Recession shopping

With the pennies pinching and the belts tightening and the wallets emptyining I decided I’d best explore the world of bargain supermarkets. I don’t want to starve to death when it gets the point none of us can afford any food and Jonathan Swift’s satire becomes reality and we start devouring the poor.

So off I went to LIDL. Oh my, the choice, the value, the sheer cheapness of the food was something to behold. A man could feed his lonely old self for weeks, months even, for the same price as a week’s shopping in Fallon & Byrne. ‘Screw you, recession’, I said as I wheeled my trolley around the place with gay abandon.

It was only when I got outside that I realised all I’d bought was a set of spanners, a clothes-line, a blanket for a horse and a chemical toilet.

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125 Responses to “Recession shopping”

  • Jo Says:

    You’re v obliging, Twenty.

    Lidl is an endless source of comedy, isn’t it?

    I saw a routine about it, funny guy from (maybe?) Drogheda, saying his mate went to get ham – came home with ham and a belt. Why? THe belt was besidehte ham, apparently…

    My problem with Lidl is it’s cheap, and you load up, get home, and most of it tastes to ocrap to eat.

    The veg/cheese and icecream are good though, not to forget the excellent biscuit selection.

    And I must go get my cookie chocolate there…

  • sheepworrier Says:

    The horse blanket will come in handy, trust me…

  • Anarchy OK Says:

    I hate LIDL and ALDI:

    ‘Excuse me Mr Lidl helper but do you have any lettuce?’

    ‘Yes sir, they’re between the Sleeping bags and the Gas Masks, right across from the Cordless drills.’

    It’s no way to lay out a shop.

  • Jo Says:

    I have yet to see a Lidl helper. You’re on your own in there.

  • Sid Trotter Says:

    Very obliging to respond sop quick twenty, any hows LIDL is fantastic, where else can you get a non-english speaking east european demonstrating a power drill that can slice tomatoes.

    Who is this Gay Abandon you keep going on about?

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Respond to what?

  • Jo Says:

    That’s Twenty’s fancy free, transvestite bingo caller friend.

  • Jo Says:

    See last post, Sid requested a new post. Hence the obliging. Why did you think you were obliging? What else have you done for me lately? :)

  • RedLeeroy Says:

    Isn’t it the Ukrainian supermoms in thongs desperately searching for shelled prawns in the bottom of the freezers that makes a trip to Lidl complete?

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Ahh, if I’d seen that Jo I wouldn’t have posted.

    Leeroy – thankfully I was spared that today.

  • B'dum B'dum Says:

    why don’t people realise Tesco is in fact cheaper than Lidl.

  • Nonny Says:

    I like the idea of Lidl and Aldi but then you start to rule all the traditional brands that you would not forsake for love nor money like, Lyons Tea or Ariel Washing Powder or Fairy washing up liquid or Brennan’s Bread and so on and so forth. So there’s little else you can buy after that especially if you buy your veg and meat organic. I don’t give the mutt dog food and I’m pretty sure if I gave the Cats Aldi food they’d wreck the place. Anyway Major if you are at home all day start growing your own food.

  • Holemaster Says:

    Every LIDL helps!

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Boooo!

    Anyway Major if you are at home all day start growing your own food.

    What am I, a fucking farmer?

  • Holemaster Says:

    I just finished reading “The Eazyway to shop in LIDL”. It’s on sale in Aldi underneath the eggs to the left of the climbing gear.

  • Mossy Says:

    Well I don’t give a shit about any of those supermarket places AND I’ve still got a big gap at the top of the page.
    Not good enough Major !!

  • Sid Trotter Says:

    very obliging twenty, very obliging indeed. Is there nothing you wouldn’t do for any of us?

    and why is the comment font so large?

  • H Says:

    Pah! LIDL? The real bargains are to be got in DIDL:

    http://www.currychips.com/archives/2007/02/specials_from_didl.html

  • brenjamin Says:

    Well I put in a stellar performance today.

