Urban Soul
Oooh, sounds cool eh? Like some kind of music festival.
It’s not though. It’s a weird thing where teenagers from all over the world come from Dublin to clean up the city. They’re coming from Belfast, Oklahoma, North Carolina, Scotland, the UK, Africa and Dublin reports that now free to look at Irish Times (but you still have to pay for the fucking Simplex, you scabby bastards).
Apparently they’re going to clean up graffiti (can I recommend they start outside the Bernard Shaw on Sth Richmond Street? Some vandal has wrecked the place), and run ‘community activities’.
Now, far be it for me to critical but why do we need to fly in more teenagers? Don’t we have enough of the surly cunts as it is? Stomping around like they own the town, girls sprayed orange like thousands of Christina Aguilera clones going about the place, guys with their weird spikey hair and upturned collars on their polo shirts. Why do we need to bring more in?
The ones we have a workshy bunch of layabout bastards so let them do it. And graffiti? Can’t they think of anything better to do. For example, on days like today my front garden will be filled with crisp packets and other detritus that the wind propels through the sky. Why can’t they come and clean my garden while I threaten them with Bastardface if they don’t make a good job of it?
And you know these holier-than-thou, do-gooder teenagers will be all sweetness and light during the day, preaching about how you can improve your life and do good in the community. Then, after the informative sessions have finished, they’ll be straight down the offy to buy cider and naggins of vodka which they’ll drink in parks before spending the rest of the evening snogging and fingering each other.
It’s less teenagers we need. Not more. Someone has got this one terribly wrong.
July 1st, 2008 at 8:41 am
Ooh, twenty, can you do your first post mid morning please, enough to make me stomach turn – drunk teenagers fingering each other!
July 1st, 2008 at 8:44 am
Oi – supergrover. I may be otter’s dirt but you are “error veg pus”
July 1st, 2008 at 8:53 am
that i am, sid, that i am
July 1st, 2008 at 8:54 am
Oh, …… what’s it like then
July 1st, 2008 at 8:59 am
Heh, snogging and fingering eachother. I suspect it’s worse than that these days. They’re probably insider trading on their iphones.
I like this post, though I’ve always had the sneaking suspicion that if you could harness teenagers dormant energy and optimism you’d have a force to be reckoned with. It’s a closely guarded secret though.
This sort of cleanup organisation seems to be better suited to chain gangs, doesn’t it? That would hardly need more supervision and organisation than flying in a group of teens from international locations must take.
July 1st, 2008 at 9:03 am
A complete waste of time cleaning graffiti. A clean wall to a teenager is as a steaming dump of bovine excrement to a calliphora vomitoria.
Catch the ones making the graffiti, make them clean it then burn them!
July 1st, 2008 at 9:16 am
maybe they really are the good kids, the ones not from Dublin Where the only thing they have fingered is a leaky dyke ?
July 1st, 2008 at 9:42 am
I hear ya Twenty – I have two of the cunts and I have to beat them out of bed with a hose pipe. I usually do that about lunch time. But the bastards [I use the term affectionately and figuratively] can’t clean their own rooms so Dublin is fucked.
Jo reckoned we should try to harness their energy – well Liehtzu’s theory of relativity says that the wee fuckers suck the energy out of adults so that that can cause mayhem and make you DESPAIR!
July 1st, 2008 at 9:43 am
AND, and!! The shites get laid about a zillion times more than I did at that age – come to think of, ever. %!&^*!
July 1st, 2008 at 9:48 am
Oh god, that last one’s true. My husband was working with some eighteen year olds a few years ago, and all they did was lie around in bed together, talk to eachother on the phone and then go drinking.
It was like some sort of paradise!
July 1st, 2008 at 10:17 am
Major – I used to read your blog regularly from Australia…. I’ve just moved to Ireland – your blog takes on a whole new meaning now I’m in the vicinity lol…….
July 1st, 2008 at 10:31 am
lol
FFS
July 1st, 2008 at 10:33 am
The fingering each other line is just poetry.
