What’s the saying? Opinions are like arseholes, everybody’s got one.
Perhaps it needs to be upgraded. Blogs are like people’s opinions, every arsehole’s got one.
It is a wonderful medium at times. It allows anyone to have a voice, speak their mind, posit their lunatic thoeries, tell you what they had for dinner or anything else. On the other hand though there really is a large amount of chaff to sort until you get some wheat.
And what if you don’t like wheat? What if you’re a celiac? How do you enjoy the best of blogs then?
Dirty Dave was threatening to set up a blog the other night in Ron’s. He wanted to put up pictures of himself and his empty marmalade jar collection which now amounts to 4 jars. He just started it last week. He likes marmalade without the rind in it though so you can hardly call him an orange aficionado.
I managed to talk him out of it saying that we really do have enough crap blogs as it is, one more might upset the delicate balance that exists. When he asked ‘What delicate balance?’, I struggled to find an answer and told him to just shut up and get the pints in.
If embarrassing details of his personal life were going to be shared with the world it’d be me doing it.
I’m not sure where this is going. I think the weather is depressing me. Relentless grey does have an effect on your mind. It’s so miserable you think about watching a Mike Leigh film to cheer yourself up.
‘Oh, rain again! Yee-haw. Now, let me think about my loved ones being crushed to death by Godzilla then eaten by a rabid Mary Harney because that’s more uplifting than looking out the window’.
Maybe I need to paint sunny scenes on my windows like they do in cartoons.
The smears of bird shit could be clouds.
Are you in favour of Corporal punishment ? I’d say yes, but people might accuse me of bein into BDSM – which features in a book I read on Holiday by the marvellous Stuart MacBride. Same vein as Ian Rankin but set in Aberdeen.
Stop the self pitying whinging you fucker, I have the hangover from hell and now have to go into a meeting to listen to some Belgians wittering on about software bugs.
He needs a pint of Gin to cheer him up PP.
He’ll feel like a new man.
You didn’t quite get the saying right, Twenty.
Opinions are like arseholes, everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Blogs are like people’s opinions, every arsehole’s got one.
Thank fuck I have three, that’s all I can say.
Does that mean you have 3 arseholes MB ? No wonder you are popular!
Three opinions, three blogs or three arseholes, MB?
You don’t have to read anything you don’t want to, Oh Great Blog-King Twenty.
Why, then ’twill be as if the inferior upstart blogs do not exist! Problem solved!
Perhaps you should demand your publisher send you on holdiay for some on location research.
You don’t have to read it, oh Great Blog-King Twenty.
Why then ’twill be as though the inferior be as though the inferior blog does not exixt!
Perhaps you can persuade your publisher to send you on location somewhere sunny for research purposes.
Ah crap, sorry.
Oo, PP, scary Belgians.
My friend stayed in a terrifying BandB in Belgium, owned by two little old mustachioed brown people. They were brown, the decor was brown: wallpaper, curtains, carpets, bedcovers, paintings, all brown.
THey were strange silent folk, my friend was scared of being murdered in the basement. When they were leaving her boyfriend went back in to get something and didn’t come out for ages and ages. My friend was scared ot go check on him in case he’d been murdered. In the end it turned out he’s got locked in the toilet!
Beware of Belgians…
The thing I like about blogs is that it’s easier to sort out the wheat from the chaff. You just read people you like… whereas newsgroups and forums are full of unavoidable little cunts.
J.
So what’s the difference between looking for a decent book in a book shop (which you enjoy) and looking for a decent blog on the internet? The latter is actually cheaper and less time consuming if you make a mistake?
Ahhh don’t be slagging peoples writing. Sure I’d imaging blogs are subjective, each to their own.
I know what you mean Twenty.
Maybe you should just pack it in and leave it to the professionals.
Every Year and area of rain forest the size of Belgium is destroyed…
Why not just destroy Belgium?
The day the Amazonian indians learn produce nice chocolates, Belgium is history.
They don’t have the cream for that, though. I can’t see Leonidas made with llama milk somehow – but then, who knows?
You cant destroy Belgium, think of the things we would be losing! For instance there’s….. er.
Chocolate…
The Belgians make some great beers.
Ok, chocolate. Then there’s that little twat who does all the Jap slappin in the films…..er….. John something.
They should make Leonidas with llama milk and call it Lleonidas
What did the boy llama say to the girl llama? “I llove you.”
…and there’s hieronimous Bosch, inventor of the power drill…
“On the other hand though there really is a large amount of chaff to sort until you get some wheat.”
Much like this blog so, some days rip roaringly funny, others, Meh!
What did the Cork Llama girl say to her Cork Llama boyfriend? Feck off ye Lllanger.
