A terrorist fist jab

A Fox News anchor has been ‘demoted’, I think is the right word, for comments made about Barack Obama’s greeting with his wife.

After Barack and his wife touched their clenched fists together, she said:

A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab? The gesture everyone seems to interpret differently. We’ll show you some interesting body communication and find out what it really says.

A terrorist fist jab. Fuck me that is just brilliant. They have just out-onioned the Onion by about a million and six. Of all the things they could have called that, ‘a terrorist fist jab’ is about as brilliant a line as anyone could ever come up with.

I think it’s probably for the best that the lady in question has had her show taken away from her because it’d be all downhill from here. No matter what she came up with it just couldn’t match that. I don’t doubt that she would have tried but it would have been pointless. The rest of the campaign is going to be interesting just to see how else they’re going to smear Obama.

Picture the scene, it’s outdoors, he’s meeting and greeting, he kisses a baby. Fox News say:

An insurgent toddler snog.

Fantic Frenchies innocent baby – gives it ‘the black’

A handshake becomes:

An insurgent palm thrust

A radical Jihadist hand stab

You would have thought that if they were going to smear him the Obama/Osama stuff is just too fucking obvious. But no.

Still, it’s got me sorted for the day. I’m going to go around giving terrorist fist jabs to everyone I see. I think today should be terrorist fist jab day.

Terrorist fist jab someone you love. Yeah.

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129 Responses to “A terrorist fist jab”

  • problemchildbride Says:

    Wait! I think I saw Obama do a fundamentalist high-five last week.

    For sheesh! You’d think this was a country in which 20 some % of the poulation still think Obama is a Muslim despite being angry at his fuckwit Christian ex-pastor Rev. Wright! Some say it is a mark of intelligence to be able to hold two contradictory thoughts in your mind at one time. Some think it’s a mark of coca-cola as your primary nourishment up until age 1, when you shifted to chips.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Fundamentalist high-five, heh.

    I heard that if you look into the mirror on hallowe’en night and say Obama three times then Osama Bin Laden appears.

  • Rob Says:

    This just in from Fox “News”

    “Obama cracks joke, we examine his Jihadistic japery”

    Obama “hasn’t been shot yet” we are live with The Michigan Militia

  • Rob Says:

    Barack Obama
    Rhymes with Osama
    and his chances of winning get bigger

    But in old alabama
    where they have sex with their mamas
    they’ll die before being ruled by a…

    (I think you know where I am going with this, roll on November, Goodbye Rove, Goodbye Cheney, Goodbye “W” the first president whose library will be full of Dr Seuss and Coloring books)

  • Roy (irish taxi) Says:

    Jay Leno reckons Obama is a god!;
    Everyone is so concerned now where all of the candidates were born. McCain was born on a military base in Panama. Hillary was born outside Chicago, Barack Obama was born in a manger.” –Jay Leno

  • maggot Says:

    She does look a bit like Julian Clarey – first ‘fisting’ reference.

  • Medbh Says:

    Oh, jeebus.
    Secret hand signs between married folk!
    Faux News couldn’t sink any lower.

  • kev 2 Says:

    those yanks , they chase the man all over afghanistan and then put him up as a presidential candidate ,but seriously , if they shot the Kennedy’s for being rowdy irish , what’s going to happen to a poor slave descendant the likes of obama. ? ? I’ve met a few yanks who would gladly pop the fucker off cos they are not fond of africans, they say they like women , but not as presidents.

  • GLIASTEAN Says:

    WHILE THE IRISH POLS GIVE THEIR CONSTITUENTS THE VEE-SIGN AS SOON AS THEY JOIN THE DAIL GRAVY TRAIN….

  • Tinman18 Says:

    If terrorists lose fingers in bomb preparing accidents, do they give each other “high-fours” from then on?

  • Adonis Says:

    Well it seems to me that they call it the “White”house for a reason. Dont you agree?

  • Lung the Younger. Says:

    I reckon the big smear will eventually come down to Obama’s middle name which is Hussein. Eventually the Republican spin machine and Fox News will drop the Obama and just start referring to him as Barak Hussein. And by the time the elections come around 43% of Americans will probably believe that he was somehow involved in organizing the 11th of September attacks.

