So very handy
“Dear Twitter,
I’m just writing to say thank for you the wonderful service you provide. I can’t even begin to tell you how handy it is for me.
Not in the way you might expect either. Not for me the updating of my life, almost by the minute. It’s quite dull enough as it is without having to inflict it on anyone else. But for allowing me to keep up with the details of other people’s lives.
For example, I read a lot of Irish blogs and many Irish bloggers use Twitter to tell everyone what they’re doing.
Johnsmith is enjoying some lovely toast or MaryPoofacecockmaster is struggling with her dissertation.
To me though, the best use of Twitter is when somebody tells me they’re going to be away from their home.
Johnsmith is going on holidays for two weeks or MaryPoofacecockmaster is going to be at a tech conference all day long and won’t be back until late tonight. I hope my cat is all right!
This, to me, is an absolute Godsend as knowing exactly when people are coming and going allows me to plan my day with the utmost precision. I know I can go about my business uninterrupted, hassle free and, to be honest, it has greatly improve the quality of my work. Instead of scurrying about the place hither and thither I can take my time and do a good thorough job.
So from the very bottom of my heart I would like to thank you and just keep up the good work. You’re brilliant.
Yours sincerely,
A Burglar
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:22 pm
heh. I’m glad I’ve resisted so far.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Never even heard of it.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Ahh, the Poofacecockmasters. A distinguished Dublin family
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Johnsmith is having a languorous bathtub wank
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:36 pm
hee. morgor, you should start a blog. It’s a service whereby you answer the question ‘what are you doing right now?’ hence thebathtub wank. I wish I was – mine’s ’stopping the baby eating from the dogbowl.’
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Tinman18 is up to his arse in work & is going to be away from this conversation for as long as he can resist.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Fuck, who am I kidding?
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Urg, me too. Achieving Nothing Wednesday.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Surely the Guards could use it as a form of entrapment?
Marypoofacecockmaster has gone to the AIB on Grafton Street to collect the wages in cash for her 200 servants.
She will be walkng home iwth the money in a Bag-for-Life along Dame Street at about 2.15, not looking at all like a big red-faced culchie bloke from Oughterard in a dress trying to pretend he’s not a guard.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I’m afraid I’ll never subscribe to Boobie or Twatter. About as much use as fish umbrellas.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Of course Smug Mccunt from Blackrock will be protected from Mr A Burglar by their Eircom Cockwatch system after falling for the scare tactics from their marketing department.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:54 pm
house Alarms are for cunts!
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:58 pm
My how convenient.
It even saves you having to pay the taxi driver who takes them to the airport for the tip off.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I’m having a terribly annoying day. Nothing is working properly, my staff are not listening to me, the secretary is not wearing sexy clothes, the kettle is broken and the cute girl in spar isn’t there anymore.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I’d never heard of this Twatter lark either. What the fuck is it & what earthly purpose does it serve other than making some cunt look busy & therefore feel important?
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:05 pm
you should take some blue yellow red and purple pills.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Unfortunately, Jo, Achieving Nothing Wednesday is following hot on the heels of Did Fuck-all Monday and Football Puns Tuesday.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Mr Pish beat me to the Eircom Homewatch comment. Have they shares in Twitter?
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:06 pm
And twiddle-your-thumbs-thursday…
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Well, I had Falling Over Tuesday, that wasn’t great nor productive. Let’s hope you’re not heding for Getting Fired Friday.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:09 pm
It would serve a purpose if people would use it to say “Maryloudvoice is on the DART” so that they wouldn’t have to yell it into their mobile instead.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I would pay for a service called “Shitter” which would tell me wherever there was a clean cubicle free, it would save me getting short in an around town.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Not only a free cubicle, but one that had been safely cleared of the wafting faecal odour of its previous occupant
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:13 pm
22 posts before the faecal factor kicked in. Is this a record?
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:13 pm
ha, but that would translate as you telling people where YOU were shitting round town.
A service Twenty’s blog has served before, perhaps
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Right you cunts I’m off to the Dragons Den to make my fortune: Shitter Web Service
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I reckon the Japanese have already patented that one
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:17 pm
i’ll give you 20 grand for 40%
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:19 pm
“i’ll give you 20 grand for 40%”
Bauld move, he’ll fuck off with the money like the thick-lipped indian did with Sting (oh how we laughed)
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:21 pm
This is the post i made on my blog about Twitter:
This thing they call Twitter has been designed to answer the most asked question by your loved ones and friends (oh and nosy cunts). And if, like me, the answer is “GO FUCK YOURSELF” then Twitter is definitley not for you. It updates people you know on every single little thing in your life. “What are you doing?”… Eh I’m taking a shit, fuck off! Actually “What are you doing?” is officially the second most annoying question that can be asked by these nosy bastards. Number one is “Where are you?” None of your fucking business, that’s where. What is with these people that they think it’s anything less than rude by asking these questions? Please fuck off and annoy/stalk some other cunt.
