Esperando como un zorro
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on July 14th, 2008
Once upon a time there was a man trying to do a deal. He thought it would be complicated and protracted but amazingly everything went like clockwork.
Then, at the 11th hour, it was discovered a document was needed. The man was assured this document would be forthcoming in no time at all. It was not no time at all, it was some time indeed. Then that document raised questions which required further documentation to be required, plus the opinion of an expert. Once again the man was assured that this would not create any hold-ups and the deal would progress without much delay.
Three weeks later the man is sitting, still waiting for that documentation and, had he not had it all shaved off yesterday, he would be pulling his hair out of his head.
As it is he is wondering why we don’t solve the prison overcrowding problem by allowing frustrated men waiting for documents to beat an inmate to death. Overcrowding not as overcrowdy, man’s temper assuaged by solid thrashing administered to prisoner.
But still he waits.
See… that’s what happens when you sell your soul to proper publishers :)
July 14th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Something to do with house purchase / sale?
July 14th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
1
Something to do with something all right.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
2
Twenty, have you noticed the first comments on your posts are not numbered and the second comments are numbered 1? Not that I a give a fuck or anything.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
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If its a house purchase,good luck with that.THE most frustrating period of my life ever…
July 14th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
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Insurance claim?
July 14th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
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Yeah, saw that HM - no idea how to fix it. I just add one to each comment to reconcile it in my brain.
OD - good fun, was it?
July 14th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
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“I just add one to each comment to reconcile it in my brain.”
Like centuries.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
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it’s the beauty of the irish bureaucracy… i’ve been waiting 2 years for something now, and on friday they sent me all my papers back ’cause now there is a new request for a new stamp to be placed in ONE of them, and then i have to resubmit it all…
July 14th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
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You can bet the people in charge of processing those documents never lose sleep.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
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Isn’t that the fucking truth.
tatoca - send them back smeared in shit, the cunts deserve it.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
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Are you happy with your shaved head? Was it the first time, are you going bald?
July 14th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
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Me to Solicitor:So thats everything settled then
Solicitor:Yes.
Bank to me:Not so fast there young fella,you havent got your Life insurance form in yet…
Me to Bank:Yes i do..I gave it to you with the application for the fucking mortgage
Bank to me:WE never recieved it.
I could go on and on..suffice to say that i had to go on a murderous rampage after we moved in just for my own sanity.. they’ll never find the corpses.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
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“.. they’ll never find the corpses.”
Are they in the vacants?
July 14th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
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Wouldnt you like to know…
Or maybe you would, you sick bastard..
July 14th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
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housebuying…
wife - sign here
me - ok
some months later…
wife - this is where you live now
me - grand, so
July 14th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
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They’re not holding out for a slice of the film rights, are they?
July 14th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
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SG Heh!
You lucky man.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
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I haven’t done the house buying thing, mainly because I’m too lazy to go through that hell and also because who the fuck has 40K in the bank as a deposit? Anyway, paying fuck all rent for a really nice pad so why bother.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
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“Anyway, paying fuck all rent for a really nice pad so why bother.”
Yep, cushy, stay put.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
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Really.. stay put..you would want to be very wealthy or stoopid to go buying a house at the moment..
July 14th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
20
Only problem is lights out at 10 and the games room was fucking mobbed at the weekend.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
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interesting tool from ny times - rent vs. mortgage calculator. fuck all point in buying as far as i can see
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/10/business/2007_BUYRENT_GRAPHIC.html
July 14th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
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It is quite obvious that Twenty has sold his soul to Satan, now where the fuck do you think all the civil servants and bureaucrats go when they die. They will have set up a multi tiered paper pushing organisation down there, eventually when his paperwork is finished his soul will belong to the devil and Twenty will be released from supporting Man Utd.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
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eventually when his paperwork is finished his soul will belong to the devil and Twenty will be released from supporting Man Utd.
You filthy bastard accusing me of being a United fan.
Peadar - no, it’s generally shaved. Mostly.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
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wife - sign here
me - ok
some months later…
wife - this is where you live now
me - grand, so
Motherfucker, that’s sweet.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
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i had the ‘wife sign here me ok thing’ too, and i am made to feel guilty about it all the time. i should have made just one viewing appointment. Just one.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
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if it had been left in my hands we would still be feeding coinds into the esb meter and getting the rent book signed every week
July 14th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
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Redleeroy:sent you a different link for that mix..
should be grand..