Bloody Welsh llamas.
They’d spit on you soon as look at you.
Blogging is the modern day version of CB Radio….
Come in Chicken Leg, you out there good buddy? What ya have for dinner today?
Sure am Big Daddy, I had Lamb Masala and some rice and homemade naan bread.
Did you Poop it out yet?
Nope not yet buddy, I’ll straight back on when I do!
Lookin forward to it Daddy Oh!
“wittering”
PP you have just given the word I was looking for to describe a noise in my car to my mechanic. Thank you.
Get yer arse off down to Rons ya moaning minnie and dont come back till you’re of a sunnier disposition or it’s actually sunny outside.
Do i need to mention the 3rd thing that belgium is world renouned for?…..anyone?
That was a strangely gay CB radio conversation, there Hm.
Where’s your inferior blog to depress Twenty with, then?
It was a bit gay alright. I’m very hungover today and not functioning properly. I’m staring a page of numbers that I have to re-arrange into slightly larger numbers and send to a client.
Hmmm. Too much drinkies not good. I’m not a great fan of numbers either.
clients……..i wish that there were no clients.
CB Radio Conversation no.2 (ungay version)
Come in Snake Leg, you out there good buddy? What ya drinkin there?
Sure am Rocky Racoon, I’m trying a new mix of whiskey, moonshine and some crazy Irish shit called Putcheen.
Did you pass out yet?
Nope not yet buddy, I’m working on it!
Lookin forward to hearing about it Rocky
Do i need to mention the 3rd thing that belgium is world renouned for?…..anyone?
If its Llama’s I’ll be fucking amazed!
Soon Red Leeroy, soon, haven’t you heard there’s a recession coming?
of course Jo, that bloody recession, here comes the five pound blocks of cheese !
Belgians are like ugly fat versions of French people and they have big googley fish eyes.
What a sweeping generalisation!
Belgium : A country invented by the British to annoy the French.
- Charles de Gaulle
are all Belgians child molesters ?
My Dad was a sweeping generalisation and he has never even been to Belgium.
Got it in one RedLeeroy…
Belgian chocolate is crap.
Your spelling is a bit awry there Twenty son.
That’s just not on. If you feel uninspired dont fret, writers block happens to the best of er us, but bad grammar tut tut. I bet that puts paid to your notions of appearing on the Leaving Cert syllabus.
Hahaaaa maggot. You’re right, you’re so right, Nestle is far far superior.
Grey is very depressing but the weather is giving good for Oxegen the weekend. And I’ll be there partying like its 2009.
Cant beat the old Galaxy and a wank though Jo eh?
I love my blog.
How does one get a gravatar?
Belgium is famous for beer, chocolate and paedos. I think they invented chocolate to make enticing children easier, before then they had the largest population of puppies in Europe.
Two hours of wittering, interspersed with weird laughing at some code related joke, developers are weird, Belgian developers are fucking weirder. I am going to do a sponsored something or other to raise funds for a tactical nuclear device and blow the cunts up. Off to the carpark to have a kip, you would think wine at 50 quid a bottle would be less likely to give you a hangover.
Oh and to confirm Peploes was full of Cunts on their mobiles,men with jumpers on their shoulders, and overdressed south side tarts. And the waiter was a cunt.
Where I am at the moment, we’ve had quite a lot of nice weather… considering I’m just across the water in England.. I think you’re all getting a raw deal. Feel free to laugh though, I’ll be back in Ireland next week..
Save some of the awful weather for me will you? Or I could take the weather with me?
Correction: my Dad tells me he was a ROAD sweeping GENERALISSIMO with Fingal County Council and he once went to Antwerp on a booze run, thanks Dad.
I had lunch on Tuesday with a bloke with the pringle over the shoulder – It did sort of accentuate the mullet hairstyle from the late eighties.
Strange……….
PP, Peploes (or Peoples spelt wrong) is the place where these cunts meet. Overdressed fake tanned bitches with their Lacoste jumper wearing cunt husbands! I hate them one and all. I hope they all disappear the way a decade does.
Oh and I was in a chipper in Dalkey recently and a little cunt child came in and skipped the queue to order his food, was told you have to wait in line, he was very confused by this and then once he ordered he thought every fucking thing that was ready was his, kept going to grab other people’s food.
Little prick was brought up to get everything he wanted there and then, had no concept of other people and waiting your turn. And he had one of those skate board kid haircuts.
Think of the llamas. Won’t somebody please think of the llamas!