What am I doing? Minding my own fucking business.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I would love to see their faces, as I presented my idea, only those fuckers will have gold bogs in the backs of their limos so will not see the value.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:28 pm
PP – it’s been done…
http://www.westminster.gov.uk/councilgovernmentanddemocracy/councils/pressoffice/news/pr-4040.cfm
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:29 pm
can i have my money back now, please..?
hello…?
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck !! back to the drawing board.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:32 pm
And who the fuck has time to research this during normal working hours, you feckless lazy dope fiend.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
this is my job. twenty pays me in beer dregs and duty free fags to be his research assistant
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I love dregs.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I thought it was the space between your ‘Twat’ and your ‘Shitter’. Can we close the ‘Etymology’ on this for once and for all.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I have spent all your money Supergrover
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Would you people pay €40 for an automatic duvet cover changer?
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Holemaster, it’s actually quite easy to move to a new insurer by yourself.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Christ you’re alive MB, you been on holiday?
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I’m knackered
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Shushh
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:23 pm
“Would you people pay €40 for an automatic duvet cover changer?”
Married one already.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:24 pm
new insurer – jesus, MB, that’s obscure
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:24 pm
I’m only barely alive PP. By one of those cruel blows that life serves up too frequently, I am sufferring from a dose of ‘flu, AND I have just acquired the most potent hash I’ve had in years.
I am being super-unproductive.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I would be happy to relieve you of the offending hash, SuperGrover will square you up he still owes me 20K for my business idea.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Too late PP. I licked it!
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
This has just appeared on the BBC website:
Man City set to confirm Jo deal
Jo is set to be unveiled as Man City’s record signing
Manchester City are set to officially confirm Brazilian striker Jo as their record signing in a deal worth £18m.
Who needs Twitter when she can brag about where she’s going on the BBC?
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
i too am suffering from potency fatigue. i sympathise…
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:35 pm
And she’s a striker with a Brazilian, apparently.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Sketch! Here she comes!
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:47 pm
How bizarre. Brazilians indeed.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:48 pm
My ex had an Australian (as in bush)
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:48 pm
That’s spooky how you did that, Monkey.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Sketch, here comes Elvis….
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:51 pm
It’s a mixture of telekenesis, voodoo, and good luck Tinman.
Mostly good luck though.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Telekeneses? Moviong stuff round with the power of your mind? Surely I would have noticed?
I think I might know MB’s secret. Though I am alarmed that he’s tracking my movements!
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:03 pm
via Shitter undoubtedly
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Wehoo oooh yay yay ah hum oh yeah yeah
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Wowwww
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Honestly Jo, it was just lucky.
I’m alarmed that you know my secret. If I could figure it out meself I’d be worth a fortune by now.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Hang on a minute. Maybe Twenty’s blog is magic?
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
How do you guys get the pictures beside your names?
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Twenty told us once morgor, and since then I’ve posted it again twice.
I’m e-mailing it to you as you read this.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Bloody hell Morgor where you been, Twenty gave a tutorial last week?
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Although I changed my bloody gravatar hours ago and it has not changed here.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
He’s been to Glasto,
To see the Queen.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:16 pm
where you been
Prague,Edinburgh and Glastonbury.
I’m a busy guy.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Morgor the Traveller (and not in the knacker sense)
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:20 pm
“Although I changed my bloody gravatar hours ago and it has not changed here.”
Clear cache
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:22 pm
let’s check . . .
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Tried That
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Will try accessing from a decent browser tonight and I reckon it will work OK, bloody IE is the bane of my fucking life.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:26 pm
goddamn you gravatar!
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:27 pm
It can take a little while to show up, morgor. Just make sure the email address you signed up with is the same one in the email address section here…
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:33 pm
So morgor, is it just me who sees the
wierd bald dude then? Heh.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Holy fuck morgor. What the Hell are you doing? You’re not supposed to put your actual photo up.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Hes like a young Andy from Little Britain
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:40 pm
sweet.
