Drugs and prisons

Reading yesterday about how something like 21% of all needle using drug addicts in prison actually started injecting drugs in prison.

I know when people talk about prisons and drugs you don’t even bat an eyelid. The two go together like Bert and Ernie, steak and chips or Heather Mills and stump polish. But really, it shouldn’t be that hard to stop drugs getting in, should it?

Not that I really give a shit or anything but surely a prison must be one of the easiest places to keep drug free. The outside world is a bit different, what with the sheer number of people moving hither and thither about the place. But in prison:

a) The majority of people can’t get out

b) A very finite number of people can come in

So, it’s not like the inmates are skipping over the wall, scoring their gear and nipping back into their cells before morning. Therefore someone is bringing it in and then distributing it. It can’t really be that hard to find out who it might be, can it?

There’s the other side of the coin that it might be easier to have a large part of your population skagged off their tits every day. They can’t riot and cause trouble if they’re slumped in the corner of their cell, barely breathing and drooling septic gob down their fronts. If you made prisons drug free you’d surely open up a whole new world of violence borne out of boredom.

Dirty Dave once spent three months in Mountjoy for indecent exposure. He was walking along one day when he realised he hadn’t put any pants on and that he wasn’t actually walking along the street but was inside a nun’s bedroom in a convent shaking his mickey from side to side. He said he’d had a blackout from drinking too much Southern Comfort but Sister Dymphna’s heart attack and subsequent facial and anal paralysis made the judge look rather unfavourably on what happened.

Dave was never able to hold his drugs and quickly became addicted to the home made heroin his cell-mate, Aubrey the Mule, cooked up. He never injected it but smoked it all day long until he became so addicted to it the drug no longer had any effect on him whatsoever and he was cured.

Many people thought Aubrey the Mule was so named because he was used to transport drugs but the truth was that he brayed like a donkey when he was raped in the showers.

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107 Responses to Drugs and prisons

  1. Jo says:

    Ah, Twenty. Just because you posted something nice, you had to reassert your self with this piffle.

  2. wooden Mccoy says:

    lived next to mountjoy for a while, up glengarrif parade. used to come out/home at around 6 am and there’d be scangers throwing bits of fruit or ice over the wall with (i guess) drugs in.

    We wrote our local td about it (bertie!) and nine months later got a letter with a photocopied signature on it saying that it’d be looked into any day now. Don’t think anyone cares that much.

  3. H says:

    I hate prisoners, the scummy fuckers. I don’t half mind drugs though…

    I think I might have missed the point of this one

  4. noddy says:

    A third of all inmates are there for non payment of fines.Another large percentage for petty offence with custodial sentences of 12 months or less. 75% of inmates already have drink or drug problems.There are no detox programes worth a fuck in the system.
    Makes you wonder where the spending and incarceration priorities are.Lock someone up for 2.2k a week for something dumb.Don’t give people a chanch to stay clean therefore guaranteeing that they will be back inside again.
    Then to cap it all serious villians get mickey mouse sentences in relation to the misery they cause due the lack of places.
    Square that one!

  5. maggot says:

    Save money, don’t jail them, shoot them. Worked wonders in 1916.

  6. brenjamin says:

    Twenty that last sentence is the funniest thing I’ve read on here in months. Bravo.

  7. Medbh says:

    I have many recipes on hand but nothing in the realm of home made heroin.
    Now that’s a culinary skill.

    Twenty, your post brought to mind the scene in “Goodfellas” when Karen smuggles in all the drugs for Henry and then makes a scene about his mistress visiting.
    Brilliant.

  8. stalling it says:

    Funny stuff, though you can’t blame the guards for turning a blind eye as it is good for esprit de corps. I’d take up heroin if I was stuck in that hellhole. John Lonergan looks a decent, pragmatic man with an impossible job in there.

  9. laughykate says:

    I thought it was a nice wee earner for the guards.

  10. Adonis says:

    What a fertile imagination you have Mr Major. Wonder what gives it fuel?

