We need a handsome politician

See this recession business, I know I said I didn’t care, but frankly I think we should all be petrified. Everything is going to shit and nothing anyone can say can make the slightest bit of difference.

I read on Breakingnews.ie that Eamon Gilmore, leader of Labour, asked “if the Government planned a mid-term Budget to introduce emergency adjustments such as cutting public services, freezing pubic pay rises or increasing taxes”.

You know times are hard when politicians are considering freezing pubic pay rises, the lecherous cunts. Still, my main concern is that no matter what Brian Cowen says I just can’t help thinking ‘Damn, you are an ugly, ugly man and you make my face scrunch up in mild disgust when I see you’.

I know I should be above things like that but I just can’t help it. He is ugly. He does look like his tongue is too big for his mouth. He’s like a St Bernard crossed with the offpsring of Mary Harney and Andre the Giant. He looks like he should be wearing a bib at all times. I keep expect him to just start saying ‘flobbalobobabble’ because that’s what his mouth looks its doing when he talks. He’s so ugly he makes blind children cry. He was in the band that played in the bar in Star Wars when they first met Han Solo and Chewbacca and they didn’t even need to give him a mask.

It’s petty, I know. Childish, certainly. But we all make judgemens about people based on how they look. You might say you don’t, but you do. And my judgement of Brian Cowen is that he is too ugly for me to have any faith in him at all.

What Ireland needs is a charismatic, handsome leader. Someone with a twinkle in their eye and the kind of smile that makes the ladies hearts melt. Let’s be honest about this. He doesn’t even need to be that handsome at all. As a group of people politicians have to be about the ugliest of the lot. You get handsome binmen, pretty shop-assistants, hunky taxi drivers and sexy cleaning ladies but politicians, it’s like their very ugliness predisposes them to choose a life in politics.

Look at the politicans people talk about as being handsome. JFK, for example. He was certainly charismatic but it was only when compared to the likes of Richard Nixon that you could call him really handsome. That was because Nixon looked like a down sydrome beagle with a wad of piss-stained cotton wool in each cheek. Put him alongside Cary Grant and he was nothing. Nothing. He was the most handsome politican which is sort of like being the best Damien Rice tribute band. You’re just less shit than all the rest but still shit.

We want to have confidence in the people that run our country. Not look at them and want to gouge our own eyes out because they’re so fucking hideous they’d turn you to stone.

But maybe it’s simply that attractive people don’t get involved in politics. They become actors, TV presenters, singers, sportsmen or women and such. But if a square-jawed hunk were to tell me tomorrow that Ireland would be ok, that the recession won’t bite that badly, that we’d all be ok and if he told me that with a winning smile, fake or not, I’d be much happier than having to listen to Brian Cowen.

I just don’t trust ugly people. Especially ugly politicians. They know that the world has done them a bad turn, having power over a large group of the electorate is their revenge. You might call me petty but look at them, desperately grasping for power so they can feel good about themselves at last.

Fucking minging bastards. We’re definitely fucked.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 25th, 2008 at 12:01 amand is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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