  • Puerile Pish Says:

    I watched the interviews after the primaries in Virginia and two auld women were quoted as
    “couldn’t vote for that man because we have trouble with them coloured folks” and “can’t have a Muslim for a President”.

    Where the fuck do they get these fucking rednecks? And Fox news perpetrates this kind of bollocks with its reporting. Well I am off to greet some visitors with a Hezbollah Handshake.

  • Anarchy OK Says:

    PP: Unfortunately thse rednecks make up the vast majority of the voting population in the US.

    Jihadi Headbutt to yiz all.

  • English Mum Says:

    Notice they described the anchor as a ‘Fox Blonde’ heh.

    I’m always givin’ Hubby the old ‘respeck knuckles’. It’s a well known married couple greeting in these parts.

  • Tinman18 Says:

    Myself and my sons call it the “man hug”. We make as if we’re gonna hug each other, then at the last second stop and do the knuckle thing instead.

    Drives my wife crazy.

  • SuperGrover Says:

    I’ve just smashed a terrorist ring… well, eatean a bagel, but you get the idea.

  • Tinman18 Says:

    And please, Twenty, can you put up another post before MB and maggot wake up, or we’re in for another day of talking about “fisting”.

  • English Mum Says:

    Too late, the wiggly one’s been up since 4.30.

  • Lung the Younger. Says:

    I can just see the ‘Hamas Hip Bump’ catching on on those democtatic dance floors across the US.

  • chuntzu Says:

    kev 2 said:
    “what’s going to happen to a poor slave descendant the likes of obama”
    Ironically he’s not descended from slaves but from slave owners on his white momma’s side. His Daddy is true blue African ( a “fear gorm” perhaps?) who was studying in the big ‘ol US of A at the time.
    Given his 50/50 ancestry I am always bemused to hear him described as “black”

  • Yacuncha Says:

    Let’s not forget that Obama (or O’Bama, as he’s known in Boston) and Biffo both have their roots in Co. Offaly.

    Maybe we’ll soon see Cowan giving the fist-bump to Bertie or some other FF politician.

  • Puerile Pish Says:

    I think he is decribed as black because Mulatto is unacceptable nowadays

  • RandomNoise Says:

    Totally right chuntzu – but i suppose saying he’ll be the first mixed race president isn’t as inspiring.

    Remember everyone, we are the future of trusted hope that we can be trusted to believe and hope in with faith and hope. And trust.

  • MMN Says:

    While we’re all being racist, have yourselves a quick look at the back page of the broadsheet indo today. There’s a beaut of a headline that reads:

    “Drunk baby born 14 times over the limit”.

    The good people of Poland got the baby shower going a little early it seems. In other Polish news, it seems that an Irish judge reckons we needed harsher measures to combat a rise in knife-related murders. A ‘certain’ ethnic group is in the habit of drinking a lot of vodka back in the flat before resolving any emerging disputes with a kitchen devil.

    I ended up watching Poland / Germany in the Living Room pub on Cathal Brugha (sp?) st. on Sunday. Get this, the Poles only sing when they’re LOSING. They’ve loads of chants and shit, but they only really get going after a good solid three minutes of German possession. After the krauts had duly wiped the floor with them, the heavily painted fans headed outside for a good, loud sing-song involving Polska! and, em, things that rhyme with Polska. Then they all headed home for an orgy of vodka-induced blood letting.

  • SuperGrover Says:

    Jaysus, MMN, that must be the most entertaining thing I’ve ever read. You’ve truly raised the bar now.

    (If anyone thinks I’m just being bad, ref MMN’s post yesterday, being a wanker)

  • Jo Says:

    But moving away from that, kudos everyone, that was a laugh out loud post this morning, with excellent follow ups. Terrorist fist jabs to you all.

  • SuperGrover Says:

    Fox News are hilarious. What’s worrying is they have viewers who don’t know that it’s ridiculous.

  • Puerile Pish Says:

    I have started watching the Daily Show , it regularly shows some of Fox News worst transgressions in the name of journalism. Well worth watching.

