The unemployed doctor
Posted in Blog, de-punz by Twenty Major on July 7th, 2008
Stinking Pete’s cousin was a specialist doctor who worked with dwarves and midgets, helping them with the various small associated complaints they suffered.
However, he was not as calm as many of his colleagues. His lack of composure would see him lose his temper on a regular basis and ultimately his deficit of stoicism meant that the hospital had no choice but to sack him.
He said he was fired because he had little patience.
Aaagh! That’s almost as bad as the career officer who said that you should never study law and medicine at the same time.
It tries your patience.
July 7th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Oh for fucks sake.
July 7th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
1
You fucking assshole
July 7th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
2
90% of all bikes stolen in Ireland every year, are recycled..
July 7th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
3
morgor, fix your link! (hint, hint.)
July 7th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
4
Johnny5, where did you go on your holidays?
July 7th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
5
monkey, had some mushrooms growing on my lawn recently, but wasnt sure if they were the right variety for consumption. Could you advise one as to how you know which are the right (ahem) mushrooms to be eating..
July 7th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
6
Not an expert, but I know that they’re very small, and have a little nipple on them. Don’t go near them until you can get them verified by someone who knows.
Only ever went out looking for them once, and it was the most miserable rainy day ever. Got soaked, but managed to find quite a few. Kept them up for a party that meself and the brother were having two days later, but some bastard robbed them before we got a chance.
-As you can see, I’ve had a very bad experience with mushrooms.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
7
Always carry around a packet of lard in case you get your head stuck in railings.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
8
Always carry a hammer in case you bump into Lou Plic.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
9
yeah the only websites I could get were american, and on one the author warned against eating the wrong types, as it can lead to liver failure and death, a week later…
July 7th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
10
Always carry a hat in case your other one blows off in the wind.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
11
Always carry a tune in case of impromptu karaoke sessions
July 7th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
12
while out golfing, always take a second pair of pants in case you get a hole in one..
July 7th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
13
SAm, they’re roughly the size you’d expect the tits on a 17yr old girl mouse, and exactly the same shape and colour.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
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17 year old girl mouse
Should that be arousing???
No?
Well, it wasnt for me either..
Really..
July 7th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
15
I used to be really into tractors for years but I gave it up.
Now I’m an ex-tractor fan.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
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Sorry SAm. It’s just that they look like little diddys, the kind that mice would have if they had diddys.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
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my mother in law’s mother used to describle a certain kind of brown hair as ‘muckety brown, the colour of a mouse’s diddy’.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
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There’s a lot of magic mushroms in Wicklow, my brother was a keen collector.
I’m surprised there’s no Irish sites
July 7th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
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Are you saying the Doctor was short-tempered?
July 7th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
20
My husband worked wit ha lovely Polish guy. His name was Majezc, or something like that, but they all called him Magic. He said the funny thing was, his second name meant ‘mushroom’ in Russian. How cool is that?
July 7th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
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Hello, btw, Holemaster. That was one of my favourite jokes.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
22
Took Mexican mushrooms in Maastricht once. Quite strong and actually legal in the local herbal shop.
So we all had a Fear and Loathing in Maastricht experience for about six hours. Nobody would leave the apartment to get more booze. The carpet was swirling around and everything got jumpy.
Interesting, but I’ve no desire to do it again.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
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I never did it, the fear of nausea put me off. I hate feeling sick.
Still, I prefer the idea of psylocibin, is it, to LSD. More natural, like.
July 7th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
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Did you hear about the magic tractor?
it turned into a field.
July 7th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
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@ monkey..
Was trying to be funny there, and as usual I think it came out wrong..(comment 15)
Just got curious about these mushrooms I see on my back lawn as I do the dishes, would like to give it a try…
July 7th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
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Ha, morgor, is that a field you’re out standing in?
July 7th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
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Sam , they are not the right ones. I know the ones you are looking at. Plae brown lads.
Wrong time of year.
MM’s only in autumn.
They don’t grow as big as some of the ones you are looking at, but look kind of sismilar to the smaller of those in your garden.