I’m really not feeling well this morning so I’m going to rant a lot about people I don’t like – Rich ungrateful little fucks and their parents, Rude people, Clients, Arseholes who work in marketing and my cunt neighbour who stomps around like a fucking elephant upstairs and seems to run everywhere..
stomp stomp stomp…. kitchen stomp stomp stomp….jacks stomp stomp stomp…. kitchen again for something stomp stomp stomp…. living room stomp stomp stomp…. bedroom
That’s just wooden floors for you. He’s proabbly not really stomping at all.
Soon we won’t be able to afford carpeting any more and we’ll all be in the same boat.
COMPLETELY off subject but i have added a mix section to me blog ,in case ye cant be arsed goin over there heres a link to the one i recorded last night.. be warned it is upbeat so goign completely against the mood here today..
http://www.sendspace.com/file/zye51g
I thought that too Jo but it’s not wooden floors. The last guy who lived there WAS like an elephant and he was grand. He’s a flat footed moron, the kind of plonker who can’t close a door without slamming it.
People who work in marketing are all arseholes. I have never met a normal marketing person, they are full of shit, I would like to drop them in a vat of boiling oil, whilst reciting their demographic and conversion rates from outbound telemarketing and see how they like being bored to death, the weasley little tossers.
PP:there is no entity to their industry..no end product to their efforts except making rich cunts even richer… First up against the wall come the revolution etc….
Marketing cunts ruin every single good idea. I hate them with a passion. There is nothing worse than a 23 year stuck up little bitch telling you she knows more than your 20 years experience in design. That makes me die inside.
One of those Belgian fuckers has just “bought” a girlfriend from the Ukraine. I thought fucking slavery was abolished, this is what happens when you fill a country with bastard bureaucrats, they think they can go about buying people. “I had the choice of two” says he, the fucking freak.
HR is a fucking blag as well , straight out of college with nothing but fucking air between the ears and the ability to spew shit continously about motivation etc etc.
Twenty can we have a day dedicated to ripping the arseholes out of marketing cunts because we know they’ll read it, the googleblog searching cunts.
Marketing cunts give advertising people a bad name. Now that might sound odd but think of it this way. Years ago, ads were made by people like Alan Parker and Ridley Scott. The ads were fucking cool and really well made the client was told either you buy it or you go fuck yourselves. The clients respected that and advertising people didn’t give a fuck about statistics and demographics. They just made what they thought was cool or clever and usually it was.
Then along came the Marketing cunts who were spawned from middle class suburbs all around the world. Their rise came with the rise of PLC companies which are driven solely by profit and not quality of product. Their brief is to sell as much shit as possible and keep the share price up.
So that’s why some ads like Vodafone ads for example always have red in them somewhere. It’s also the reason Guinness ads are fucking crap these days. It’s the reason any product that has an intel chip has to have the jingle in it.
Human Resources. Sounds kind of like work detail in a modern day Gulag.
Holemaster – you should have asked the chippychappy to look away, grabbed the little fucker by the ankles and dipped his head in the chip frying vat.
Jeebus, you’re on a bit of a rant this morning PP.
I only know one marketing woman and she’s ok, and i know one HR guy and he’s ok.
The HR guy used to work for dunnes and just used to hire attractive polish girls. He’s a right dirty perv.
I reckon the most useless profession is the estate agent.
Useless cunts,
“this is a house, it has a bathroom and a bedroom. Ah so you’ll be buying it, I’ll take my 2% thank you very much”.
And calling people consumers? So we’re just mouths and arseholes. You know that’s probably in a marketing books somewhere.
PP agree wholeheartedly about HR wankstains. Our dept was closed and we were all let go at the end of May. The HR wombles were way too chirpy and upbeat about breaking the news to us. Kept mentioning that “this could be the best thing to happen you.” When I asked to swap positions and continue having a job, and the vacuous tramp hit the dole queues, her tone of voice changed.
The HR guy used to work for dunnes and just used to hire attractive polish girls. He’s a right dirty perv.
Can he still get them Morgor ? Sounds like a useful contact.
Try 10%, I think, morgor!
maggot, that’s a little much. Post holiday blues?
Marketing is such an unnecessary invention, a pointless evil, like Red Bull…
maggot, that’s a little much. Post holiday blues?
what’s so dreadful about fancying a polish girlfriend Jo?
I was made redundant from a large multinational a couple of years ago, they brought 80 of us into a room, and HR told us
“you are all victims of your own success”
what the fuck does that mean ?
Can he still get them Morgor ? Sounds like a useful contact.
Sadly no.
He used to bring them all out for pints all the time so he was swamped with women.
I think the job itself ate at his soul though, so he switched. To be an accountant. Hmmmm.
what the fuck does that mean ?
It meant that HR cunt needed a testicle punching.
What the fuck is a peploe?