  • SuperGrover Says:

    Hi PP, you were in a dream I had last night. So was Monkeyballs. So was Twenty, but he was in an open coffin, as it was his funeral.

    Are you tall, with a square head, glasses and a PLO scarf, by any chance?

  • RandomNoise Says:

    Jon Stewart is the best kind of American comic – educated, informed and self deprecating. Steven Colbert is a bit more hit and miss for me, but brilliant when he gets it.

    As twenty implied in the post, the onion is the print template for these kinds of modern satirists.

    Thanks Jo – are you trying to out-nice everyone today?

  • Jo Says:

    No, I just have nothing better to add!

    SG I’m cut to the quick, where was I?

    What does it mean that you dreamed Twenty was dead – why must he die for you to meet other commenters?

  • maggot Says:

    if they shot the Kennedy’s for being rowdy irish

    They were hardly “rowdy” Irish – they were American crooks.

  • maggot Says:

    Group hug Jo ?

  • SuperGrover Says:

    Jo, there were loads of people there. Twenty would be proud of the turnout.
    The only heads I specifically remember were the two lads.
    I only start remembering dreams when I run out of spliff.
    Usually, they are lost to me.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Speaking of The Onion, has anyone seen The Onion Movie? It’s very funny.
    (I could post a few clips if anyone wants)

  • maggot Says:

    Did it bring tears to your eyes MB ?

  • RandomNoise Says:

    Is the movie good MB? I do want to see it.

    Also, is your blog broken again? Can’t seem to get to any comments.

  • morgor the nameless paradox Says:

    surely making comments like that on a news program is outright slander? Is he not going to sue Fox news?

    I’ve just smashed a terrorist ring… well, eatean a bagel, but you get the idea.

    hehe

  • Puerile Pish Says:

    SuperGrover how did Twenty Die? Was he murdered by Gluestain?

  • maggot Says:

    What does it mean that you dreamed Twenty was dead – why must he die for you to meet other commenters?

    Good question Jo – but I think Twenty’s second book now has it’s title :

    “Twenty Major Must Die!”

  • Jo Says:

    Twenty Major is Dead, Long Live… suggestions?

  • RandomNoise Says:

    ….Brian? Glueface? Nailerzzzzzzzzzzzzz?

  • Jo Says:

    RN – hee

  • Jo Says:

    Oops, I mean about the writing

  • Jo Says:

    How about, Twenty Major is Dead, long live Johnny Blue, his notorious rival.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Funnily enough the second book could see my death occur if the mission we have to undertake is not completed.

  • Puerile Pish Says:

    Twenty major is Dead, the sunglasses fell off his head

  • SuperGrover Says:

    Jaysus, Twenty, you were right regal, even with your coffin leaning up against a wall. I’ve no idea what struck you down, but take comfort that there were many teary-eyed widow types about.

  • Jo Says:

    He’s been dressed in his best 3/4 length strides,
    His coffin’s been wrapped in the stars and the stripes

  • Jo Says:

    And Brian stands there, with red eyes that he wipes
    Berating his god for his fate
    declaring his love all too late.

  • Jo Says:

    Far too late…

  • Puerile Pish Says:

    Can you die of an arse stabbing?

  • Puerile Pish Says:

    and that was meant in the literal sense

  • Jo Says:

    No doubt you can. I wonder what they’d say about it on Fox News.

    Imagine the Limerick brach…

  • Johnny5 Says:

    55 Comments before 11AM.

    I hate what you have become, Major.

  • RandomNoise Says:

    Popular?

  • Jo Says:

    Actually PP, yo’d probably have to contract an infection to die, wouldn’t you, unless your bowel was cut – major arteries in the thighs, jsut muscle and tissue damage. Probably one of the least damaging and most embarrassing places to get stabbed – Nailerzz does know what he’s a bout. still, it does suggest some latent homosexuality, doesn’t it?

  • Jo Says:

    No, RN, he’s a home for waifs and strays. Bored housewives like me and English Mum and everyone else who wishes they had more fulfilling jobs to help them fight the refresh button addiction.

  • maggot Says:

    Funnily enough the second book could see my death occur if the mission we have to undertake is not completed.

