Where is my coffee making robot?
Posted on | June 10, 2008 | 281 Comments
I’m feeling a bit squished by time at the moment. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.
If I won the Lotto I’d have enough hours but sadly that joy will fall to some 91 year old Mayo farmer and his 87 year old wife who will say “It won’t change us. I’m still going to get up a 4am to wank the cows”.
I think the day should probably have 26.5 hours. It would give you an extra hour in the bed in the morning, for a start, then another 1.5 hours during the day to get that bit more work in. I came out of Ron’s last night at 10.15 and it was so bright it might as well have been 8.45. Nobody would know the difference if you lashed another 90 minutes onto each day.
Sure, your birthday might take a bit longer to come around but nobody cares about birthdays anymore. For my last birthday I got a soap on a rope and some chicken wings. I have a friend who’s having his birthday this week and I’m going to get him a sandwich and a 3-pack of Reebok sports socks. What do you get the man who has everything? I have no idea. My friend doesn’t have everything but he certainly doesn’t have a sandwich and a 3-pack of Reebok sports socks.
Getting up horribly early is much easier in the summer. The sun comes up at a stupid time so you often think it’s much later than it actually is.
I would like a coffee making robot though. The worst part about getting up is having to make coffee. Not Nescafé or Kenco with that woman who shags all the plantation owners (I’d love to own a plantation by the way, it’d be awesome), but real coffee where you have to wait and put the plunger thing down really slowly. Putting plungers down slowly is a pain in the arse. That’s why if I had a robot who, at the push of a button, would make a pot of coffee I could get up 10 minutes later and be much, much happier in the mornings.
Robot manufacturers are lazy cunts. There’s no reason why a coffee making robot should be difficult in this day and age.
No doubt major corporations are behind this. Fucking Maxwell House. I hope all their children get raped by an angry gnu.
Similar posts
Comments
281 Responses to “Where is my coffee making robot?”
Leave a Reply
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:15 am
You’re confusing me Twenty. I’m about to go to bed on what I consider to be the 9th of June.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:18 am
It’s post midnight. Hard luck.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:18 am
What do you get the man who has everything? A Soap on a Rope obviously.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:20 am
And I bought some steak from Superquinn the other day and when I cooked it tonight it was gone off even though the date said tomorrow. Or today now.
Bastardface ate well last night
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:25 am
What about one of the new Nescafé machines, you buy these little sachet things in Brown Thomas for 37 cent a piece, pop them in the Nescafe machine and it makes a really good cup of coffee. I think they are about 350 dollars.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:25 am
Is it a robot though? Is it?
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:27 am
Does it go ‘iggy-biggy-biggy Twenty, here’s your coffee?’
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:29 am
I wonder if you can get one that talks. To Google…..
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:30 am
Twenty Major and a plantation.
There’s a book there somewhere.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:33 am
Nonny – why the fuck would I want a robot that talks to Google? I want one that informs me when my coffee is ready then keeps its mouth shut.
Darragh – have you hacked into my computer? Twenty and the Pickaninnies is almost finished.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:37 am
Shut up you little smart arse. I couldn’t find one, I am quite suprised though I thought you would have got a talking coffee machine handy enough wouldn’t ye. Just by a Nescafe one.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:41 am
Well that’s whole point of the post, isn’t it? If you could go to Switzers tomorrow and buy one I’d do just that.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:42 am
“Switzers” – you are not that old. I’m gonna find one!
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:48 am
found one, http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=nsn6-Ziu_HM
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:36 am
Twenty, stop teasing us with your talk of bright summer Dublin nights. We’re freezin’ in the dark down under at the moment. Had to dodge a frickin’ tornedo on the way to work yesterday. Re your coffee, maybe this fella can help?
http://www.singsnap.com/snap/watchAndListen/play/b2c05098
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:53 am
I must say Nonny, I was deeply disappointed with that so-called “Coffee-Making Robot” of yours.
For a start, it looked like an animation rather than a real robot.
Secondly, he was too slow. That coffee would be cold by the time you got it off him.
Most importantly though, when he was putting hot water in the glass, why did he not use a ‘Metal Mickey’ of some sort for comedy value? They’d fly off the shelves.
Fuckin’ lazy programmers!
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:12 am
Did I mention my new blog?
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:39 am
That ‘tornedo’ dodger Singstrap seems to be well clued-up on your musical taste Twenty. One for the MP4 Player, methinks.
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:29 am
there was a machine on the market about 40 years ago called the ” goblin teasmade ” , fill the fucker up with water before you go to bed , it woke you up with a good morning greeting and told you the tea is ready, if that was possible in the early 70′s surely a polite coffee robot would be a piece of piss for the boffins to create.
June 10th, 2008 @ 6:34 am
Major, you need one of these. And a magpie one too, possibly.
June 10th, 2008 @ 6:35 am
Poo.
One of These
June 10th, 2008 @ 7:59 am
hah, I hate owls.
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:12 am
It’s an oldie but – What do ypu get the man who has everything?
Penicillin!
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:44 am
“Robot manufacturers are lazy cunts”
Does this not strike you as somewhat ironic from a man who can’t be fucked pushing down a plunger?
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:51 am
I remember when it was illegal to drink coffee in this country unless you wore deck shoes and were called Fiachra.
Happier days, when we all drank “a sup of aul tae”
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:52 am
Man, if you can’t find time in your life to make a decent cup of coffee, something is badly wrong.
Fuck robots, you don’t need them.
Just reorganise a bit.
No offense, but you don’t come exactly across as a stressed executive with family commitments.
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:54 am
Rob, you forget Twenty is a sunglasses on the head, jumper on shoulders kind of fucker. A cup of tea would be very working class, when he can have freshly ground coffee and a danish whilst checking his hedge funds on his I-Phone
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:54 am
Girl in work the other day told me she hasn’t time for cooking fresh food.