  11. Twenty Major says:

    Twenty, your post brought to mind the scene in “Goodfellas” when Karen smuggles in all the drugs for Henry and then makes a scene about his mistress visiting.

    heh, that’s a classic. Ray Liotta does the pasty-faced coke head brilliantly.

  12. Jo says:

    Twenty that last sentence is the funniest thing I’ve read on here in months. Bravo.

    Heh, fair enough, different strokes… :)

  13. Sid Trotter says:

    Twenty |I am deeply ashamed of you, and shocked. How could anyone say

    “moving hither and thither”

    what is this – you sound like Les Dennis

  14. Twenty Major says:

    No Les Dennis sounds like “Waaaah, why did my wife leave me?”

  15. Can’t wait to read Aubrey the Mule’s autobiography when he completes his psychology degree and wows the dinner party circuit as the token bit of rough.

  16. Holemaster says:

    My friend and his girlfriend used to live near Mountjoy and her name is Joy (Joyce). So he always got a laugh from the fact the he mounted Joy on a regular basis.

    On the drugs bit, fneh.

  17. SuperGrover says:

    Think I might do some old-fashioned crime to get a few days inside. I am struggling to get some decent smoke these days.
    What would be the best?…
    Maybe lob a brick through a shop window while wearing a flat cap?

  18. Johnny5 says:

    That Aubrey cunt didn’t have ruin the mood about the place with his fucking braying. How am I meant to maintain an erection with that ear drum blasting noise around me?

  19. maggot says:

    Johnny – can you verify that Twenty has a hair arse ?

  20. Twenty Major says:

    Better a hair arse than a hair lip

  21. Johnny5 says:

    His beard grows from his ass.

  22. maggot says:

    Maybe you two should see a counsellor – I sense hostility!

  23. maggot says:

    Sensitive people are so easily misunderstood Jo.

  24. Sid Trotter says:

    Misunderstood people are so sensitive maggot

  25. Monkey Balls says:

    maggot so misunderstands sensitivity, people.

  26. RandomNoise says:

    People misunderstand maggot’s senitivity, MB.

  27. maggot says:

    it’s a tough life being a maggot

  28. Conan Drumm says:

    The illegal drugs getting in is bad enough, the real scandal is the level of drugs being legally prescribed in Irish prisons.

  29. maggot says:

    You mean because the prisoners get preferential treatment whereas MB has to buy his own Conan?

  30. Dessiegee says:

    Hopefully it’ll be “Bertie the Burro” when the tribunal get finished with him.

  31. Adam and Paul says:

    We got banged up coz it’s easier to gerrih in der dan outside, norra mean.

  32. maggot says:

    You’d have to be mighty drugged up to rape Bertie.

  33. Dessiegee says:

    the real scandal is the level of drugs being legally prescribed in Irish prisons.

    It’s all about managing volitile people in overcrowded facilities, Victorian facilities, slopping out – you’d need to be out of your tree to ut up with that.

    Another serious problem is something like 30% of prisoners have mental health problems and should be in Dundrum and not in a mainstream prison.

    Thornton Hall, the proposed new prison is supposed to sort most of these issues out. It will be a modern building, it will incorporate Dundrum and it wont be possible to throw stuff over the wall – but in usual Irish fashion it will come 20 years too late and 20 times over the budget and the prison officers will refuse to work in it because everyone will be soberer then them.

    The

  34. Jo says:

    This is an innocent question, but do you really think there’s as much rape in Irish prisons as we (well, you) like to joke there is?

    God, the thought of it.

  35. Jo says:

    The what, Dessiegee?

  36. maggot says:

    It’s all about managing volitile people in overcrowded facilities, Victorian facilities, slopping out – you’d need to be out of your tree to ut up with that.

    Fuck them – they deserve it.

  37. Dessiegee says:

    Sorry Jo – I pressed enter before I meant to

    Maggot – Brace yourself for the next bit

    The location of the proposed prison development is being objected to because it is so far away from the city centre making it difficult for family visits.