    Dear God – Tom Cruise delusions ?

    Enjoy the clip

  • maggot Says:

    Though I do like this one as well

  • Holemaster Says:

    Good ole Pox Views (sister to Sly Views).

    The dumbing of a nation means sinister evil bastards can manipulate the masses so easily.

    I wonder if Paddy Power are taking bets on Obama surviving to the election?
    I hate to say it but the heads of the oil and arms industry are going to take him out. They do it in every other country in the world.

  • Jo Says:

    I bet that is very much on his mind

  • Jo Says:

    DEadly, maggot. I’m going to check out the one titles, ‘Tom Cruise laughing hysterically on David letterman Show’ too.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Jaysus, Twenty, you were right regal, even with your coffin leaning up against a wall. I’ve no idea what struck you down, but take comfort that there were many teary-eyed widow types about.

    It’s good to know, Grover.

    J5 – I blame you.

  • Holemaster Says:

    Sadly, the US President has a major impact on most countries in the world not, just his own. But the problem is only US citizens can vote for him. So there is a much bigger chance that some lazy fat stupid trailer living Chuck Norris fan who can’t think for himself will vote for a US President instead of some hard working intelligent poor farmer in Africa or South America.

    I really fucking hate the Fox/Sky thing. They must be dying for another Maddie story this summer.

  • Johnny5 Says:

    How the fuck can I be blamed?

  • Twenty Major Says:

    You started it, coming on here comment. Calling Dubloon a cuntsack. It’s just been a downward spiral ever since.

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    This one’s for you Johnny5.
    It’s from ‘The Onion Movie’
    It’s semi-unsafe for work.
    I apologise for it’s tiny size.

    http://tinyurl.com/5s78s8

    I’ll do another one later especially for maggot.

  • SuperGrover Says:

    “No, RN, he’s a home for waifs and strays.”

    The Fr. Peter McVerry of the blog world?

  • Anarchy OK Says:

    “Bored housewives like me and English Mum…..”

    Oh Christ he’s become ‘The Afternoon Show’

  • Lung the Younger. Says:

    Comment Nº. 25.

    “Get this, the Poles only sing when they’re LOSING. They’ve loads of chants and shit, but they only really get going after a good solid three minutes of German possession. After the krauts had duly wiped the floor with them,”

    Well the Polish cavalry must have been crooning like nightingales while they watched the tanks roll across the border in the autumn of 1939.

  • Jo Says:

    Nah, A-Ok, we’re better than that.

  • maggot Says:

    That was a class clip MB – I take back everything bad I’ve ever said about you!

  • Anto Says:

    Twenty Major

    Home to the blog pornography in the world, and the blatant and completely unwarranted use of the word cunt most days…

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    Take it easy maggot. Wait ’til I get the one I’m dedicating to you up and running.

    You might just change your tune.

  • maggot Says:

    We maggots are mercurial MB – just remember – upset me and my mother will lay eggs on you.

  • MMN Says:

    But wait there’s more! Apparently Muslim women can now avail of a three grand operation that reinstalls their virginity! I mean what’s not to love about that?

    Sure, you might have heard about that in the news, but not me, I found out when I chatted up this Muslim girl at a party last Saturday. There I was, promising her an education, less frequent beatings, all the while touching her up and telling her how hot she looked in that Burqa. I even made a little flick-book animation thing for her out of the Koran. It was a cute little episode about Mohammed in the Playboy Mansion with Colin Farrell.

    In the end, it turns out the Muslim girl was just a big pair of velvet curtains though.

  • Conan Drumm Says:

    Dubya’s been doing the Wave of War for eight years, everytime he gets on a plane or helicopter.

    Hilary’s Honky Handshake didn’t play too well, that’s how she lost the nomination.

  • MMN Says:

    Ah the Poles!

    What does Poland and complicated back surgery have in common?

    Three-day invasions!

    In fairness, the Krauts probably just confused Poland with a really big sun recliner.

    Mercy!

  • Scientology Rocks Says:

    JO/PP – Arse stabbing is the favourite pastime of Italian and Turkish football hooligans. Apparently it is the ultimate insult and very painful – no comfortable sitting for weeks.