Never misses Corrie, Eastenders, etc. all the same.
Weird.
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:58 am
Twenty, do gnus have a history of rape?
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:01 am
A wank robot could have you 6 minutes four times a day. You’d have to be careful to to get addicted though.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:02 am
I’ll re-type that… A wank robot could Save you 6 minutes, four times a day. You’d have to be careful NOT to get addicted though.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:17 am
I think the solution is to train the magpie to be your coffee servant.
Or a coffee version of Mrs Doyle – ‘Maybe I like the misery’.
OR you could get an adoring Twenty groupie girlfriend, to lovingly and suggestively plunge your coffee every morning, while wearing nothing but one of your shirts with the collar turned up, and some pearl earrings.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:25 am
Sadly I’m the coffee making robot in my house.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:27 am
Pish, I will cut you.
English Mum – I’ll pay you 12 farthings a week to be my coffee making robot.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:35 am
should move to mercury – each day is 58 days long, your coffee would be a nice 400 degrees every morning, and nasa will eventually send you some nice robots for free
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:35 am
Should we all get English Mums ?
Irish Mums dont make coffee. They beat you with the leg of last nights left over ham to get out of the bed.
And they wonder why Irish men drink so much
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:51 am
I have a few coffee making robots but they’re all in the attic, used them once then that was it.
My local coffee shop has several attractive CMRs. They smile and say hello in several different accents each day and look very pleasant.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:54 am
Done. I’m not sure about the whole wearing one of your shirts with the collar up and a pair of pearl earrings thing though. I turn out a mean espresso whilst wearing me jimjams mainly.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:54 am
What are you going to cut me with, your pearl handled pastry fork or the umbrella from your strawberry daquiri
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:56 am
Twenty – why not get yourself a “wife” ?
I mean, The Bishop of Galway had one.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:00 am
I think he can buy one off the web for about $200, at that price he could get one for coffee making, one for cooking, one for feeding the animals and another for mixing his martinis and knotting his jumper in a casual but somehow poncey way.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:02 am
well, this link will sort him out
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:10 am
“OR you could get an adoring Twenty groupie girlfriend, to lovingly and suggestively plunge your coffee every morning, while wearing nothing but one of your shirts with the collar turned up, and some pearl earrings.”
With a matching pearl necklace.
Twenty, Have you thought about a tobacco plantation?
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:10 am
we should get Johnny 5 to build one. I bet he could, you know .The big nerd.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:12 am
I wonder if Renate Blauel is still available ?
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:24 am
An electric coffee maker, set up the night before, plugged into one of those timer plugs set for when you want it in the morning. Not a robot but minimal electronics to go wrong.
Oh, and stir before you plunge, than you can plunge faster… ahem…
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:34 am
I can’t believe I just clicked on a mail order bride link. I was expecting something more imaginative, maggot.
I have often wished for extra hours in the day, but I want everything else to be frozen, so I can sleep and sleep and then do the things I have to do and then just have a nice day.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:38 am
I leave the filthy links to others Jo – I’m trying to help the poor man! It’s time he settled down wih a wife and raised a family. Ireland needs more Majors to improve the quality of the gene pool.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:40 am
Coffee is fucking disgusting. A cunts drink if ever there was one.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:40 am
we should get Johnny 5 to build one. I bet he could, you know .The big nerd.
Fuck you, you cunt. I bet you drive a little gay scooter, don’t you?
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:42 am
I heard Johnny5 is now Nailerzz bitch!
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:44 am
Irish Mums dont make coffee. They beat you with the leg of last nights left over ham to get out of the bed.
And they wonder why Irish men drink so much
That’s so funny.
Does anyone remember their mother calling them up for school, and just being filled with a ridiculous amount or irritation and fury at the sound of her perfectly pleasant request? Jason Byrne did a good bit on that, about screaming FUUUUUCK OFFF into the pillow.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:45 am
Coffee is fucking disgusting. A cunts drink if ever there was one.
Could also be phrased as “I don’t like coffee”??
Cunt.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:47 am
It’s one of those interesting things about Irish Society – for all the talk of it being patriarchal, the Mammy ruled the roost.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:47 am
No fucker in this country drank coffee ten years ago. Why all of a sudden is every fuckhead in every no mark town sipping their double shot skinny lattés and iced frappacinos? Because they’re pretentious shitheads and more importantly CUNTs of the highest order.
Have a cup of tea you fucking bennys
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:50 am
Bewleys coffee shop was founded in 1764 Nailerzz’s bitch!
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:51 am
I don’t know SG, the whole American, Starbucks culture pisses me off, as do people who brag about their caffeine addiction in an adolescent way, ‘I’m shaking, I’ve had so much coffee, I can’t do anything in the morning before I’ve had my coffee, my kids know not to talk to me in the morning until I’ve had my first coffee’. And walking around with cups of it, or driving to work with it in those thermos cups.
And all the KIDS drinking it now.
Fucking stupid, affected crap. I say.
Plus, it’s got something like 400 known carcinogens per cup from all the pesticides they use. Bleh.
I like nice cup of coffee now and again, preferably something frothy and fancy looking, but as a habit I’m happy to do without it.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:51 am
J5 – would the plural of benny not be bennies?
Drank coffe for years. Still do. Great stuff.
Never ever drink “double shot skinny lattés and iced frappacinos”. Just good coffee.
I have never met anyone who drinks that type of thing. It’s all in your head.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:52 am
Bovril would do you a power of good Jo!
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:52 am
Sadly the mamies internalised male values though, and forced them on their daughters. So our matriarchal rule is a bit off.
I blame Catholicism.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:53 am
Oops, mammies, not mamies.
Bovril, maggot? How exactly, would it do me good? :)
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:54 am
I blame Catholicism.
No comment.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:54 am
Jo, if that culture exists I haven’t experienced it.