    Picked up…

    Snakes On A Plane
    Harold & Kumar Get The Munchies
    King Kong 2 Disc Special
    You, Me & Dupree
    Accepted
    Robin Hood : Prince Of Thieves 2 Disc Special
    Click
    Lady In The Water

    …all for around €34.

    Recession my hole.

  • Holemaster Says:

    Hey imagine if D.I.D. Aldi and Lidl merged?

    Didaldilidl
    Lidldidaldi
    Didlidlaldi
    Aldididlidl

  • Nonny Says:

    You could do it easy enough, oh oh you could plant strawberry bushes then you and bastardface could sell them at the road side and spend the profits wherever you like.

    ……I am picturing that now and laughing out loud.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Well I don’t give a shit about any of those supermarket places AND I’ve still got a big gap at the top of the page.

    It’s all to do with IE6 so until someone tells me how to fix it’s staying.

  • organdonor Says:

    B’dum B’dum:Tesco sell alot of things below cost price.Its a policy they have to wipe out all other retailers…

    Brenjamin: Why would you buy ANY of those DVD’s.There is a fairly simple reason that they were that price..Coz they are all shit that will never sell and are taking up space in a warehouse somewhere..

    on a similar vein I used to work in Tower Records years ago and they had a Video buyer who was a lazy cunt.. they sacked him eventually but not before he got the ultimate revenge:he ordered 500 Perfect Storm Box sets both on DVD and VHS.. and the company obviously wouldnt give us a return on them… he was a cunt but i did like his style.. it took us about 2 years to shift them..

  • Jo Says:

    Ha, funny. I heard it’s horrible working for Tower, and they search you going home every day?

    Why is a large comment font a problem? Easier to spot my many typos.

    Didl – Ha! Booben Groepen!

    Twenty the farmer – you can’t miss him, he’s got a leg bound in polythene.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    on a similar vein I used to work in Tower Records years ago and they had a Video buyer who was a lazy cunt.. they sacked him eventually but not before he got the ultimate revenge:he ordered 500 Perfect Storm Box sets both on DVD and VHS.. and the company obviously wouldnt give us a return on them… he was a cunt but i did like his style.. it took us about 2 years to shift them..

    haha, that’s brilliant.

  • Mossy Says:

    Fine ! I’ll just sulk then.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    That’s the best thing to do really. Unless you know how to fix it…

  • Grover Says:

    that lidl / aldi thing is bollocks. after hearing for the millionth time that we’d save loads if we went there me and the missus headed to one in finglas (not sure which one), . load a shite. bought some ‘tester’ material… nuts, bickies, jax roll, etc. all hugely sub-standard crap. bottle of wine for 8 quid – muck.

    now, maybe if you have to feed a family of eight or something and quantity is all that matters, sure work away but seriously, never going there again.

    bren, sorry, and i know it’s a matter of taste and all, but that is some shitlist of dvd’s.

  • organdonor Says:

    JO:i worked there in 99 -2002 and to be honest its was brilliant to work there then,a good group of dj’s musicians ,artists,drugtakers and heartbreakers but that cunt that owns Captain America’s bought the franchise and it went downhill from there..the only person I know working there anymore is Gerry the Punk..

  • H Says:

    Try inserting this into your .css file:

    /* \*/
    *html #header { height: 1px; }
    /* */

    Might fix it, might not – depends on what element of the page is causing the problem. Either way I don’t have IE6 so you’ll need someone else to tell you if it’s worked or not

  • H Says:

    I should have told you to put it at the end of your .css file…

  • brenjamin Says:

    I’m addicted to buying DVD’s and I watch on average three films a day so I’m happy. The ones out of the list that I’ve seen, I thought were enjoyable. And I love King Kong.

    I haven’t seen Click, Lady In The Water, Snakes On A Plane or Accepted yet. I have a feeling Click will be shit but a few of my friends said it was better than they expected. And at 2.99 it was worth investigating.

