
July 28th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
I thank you, but must give credit to David Lynch for that one
July 28th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Is the Pirate Bay gone. That place was great.
July 29th, 2008 at 12:18 am
Twenty, re: your ‘Does anyone else think he’s crap?’ Tom Waits comment on Jim Carroll’s blog: what kind of music do you like, then? I mean, what was the last gig you were at, or album you bought?
July 29th, 2008 at 12:31 am
The only reason bands have a bass player is to translate for the drummer.
Q: What do you throw a drowning bass player?
A: An anvil.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
Yes, I play guitar.
July 29th, 2008 at 12:34 am
I don’t like TomWaits either. I can understand why people rate him. In the same way that I have little if any time for The Rolling Stones.
But I appreciate that they are good “art” if not necessarily my cup of bovril.
I will now stop answering questions that were not addressed to me, except to say that my last gig was radiohead, and my next one will be Kraftwerk. I will also be seeing Rich Hall as well, but now I am just balthering, as some cunt has access to Chris Rock tickets but refuses to share…
For shame….
July 29th, 2008 at 12:35 am
*blathering, christ my spelling has become dreadful since I stopped kidnapping schoolchildren
July 29th, 2008 at 3:03 am
Whilst I agree with the majorty of sentiments expressed about guitar players per se here…….I have to throw in my 50cents and say that you`re ALL talking about amateur players….no one in their right mind who plays professionally would whip out a guitar just to impress the locals..unless their was a session happening and thats just RnR… you lot aint talkin` about that,unless i`m mistaken or drunk or both…..you`ve all thrown up the usual cliches as regards bass players being failed guitar players etc………heres the news at 10…..it doesn`t happen anymore…..this generation has moved on (and I`m from your street & generation Twenty !)…theyre not feckin idiots anymore…..consider these same comments regarding the exploits of your average plumber or better still (my cuntin favourite) taxi driver……you wouldnt half see a comments return for that….a real bunch of wankers that lot are…..guitar players are just another form of plumber…some are cunts ,and some……. dont give a fuck what you think as their too busy makin music to give a fuck what you think……you buy their work…..not the other way `round !
Acoustic philanderers such as damien Dempsey (what a fuckin half-witted ignorant knacker cunt..cunt..cunt…..oh stop me !) and your favourite Damien Rice need a good whipping etc..preferably made from the intestines of the family de la Corrs……..enuff said..now im breaching the code……
and yes…..im not a fuckin postman !
July 29th, 2008 at 3:14 am
Thank you Captain Obvious.
Let that be a lesson to all of us about……..ummm………something.
July 29th, 2008 at 3:24 am
That “IS”the fucking point MartyBanana……..what do you do for a living,and who judges your worth ………are you good at your job,or just filling a space that any halfwitted moron can do ?……………you`ll bitch about taxi drivers etc til the cows come home etc….half the fuckwits up here are civil servants…you too probably …..so if you want a bit of context,Ive given it to you.
July 29th, 2008 at 4:46 am
I don’t have to be good at my job. I just have to be adequate. The pay is the same and the stress is less.
But I don’t see what that has to do with useless morons who play bass guitar and call themselves musicians while the rest of us know perfectly well that they only took it up because they weren’t smart enough to learn how to read music.
By the way, for the record I have never bitched about taxi drivers, although I have moaned from time to time about how long it takes for the cows to come home.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:13 am
As a kid, I wanted to be a drummer, but in my teens I changed my mind. I wanted to play bass.
Unfortunately, I’ve never met a guitarist who wasn’t a wanker, so I never hung around with any musicians.
If I had, and I joined a band, I would’ve been a mean muthafucka bass player, not a failed guitarist.
(Possibly a failed drummer, if such a thing exists.)
July 29th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Monkey Balls, that statement is rife with wankery.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:48 am
I know. I used the word ‘guitarist’ twice.
Sorry.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Marty – “useless morons who play bass guitar and call themselves musicians while the rest of us know perfectly well that they only took it up because they weren’t smart enough to learn how to read music.”
I play bass. It’s a very special instrument. It requires musical talent to play properly. I read music, play classical piano. Classic civvie cliches. Completely unoriginal boring sentiments on your part.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:18 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5o-SuRXwK5o
July 29th, 2008 at 9:18 am
I suppose if I read all of these I would discover that someone has beaten me to the organ gags. I’ll leave it there then.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:31 am
“…It requires musical talent to play properly…”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Now there’s a statement that’s rife with wankery.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:32 am
MartyBanana, lots of guitarists can’t read music either, and you don’t need to be able to anyway etc etc…
“It doesn’t look much like music to me,” Paul McCartney, on musical notation.
There is the general theory that people become bass players just to get into (or stay in) the band they want to be in, who already have a guitarist (or two), or a new guitarist joining who is better than them. The aforementioned Mr McCartney might serve as a good example here.
But in all this copious amount of bitching, I see no mention of the real wanker in most bands: the singer (if s/he doesn’t also play an instrument).
Ponder that…
July 29th, 2008 at 9:33 am
PS how do I add an illustration/logo beside my name?
July 29th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Sarah jane, google gravatar.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:50 am
“Now there’s a statement that’s rife with wankery.”
No. Just plain fact.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Hey Marty, I see you will be taking part in a fun run.
Wow. Who’s failed at what, now?
July 29th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Heh. Good work, SG.
July 29th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Hi SOS, I know for a fact nobody has made an organ reference in this entire thread and I think its a fucking disgrace that such a ripe field should be left untouched.
July 29th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I haven’t failed at anything. What’s wrong with going in a fun run? It’s a lot healthier than sitting on your super-fat arse.
And what does that have to do with bass-playing wankers?
Get a clue, would you?
July 29th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Why not give it a whirl(itzer)?
July 30th, 2008 at 11:20 am
this is a bass solo: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=D98Ej2iitHA
July 30th, 2008 at 11:23 am
better clip of same: http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=B_HmN4cHkvk
June 12th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
That’s not a bass solo. That’s a wankstain done by a cunt. Shakin his head the sad bastard. These ego merchants should be gassed. That’s exactly the sort of cunt that tries to impress by wanting to be something that he’s not. It’s about being who you are. It’s not about musical ability. If you want virtuosity go down to the fuckin concert hall. Long live PUNK!