Poor old J5 is just having a fight with the other side of his head and I am supposed to be chastened because I like coffee. A lot.
He suggests we have tea. Fair enough, work away. But I’m not going to generalise and froth at the mouth about old ladies and vicars.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:55 am
How do we all feel about smoothies?
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:56 am
Bovril would put some balance in your diet and hairs on your chest. And it’s a green option – otherwise those TB cows would be wasted!
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:57 am
I hope you’re right SG! I think the fact that Starbucks is here is a bad sign, however.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:57 am
“How do we all feel about smoothies?”
They’re ok. It’s fruit. Fruit’s ok. And no, I don’t belong to a smoothie culture. Or generation. Or think they’re cool. They’re fruit. Not bad.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:58 am
ha, maggot, I was going to make comments about CJD and whether it would put hairs on my chest, but thought better of both, for some reason.
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:58 am
Starbucks is not a place I would frequent. Mainly because my home-made coffee is the best I’ve had outside of Italy and also I’m a scabby cunt.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:00 am
While I’m feeling uppity about it – the tea here is shite too. Teabags are sachets of dust. Make the effort, get a teapot, buy some decent tea.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:00 am
You’re touchy this morning SuperGrover. Is it because you haven’t had enough cofee?
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:01 am
Also, the mugs are pint-sized and everything is incredibly fattening and cream filled.
My parents used to use a hand Grinder that bolted to the edge of the table. I’mgine that Twenty, if you ahd to grind it first before plunging it.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:03 am
I’ve never been a big fan of tea, it infuriates my Irish mammy mother in law. But I recently discovered Redbush tea, and now I understand that ooooo what a lovely cup of tea feeling.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:03 am
Yeah, sorry about that.
Ready to laugh at /with saps again.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:05 am
SG – The coffee coinesseur.
You’re worse than a Starbucks kid
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:08 am
people who brag about their caffeine addiction in an adolescent way
yeah, my girlfriends college friends always do that, pisses me off.
Although back in the day when I was about 17 I was probably like that with alcohol.
Tea kicks the ass of coffee, coffee always leaves a foul taste in my mouth afterwards. (that said I did just drink a cup of coffee)
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:08 am
“Ireland needs more Majors to improve the quality of the gene pool.”
And to increase the sales of Ralph Laren and pringle sweaters.
As to the coffee/tea argument both equally good, smoothies are an Australian import so probably a load of wank, just eat an apple.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:09 am
You don’t have a girlfriend, morgor, you ugly prick.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:13 am
Yes I do, her name is Angelina and she visits in my dreams.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:14 am
No, PP, there’s lots of stuff about how juice enters the system directly and is more good for you – htough you do lose the fibre, it’s true. An Australian import? Really? I had one for the first time in California about 17 years ago.
Johnny 5 and his impotent rage, eh? Could he be Robert De Niro?
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:14 am
“SG – The coffee coinesseur.
You’re worse than a Starbucks kid”
Nah – I’m done now. Can’t be bothered taking the bait.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:16 am
Is Johhny 5 really just the name MonkeyBalls uses when he knows he’s not in top form?
The quality of slagging is poor in the extreme.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:17 am
So morgor, I relayed your music thieving proclivities to my husband who suggested you can buy a cd for your own good. ‘I’ve got 3,000 songs on my Ipod’. ‘Have you? Good for you. Have you listened to any of them? No? Put on a fucking cd!’
he said, or something to that effect.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:18 am
I agree, SG – he’s not on form today. Wear trousers, do you? You trouser wearing cunt.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:19 am
And what about when someone’s been drinking coffee and then they breathe on you. Ew.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:20 am
Yes! That sweet stale smell! But I wonder if that’s only from instant?
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:22 am
“while wearing nothing but one of your shirts with the collar turned up, and some pearl earrings”
Wow Jo, what a lovely image to start the morning on.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:24 am
Yep. Instant only. Yecccchhh. That shit stinks.
English Mum, are you part of that whole “retro is sooo cool” instant coffee drinking culture that i’ve just imagined and got riled up about?
PS – As a new (?) visitor, you get a ;-)
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:26 am
Johnny 5 and his impotent rage, eh?
Hehe, I imagine him as a primordial dwarf screaming his high-pitched rage to the heavens.
Put on a fucking cd!
meh, cd’s are going the way of tape cassettes.
I’ve got plenty of albums that I really want to listen to but haven’t gotten the chance to yet.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:26 am
“Wow Jo, what a lovely image to start the morning on.”
Yeah, nice one, Jo. I could actually see your lightly tanned arse crease just below the tail of the shirt.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:27 am
I don’t like coffee, I’m not anti-coffee, but I am annoyed at the coffee culture where everyone acts like their in Seinfeld about it.
It’s a fucking beverage people, lighten up. If you want a great off-putting experience, ask for tea in america and sit back and listen to them regale you with the 97 flavoured drinks with “tea” on the end.
Then take a deep breath and say
“No, I want tea, as in hot water and a bag of leaves, which tastes like tea, with a hint of indian sub-continental sandal”
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:27 am
Coffee and tea have their own times and strengths and weaknesses. Need to wake up/end hang over/waste time at work – coffee; chilled out brekkie – tea. That said, few things can beat plunge pot of coffee and the sunday papers in the garden.
I like my coffee breath.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:27 am
I know she isn’t, because I’ve been to her blog, but it would be funny if English Mum was London Tim’s mum.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:28 am
their = they’re (sorry I haven’t had my tea)
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:29 am
Not my arse, SG, my groupie days are over.
Morgor, I bet you’d listen to them if they were on cd…
I have much cakey goodness left over from sunday – I wish I could give you some, but you’re a bit far away.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:32 am
Sorry Jo. I just meant the arse in the image in my head. Maybe a Freudian slip but porobably just a phrasing issue.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:33 am
SG: Nah, can’t stand the stuff. But I still make it for my other half cos that’s the kind of nice gal I am.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:33 am
“How do we all feel about smoothies?”
