I see Ireland is to host a Eucharistic congress in 2012.
I think I might go. Let’s face it, the Eucharist needs a bit of spicing up. It’s that same old rice paper crap for as long as I can remember and eventually people are going to get bored of it. It’s like going to McDonalds every day for your lunch and ordering the same thing. Sure, a Big Mac every now and again is fine if you like fake meat covered with some kind of foul jism and a slice of poxy pickle but variety is what you need.
By 2012 I reckon I could come up a whole range of delicious Eurcharists for the few hundred remaining practising catholics in Ireland to enjoy:
Garlic and Coriander Eucharist
Cajun Eucharist
Polish tapeworm and boiled cabbage Eucharist
Eurcharist filled with sherbert to make holy UFOs
The possibilities are endless. There’d be loads of competition too. Brennans, Johnston Mooney and O’Brien and Pat the Baker would all make their pitches, using their years of baking experience. But competition is good for the consumer and I welcome it in all its forms.
And if they’re really serious about getting people back to mass they need to do away with the old church design. Nobody wants to share an entire row with other people. They want their own table.
It might not go down well (no pun intended) with the priests but they should no longer be waited on hand on foot by pubescent lads. He can prep everything beforehand and the supple young altar boys can bring the tasty breads and a range of wines to people as they celebrate mass.
“Instead of the disgusting altar wine I think we’ll have a bottle of 1997 Chateau Neuf de Pape. And 4 goblets please. Amen!”
Evening mass on a Saturday would see a huge upsurge as lapsed believers got a good pray in and a few drinks before they went out on the pull.
“Dear Lord, we pray for all the sinners in the world, that hunger and war can be a thing of the past, and that Anto at table 6 can get at least a handjob off that young wan who works in 4 Dame Lane he’s been trying to chat up”.
Sometimes I think the Catholic church actually wants to die out. You just know they’d dismiss my ideas as ridiculous but Pope Tony Blair will listen in 2012.
I just know it.
Have you read “Pope Patrick” by Peter de Rosa ?
No
Just looked it up on Amazon though. I think I may have to.
He’s one hell of a high powered author – good book, great read. I give it a 5 Blowfly rating.
heh, will check it out so. Now I must take Bastardface out for a knacker hunt and then sleep.
G’night.
Oiche mhaith !
Holy UFOs. Beatiful. Especially if the priest could hover them into the open waiting mouths of the faithful.
That sounds like Twenty’s kind of book alright.
Pope Twenty?
Surely it’ll be Pope Major the Twentieth.
And new phrases will pop into common usage, like “Does the Pope shit in a plastic bag?”, and “Is that grizzly-looking yoke a Catholic?”
Only a matter of time before the priest says “Regular or large”? “Would you like frys with that”? The Church has to move with the times too you know.
the whole catholic thing would have a big re-birth if they would have a ” few” pints of arthur g instead of the altar wine , serve kebabs on the way out. I would deffo try it once
AND YET THE CHURCH’S COFFERS CONTINUE TO OVERFLOW IN IRELAND AS THE ‘PLAIN PEOPLE’ STILL THINK THEY CAN BUY THEIR WAY OUT OF HELL WHILE IMPRESSING ‘THE NEIGHBORS’
YE HAVE THE CHURCH YE DESERVE!
You’re a mad cunt, so you are.
What colour do you associate with the Church. For me its a kind of tapioca thing
You’re a mad cunt, so you are.
I’ll guess he lives in California.
Could you make the Eucharist out of that Space Dust stuff that was around in the eighties, you know the shit that crackled in your mouth. That would certainly be interesting.
beige linen wall hangings with the letter p sewn into them alongside really out-of-date speakers.
drop of acid on each wafer would be just the job
MISSOURI IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW
Gluaistean, seriously, turn off the caps. You just come across like a loon.
Maybe he’s deaf.
Missouri Glaus?? The stubborn mule state, the “show me” state? I’ll bet you fit right in.
Watch it Maggot. Be careful what you say about the great state of California….or at least the northern half.