July 14th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
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This post is clearly about me, isn’t it?
July 14th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
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I had the house experience too. Worst stress of my life. I was planning my wedding at the same time. That was/is our first house - I don’t think I’d have the courage to do it again while trying to sell one at the same time!
SG - I have no words! I wish I was such an independent and together woman as your wife - my husband did a lot of it.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
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“Peadar - no, it’s generally shaved. Mostly.”
http://www.baldiness.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/uniquely-shorn-head.jpg
July 14th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
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Is there anyone else here who isn’t married bar me, Twenty and B’dum?
July 14th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
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Are you sure twenty isn’t married?
July 14th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
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Are you sure twenty isn’t married?
Gays can’t get married over here yet. fnar fnar. honk. fnar.
No i don’t think he has a significant other, otherwise i suspect there’d be at least one mention in the blog.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
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i still havent received my Euro 2008 Carlsberg ‘kit’whatever that might entail. I have however noticed the postman is a tad jollier these days..the thieving fucker.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
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I’m not married, I’m living in sin
July 14th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
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I’m not married and I’m in the market for a wife. About time I grew up I think.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
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“otherwise i suspect there’d be at least one mention in the blog.”
Or else no mention whatsoever.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
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Maybe Twenty is married to a Laois girl called Gráinne.
They spend their days together tending their pet dog and pet cat.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
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I can assure you that’s not true, Morgor.
Porridge - no crazy paving hairstyles either.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
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Im not married…but have a mortgage with the other half..which is more legally binding i believe..
July 14th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
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You do know that I am married?
July 14th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
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Do I?
July 14th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
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You’re not married B’dum.
Whatever the certificate, photos and people say, i know better.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
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Yes, I got married at electric picnic last year
July 14th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
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I see. One of those novelty weddings?
July 14th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
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Twenty isn’t allowed to marry - but who knows what the next pope will allow.
Thumbs up to Peter Adamson
July 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
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An inflatable wedding, perhaps.
Are you no longer with your Chinese girlfriend, Holemaster? Was she ever real?
Would you like to come share about it on our open blog?
July 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
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I’m happily divorced with the ex living across the water!
July 14th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
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Getting married at Electric Picnoc is a fucking brilliant idea.
All the guests buy their own ticket, entertainment is laid on, as good as footballers’ wives pay thousands for… the marquee’s already there, and the catering is sorted.
I wish I’d thought of that sooner.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
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I should go set up an agency. http://www.getmarriedatafestival.com
July 14th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
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Have you any unattached sisters or aunts Jo ? Preferrably wealthy.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
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I don’t have a lot of family, I’m afraid maggot. But if I did, I would willingly set them up with a Kitkat eating Northern Stranger I met on the internet.
No really, I would.
*What’s his name?
Oh, you’ll love him.
*No, really, what’s his name?
He’s very friendly, he likes his chocolate, he, eh, smokes in bed…
*Right, So his name’s…?
Well…
July 14th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
53
I am also happily divorced (twice) although my current girlfriend is trying to change my marital status.
Twenty is married to a full length mirror,where he can admire himself wearing his pringle jumper and ensuring his chinos are neatly pressed
July 14th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
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Ahem Jo - I was thinking about your proposed marriage business rather than for myself.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
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Ah well, it was funnier myway anyway :)
July 14th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
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“Are you no longer with your Chinese girlfriend, Holemaster?”
She burst.
July 14th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
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Twenty is married to a full length mirror,where he can admire himself wearing his pringle jumper and ensuring his chinos are neatly pressed
I’d rather be a Pringle jumper wearing cunt than daft enough to get married twice.
July 14th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
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Burn!
July 14th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
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Comments like that get johnny5 over-excited Jo.
July 14th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
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Does the title mean Hopeful Like a Fox?
Or is it Waiting like a Fox?
Or is it actually Zorro?
I am linguistically challenged.
July 14th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
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I’d rather be a Pringle jumper wearing cunt than daft enough to get married twice.
hehe, and your girlfriend must be even dafter.
This guy has already left or been left by 2 wives, I know what he needs…. a wife!