Smoothies are good, healthy and all that, no real problem with them as long as they don’t become a fashion accessory or so big you have to carry them rather than hold them.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:34 am
I bet you’d listen to them if they were on cd
The cd player I have is 9 years old and sits on the counter in the kitchen. I haven’t put on a cd in weeks. (last one was turin brakes i think, which i burned from my pc)
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:35 am
as long as they don’t become a fashion accessory
like riverrock water, it’s even their advertising slogan
“it’s water you wear!”.
What a bunch of absolute felchers.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:35 am
Smoothies are bent. Mainly because of the ridiculous fucking price of them in those ridiculous fucking smoothy bars.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:42 am
Hey J5, get a load of this….
I love wearing pink A&Fitch T-Shirts with the V neck cutting out some of the letters.
And the letters looks like they’re made of card and stuck on.
And I wear my shades on my head.
And I drive a mini cooper.
And I won’t get out of your way in a pub.
And I also wear sneakers that look like a pair of hamsters peeping out from under my Tommys.
And I can’t function without my Double Shot Tall Skinny No Foam.
And I think Dubai is cool, probably get married there.
How much do you hate me now Johnny 5? Yeah? Come on, RARRRRR!
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:44 am
“What a bunch of absolute felchers.”
I can still remember my utter shock and revulsion at finding out what felching was.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:44 am
If I had known you were so sensitive about your coffee habit I wouldn’t have opened my mouth, SG. Well done though, you defended your beans heroically.
Is there anything else I should know about? I wouldn’t want to make inappropriate remarks about Toblerones or Pot Noodles in case you turn in a blubbering mess again.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:46 am
J5, as they say in Starbucks – whatEVER!!
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:47 am
Holemaster, How could I hate someone I clearly have so much in common with?
Don’t get married in Dubai though. It’s too hot. You’ll have big sweat patches under your arms and your Bride’s clunge will whiff like the end of Moore Street at 7AM on a Saturday morning.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:48 am
Smoothies are bent.
This.
Coffee is awesome. Anyone who doesn’t like coffee is worse than the smegma Johnny 5 puts in his tea.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:49 am
I know, SG. sure I work in Starbucks. I’m using the WiFi on my Powerbook to post from work.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:50 am
I’d rather suck an incredibly lumpy smoothie up my hole through a straw than be seen drinking coffee.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:50 am
Coffee is awesome
You must be part american twenty.
High five?
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:55 am
nice italic / bold work there morgor
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:56 am
Iris Robinson is going to cure all the people in the Six Counties of their Queer ways, and when she has done that she is going to set out to prove that the Earth is flat..with the help of God of course.. she says she read it in a book?
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:56 am
Johnny 5 must be part American too, he’s an advocate of Smoothie colonic irrigation.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:57 am
I think this is what you’relooking for Twenty. From AI Robotics. Called the perfect woman. If you look at the order form you can order her with Formal, Casual or Sexy attire.
http://www.perfect-woman.com/en/
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:58 am
Cwawfeeee
Fuck Starbucks. I know a very irritating American Irish women who loves it. She is Irish and has never lived in the States, yet she says cell phone, stationwagon and sidewalk. Now that used to be a thing on the southside about the mid 1980s when everyone thought America was cool. It was fucking annoying then and even worse now.
June 10th, 2008 @ 11:58 am
Size ten, I saw that too! While there’s a wealth of sarcastiv humour to be gleaned form that, it makes me sad to think of the people who haven’t come out who might actually follow her golden path to straightness advice.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:02 pm
See, Holemaster, I told you we had a lot in common
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:04 pm
Jo – have you any lady friends who are unattached that we can point towards Twenty ?
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:05 pm
“Jo – have you any lady friends who are unattached that we can point towards Twenty ?”
Like torpedoes?
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:06 pm
Ah, the guided missle fembot
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:07 pm
A missus-ile
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:09 pm
On the Perfect Woman site it says “she is intelligent” and also that “she understands me” which would seem to be mutually exclusive in my case.
She is more intelligent than her designers, however, who don’t know how to spell ‘faithful’.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:10 pm
It’s a Ms-ile, HM.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:12 pm
Re; post fifteen.How the heck do you dodge a tornado? I live in Rockingham and we’ve just had two in ten days with another due on Saturday night. Over two hundred house wrecked.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:16 pm
By the way the insurance companies call our area Tornado Alley and have upped the premiums.(suprise).
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:21 pm
Living in tornado Alley sounds about as clever as buying a place on Monster Island, or ZombieVille.
No offence your lordship.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:25 pm
Comment 102: Were you thinking of Twenty when you penned this Holemaster. On 115, I had a colleague who went to work in the US for a week, on his return he had started saying “across the pond”, “network rowter” and “cellphone”, he was a cunt. He also started dropping in “facilitate” at every meeting and his name was Jeremy thus confirming he was cunt. He also married the woman who did his telephone banking, as he couldn’t meet a girl any other way. I wonder if he is still a cunt?
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:25 pm
“By the way the insurance companies call our area Tornado Alley and have upped the premiums.(suprise).”
And you living in Cabra! The chancers.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:26 pm
Or beaming down to a planet with Capt Kirk on your first ever appearance in Star Trek,
Or being a cop & saying the words “just two more days to retirement”…
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:27 pm
I do wonder when I look at the States, Tornado ALley in particualr, how people go on living in these disaster struck places. I ‘t think I’d have he stones to wait for the One that gets me each year.