    Lady In The Water was slated when it came out but I’m fairly sure I’ll like it, I haven’t seen a bad M Night movie yet.

    And back on topic… back in my student days Aldi/Lidl were my idea of heaven. They do lovely meats/cheeses/beers all for dirt cheap. And their chocolate/biscuits are great as well.

  • O'Reilly Says:

    I’m shocked and appalled, a glance at Twenty’s shopping trolley would only lead one to assume that his comments are a thinly veiled dig at the fact that only members of the travelling community shop at LIDL.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    As if I would make thinly veiled digs at the travelling community. Shame on you O’Reilly. They’d be much less subtle than that.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    H – is that some kind of generic fix?

  • V Says:

    Buy this…

    http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4

    ..look stupid for only 300 quid

  • Maurice Pratt Says:

    Bring back Quinnsworth….

  • organdonor Says:

    H.Williams anyone??

  • Sniffle&Cry Says:

    Soon, all the best blogs will have big white spaces at the top. Lidel cheap but you can still buy beer cheaper in Dunnes, but no horse blankets or ratchet sets.

  • Mossy Says:

    H there is no call for you to be rude ! I’ve no intention of putting anything in my css file – whatever that may be.

  • Sid Trotter Says:

    O once bought an ounce of marge

  • papalamour Says:

    Lidl – do Fleischsalat (hmm now that translates as Flesh (Meat) Salad :)). I love Fleischsalat. It is the continental/German equivalent of Heinz Sandwich Spread, but its far more technically advanced. It has luncheon meat (continental equivalent of) Lidl have loads of great cheap shite.
    This is my first official brand endorsement.
    I have no shares in Lidl.
    @ Mossy – do you find it increasingly frustrating complaining on websites that your shite browser doesn’t work? Have you not just thought of getting a new one? They are free and you will find that lots of websites stop looking pissed.

  • Grover Says:

    H. Williams. Wow, forgot about that. was there also one called 3 Guys or something?

  • Grover Says:

    The slogan – H. Williams in Santry – supermarket shopping at it’s flourescent-lit 1970’s bleakness.

  • Peadar Says:

    I go on holiday for a few weeks and when I come
    home the country is fucking doomed. Everyone is talking about the recession. It’s probably the last holiday I’ll ever be on.

    But everything seems the same as it was.

    If all the polish ever fucked off home then Lidl will be doomed

  • Mossy Says:

    papalamour as this is the only time I have complained on ANY website and, furthermore, as my browser is on my office PC to which I cannot add/amend/delete/mofify in any way, shape or form, due to company policy I don’t have too many options. So I’ll just keep quiet from now on !!!!!!

  • Dessiegee Says:

    Lady In The Water was slated..

    Yes, and for a very good reason, it is totally rubbish. As am M Night fan myself I could’nt believe how bad this crock of shit was. Get your €2.99 back if possible..

  • B'dum B'dum Says:

    My mother was served cold meat in captain america’s last week, is it a dump?

  • Dessiegee Says:

    Bargain Shopping in LIDL is the business. I stop off in there once every 4 to 6 weeks to top up on Pork and Cleaning products

    Their Lamb burgers rock too….

  • Holemaster Says:

    “My mother was served cold meat in captain america’s last week, is it a dump?”

    Used to the place to go in the 80s, all cool and American when we didn’t know any better.

    The 18th Precinct on Suffolk St was much better.

  • organdonor Says:

    H.Williams is in my adult nightmares of long dreary shopping expeditions as a child..time would stand still in there whil a manic deppressive would trundle through a list of “Todays best bargains” every 10 minutes.. although i guarantee that at least 1 person on here has a H.Willams bag in their house somewhere..they are the Captain Scarlett of shopping bags- Indestructible..

  • Dessiegee Says:

    What about the Frawleys/Guiney’s shopping experience. They’re practically giving the stuff away.

  • organdonor Says:

    I cant believe a sentence with the words, mother,served and the phrase Cold Meat has slipped by without a disgracefully offensive reply…

  • brenjamin Says:

    Lady In The Water was slated..