I’ve got the same picture on my bank card.
Most people don’t seem to notice when i had it to them while trying to disguise a smirk.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:47 pm
The awful thing is, he’s a real guy, presumably! Where did you get him? He looks like an evil hynotist. I was going to say he jsut needs to shave his head, but then I noticed that that wouldn’t change is intense stare.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I’ve been trying to do the image thing & getting nowhere.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Jesus Morgor, he’s like Steve Wright’s lost brother.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:52 pm
he’s got a super-cool black wife-beater vest on too.
Maybe i should get a t-shirt done up…
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
who’s steve wright?
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Morgor, does he have a name ?
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Just wondering, anyone said twatter yet?
and a ps… when you go to the comment page you’re showing a lot of blank page upstairs…
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:56 pm
erm, don’t have a name for him.
hope i never meet him in real life. That’d be a bit awkward.
I got his face from a e-mail about hillbillies.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:58 pm
I don’t know, I kind of like those little bits where you get to update the world on what you’re up to. Round about the time that poor kid in Tallaght was killed by lightning, I used my facebook spot to say:
“MMN was struck by the IDEA of lightning!”
The next day it was:
“MMN is a textbook schizophrenic. MMN is a copy of Busy at Maths 6″
MMN would continue in this vein, but MMN read that referring to oneself in the third person was in the ‘going down’ / cool-o-meter in the Sunday Times style magazine the other day.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:58 pm
“who’s steve wright?”
a very funny man….
http://www.exclaim.ca/images/up-steven_wright_lg.jpg
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:15 pm
MB – Whats wrong with using your own picture – mine looks fine
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Still testing, sorry
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Bastards
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Spudley has the horn
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Tinman – I fucked around with this the other day and I found I had to give the image a G Rating and to wait 15 to 20 minutes before it worked
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:52 pm
It’s all down to clearing your ‘cache’
In Firefox, Go to ‘Tools’, and click on ‘Manage Private Data’
Make sure the ‘Clear Cache’ box is selected.
In Internet Explorer, Go to http://www.mozilla-europe.org/en/firefox/ and download Firefox. (New version out today!)
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Well done Tinman! Lookin’ good!
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Thanks, MB.
I do look like a man playing a condom in a TV ad, though.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Have you tried a close-up of the face? (But including the hatchet, of course.)
sorry, that came out wrong.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:16 pm
I’ll have another go in the morning. Thta image is on my “work” computer.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:24 pm
there’s a freegan on all saints(the wifes’ show,i just look up when i hear a keyword or a nice woman comes on).
he’s got a leg full of maggots from “argue-ing” with an alley cat over a chicken carcass.
i think its fred.
and if people use twitter(i had to look it up),don’t they deserve all they get?
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Hmm, that sounds like terrible anti-freegan propaganda to me.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Yeah, those first four letters are a bit of a give-away alright.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Pish, I see your new Avatar has appeared.
You must be very proud.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm
And so he should be.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Avatars are for young people and gays…
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Avatars are for young people and gays
there’s a combination you don’t normally hear.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Avatars are brilliant.
It’s a pity they aren’t ’sticky’ though.
They’d be more fun if they were ’sticky’.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Only 9 more days?
What?
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:59 pm
DRINK!
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Get off my internet, MB.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Avatars are for young people and gays…
What a shame you only tick one of the boxes, SoS, you young scamp.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Shh Twenty.
I prefer to be a man of mystery. Keep them wondering, like.
Hang on, if I only tick one……..
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Why can I not see my new avatar….?
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:55 pm
I can see it now, I feel very proud, might smoke a cigar to celebrate the birth of my new avatar
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:34 am
Did you find that on the Internet PP, or did you do it yourself?
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:30 am
Internet, I am not taking photos of my own turds, I am not German . With my diet the lines are far less defined and probably would only look like a brown blob, rather than the fine specimen displayed here. Will have to change it, because I read and comment on some blogs where a turd may be inappropriate.
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:36 am
You must have self esteem issues or creepy sexual leanings.
I’d say the latter
July 4th, 2008 at 5:15 am
[...] Loving Twenty’s take on Twitter. [...]
July 4th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
“Dear Blogger,
I’m just writing to say thank for you the wonderful service you provide. I can’t even begin to tell you how handy it is for me…”
July 4th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Ooops, this may have been meeee… :O Luckily, my flatmate has been at home all this time, and on the look-out for an old bearded bloke trying to shit outside our door.