Main difference is the ‘fan’ underneath will be blacker, as opposed to brown, and the nipple should be slightly yellowy-green tinted.
MM’s will not grow any bigger than the skinniest little ones of those garden variety
July 7th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
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SuperGrover, ShroomDoctor :)
July 7th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
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thanks supergrover, had an idea they only appeared in September.. lucky I never thought of it when I was pissed…
July 7th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
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actually, it’s been years.
sam, if you fancy a picking trip in the autumn, let me know.
dublin mountains, the fields off ticknock hill(?), used to be good.
probably all apartments now?
July 7th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
31
http://www.magic-mushrooms.info/images/magic-mushrooms.jpg
July 7th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
32
This could be complete bollocks but I heard a story about a bloke feeding magic mushrooms to the animals in the Zoo.
Now I’d imagine they wouldn’t eat anything they shouldn’t but it’s a funny picture all the same.
July 7th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
33
Supergrover, I am up for a harvest if you point me to the location. I can make a mean mushroom tea.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
34
Actually cheese on toast with a layer of fresh mushrooms under the cheese is also a favourite.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
35
Having spent the afternoon writing about coke and E this mushroom talk is very organic.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
36
Thing is, I hate mushrooms, even ordinary ones. The magic ones taste like cats’ nappies.
They can be boiled and strained, and the juice can be added to soup to cover the taste.
Twenty, bit early for Santa’s letter, no?
July 7th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
37
PP - you are in West Cork?
Somewhere hilly and grassy, not too near the sea, the sort of place where sheep graze.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
38
My odd brother hates mushrooms, so he wrapped his in tissue paper and swallowed them.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
39
In Wicklow, looks like prime land up in the hills, but the fucking hippies are in abundance round there so it will a struggle to get there before those cunts.
Maybe easier to buy a grow kit, once grew philosphers stones in an airing cubhoard, now they are really nice, more of a truffle than a mushroom.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
40
haha Jo. Try doing that 100 times without a glass of water.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
41
You can dry them, but there is a little maggot which grows in the fuckers, so they often come out in the drying process, fresh is best then you never see the wriggly little fuckers.
July 7th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
42
Sorry, PP, yeah, Wicklow. Got confuseed with my Scottish made who lived in Wicklow but now West Cork. The link was there in my head, you see.
See you in September, so.
Must do a recce before then.
July 7th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
43
Speaking of maggots, Maggot will be back from holiday soon to find that he can have an Avatar if he wants one.
Can you imagine what it will look like?
July 7th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
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And PP, why are you back to the turd?
July 7th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
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Did Maggot go to Kit Kat land on his holliers?
I was in Spar last night and saw a bumper pack of them and I thought of Maggot. Fuck sake.
July 7th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
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http://b3ta.com/links/Innocent_kids_TV_random_bleeps_Elmo_win
SuperGrover, here’s one for you. Watch it till the end.
July 7th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
47
aw its like one big twenty fucked up family major. Like the partridge family only on stronger drugs.
July 7th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
48
All this good advice on mushrooms will be filling the hospitals.
July 7th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
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Not sure Tinman, all I can see is my half full pish sample jar with a smiley face and a smoke.
July 7th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
50
Tinman, why are you seeing poo??
PP, I think it’s the delinquent teens you need to watch out for in Wicklow. I have a good source for likely sites in the north of the county if you like. Maggots? Christ, that’s off putting.
Heh, Maggot went to Chocolate land, like Homer.
Holemaster, what would make you think of me?
July 7th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
51
I was just unloading groceries and exclaimed “what stupid cunt puts a jar on top of tomatoes!”
Mr. M said, “Gee, Twenty, I don’t know.”
Hee.
July 7th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
52
Heh, tell him I had a burger tonight and it was gooooooood.
July 7th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
53
I was in Spar last night and saw a bumper pack of them and I thought of Maggot. Fuck sake.
haha
July 7th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
54
I once went to Glasgow for a laugh. Came back in stitches.
July 7th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
55
Well that killed it Alan
July 7th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
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It was well dead anyway.
July 8th, 2008 at 1:28 am
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