    Yes, and for a very good reason, it is totally rubbish. As am M Night fan myself I could’nt believe how bad this crock of shit was. Get your €2.99 back if possible..

    Yeah but The Vilage was given an awful time but it’s my second favourite M Night movie after Unbreakable.

    The pre-chopped/cubed (or whatever the best term for it is) bacon in Lidl – Aldi is great as well. Handy for salads, pasta, omlettes etc.

  • Holemaster Says:

    well surely that’d warm meat OD?

  • Holemaster Says:

    I think everyone’s a bit zoned out today, I am.

  • organdonor Says:

    There something disturbing about the meat being cold..i dunno what yet..

  • H Says:

    That’s exactly what it is Twenty. But I’m only guessing that the header is the problem, it could be something else which would mean you’d have to change the ‘#header’ part to whatever the name of the offending page element is. I had another website that was plagued with IE6 bugs, took me three fucking days to find and fix them all. I should sue Microsoft for loss of earnings

  • H Says:

    I wonder do LIDL sell website repair kits?

  • organdonor Says:

    H: I think JML do good one

  • Jo Says:

    Twoboys, was it SG? Or maybe Threeguys, I’ll ask the husband, there was one on Bray that became Quinnsworth, that became Tesco (he remembers going ot woatch the diggers on the way home from school, aw)… I wish Sainsbury’s was here, though that’s not going to happen now the recession is upon us.

    Speaking of Suffolk St, does anyone remember Solomon Grundy’s, with all the pig decor? We used to go there after the parade, on Paddy’s day.

  • Jo Says:

    How can ‘to watch’ become ‘ot woatch’ and I don’t see it til it’s up there?

  • organdonor Says:

    Does anyone feel anything esle other than violent rage when they hear The “mans best friend is his 42″ Plasma Screen” guy in the Phonewatch ad..
    Id love to bounce that cunt off a bathroom tap….

    or is it just me?

  • organdonor Says:

    SG and Jo: It was Goobays… ta-da!!

  • Jo Says:

    Ohhhh, the smell of the biscuit cake I’m making… is anyone living on the Southside and too thin? I’m selling tasty things at the Tivoli rd car boot sale in Dunlaoighre on Sunday.

  • Holemaster Says:

    ” is anyone living on the Southside and too thin? I’m selling tasty things at the Tivoli rd car boot sale in Dunlaoighre on Sunday.”

    HA! yeah me! I’ll pop along and chat and see if you figure out who I am. Of course that’ll only work if everyone chats to you.

  • Jo Says:

    I turn it down, OG, I can’t stand the radio ads. It does make you feel like Luke Wilson in that Idiot film.

    That sounds right, about Goobays, but I’m sure there was a number in there too.

  • organdonor Says:

    I dont remember That.i do remember there was a Goobays in Ballybrack (where Tesco’s is now) my parents never went there preferring Dunne in Cornelscourt instead..

  • Holemaster Says:

    Wow, Goobays. My neighbours used to jump and down like a pair of spas saying that out loud. Was it a posh super dooper or something?

  • organdonor Says:

    Not really.my parents are Children of the 30’s and didnt like change so Dunnes was the place..

  • organdonor Says:

    Plus it evetually was bought by tesco’s so the spa thing kind of holds true still

  • Anto Says:

    Albert Gubay was the name boys and girls, back in the days when your mother put you in short trousers “for the summer” immediately after Paddy’s Day to save your long trousers for school…

    Anyhow Twenty you’d be amazed what you get in Marks & Sparks these days – and at reasonable prices too!!

  • Holemaster Says:

    Hmmmm

  • organdonor Says:

    Good man Anto..

  • Tinman18 Says:

    There was a 3 Guys, which then became Gubays in Ballybrack. It had no shelving, just everything on the pallets they came in on.

    Sorry, Brenjamin, loved all M Night’s stuff too, but Lady in the Water is shite.