I saw a documentary about a woman who didn’t get out in time when the warning came, she took her son in to the closet and hunched over him – a giant piece of wood was smashed through the house, and through her face and head, she lived, amazingly, but had serious reconstructive surgery. Crazy.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:29 pm
Random, I committed the cardinal sin. I should have read the small print.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:29 pm
Anyone that decides to move to a place called tornado alley deserves to have their house shredded to matchwood.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:29 pm
Or being a cop & saying the words “just two more days to retirement”…
Or being a cop and buying a boat for your retirement when you’ve a week left, and calling it “Lazy Days” or something similar.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:30 pm
That second paragraph shoudn’t be in italics.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:30 pm
““across the pond”, “network rowter” and “cellphone”, he was a cunt. He also started dropping in “facilitate” at every meeting”
Oh here, I was in a meeting yesterday with a total arsehole. Used every buzzword going. I cannot bear that sort of crap, a degree in phrases and buzzwords he had.
Sometimes I make shit up to see if anyone challenges me and they never do. They just assume it’s a real term. Most people are fucking idiots, myself included.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:31 pm
What confuses me even more is when they make their houses out of wood instead of concrete or stone.
Have they never heard the childrens story about the wolf blowing down the houses?
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:32 pm
Lord Elpus,build proper houses and that won’t blow away, the best part of American houses is the floor,..you could shackel yourself to the floor that way even if the house blows away you’ll still be there.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:34 pm
Cushions and doilies are just what twenty needs. And matching curtains.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:34 pm
Lord Elpus, dress in a girls outfit, and buy a small dog called Toto. That way when the tornado comes you will be whisked away to a magical land and when you come back the tornado will be gone.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:37 pm
Just don’t expect to meet me there, Lord E.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:37 pm
Sometimes I make shit up to see if anyone challenges me and they never do.
Ho, ho, Holemaster. Great idea.
Now let’s put this budgie back in his cage!
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:39 pm
See that Holemaster, some real blue sky thinking there. I thought out of the box and delivered an optimum solution.
“Puerile Pish: Total Solution provider
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:39 pm
exactly MB, we’ll keep this thought-train in wheel-motion through actionment and idea synergy.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:39 pm
Holemaster, that’s how new words get coined.
size ten, that doesn’t solve the problem of sharp things slicing through you. Or cows being dropped on you.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:40 pm
Size. I live in Western Australia and this is a new weather pattern down here. The insurance companies were caught on the hop.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:43 pm
Sorry Lord Elpus, the only drawback to my solution was you would end up in Kansas, and although Australia has it’s issues I wouldn’t wish fucking Kansas on anyone…except for maybe Shayne Ward
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:43 pm
“Now let’s put this budgie back in his cage!”
Let’s not wake the Bear.
How about we check the hop overs before that’s given the go ahead.
The run back responses are no use unless we track their back dates.
The first thing we need to do is re-allocate the responsibilities back to the central unit heads before we consider who’s going to be in charge of team leaders. This should clear up any confusion going forward in a real time protocol.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:44 pm
I cant believe I read almost all of those comments. And not a witty, or original one in sight..
And I have a head ache from the typos!
Rob, stop trying to be so clever all the time, if you want tea in The US, just fucking order Hot tea, and you’ll get what you want..
PP, your even more of a hateful cunt than me, and I didnt think that was possible, thanks for the one and only lifeline this morning!!
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:46 pm
No, no, no Morgor! Sometimes I think you deliberately misunderstand me. There’s a fuckin’ budgie loose in the room. Let’s sort that out before we start triangulating any dodohedrons, or dropping cows on sharp objects.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:47 pm
Sam you can be a right condescending prick sometimes.
No offence.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:49 pm
none taken…
You try reading 140 comments of badly spelled drivel, and see how your mood is…
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:49 pm
Sam, you’re right about the typos, mea culpa but sort out your yours and you’reses for fuck’s sake.
And it was funny this morning. There were fembots, for god’s sake.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:50 pm
Cuppa anyone??????
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:51 pm
sorry moon-tour!
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:51 pm
You try reading 140 comments of badly spelled drivel, and see how your mood is…
It’s better than working.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:51 pm
Morgor, how I wish I could crowbar condescending prick into a meeting without being sacked.
I am off to run some ideas up the flagpole, and look towards plucking some low-hanging fruit for quick benefits realisation.
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:52 pm
Puerile. Shane Warne the George Best of cricket. Brilliant
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:52 pm
or moon-tore, maybe??
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:52 pm
sorry moon-tour!
Well what’s your excuse?
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:53 pm
Fem-bots and Ms-iles gave me a laugh!
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:55 pm
I am by the way, the worst typist in the history of typing, but I re-read everything and correct before I click <>
and anybody whose worried about apostrophes can go
and Fuck y’o'u’r self..
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:58 pm
Sam, it sounds like you need a coffee… I’ll stop trying to be clever now
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:59 pm
I wish I could crowbar condescending prick into a meeting without being sacked.
You could probably stick felch into a meeting by accidentally misusing it instead of filch (to steal).
“Tom here is our company’s best felcher, he stole that deal from our rival very skilfully.”
June 10th, 2008 @ 12:59 pm
I agree with SAm on the apostrophe thing. There is a guy who runs a site offering guidance on the use of the little dotty fuckers.
That is a man with too much free time
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:01 pm
who’s
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:02 pm
Why not understand the language that we speak?
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:06 pm
Jesus what happened to this site? There was a time when, if you doled out a bit of abuse, you got it back, in spades! Now its all nice, and “would you like a coffee”..
I give up…
I’m off to cut my arms with a razor blade, richie edwards style.
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:07 pm
Why not understand the language that we speak?
Is that even a proper sentence? It feels like it needs a comma or something. No?
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:07 pm
Well Johnny 5 was here today doing that, but you have dismissed his efforts as unamusing.
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:08 pm
I would say no, but I’m open to suggestions.
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:09 pm
Lord Elpus, there is a huge diffrence between Shane the cricket playing nonce and Shayne the talentless warbler
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:18 pm
I’m open to suggestions.
Living dangerously today Jo!
