“There are only three certainties in life”, I said last night in Ron’s.
“What are they then?”, said Dirty Dave.
“Ohh, I know. I know”, said Stinking Pete.
“Go on then. Let’s hear yours”, I said.
“One, clove rock sweets will always taste like licking the top of a battery. Two, dogs always circle three times before they lie down to go asleep. Three, no matter where you go you’ll always come across some self-important, self-aggrandising cunt who makes you want to kick holes in walls”.
“They’re good but they’re not right”.
“I’ll have a go then”, said Dirty Dave.
“One, at least once in your life you’ll get an all chocolate Kit-Kat. Two, bluebottles are fat, buzzy cunts. Three, no matter how shit something is there’s always someone who will like it”.
“Not bad. But not what I had in mind”.
“Well, tell us yours then”.
“Easy, you’re born, you die, and the price of a pint will always go up”.
“Oooh, yeah. I read that Diageo are putting 10c onto the price of a pint, the scabby fuckers”.
“And they will continue to do so with impunity for as long as we’re alive. Then you have the Vintner’s complaining that people don’t go to pubs as much any more when it’s their fault in the first place. Speaking of which, pint please, Ron. The high prices are artificial because they stifle proper competition with their powerful political lobby. That cunt McDowell might have been a cunt but at least he tried to get the café licence thing going only to be told from ‘on high’ that he was to drop it like a hot snot. I wonder does Bertie ever pay for a pint in this country? Probably not. If he did he’d know how fucking expensive it was. And it creeps ever upwards, how long will it be before the €10 pint. You might laugh but that day is coming. Just you wait and see. The price of booze in this town would drive a man to sobriety. We’ll all sit in bars with bottles of homemade wine that tastes like tramp’s piss mixed with the stagnant blood and cum of septic donkey because just won’t be able to afford to drink in pubs. It’s a ghastly thought but we have to face the reality-’
‘Pint of Guinness, Twenty’, said Ron.
‘Cheers’.
‘That’ll be €2.40′.
‘Jaysus, Ron, that’s 20c more expensive than the last pint’.
‘Suck it up, you moaning bitch’.
Twenty, why did Ron call you a bitch – I’m having doubts about you and your lady boy friends over there
3 things are certain
1. Ireland will never with the eurovision again
2. I will always cum before the missus
3. I will always fall asleep before the missus
hehe it’s quite funny that they have to advertise going to the pub to the Irish.
Diageo are cunts.
the economic downturn is largely to do with the fact that I dont go to the pub any more. The price of drink is disgrace. No wonder kids take pills. Its fucking cheaper.
I hear they’re only €3 on the street.
€2.40 for a pint? Where exactly is this Rons you speak of?
how much is a pack of twenty in Ron’s ?
I remember me first pint in a pub, in a little shithole in Blessington. 35p it was.
I could get pissed on a pound back then.
Ron doesn’t sell smokes. Often.
Ron’s is around, Pants Man.
the vintners association, diageo and the goverment are driving our kids to drugs. Theres your headline right there
It’s a good point though, isn’t it?
€3 for a yoke or €5+ for a pint in town.
Like that old Irish expression – Jaysus, the cost of living has just gone up another 10c a pint.
Personally I think that the sooner Bush starts drilling for beer in Alaskan wildlife parks, the better.
Lung, if he strikes a Bud Lite well he can fucking poke it up his hole
meanwhile you can get a 6 pack of harp for 7.50 They ve driven me to Harp.
You can get 12 cans of carlsberg for about €14.
normal cans or those gay 44cl ones?
24 Bottles of stella for €24 in Eurospar. The government are driving people to drinking in the home. This combined with cheap Stella is not a good cocktail as far as wifey is concerned.
Tuborg is cheap too, and can be drank without grimacing.
normal cans I think. but now that you question me I’m not so sure….
Amstel is 10 quid for eight cans 500ml and it is decent lager, (tescos)
But for that I can get three pills and and a packet of chewing gum to stop my jaw rattling…
My husband used to work in the off trade. Now e doesn’t anymore, we drink far less as buying drink is too alarming.
We had it good for a decade or more though.
I can recall drinking the pint @ 17p.
Can you still get six packs of quality Henninger .5L cans for about €6.50?
I used to work in James’s Gate. They hired a consultant to figure out why people weren’t going to pubs so much. I said ‘too expensive’ several times but was ignored.
A few months and much money later the consultant came to the conclusion that it was too expensive.
Still, it was a sweet place to work with free drink all the time.
Some sound people too.