Why do these big US multinationals think their bullshit bingo terms wash with us cynical and sarcastic Irish with our vastly superior intelligence.
“What the fuck is a peploe?”
It’s like a persno
I thought Peploe was a Scottish painter.
maggot, I was referring to boiling the child’s head. You can buy a Polish girlfreind if you want, it’s all the same to me ;)
..or a citisenz?
I just dropped a tin of dogfood on my toe, which is now burning fiercely and has a big black line across it.
I don’t like housewifery much at the moment either, not to mention that I’m shit at it.
OW!
maggot, I was referring to boiling the child’s head.
It wasn’t a child – it was a monster!
Must admit though – I may be reading to many of these brutal crime thrillers.
Dogfood Jo ? If you wean your baby on Pedigree Chum I’m for telling Ester Rancid.
Inconsiderate drivers. God I hate them….. ah what’s the use. I’m not really that pissed off now. I’m quite happy. I’m feeling a bit better although my head is still spinning a bit. I have a chance of a ride later too which is keeping the spirits up.
Pepeloe is the collective noun for Jumper on the shoulder,sunglasses on head,loafer wearing cunts
“I just dropped a tin of dogfood on my toe,”
Ouch. Sensitive little things them toes. Jo how can you say you’re a crap housewife, don’t you bake lots of cakes all the time and give good advice and have a little girl who says very nice things to you a husband who sounds like one of the nicest men going?
hi dessie,you are on the right side,are you still in myconos,fcs salutes youxxxxxxxxx
I love you all!
‘Pepeloe is the collective noun for Jumper on the shoulder,sunglasses on head,loafer wearing cunts’
Thanks for the info, I thought for a moment a pepeloe might be a small ocean going boat powered by pedals and usually built to look like a duck or other aquatic creature.
monkey balls fcs salutes you,and you have also
stupid blogs/dessie gay is he still in myconos?
with the nigerians. i cant find him and i feel
very lonely.
Major this is a bit like coming home from Easons and complaining about all the shitty Chick lit that you find there..
thanks for the love, Hm. You should see my house though (especially on cake baking days). There’s stuff piled from floor to ceiling like in one of those borderline insane pack-rat people’s houses, the ones on tv who fill up each room with crap they collect out of skips… there’s nowhere to put anything and house work seems beyond my capabilities – I start and …. trail off.
Ha! I was just going to say the dogs don’t even get Pedigree Chum, and I looked over and the baby’s got a mouthful of dry dog food out of the dogbowl, the kind you add water to to make gravy. He drops the banana and honey pancakes I’ve made on the floor but he’ll eat the offal and BSE ridden dog food. Bleh!! No housewife of the year award for me!
His immune system will be strong though! Maybe he thinks he’s a dog?
Pattherat, go to http://en.gravatar.com/
Or google ‘gravatar’
Or do what I did, and just type ‘gravatar’ into your address bar.
Or you might find a link if you look up ‘gravatar’ in Wikipedia, but I can’t say for sure, because I haven’t tried this method yet.
Or you could try reading earlier posts, where it was explained a few times.
Or ask any 12yr. old.
Hope that clears things up for you.
Now, can anyone tell me why my new gravatar shows up on other sites, but not this one?
Holemaster, I had a neighbour when I lived away from Mr. M who was so heavy footed that I named him Stampy, the fat fuck.
any chances of filtering out some of the commentators …
Jo is just plain boring
Jo – There’s a nomination for calor housewife of the year in the post for you, you might even get to meet “gaybo” Arghhhhhhhh
MB – your lovely new Gravtar is showing now but what happened the little beauty I emailed you. Too much?
“Holemaster, I had a neighbour when I lived away from Mr. M who was so heavy footed that I named him Stampy, the fat fuck.”
I shall call my annoyance, Stompy of the concrete feet.
shit
totally red now.
sorry.
Holemaster, I took the name Stampy from Bart Simpson’s elephant. It was fitting.
Stampy is one bad assed elephant motherfucker.
So is the ginger fucker upstairs from me.
Dessie, I tried that pic you sent me, and it just wouldn’t show up at all, no matter how many times I tried. Can’t understand why though, ‘cos you couldn’t even see Jesus’ mickey in it, just his arse.
Ah Jo I was only trying to wind yeah up …. your comments bring some semblance of normality to this graffitti wall of cyber real estate
Jesus’ arse. There’s an underused expression.
A Canadian girl in a queue for a gig once told me of how she’d got in a taxi in Montreal that ended up racing a rival taxi driver up the deserted street, the driver shouting ‘Balls of Christ!’ out the window.
You made me cry, Fenyman’s Ghost.
Jesus wept