    If you’re just drunk enough & don’t take it too seriously, Snakes on a Plane is enjoyable.

  • Jo Says:

    M&S has gorgeous food but it’s still scarliy expensive.

  • Tinman18 Says:

    And B’d B’d…

    “My mother was served cold meat in captain america’s last week, is it a dump?”

    Could well have been, did she say it tasted like a dump?

  • Jo Says:

    Ppfff! Yuk, Tinman.

    I’ve just had an unpleasantly self aware moment while wasing up: I’m v conscious of saying ‘my husband’ on here all the time, like I’m a spa with no life of my own.

    But it’s true: even worse, when I’m talking to him, I tell him what a group of anonymous randomers on the internet say.

    ‘And then Holemaster was all like, there’s a dog at the window and Tinman said…’

    God help me.

  • cantona Says:

    Heard a good one on radio yesterday. Someone texted that fool Moncrieff to say they were continuing in the vein of Lisbon and voting no to recession because they didn’t understand that either.

  • Anto Says:

    You also get bigger than lifesize posters of Mylene Klaas, the classical pianist and former pop star, in a bikini….Very tasty…now that’s my M & S!!

    Boys and Girls in bikini pics, how do they prevent any sign of pubic hair or do they digitally touch it up (ummmm) ??? Just a normal question in a perverted sort of way..

  • RandomNoise Says:

    Jo, I resent being called an anonymous randomer. There is nothing random about me.

  • Jo Says:

    They’re waxed to within an inch of their lives but also airbrushed, Anto.

    Every media image you see is, except for the mean ‘look how oldandfatandwrinkly she is’ papparazzi photos.

  • RandomNoise Says:

    Anto, where the hell are you seeing boys in bikini pics? That’s not my M&S.

  • Jo Says:

    NO, but it might be your S&M

  • RandomNoise Says:

    Saucy.

  • Jo Says:

    I like to see that as a lifestyle choice – M&S or S&M – of course there’s no eason why the best of us mightn’t embrace both.

  • Holemaster Says:

    “But it’s true: even worse, when I’m talking to him, I tell him what a group of anonymous randomers on the internet say.”

    He’s probably wearing ear plugs Jo.
    Remember the time Jack Duckworth pretended he was going deaf so he didn’t have to listen to Vera?

  • Holemaster Says:

    I have done absolutely nothing in work today.

  • mr nobby Says:

    what’s yellow and blue and has a tight cunt at one end?

    An lidl bag….

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Ok, I added H’s code. Can someone with IE6 tell me if the gap at the top is gone?

    Gubays – heh. There’s a blast from the past.

  • Holemaster Says:

    Sorry I’m a Safari man

  • Jo Says:

    Sigh, Holemaster, he doesn’t even need the ear plugs.

    Apparently as we age, women’s hearing gets less sensitive to lower registers, and men can’t hear the higher. Presumably it’s the only way we can stay together.

  • RandomNoise Says:

    Looks fine to me now Twenty.

    Grand so, no need for me to upgrade to anti-capitalist free and easy tree hugging firefox for the time being.

  • H Says:

    More than just a pretty face, that’s me.

  • Holemaster Says:

    My good friend gives his wife 15 minutes to say all the shit that doesn’t really matter when he gets home from work. Then they chill out together and talk about general shit.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Organdonor, get in touch with me. I worked in Tower Records for 8 fuckin’ years. 5 in Picadilly Circus, and 3 in Wicklow Street.
    (Or was it the other way ’round? 3 in Picadilly…fuck it, who cares!)
    The drugs were good, weren’t they? I remember taking acid for a headache, and when it didn’t seem to be working, I took another one. Boss was asking me about my extra-large pupils, and I convinced her it was down to the two Solpadeine I took for the headache.
    Who was the boss there when you were there? Elaine, Stevo, Ed?
    Can’t believe you call Gerry Brown a punk!

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Forgot Kenny!