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:20 pm
If I won the Lotto I’d have enough hours but sadly that joy will fall to some 91 year old Mayo farmer and his 87 year old wife who will say “It won’t change us. I’m still going to get up a 4am to wank the cows”.
bravo!
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:22 pm
Sam your last sentence read like Yoda sounds, you fucking alien green midget pedantic cunt.
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:23 pm
Is there anything more annoying? Why do these dull cunts buy lotto tickets in the first place?
Life deals you an unlikely bonus and the best you can come up with is new curtains?
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:28 pm
I just hit the jackpot, the holy grail of snacks – the waferless kit-kat!
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:30 pm
waferless kit kat is sickening, any food I have to eat has to be divided into its seperate parts first, so I’ve ate several waferless kit kats and it’s awful, too much of that middle chocolte at once.
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:33 pm
And it’s shite chocolate, which is only tempered by the wafery bit thus making it palatable. Therefore I would conclude that Morgor has hit the holy toilet bowl of snack products.
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:38 pm
By his noodly appendage, can people not tell the difference between the words maggot and morgor?
Or are they lots of dyslexics out there?
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:42 pm
Yes, they are lots of dyslexics out there.
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:44 pm
Morgor – as we are the two quality contributors it’s inevitable that the plebs get confused.
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:47 pm
A machine that makes coffee, hmmm, Oh if there were only such a thing…
June 10th, 2008 @ 1:51 pm
Too true my moral-free wriggly chum.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:15 pm
The whole joy of the waferless kit-kat is that you’ve got just chocolate, but there is a slight taste of wafer.
The ultimate, though much rarer, is the biscuitless Club Milk.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:18 pm
Hey MB, your other blog is back.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:22 pm
Apologies to the wriggly one and the mucksavage degenerate for getting them confused. I stand corrected.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:26 pm
I’m into Aero Bubbles at the moment. Except I was disappointed to find they’re not green in the middle anymore.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:27 pm
The air has gone out of this thread.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:27 pm
English Mum just put the Air back in!
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
“Except I was disappointed to find they’re not green in the middle anymore.”
They were never supposed to be.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:34 pm
The minty Aero bubbles aren’t green any more? How can that be!?
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
People stopped looking at them.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
Why not, Hm? If the minty Aero is green, so too should be the bubbles!
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
People stopped looking at them? Never! Chocolate is made to be eaten in stages. Simple chomping and swallowing is sign of old age and a degeneration of the capacity for joy.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
Hey, lets not let this turn into another chocolate discussion board, next thing you know we’ll be discussing fashion and celebrity gossip.
It’s getting as gay as Johnny5 in here.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:37 pm
Not old age, let’s say dessicated maturity.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:37 pm
Sorry. It’s maggot’s fault.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:40 pm
“Why not, Hm? If the minty Aero is green, so too should be the bubbles!”
Well if people don’t look at the chocolate they don’t need to colour it. But I am mistaken in your case Jo. And this post will have set off the BAB (Blog Alarm Button) in Nestle so you can be sure they’ll have it all sorted asap going forward in a real time protocol.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:42 pm
you’re all a shower of fucking cunts. Go outside and play, it’s a lovely day*
*I’m really crap at general abuse, but I tried
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:42 pm
Speaking of celebrity gossip… saw an Apres Match sketch last night, doing ‘Exposé’.
Is it just me or is Apres Match at least a decade beyond its sell by date?
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:45 pm
Im having huge problems with wimmins big shades. Id like to smash them whilst still attached to their owners…if it wasnt a rather ungentelmanly thing to do.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:45 pm
Sorry PP, as the only (nearly) thirty year old, in the western world, who has never seen any of the star wars films, ill just have to assume what you said was some sort of compliment. Have just seen the indiana jones movies this week. So when if teh kids get into star wars any time soon, ill get back to you..
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:46 pm
so if the kids get into star wars any time soon, Ill get back to you…
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:48 pm
didn’t it start 9 years ago?
“almost all comedy is past its sellby date when it reaches television”-cook’d and bomb’d
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:48 pm
I am also someone who has not seen any star wars film in its entirety. My wife is a fan and she watches then occasionally, I take that as my cue to leave the room and search for homeless-porn
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:49 pm
“homeless-porn”
No. Is that a thing?
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:50 pm
I’ve never seen Star Wars either. Or Braveheart.
Yet I don’t go around to people going “You mean you’ve NEVER seen Eraserhead / 3 Iron / Bad Boy Bubby??!!?? You MUST have!!”
Sorry, but I got that again this morning re Indiana Jones.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:52 pm
Yeah SG, that is annoying alright, as if you’re some kind of social freak for not having seen a certain film.
What I do is claim no to even know of it, as though I’ve never heard of it even.
When I do that with “Friends” it’s very funny.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
Eraserhead..
Is fucked up.
Like a very bad dream.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:54 pm
Thanks HM, I’ll employ that very tactic.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:54 pm
Nah, SAm, it’s a comedy classic. Truly hilarious.
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:55 pm
Indiana Jones is total formulaic crap, but my kids cant get enough of the fucker, whatever keeps them happy!
June 10th, 2008 @ 2:58 pm
New Indy film sucks balls… i almost walked out ,but was in the middle of the row and didnt want to make a scene..
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:05 pm
Apparently coffee is drank more than tea now in Ireland. Shocking state of affairs, I love my tea.
Just look at the type of shite coffee brings out in people…
http://icecreamireland.com/2007/09/06/complaints-about-coffee/
You wouldn’t catch the Bull McCabe suppin’ coffee out of a bottle in the middle of a field.
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:05 pm
yeah new indy film was fairly bad alright.
Anyone been to see “mongol” yet?
I’ve read good reviews…
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:08 pm
Barry Murphy is funny, and Risteard Cooper’s a good actor, I think, don’t know about the other guy. But I’ve never seen them be funny as Aprés Match. Though I haven’t watched much.