  38. Adam and Paul says:

    ” it will incorporate Dundrum ”

    That’s fucking stupid anyway for starters but I think we’ve covered that here before.

  39. Holemaster says:

    Adam and Paul must be regular bloggers here, ahem.

  40. Dessiegee says:

    Adam and Paul – I thought 1 of you was dead.

    anyway, the idea of thornton Hall is to have a 1 Size Hold all type facility, Men, Women, Children, Remand Prisoners, Mental Patients (Criminal), etc.

    Whether all this happens is another thing, the bloody thing is designed to hold 1,200 prisoners in single occupancy cells. This can be doubled to 2,200 if need be.

    I’m assuming it will be overcrowded from day one and all current problems will still be there.

  41. Monkey Balls says:

    Hmmmm, so you can double 1,200, and get 2,200? Is it any wonder the prisons have problems with numbers?

  42. porridge says:

    have to take into account all the big fat bastard tony soprano drug lord types. can only fit one, maybe one and a half of those per cell.

  43. Conan Drumm says:

    “overcrowded facilities, Victorian facilities, slopping out”

    The irony of it is that the ‘Joy was a very ‘modern’ facility once upon a time, there was a jax in every cell. Then they were ripped out.

    As for Thornton Hall = the Joy + Dundrum CMH… Like Shanganagh it’s a PD motivated sell-off of valuable state-owned real estate. Next thing there’ll be PPP schemes for prison building and operation. There must be a lot of money in it.

  44. maggot says:

    Hey porridge – don’t be going and disrespecting Tony Soprano!

  45. B'dum B'dum says:

    build a prison off the coast somewhere, and let tourists come and have a luck at it an operating alcatraz, make some of the prisoners wear the whole IRA gear to give it an Irish edge.

    maybe smear the walls of one whole room with shit also.

    The americans’d love it!

  46. maggot says:

    Alcatraz is impressive – and the South Africans have made a shrine out of Robbins Island.

  47. SAm Crea says:

    Waddaya mean they are incorporating Dundrum into the new prison? Will it have a Timberland??

  48. Rob says:

    Legalise everything drug-wise. If people want to get shit faced, or off their tits, ot fuck up their internal organs, let them. I mean we allow cigs and beer.

    The people with the most to lose from legalisation are the drug barons. You only have to look at Prohibition in the states to see who profited most from that ban.

    We place this mystique around contraband, and like most things, curiosity will entrap the weak. People over-indulge in something or other everyday. Tax it, monitor it and regulate it, and stop putting so much money on the hands of pikey bastards from west dublin and limerick.

  49. Jo says:

    But are prisoners allowed get alcohol? Would legalised drugs be officially permitted? Would legalisation make any difference in the prisons?

    I want to see more of that Thriller-dancing experiment.

  50. SAm Crea says:

    Rob doesnt make any difference if legal or not. Poor ill-educated people will over-indulge any way they can.
    Think how many obese people are well educated/wealthy and how many are poorly educated and poor. And obviously there will be over-indulgers from all socio groups, but its this one group that will always suffer.

  51. Rob says:

    that’s my point to a certain degree SAm. Why fight a losing battle (and people can get drugs, so the law is not winning) while making violent thugs rich in the meantime.

  52. organdonor says:

    Poor ill-educated people will over-indulge any way they can

    I know many fairly well-off educated people that over indulge also..
    Drugs are not dependant on social or financail factors Sam

  53. organdonor says:

    Financial…d’oh!

  54. porridge says:

    or even financial…dough

  55. Dessiegee says:

    Jo – Those philipino prisoners would’nt have had much chice about participating.

    Rob – Legalising everything will sort nothing cos most of these cunts rob to pay for their habits. If it’s legal it’ll still need to be paid for

    Sam – Timbaland does’nt play prisons – He leaves that to the good ol white boys

  56. Puerile Pish says:

    “Poor ill-educated people will over-indulge any way they can.”