    As to the latent homosexuality possibilities- Italian / Turkish / Nailerzz – nuff said

  • Monkey Balls Says:

    I’ve fixed the size of that clip from ‘The Onion Movie’, and added another one that’s NOT suitable for work, and NOT dedicated to maggot at all. Really.

    http://tinyurl.com/5s78s8

  • maggot Says:

    For the love of God Jo do not click on the second one!

    Any buzzing sounds and anal mydriasis that affects you in the next few days has nothing whatsoever to do with me MB. Really.

  • fatmammycat Says:

    Har Conan, Dubya talks personally to god and god talks back. He can wave whatever he likes it seems. It’s been okayed from on high.

  • organdonor Says:

    MB:They are class clips..

    Fair play to Seagal for taking the piss out of himself..

    Is that movie available over here yet?

  • organdonor Says:

    The Onion Movie .. not Cockpuncher..

  • Grimy Miner Says:

    MMN said
    “There’s a beaut of a headline that reads:

    “Drunk baby born 14 times over the limit”. ”

    Sure, if he ( or it may be she ) WAS born 14 times it is a perfectly good enough excuse in my book to be over the limit.

    Or does it mean that being born 14 times is over the limit of the number of times you can be born? and just who sets these limits?

    I think we should be told

    Grimy

  • Tinman18 Says:

    Scary when that happens, isn’t it, GM? You think, “oh God I’ve offended everyone on the site.

  • morgor the nameless paradox Says:

    Tinman, I don’t think you can offend anyone on this site, let alone everyone. (by “you” I mean “one”, but that makes me sound like a cunt).

    Protracted silences are quite uncomfortable after you make a comment though.

  • morgor the nameless paradox Says:

    Johnny5, i hope you and your entire family die in a house fire.

  • MMN Says:

    Yeah, I figure we should all go back to being shit, but not before I ask the six of you accept my insincerest apologies.

    Say Tinman18, did you see Reign of Fire? I also thought this was a joy-joy, double-plus good motion picture. Perhaps if you are free towards the termination of week commencing Monday 9th June, we could convene to roast chestnuts?

  • Tinman18 Says:

    I knew it was me you were angry at yesterday, MMN.

    I don’t regard it as a badge of honour that I’ve only seen one Star Wars film. The discussion was simply about well-known films we hadn’t seen, so I mentioned that. Apparently that makes me a “great fucking turd from the sack of shit club”.

    Which one were they in?

  • Grimy Miner Says:

    Aye tinman – I thought “Shit – I wonder what they are thinking, do they think I am a thick fucker, or just sarcastic?”

    Then I thought, ” What the fuck do I care about what they think? they mean fuck-all to me!”

    So – all in all a win-win situation.

  • organdonor Says:

    GM:Well Twenty could track you down by your ip add and rape you..

  • MMN Says:

    Oh meep-meep, you fucking nerd.

  • Grimy Miner Says:

    He has the spare time to do that?

    If that’s the case why doesn’t he get of his arse and post more on here?

    GM

  • Twenty Major Says:

    I’m too busy out raping the rest of them

  • Grimy Miner Says:

    Good for you Twenty – why should they have all the fun?

  • organdonor Says:

    MMN:and you arent? cuntface

  • Twenty Major Says:

    You know it, Grimy.

    People are stressed by the pressure of the Lisbon Treaty, that’s why there’s so much narkiness in here.

    You know what you need.

    *holds up fist*

  • MMN Says:

    Organdonor:

    Lick the septic rustwater from my diseased asshole you useless fucking cum-bubble.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    You’re supposed to ask him to do something he wouldn’t like…

  • organdonor Says:

    MMN:maybe i could recommend you get a good arse-stabbing ,it might clear up that infection you seem to have.

  • organdonor Says:

    “Holds up Fist”

  • Tinman18 Says:

    It certainly explains his mood, OD.

  • organdonor Says:

    Maybe he needs a Hug? Jo???

  • Jo Says:

    Ah, all this abuse should make johnny5 happier, anyway. Look waht he’s turned poor morgor into. Back to the oldways.