    Bet I’m not the first to do that.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Nice one H, thanks for that.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    It’s OK OD!
    I e-mailed you.

    #99, the comment formerly known as #100

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Ooohh! Yeah!

    Good man H.
    Well prepared!

    They don’t call you P********** H for nothing.

  • Dr Maroon Says:

    a set of spanners, a clothes-line, a blanket for a horse and a chemical toilet.

    buying these items in a British Lidl will get you 42 days

    What the fuck were you going to do with the spanners?

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Head for Scotland.

  • brenjamin Says:

    What’s black and slides down Nelson’s Column?

    Winnie Mandela.

    Happy birthday Nelson.. shame you had to listen to such a collection of cunts singing at your bash though.

  • SeanR Says:

    Here’s a Lidl potpourri commentary…

    Yeah aside from Amy W, there was complete trash at the Mandela Concert – even heavily edited it was just shite… we turned it off.

    On Lidl,we’ll all be shopping there now Cowen and the soldiers of density have bankrupted the economy for the second time in a generation, so don’t knock it! The wine and cider is cheap and some of the polish blokes shopping in Blanch are easy on the eye. The spanners from Lidl’s are to shove up the arse of those indo journalist emotional cripples like Quinn who are pissing me off about the sanctity of marriage today and the need to protect it.

  • B'dum B'dum Says:

    what do you mean, Andrea Corr dueting with Brian May!

  • lazlo panaflex jnr Says:

    snakes on a plane rocked.a vast array of painful deaths.how can that be bad?

    what did the zimbabweans use for light before candles?
    electricity.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    What did Waterford people use for sex before sheep?

    (I know you’re from Waterford Lazlo. Nailerz beamed your signal to me with his fist.)

  • lazlo panaflex jnr Says:

    lamb of course.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Very good!

    Can you see my new Gravatar?

  • lazlo panaflex jnr Says:

    ugh!!!
    i’d rather get a blowjob off a corpse.
    and i can’t imagine how you know how i live in waterford.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    You’ve been sending out signals with your broadband.
    Nailerz showed me how to make a receiver out of an old set of headphones, two paper cups and some sticky-back plastic.
    Easy, when you know how.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Sorry Lazlo. I shouldn’t tease you.
    I was told by another commenter here when I had a drink with him a couple of months back.
    You know who I mean.

  • Jo Says:

    Too late, MB, you’ve freaked him out. He’s wearing a tinfoil helmet as we speak.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Changed me Gravatar back before Twenty catches me.

  • lazlo panaflex jnr Says:

    i was only joking mb.think i don’t know about u already!

  • Holemaster Says:

    I always have trouble with the sleeves too. I try to use same the stitch as Mary from down the road but I can never get it quite right. So I’ve…

    Shit wrong blog

  • lazlo panaflex jnr Says:

    i’m drunk.how about youse?

  • Jo Says:

    I’d like to be drunk. Sadly I’m not.

    I’m irresponsibly letting my small children bathe themselves and fretting about how much baking I’ve left to do.

    I hope Holemaster will join my secret knitting society now he’s outed himself though. See you at Stitch n’ Bitch, Hm.

  • Ibanez Says:

    ah nuts I want to havatar

  • Whiskeyintheditch Says:

    test

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Ibanez, and anyone else who wants a Gravatar pic on their posts, go here; http://en.gravatar.com/
    (All you need is an e-mail address – The one you use you use when posting comments.)
    The picture you use can be any size, just so long as it’s a square. Getting one ready before you sign up might be a good idea.

  • flirty Says:

    fuck ya, I had just finished a post on this very topic, but yours is of course funnier – will publish anyway on the basis that we don’t share the same demographic – stop stealing my imaginary content.

  • Ibanez Says:

    i did all that shite and it didnt work

    i might rephrase that. I did something.

  • Irish Flirty Something » Blog Archive » A 4 Letter Word Says:

    [...] – Twenty did a post on this topic, which is shorter and funnier, but as I had already written mine I was [...]

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