July 14th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
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if that makes you linguistically challenged Jo, then I am an amoeba.
July 14th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
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Proof that am an amoeba. I’ve been wondering what the fuck this crinkling noise was under the leg of my chair. Moved the chair around a bit, still can’t see anything, crinkling still there. Then realised it’s the nicorette pack in my back pocket.
July 14th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
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haha
July 14th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
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nicorette pack
for shame!
Interesting to see that the Times actually carried a positive report on Vitamin N today - see link
July 14th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
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cigarettes help fight the onset of alzheimers. Great you’ll remember where you put your ‘So Your Having a Tracheotomy’ pamphlet
ZING…!
July 14th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
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Ibanez - I smoke - make no apologies for it. I more than pay my whack to the NHS, I more likely to avoid sitting drooling and crapping myself in a chair for the last 10 years of my life and I’m less likely to be a burden on society - which is facing a huge crisis with the increasing geriatric population. I enjoy my smokes - it’s win-win situation for everybody.
July 14th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
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fine by me…just know ill never snog you. NEVER
July 14th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
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Even if I use that fancy breath-freshening chewing gum ? And give you chocolate ?
July 14th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
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I must be really stupid because I may be going for a third time, some fucker apart from Bertie has got to keep lawyers in BMWs and Cocaine.
July 14th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
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Don’t do it PP!
July 14th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
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why in the name of all that is decent would you want to get married for a third time?
Cant you see the problem is YOU!
July 14th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
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real wedding, Neal Horan done the service and everything
July 14th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
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Who’s Neal Horan?
July 14th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
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He’s the “eccentric” dancing priest Twenty - link
July 14th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
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Oh that cunt… a blessed way to start any marriage.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
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You’re scaring me, B’dum.
I would like to see the full story on this, preferably with photographs, but not of the dancing priest.
No translation Twenty - ah, Google will provide, won’t it.
Holemaster, by linguistically challenged I mean, I don’t speak Spanish. Love your gum story. I couldn’t find my phone at the boot sale the other week, had to borrow my neighbour’s phone to ring it, it was somewhere close by, it was… in my apron.
PP, they’re being very forthright, some might even say mean… I say, relationship councelling, before and after!
July 14th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
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Waiting like a fox, Jo.
G’night.
July 14th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
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Cute.
Twenty, you didn’t by any chance teach EFL did you?
July 14th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
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Jo - that is one hell of a cool Campervan mug you have on your blog!
July 14th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
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Aw, maggot, did you check out the site? So totally endearing! It doesn’t look like we can get one though, because the husband’s car needs work (coughallmyfaultwomandriverscough) and we need to trade it in, it’s too much money/hassle to fix it up and none of the dealers do the vans, it’s all private sales :( Boo!
July 15th, 2008 at 12:10 am
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Oh, the priest is that looney who ran out in front of the cars in Silverstone? Fucking idiot - he could have killed a lot of people.
July 15th, 2008 at 12:12 am
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Aw, maggot, did you check out the site?
Regular visitor !
Time for a kitkat and then bed for me.
July 15th, 2008 at 12:20 am
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I’ve become aquainted with some pretty scary goons since I started working in Bray.
Goons are handy. I’ll rent them out to anyone who’s looking for a fair fee…
July 15th, 2008 at 2:32 am
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“Cant you see the problem is YOU!”
And how the fuck would you know? and given you do seem to know so much like some kind of minor deity perhaps you could offer some advice which I could duly ignore or perhaps just snort with derision.
July 15th, 2008 at 8:34 am
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PP - can you give us a brief summary of the first two so we can judge for ourselves ? Were they Scottish ?
July 15th, 2008 at 8:44 am
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1st one was Scottish, I got married v young, bit stupid, second was English.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:06 am
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Aha! You didn’t stand a chance!
July 15th, 2008 at 10:18 am
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Jo, my mother used to walk around looking for her glasses while she was actually still wearing them. We’d let her look for a bit sometimes.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:01 am
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My friend said he did that the other day, searching the house for his phone, while talking on it. We all need to be a bit more present to ourselves, I think!
More Transcendental Meditation and less Twenty Major :)
July 15th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
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” searching the house for his phone, while talking on it.”
Brilliant…. I like humans.
July 15th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
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