    GM, don’t post good comments at lunch time, it’s a waste.

    I’m not hugging anyone, I’ve a horrible head cold. Unless you all want some yellow mucous…

  • organdonor Says:

    Well its not for me so i’d say work away Jo..

  • organdonor Says:

    ….tumbleweeds…

  • Johnny5 Says:

    Johnny5, i hope you and your entire family die in a house fire.

    Sticks and stones may break my bones but my da’s still not a child raping cunt like yours.

    So there.

  • Brianf Says:

    20, You got this from the huffingtonpost? Are you kidding me? Geez! Talk about a so-called news source. They are nothing more than a propoganda machine for the neo-coms. Arianna Huffington and her minions are the Joseph Goebbles and the Ministry of Public Englightenment of our time.
    I find it amazing that when the yardstick to measure news sources is SO far left that when a news network comes along that is only slightly left they are called ‘Right-Wing Facsists’.

  • Tinman18 Says:

    We’re all gone to a great new thread, HM.

    Come and join us – we’re discussing …Lisbon!

    Come and share the fun!

  • Twenty Major Says:

    It was just the first link I could find, Brian. It’s not like they made up the Fox News clip.

  • Tinman18 Says:

    If that’s not enough to interest you, HM, we’re also discussing whether Thatcher is shaggable or not.

  • Loco Lobo Says:

    Barak Hussein Obama is a hack Chicago politician. When asked to answer questions without a script, the big eared dumb fuck can do nothing but hem and haw.
    He should be denutted to keep him from any further breeding.Fuck Obama Rama Ding Dong.

  • MMN Says:

    Tally-fucking-ho then.

    Jaysus. Somebody mail me when we get around to swopping recipes or talking about how sore my tits get when I’m on the rag.

  • Jo Says:

    By the sounds of it, you’re on the rag at the moment, MMN.

  • MMN Says:

    I’m always on the rag. And when I’m done, I EAT the rag. My favourite dish is carpaccio of placenta. I am the rag.

    As Aristotle once said: “Ontology and cunts, eh?”

  • Jo Says:

    Oo, I have a placenta in the freezer at the moment, you must come over.

  • Brianf Says:

    Fair play to ya’ 20. Also, what I didn’t explain is that this E.D. Hill is a moron and has on more than one occasion said things on the air that made the other people around her turn and say, “WTF?”. Back when I had satellite TV I use to call her the stupid blonde with 8 kids to 9 different fathers.
    She really is an idiot who does their morning fluff/news show and has said some really stupid things in the past as well as this.

  • Gerry Says:

    Oh dear, it seems the elitist twats who dwell on this blog fawn over Obama like the rest of the media. Most of you think you are so clever, interesting and important, you are not. All you do is criticse, moan and find fault. Reflects a lot on just how narrow and uninteresting your lives are. You spend far too much time online buying into hate, propaganda and rubbish.

    Get a life.

  • Twenty Major Says:

    Fuck off, Gerry.

  • Jo Says:

    Tell us about your life, Gerry, that we may emulate it.

    I have a vote, I voted for Hillary. I’m not unhappy she didn’t get through though, I’m quite happy to be voting for Obama now.

    We don’t think we’re clever, we think we’re funny. Sometimes we are, sometimes we’re not.
    Criticising, moaning, faultfinding – maybe, though I think there’s more to it than that.

    Too much time online? Most definitely, though personally, I’m not buying into any hate.

  • MMN Says:

    Somehow I knew you were a yank.

  • Tinman18 Says:

    Gerry, which of the 126 comments to date are the ones that are “fawning over Obama”?

    Actually, just one example will do.

  • Mark G. Says:

    If you watch the clip carefully, it’s clear she got a real talking to between the first and the second parts (probably whilst the titles or an ad break rolled).

    I bet money someone stuck that on the Teleprompter just to fuck with her… serves the vacuous news-bot right.

  • Barack Obama New Yorker Cartoon Says:

    [...] consider this satirical. There’s no gag, no slugline, no play. If you wanted to reference the terrorist fist jab you could have riffed on terrorists bumping fists saying, yeah I saw it on Fox, they called it a [...]

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