I hadn’t heard that phrase in 7 years since leaving the old sod.
You brought a tear to my eye.
July 1st, 2008 at 10:51 am
I always think lol in arial looks like a little man holding up his arms.
and I do not approve your plans of mass genocide on teenagers, twenty.
July 1st, 2008 at 11:15 am
20, – looks like you’re ripe for moving to italy. There’s more of your sort out there
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/world/2008/0701/1214857996491.html
July 1st, 2008 at 11:26 am
If they learned to keep their pyjamas on in bed instead of when they’re pushing prams around we would’nt have these problems. Useless oxygen thieves.
July 1st, 2008 at 11:29 am
I hope to Christ you don’t get any teenagers from Lanarkshire in Scotland. If you have ever seen ten fifteen year olds an a buckfast binge you will understand what I mean.
I think Irish teenagers are politer than most. I always get a surprise here when your typical tracksuited rat boy holds a door open for my girlfriend or says please/thank you. The cunts may stab you in the arse but at least they are polite with it.
July 1st, 2008 at 11:50 am
Fingering! Ha. Ouch, your nails!
I don’t mind graffiti as long as it’s good graffiti. But most of the kids in that scene are pretty annoying. The skate board kids with their California haircuts and the faux punk kids in their skinny jeans. Daddy’s a barrister and Mom owns a boutique in Dalkey (which actually loses money).
July 1st, 2008 at 12:00 pm
The official italian attitute to the Roma is amazing – The cheek of the cunts – just look at who’s running the kip, none other then Silvio Berlosconi, the most corrupt cunt in europe. It would also make you wonder who’s paying off the judges if this is the type of shite they can come up
July 1st, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Teenagers should be banned.
I remember once seeing this teenager locked out of his face at some party and he vomited in a plant pot then fell over the plant pot and spilled vomit all over himself.
Oh wait. That was me.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:20 pm
And it was last week.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Oh I don’t know. It all depends on ‘how’ you use the teenagers to clean off the graffiti. For example, if you dipped the stroppy little feckers into a large bucket of industrial solvent and scrubbed a brick wall with them, I’d be all for it.
It’d probably do their pimples a wonder of good too. Everyone wins.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:24 pm
i was eating a tuna sandwich when reading that line about teenagers fingering each other.
Nearly fucking puked.
Teenagers are worse than that actually, surely someone has brought up the subject of snowballing recently?
July 1st, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Oh, they’ll all be at ‘Wes’ then… known to some as Donnybrook KFC, because it’s fingerlickin’ good!
July 1st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Haha, yuk.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Teenagers by their nature are immature morons – I, myself never bothered with the grafitti/joy riding malarkey only cos I was saving all my money for booze/Ciggies/Drugs and 2 tone suits. – “Oh what fun we ‘ad…..”
Anyway the teenagers of today are just as thick and stupid as we were and I’m sure they’ll all turn out as nice and lovely as we have….
July 1st, 2008 at 12:45 pm
“subject of snowballing recently?”
I was in shock for weeks after I heard about that. Holy fucking shit, I cannot believe people do that. That’s assault.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Are teenagers snowballing each other all over town then?
July 1st, 2008 at 12:48 pm
HM, if someone did that to me I’m not sure if I’d be able to restrain myself from breaking her neck.
Disgusting creeps.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Are teenagers snowballing each other all over town then?
even in remote rural towns, so it’s not just a dirty inner city skanger thing.
July 1st, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I’m not having children.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:03 pm
“Mary, why do you have a mouthful of spunk?”
“Dont worry, Daddy. All the kids are doing it these days”.
“Yes, but you’re two”.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I think she’d say “Don’sh worry Dazhy, all zhe kidsh are doing ish zheesh daysh” as she keeps her chin in the air and tries to stop it spilling down her bib.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:08 pm
hah
July 1st, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Twenty you should tell Mary to stop hanging around with teenage boys.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:17 pm
..couldnt resist!