I suppose you can’t argue the Indiana Jones films are classics we must all watch, but they’re really fun and they capture that adventure classic, silly/exciting atmosphere. I’m not going to bother seeing the new one though. CGI isn’t as good. Bring back the rubber shark, if you know what I mean.
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:11 pm
I remeber one of my mates nearly had a stroke when i told him i hadnt seen “Clerks”.. so i borrowed it from him.. I told him it was shit …..”Hello ,i need an ambulance…”
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
Seen only the first Star Wars film (or the 4th, as it later became). Wasn’t impressed enough to ever go to any of the others.
Never seen any Jurassic Park film, or any Matrix film.
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:14 pm
Good post from the Murphys, brenjamin. My uncle in law got a free dinner including glass of wine at Tinakilly house in Wicklow, posh posh, and gae the waiter stick because his complementary glass of wine wasn’t full (eesh!).
When the husband started working in a not quite opened shop, there weren’t any facilities yet – he had been talking to one of the others who was a big coffee connoisseur who told him putting boiling water in coffee ruined the flavour. He came in later to find him resorting to making a cup of instant from the hot tap as there was no kettle or anything yet! The lengths you coffee lovers will go to for a fix…
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:15 pm
Clerks did nothing for me, I must admit.
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:16 pm
It just to prove that Columbos
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:18 pm
was nothing but a cunt.
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:19 pm
The new Indy film is good crack, I thought, & no sillier than any of the others. If you want to watch unbelievable shite, Mission Impossible 2 is on RTE this week – the one where he keeps pulling off a mask and being someone else, and then pulling off another one and being himself again. I mean, how fucking big was his head at the start of the film, if he was wearing 10 masks?
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:22 pm
Cruise is as mad as a lorry and he basically Directed that movie himself ,which is why it was shite..Mission Impossible:3 was good as the director wasnt taking any shit off Cruise…
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:36 pm
I mean, how fucking big was his head at the start of the film, if he was wearing 10 masks?
In fairness, Tinman, we are talking about Tom Cruise here.
Which one was it where the helicopter got attached to the TGV and pulled at high speed through the train tunnel?
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:36 pm
From another blog I love the sun.
The sun is awesome. It is hot. I like hot. I hate cold.
you’re a right sarky cunt Major ;)
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:41 pm
The helicopter was the first one, Jo, which was silly enough.
When he was wearing the mask of the leader of the gang of baddies, though, did none of them say “the boss looks about two feet shorter than he did this morning?”
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:42 pm
Ah, no, he was standing on lifts made out of his own charisma.
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:44 pm
Whatcha readin’, morgor?
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:46 pm
When he was wearing the mask of the leader of the gang of baddies, though, did none of them say “the boss looks about two feet shorter than he did this morning?”
Also ,”why is jumping around on the sofa like a handcap?”
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:47 pm
Handicap..ahem
June 10th, 2008 @ 3:48 pm
Jo, if you follow the Medbh link on the right. (one of twentys links).
Sometimes I read her blog to argue that X,Y or Z isn’t actually sexist.
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:01 pm
Y is quite sexist though.
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:04 pm
Y is quite sexist though.
That’s only because it looks like a vagina though.
See…
(.).)
) (
( Y )
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:05 pm
cute
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:08 pm
Whats wrong with being Sexy?
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:11 pm
Depends what age you are really… don’t want to see you getting kidnapped now do we.
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:14 pm
>>
).(
( y )
Now were talking.
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:37 pm
Holemaster, are you the type that used to write 58008 in his calculator in school and say “turn it upside down, hahahahha”
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:40 pm
I always found 5318008 much funnier.
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:41 pm
Of course it hadn’t got a patch on 5537336
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:46 pm
Or 55378008 , just to make the girls feel a little more insecure…..
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:48 pm
There was some riddle about the number of barrels of oil it took to do something (probably at about 10 dollars a barrel too), and the answer on the calculator was 71007345 and ‘turn it upside down’…..
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:51 pm
Tom Cruise gets up one day. Looking in the mirror, he’s admiring his body. “Mmm, looking good today Tom,” he says. He then gives his pecs a little squeeze- “Mmmm, feeling good Tom.” He suddenly notices a funny smell, takes a whiff of himself and almost chokes- “Fuck, I smell awful!”
So he goes to talk to Katie. “Katie,” he says, “there’s something wrong with me!”
“Well you look good,” says Katie, walking toward him, “and you feel good,” she says giving him a little squeeze, then suddenly “Fuck Tom, you smell fucking awful! Get to the doctor!”
So Tom goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, there’s something seriously wrong!”
“Well, take a seat and I’ll examine you,” says the doctor. “Hmmm. Well, you look good Tom…… and you feel pretty good….. oh dear God you smell awful!” So the doctor goes over to his medical books to make a diagnosis.
“Do you know what’s wrong with me Doctor?”
“Lets see Tom. So you look good, you feel good but you smell awful…….. ah yes, here we are.”
“You’re a cunt.”
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:51 pm
change a 0 for a 7 there John ;)
June 10th, 2008 @ 4:54 pm
There was some riddle about the number of barrels of oil it took to do something (probably at about 10 dollars a barrel too), and the answer on the calculator was 71007345 and ‘turn it upside down’…..
Some stupid cunt will probably do something like that with 9/11 or the bible soon.
“if you take a random number say, 71077345 divide it by the number of the beast, and then multiply it by the number of the beast, and then turn it upsidedown, OMG, Shell Oil is evil!!!! tell all your stupid gullible hillbilly fanatic friends to boycott shell oil!”
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:05 pm
Jesus fucking unholy Christ fuck.
Not liking or having seen any of the Star Wars movies is not a badge of honour, you dreadful fucking turd, it’s a fucking syndrome or an illness or something. It’s like the number one credential for entry into the ‘complete sack of shit’ club.
“Hello, is that the sack of shit club?”