I’m getting a message from the other side……. Is there a Lucy here? I’m feeling that…..that…. you are from Northern California!!! Am I right? Did the spirits correctly infrom me?
Gluastean – If you’re in Missouri are you rolling home drunk from the pub to shout the odds on this blog. Fair play if you are and stick to your CAPS cos god forbid you IMPRESS anyone, especially the neighbours
Ciabatta of Christ
Amen
Bodegamass Twenty?
I’m sure the Alterboys would be glad of the chance to do a different type of grinding in the sacristy.
Polish tapeworm?
Are we taking the body of Christ thing a bit far there, munching on the old P, Twenty?
Sorry Lucy – California ( Callida fornax ) is beyond redemption if for no other reson that you have inflicted that grotesque Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger on me via your TV adverts. But did love San Francisco and Anchor Steam is the best beer I’ve ever tasted.
Pope Tony Blair. Now there’s a very scary scenario. Would he be allowed to continue to shag cherie?
Pope Bertie would probably be worse though although Pope George Bush would probably start the religious war he tried to start as US President!
There are many, many things that are the best to eat in California. Smoothies, sandwiches, burritos,peanut butter cups… sigh.
Pope Bertie (the Turd) would revive the religious practice of selling indulgences.
The church’s attitude to confession would change too:
“Bless me father, for I have sinned.”
“What have you done, child?”
“I can’t remember.”
Would he be allowed to continue to shag cherie?
Horrible thought Anto – shame on you, put me off my kit kat.
Reckon Cherie Blair could fit 2 whole 4-finger Kit Kats in her superwide gob at one go?
Heh, ‘I may have sinned, Fader, but I have no recollection of it’.
Tinman, I thought you were on holiday. I hope you’re not online on holiday!
“Bless me father, for I have sinned.”
“What have you done, child?”
“I can’t remember.”
haha
No Jo, I’m back today.
The comments I posted last week were the sad ones made on holiday.
I loved this old joke… Priest giving out communion comes across a hot chic..
Body of Christ
Body of Christ
Body of Christ
Christ what a body
sesame prawn eucharist… mmmmm
What do they use in India ? Naan? Puri? Roti ? Chapati? A choice ?
China – Rice cakes in the rice areas and dumplings in wheat areas ?
Priest giving out communion comes across a hot chic..
Unusual priest!
how about two bits of eucharist with a bit of ice-cream in the middle?
Reckon Cherie Blair could fit 2 whole 4-finger Kit Kats in her superwide gob at one go?
sideways, no problem.
Hey yeah fucknuts, gimme a body of Christ on rye and hold the pickle.
Coming up
HOW DO YOU GET ON WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS ON THE COUNCIL ESTATE DESSIEGEE?
Jesus!
ever sit too long on the coins in your back pocket? now i have a euro-pain in the right cheek
Reckon Cherie Blair could fit 2 whole 4-finger Kit Kats in her superwide gob at one go?
I reckon, Maggot and Tinman, that Cherie coulc also accomodate a 4 bar kit kat in another orifice given she has had some many nippers – and probably sideways too!!!
“that Cherie coulc also accomodate a 4 bar kit kat in another orifice given she has had some many nippers – and probably sideways too!!!”
Toblerone too possibly and then pull it out really fast! Ha! that’s filthy.
Er, the wafers aren’t made from rice. By canon law, they have to be made
from a grain containing gluten, preferably wheat. Rice wafers would be a
big no-no. Pope Rat hates coeliacs.
Celia Larkin in Coeliac Calamity.
And here is your Host…..
Holy Holy Holy Lord
God of Power and Might
How on Earth you really
expect me to eat this fucking shite
Where is everyone, I’m all chatty now.
I reckon, Maggot and Tinman, that Cherie coulc also accomodate a 4 bar kit kat in another orifice given she has had some many nippers – and probably sideways too!!!
How did I become part of this conversation Anto?
And are you saying she had the nippers sideways? No wonder she always has the exprssion of a clown sitting on a cactus.
She must echo when she walks.
Why can’t we sing more?
I would go then..
bugger, he took it down…
I think I saw that last week, very funny