July 1st, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Put your hands on your head!
July 1st, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Expect Gluastain any minute shouting about how we get the fucking teenagers we deserve…
July 1st, 2008 at 1:28 pm
maybe we get the gluaistean we deserve. as for shouting, maybe is deaf as well as dumb
July 1st, 2008 at 1:30 pm
What’s snowballing?
July 1st, 2008 at 1:31 pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowballing_(sexual_practice)
July 1st, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Ah, bless, Peadar.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Just to clarify the horror of this. I heard that a girl goes off out the back of Wez with a fella and fills her mouth up with a load of his fondant. Then she goes into the disco, finds a bloke she doesn’t like and then kisses him. Now that’s assault in my book. A Salty Assault.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I don’t think that’s reached here.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:38 pm
There’s also felching which is really really wrong.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I was giving my 15 year old son & his two mates to a disco (three different flavours of Lynx in a small car can actually make your eyeballs start to dissolve)and I heard one of them say, “yeah, she’d give ya a snowball.”
Nearly fucking crashed.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Does that mean a Bounty is done with deficated coconut? Bleughhh!
July 1st, 2008 at 1:39 pm
and teenage boys do this?
July 1st, 2008 at 1:41 pm
“yeah, she’d give ya a snowball”
That sounds as if they’re looking forward to it!
Is Wez a posh school in dublin? cos it doesn’t just happen there.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I think there’s two types, HM, the revenge one you’re talking about, and one where there’s just you & her and you get your own back, so to speak.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I once witnessed a bright spark of a skanger making judicious use of some teenage exchange students, namely grabbing them by their Invicta backpacks and sending them hurtling in the direction of the pursuing gardai as a time-buying measure.
Didn’t work, but it fucking made me laugh
July 1st, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Oh the boys don’t knowingly do it
July 1st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I think there’s two types, HM, the revenge one you’re talking about, and one where there’s just you & her and you get your own back, so to speak.
Any fella that is willing to do that is in the closet
July 1st, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I think snowballing only exists because the little poxbottles have seen that movie Clerks. Life imitating art again.
July 1st, 2008 at 2:15 pm
“Invicta backpacks and sending them hurtling in the direction of the pursuing gardai as a time-buying measure.”
Good! Those fucking pack backs drive me mad. Only takes two of those in a shop and it’s mayhem for everyone else.
July 1st, 2008 at 2:37 pm
No he was grabbing them BY the backpacks, but hurling them, ie the teenagers, not the backpacks. That’s what was funny
July 1st, 2008 at 2:56 pm
“No he was grabbing them BY the backpacks, but hurling them, ie the teenagers, not the backpacks. That’s what was funny”
Good.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I felt old as shit a month ago when on the subway with a load of teenagers. They were off to a rally to legalize pot, I found out later, but I just kept thinking what a pain in the ass teens are.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:25 pm
[...] Via Twenty Major, it would appear that hoardes of good-hearted teens are descending upon Dublin in order to restore ..something.. about the city, by way of cleaning up graffiti. [...]
July 1st, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Twenty, this is some Christian evangelist shite: irishchristians.ie and urbansoul.eu – a sort of grooming project, a la Opus Dei.
Fucking perverts.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Fucking knew it was a Christian thing.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Scummers.
The children come from various religious and cultural backgrounds
One arse is as good as the next, I suppose.
July 1st, 2008 at 3:37 pm
My husband maintains, and I agree with him, that teenagers are not fit to be in society, and they should all be kept on a remote island somewhere from the age of 12 till they’re 21!
Having reared 2 of the fuckers, the daughter a living nightmare for 5 years solid, I reckon it’s too good for them!!
July 1st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I just learned something from this thread that I rather wouldn´t have.
A heretofore innocent word, snowball, has well lost its innocence…
July 1st, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Heh, Yipee, I wonder where you went wrong?
Heh heh heh.