    Fuck me SAm are the other Daily Mail reader in Ireland? The consumption of drugs is not limited to specific socio-economic backgrounds.

    Rob is of course correct , prohibition doesn’t work. The Scottish parliament was presented with alternative options last month including regulating cannabis and heroin and making it available through controlled channels. Of course all the MPs shat themselves, and went on about how it would never work.

    The cost of prohibition is not sustainable though, and eventually economics will win.

  57. Dessiegee says:

    I thinks it’s time for an “Escape from New York” type prison. I propose we convert Leitrim or Carlow into a palastine type bricked in facility. Send the prisoners in and let them get on with it.

    Either that or educate them….

  58. B'dum B'dum says:

    I wonder did anyone ever build a prison purely so they could get Johnny Cash to perform near to them.

  59. SAm Crea says:

    It has everything to do with your socio-economic group.
    PP you are talking about drug use, which is of course among every group, but drug addiction is much higher among lower socio groups than any other. I realise it may sound like I am condescending, But I am just speaking honestly.

  60. RandomNoise says:

    I wonder did anyone ever go to prison purely so they could get Johnny Cash to perform near to them.

  61. SAm Crea says:

    Poor ill-educated people will over-indulge any way they can.

    Shit that came out kinda wrong!

  62. Puerile Pish says:

    I will second Dessiegee’s suggestion only I would propose Roscommon

  63. SAm Crea says:

    What I basically meant was that, poor poorly educated people were more likely to have problems with addiction, be it to drink, drugs or food.

    Sorry for sounding like a nazi.

  64. SAm Crea says:

    And by the way Puerile,

    WE WILL BRING MADDIE BACK ALIVE!

  65. Twenty Major says:

    But nobody really answered Jo’s question about rape. Are we to assume that most of Dublin’s hardmen have been somebody’s bitch at one time or another?

  66. maggot says:

    I don’t move in those, excuse the pun, circles Twenty.

  67. porridge says:

    you can assume that, just so long as you don’t mention it to any of them. will hurt – briefly

  68. organdonor says:

    Sam:You didnt,otherwise you would have called for all these poor,ill educated people to be locked up in some sort of facility designed to keep them away from “normal” people….. oh.

  69. organdonor says:

    All the main Dublin criminals have had their shit pushed in at least once i’d imagine..
    They should show that movie “Scum” to lil knackers goin to Pats for the 1st time… scare the shite out of them..

  70. Puerile Pish says:

    In anwser to Jo’s question, no-one will ever know because no-one will admit it, but I imagine it is not as high as in Catholic churches.

  71. SAm Crea says:

    Organ, dont tell me your a Liberal (be it a sarcastic one)

  72. Puerile Pish says:

    Or the John Leslie fan club

  73. B'dum B'dum says:

    scum was good, but wouldn;t do the job.

  74. organdonor says:

    I would call myself a cynical liberal…

  75. organdonor says:

    PP: I have no opinion on John Leslie opther than he is a cunt..

  76. But how is it possible to start injecting drugs in prison? How does that happen? You can see how it might happen on the one off, but why is it so widespread? Are the prison-guards off watching the golf on telly or something?

  77. SuperGrover says:

    well, i’m a prison guard and i can tell you…

    oh, no, hold on, i’m not

  78. Tinman18 says:

    “They can’t riot and cause trouble if they’re slumped in the corner of their cell, barely breathing and drooling septic gob down their fronts.”

    PCB has the answer – make the prisoners watch the golf on telly.

  79. Dessiegee says:

    It’s only rape if there is an unwilling participant. I think a lot of these guys are into it. Why keep going in and out and by that i mean reincarcerated.

    Was’nt John Gilligan and his boys along with Dessie O’Hare reported to be paramours down in Portlaois or is that just fanciiful reporting to make the public hate them more

  80. Jo says:

    Golf on telly certainly has that effecct on me alright.

    organdonor, a cyniberal?

  81. organdonor says:

    Jo: If you like…sounds good! like something out of a Philip K Dick story..