“Please hold – hello, you’ve reached the sack of shit club, how may I help you?”
“I wonder would it be possible to have a protracted and excruciatingly boring conversation about coffee?”
“Ah-hum. And do you intend to be in anyway funny or entertaining?”
“Heavens no.”
“Ah-hum. And is there any chance you’ll lapse into original, indirect descriptions of the vagina?”
“Not a bit of it. Mind you if it occurs to me I might ‘have a pop’ at those Apres Match jokers. I mean who do they think they’re kidding? You folks should really check out a doo-zey of a compilation I put together called ‘An audience with Deirdre O’Kane’.”
“Quite, well do hurry inside and you might just catch the end of a conversation about the Tom Cruise vehicles, Missions Impossible I-III.”
“Goodey gumdrops!”
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:19 pm
zing.
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:20 pm
Not impressed then, MMN?
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:29 pm
There’s a mighty lotta comments today.
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:35 pm
Sorry. It’s maggot’s fault.
How could you Jo?
I’m devastated.
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:38 pm
“Holemaster, are you the type that used to write 58008 in his calculator”
I am, except it was the BOOBLESS version and I did it on my Texas Instruments.
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:52 pm
Jesus Christ, have you people no homes to go to?
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:54 pm
not for another 10 minutes.
June 10th, 2008 @ 5:59 pm
Jesus Christ, have you people no homes to go to?
If we say no would we get any sympathy from you ?
June 10th, 2008 @ 6:02 pm
I could go visit my mate Dung Beetle – but his home is a dump.
June 10th, 2008 @ 6:02 pm
Sympathy, no. Not at all.
I’m going back inside to watch the football.
June 10th, 2008 @ 6:03 pm
We’ll have twenty coming out flicking the lights on and off and saying
“Time now lads pleeeeeez.”
June 10th, 2008 @ 6:11 pm
I’m going back inside to watch the football.
I didn’t think there would be any sympathy. Football ? That’s not very credible!
June 10th, 2008 @ 6:15 pm
Sam: Post No. 247 – now that’s how to do it.
June 10th, 2008 @ 7:14 pm
All of these comments must be due to the ingestion of too fucking much caffein.
June 10th, 2008 @ 7:34 pm
I thought my dung beetle joke at least deserved a titter or two.
June 10th, 2008 @ 7:41 pm
I would love a huge iced coffee right now.
June 10th, 2008 @ 7:57 pm
How many sugars Medbh ? Kitkat or toblerone?
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:21 pm
What number’s your dung beetle joke, maggot?
The criticism was harsh today. I’m scared to comment tomorrow.
I’m not sure I like that the onus to entertain seems to have shifted completely from Twenty to us. Such pressure.
I vote Twenty brings us all on a day trip. Or to the circus. Refreshments to be one joint and one Choc Ice each.
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:37 pm
Can I have one of those Ecuador Magnums instead of a choc ice?
@Jo: By the way, I asked me kids and none of them appear to be called Tim.
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:41 pm
It’s No 256 Jo.
Make sure you’re not drinking coffee when you read it, in case you spray it all over the place.
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:42 pm
I want a Brunch.
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:44 pm
Supercappodecaflatte, expialadotious.
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:50 pm
I’m still mulling over Twenty’s “I’m going inside to watch the football” comment.
It seems to mean that he goes outdoors to use his computer, which must be one of those solar-powered wind-driven fell-off-a-skip salvaged models.
There’s only one conclusion – he’s joined the bloody Freegans.
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:54 pm
Brunch? Aren’t they the pink ones with bits of stale biscuit stuck to the outside?
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:58 pm
Holemaster – I got a touch of the dyslexia there and thought you defacating in your supercappo
June 10th, 2008 @ 8:59 pm
They are indeed, EM, but the stale biscuit only stays stuck to the outside till it finds a bit of bare skin that it can drop onto, taking half the icecream with it.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:02 pm
“Brunch? Aren’t they the pink ones with bits of stale biscuit stuck to the outside?” They are are EM. Old fashioned but always a winner for me.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:04 pm
It was indeed 256.
I have my doubts as to whether that really was Twenty – he hates football – see blogs passim – I reckon it may have been Bald Devil!
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:10 pm
I’ve just read the original post again (you’ve no idea how bad the Greece-Sweden game is).
There are some really interesting ideas there – what to by people who have everything, bovine maturbation, angry gnus (what makes them angry – bad gnus?), and the interesting idea of a longer day.
“That’ll give them plenty of interesting talking points,” Twenty must have thought as he headed out this morning to walk his plantation and then meet the Man from Del Monte for evening drinks, “I’m looking forward to reading some really well-reasoned debating when I arrive back inside (and when I’ve finished watching the football).
When he returned, however, he found we’d taken the mention of coffee and run with it for almost 24 hours.
Some people might call us shallow.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:48 pm
you’re so right Tinman. Poor Twenty. I love the Freegan computer idea but I think he blogs from his fancy phone/ blackberry type whatsit. Remember the blogging from the toilet post? I wonder is he wearing white linen trousers to this meeting, and a panama?
I’m undecided as to whether or not to go back and capitalise the first y of the first sentence. Fuck ya, sAm, I’m gonna leave it.
June 10th, 2008 @ 9:49 pm
Funny dung beetle joke alright!
June 10th, 2008 @ 10:13 pm
Inside as in the other room. Freegan, pfffff.
June 11th, 2008 @ 2:53 am
Jesus can someone not be in a bad mood… Its just the mixed up/omitted/extra words that give me a headache, I couldnt give a shite about apostrophes or capitalisations…. And I know we are all prone to it.
Sorry for being a……. pedantic alien or , whatever..
June 11th, 2008 @ 10:48 am
I think it’s fair enough about the typos, sAm, though your name does look like a Typo… an I do care about the apostrophes, I care passionately, even more on days when I’m in a bad mood :)