You should have got your revenge by sending them off on some Christian mission to clean up a foreign stag/hen party capital.
One arse is as good as the next – !
July 1st, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Re snowballing, I have a question: why is it ok to come in someone’s mouth but refuse to have it in your own?
I’m not questioning the issue of revenge snowballing that’s pretty evil.
But would you have second thoughts about kissing a woman after going down on her?
July 1st, 2008 at 4:17 pm
That would depend if she was spotting or not.
July 1st, 2008 at 4:21 pm
My onlt mistake was allowing Mr Yippee to have his way with me, I’d no idea what I was letting myself in for!
As for cleaning up a foreign city, most of the time they wouldn’t even wash themselves, never mind clean anything!
July 1st, 2008 at 4:37 pm
I always assumed you were a guy Yippee.
Now you’re going to get maggot hitting on you all the time.
July 1st, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Yippee – are we married ‘cos you’re scaring me?
July 1st, 2008 at 4:42 pm
hee
Run away if he offers you his kitkat
July 1st, 2008 at 4:44 pm
chuntzu and Yippee, if you turned out to be married, that would make my day.
July 1st, 2008 at 4:50 pm
It will all come to an end when the Muslems take over. That day’s coming as sure as shit.
July 1st, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Jo, It’s not a kitkat, it’s just a sticky finger.
… when the Muslems take over … ????
LL, Did I miss something, are they worse than teenagers? High jinks in hijabs along with teorrist fisting jabs (ouch). I’m almost looking forward to it.
July 1st, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Never mind snowballing… I could sure go for some rainbow kissing right about now.
July 1st, 2008 at 5:32 pm
“That would depend if she was spotting or not.”
Bleeeeegh
July 1st, 2008 at 6:16 pm
I’m afraid to ask after the snowballing and the felching – So what is “Rainbow Kissing”
July 1st, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Well??
July 1st, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I’ve just Googled it, DG, and you don’t want to know.
It might make you change your name, though.
July 1st, 2008 at 7:21 pm
i had to google that one too.
turns out its going down on a girl when she’s on the blob.
July 1st, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Oh for fuck’s sake, is that all?
July 1st, 2008 at 8:17 pm
It’s not very apt, is it? What’s particularly rainbow about it?
July 1st, 2008 at 9:04 pm
There’s more to it than that, it seems to be like a snowball when the girl is, Jesus morgor, “on the blob”. There’s some 69ing & then some kissing & sorry, I feel quite ill now..
July 1st, 2008 at 9:42 pm
sorry jo, i don’t think there’s anything out there that’s going to particularly shock us anymore.
July 1st, 2008 at 10:05 pm
I prefer the phrase “finger blasting” that a couple of the lads propogate. It’s like some form of punishment beating with extra smelly fingers….
July 1st, 2008 at 10:48 pm
spudser, that sounds so romantic.
“since it’s our first anniversary and we’re in paris . . . do you mind if I finger blast the hole off ya?”
July 1st, 2008 at 11:03 pm
OK, If anyone wishes not to sleep on the couch/in the shed, I would recommend not using Morgors idea, its apparently not romantic in the slightest. Thank fuck for wireless, now to move that fucking strimmer and the lawnmower out the way.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:08 pm
There’s more to it than that, it seems to be like a snowball when the girl is, Jesus morgor, “on the blob”. There’s some 69ing & then some kissing
Yep, like a strawberry sundae.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Raspberry ripple?
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Don’t mind if I do…
July 23rd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
So Tell me…
did you See any of those Teenagers..And did they do what was said?
It seems to me, that any group that has the guts to come in and do something such as this, deserves to not be criticized.
I doubt that ‘that’ group will be hitting the drink or petting each other. They seem to be original to me. Just because someone wants to do a good thing, does not make them “a do gooder”. Perhaps next year you can come help out. spend the Week with them and see what a few indiscriminate acts of kindness can do for you.
July 23rd, 2008 at 7:31 pm
heh, spend a week with them. I’d rather kill myself.