  82. Puerile Pish says:

    Listening to people talk about Golf on telly, is worse than a lobotomy.

  83. Dessiegee says:

    Listening to people talk about Golf, full stop/period is a nightmare.

    Mind you snooker is’nt far behind

  84. organdonor says:

    Cricket…zzzzzzzz….

  85. Dessiegee says:

    20/20 Cricket not so bad – but get your point

    Motor Racing, – Does anything ever happen

  86. organdonor says:

    Cars go around a track for hours.. One of the 30 odd egomaniacs sprays champagne over some hookers at the end…
    Better off playin Scalextrics…

  87. Dessiegee says:

    The Motor Racings all fixed though, is’nt it?.

    Never watched it enough to really care. I always thought it was just a handy way of getting around the cigaretee advertising ban.

    the winning car was always decided by cigarette sales – most seasons it would be rothmans and John Players every now and again

  88. Jo says:

    I’m an F1 widow. He loves it. I thinks it’s card going round and round too, but it’s full of excellent international personalities and fighting that make it a little like a Jackie Collins novel!

  89. organdonor says:

    I remember years ago my older Brother getting offered a Rothmans,his reply “Fuck off! they make yer arse bleed”..
    I never felt the temptation to touch that brand after that..

  90. Jo says:

    cars, not card.

  91. Puerile Pish says:

    What I never understood about Motor racing was the people who go to see it live, it is smelly and noisy and you can only see a fraction of what is happening..I went on a corporate junket to brands hatch and it was shite.

    Cricket is not a sport,like golf it is at best a pastime or hobby

  92. Jo says:

    my female/non-fan friend went in Melbourne and said it was great, carnival atmosphere, big celebration. The Husband’s never gone but says it’s reportedly different in different countries – where was it the security chased punters into the woods and got their dogs to bite them? Not so friendly!

  93. Dessiegee says:

    All the race results are decided by that midget Berni Eccelstone and the Pervy Nazi Max Moseley.

    Everything else is just as jo pointed out Jackie Collins Fluff to try and make it interesting.

  94. porridge says:

    motogp (motorbike racing) has to be my favourite sport. only car racing worth watching is british touring car championship. formula one sucks

  95. Tinman18 says:

    I watched the F1 on ITV for the first time last Sunday. They talked on and on about some guy called Lewis Hamilton. He finished 10th.

    Some foreign bloke won.

  96. Jo says:

    Ah, yeah, but in fairness, Lewis Hamilton’s usually very good, he’s been a bit of a boy wonder despite everone’s bitching about letting inexperienced drivers out.

  97. Dessiegee says:

    Unfortunately Lewis Hamilton’s the “token” of the sport. They’ll be having women drivers next

    Porridge, I have to admit I do like the Motor Bikes – those crazy little jockeys holding onto their bikes at crazy speeds and Lil Valentinio Rossi is da man….

  98. Monkey Balls says:

    I once went out with a girl who’s job it was to stand near the podium looking pretty at F1 races. The money must’ve been good, because she was well able to afford to nip over to London at the drop of a hat, whether she was in France or Monaco.

    It might’ve been a different story if she’d been in Brazil, but the relationship didn’t last long enough for me to find out.

  99. Monkey Balls says:

    I should point out that I was in London at the time, and that when I say ‘hat’, I mean underpants.

  100. Tinman18 says:

    Does that mean the first part of your sentence is I should point out tunderpants I was in London at the time?

  101. Monkey Balls says:

    Thunderpants wunderpants I said.

  102. Holemaster says:

    “I once went out with a girl who’s job it was to stand near the podium looking pretty at F1 races.”

    And then I woke up.

  103. Monkey Balls says:

    You underestimate me Holemaster.

    How do you think I learnt French?

  104. Monkey Balls says:

    WHY do you think I learnt French?

  105. Rob says:

    I don’t speak french, but I do kiss that way

    (courtesy Leslie Neilsen, Naked Gun)

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