24 bottles of stella for Euro 19:99 in SuperQuinns
0.27 EUR per 33cl can of Caprabo brand ostrich piss. Oh shit! I just remembered I don’t live in Ireland. Heh.
As you were.
tonight I’m gonna party like its Euro 19:99
€3 a pill? You’re getting ripped off!
twenty cunt you can sack my cock ,because
you are a loser.you will meet me very soon.
for now all my friends from australia,states
holland ,france,will send you nice posts.
your stallion salutes you,cheap cunt and
i will treat you like tsausescu ,do you know
this wanker?bye pussy
not to go back to the recession shopping post of yore, but beers in lidl are in fact good and cheap, as opposed to cheap and manageable ish. think they even have a draught cooling pressure tap jobby you can hook kegs up to. problem solved. they even sell guinness from time to time at reduced prices
also, i’m now really intriqued as to how one’s cock would be sacked.
intrigued, even.
Two, bluebottles are fat, buzzy cunts.
Tell that fucker DD I’m passing the word to my cousins. He’s going to be plagued.
First Pint I bought was in Edinburgh – Light was 9p, heavy 10p and special 11p.
You dont have any friends in any country and you dont know who this Ceausescu character. I would say twenty is shitting in his boots ya fat cock sucker.
Jesus, does the mentaller ward get their Internet access at the same day or what? There,There youe delusional,rambling mentaller (see my use of precise medical terminology) go onthe web and spread your mentalism across the world. Take your fucking medication you cunt.
PP – what was your first legally bought pint ?
Is it wrong that I read this post at 20 past midday and I’m already thinking “ooh a pint sounds great”…
I have to admit I find it intriguing too. I just hope it’s not a one trick wonder thing and there’s a lasting factor. Can this rambling abuse maintain it’s entertainment. One can only hope.
Pint of Special (70 shilling)
I cannot rember how much my first legal pint was, can still rember that 20 Regal (no king size then except for Bennies for bennies and JPS lung bleeders) was £1.00
It WILL reach the point where it’ll be more economically viable to get pissed on Listerine than beer.
One of the joys of the iPhone is the ability to thwart that bald devil Cunt even when on the road
does anyone remember those john plater special duty free black cylindrical tubes of cigarettes? they were scary.
sorry John Player Special
Going to Kyles in Coolock village with a tenner, pints of Guinness and Tayto pub crisps, 20 major on the table.
Ahhhh Jaysus
Pint of Special (70 shilling)
Marvellous stuff – I did have a brief flirtation with Breaker Malt Liquor – see link – but soon saw sense.
test
Leeroy, a lad in school used to get them cheap somehow. We were the height of minted with 50 fags in a tub. Black, with the gold JPS.
Fucking hell, Twenty has a nemesis to thwart, lucky bastard.
Grover, exactly – 50 smokes in one place – after 3 of them emphysema could be felt creeping up on you.
I have a Display stand and packet of “Death” Cigarettes.
“dogs always circle three times before they lie down to go asleep”
But not on the equator. They just sit down. In the Northern hemisphere they go clockwise and anti-clockwise in the Southern hemisphere.
At the poles they’re lucky if they get to sit down at all with all their instinctive, mad spinning.
im paying almost a tenner for a pint of kilkenny in singapore …
and the fucking thing is …I think they wash it with some strange detergent coz after a couple of pints I seem to go to bed and have weird dreams….
anyways ..Someone feed my monkey while I dig in search of China…goodluck to yee now
Hah, PCB, funny.
I like the idea of Twenty on the move, thwarting is nemesis at traffic ligtsm or on the bus. I do wish he had a more interesting nemesis though. Jesus.
When I first started going out at 16, vodka tonics were only $2 and you could get a beer for $1.
Jesus I had to reread that Medbh I thought at first 16 VATs were ” dollars, which would have made you about 150 years old
Your fascination with tramps piss has not gone un-noticed, Twenty.
“One of the joys of the iPhone is the ability to thwart that bald devil Cunt even when on the road”
They are kind of entertaining though.
FCS is probably an old woman in darkest Leitrim.
PP, I feel 150 some days.
SG how much is a pint of Guinness in Kyles? be there on Thursday evening. Can’t wait
The real price of a Guinness in Kylies is having to listen to braying of southsiders from along the 46A belt.
I loved those JP special packs! In happier times, you could buy a pack of 30 Major for a few drachmas. (Sorry, Twenty, twas in Greece, pre-EU). Three of us smoked the packet between us on the beach, chatting, then couldn’t stand up – the soles of our feet were sunburnt. We had to swim back. But ouzo’s great for sunburn!
Hang on, are you all saying that the price of pints should be taxband-related? You bring your tax cert into a pub & they charge you according to what you can afford? Even Buswell’s is not going to go along with that, I think.