Your bad
“Pete, you silly great cunt. You’ve just knocked my pint over”, said Jimmy.
“Ooops, my bad”, said Stinking Pete.
“Your bad what?”
“Nothing. Just my bad”.
“Hang on. You said ‘My bad’, which requires further words to make a coherent sentence. ‘My bad foot is killing me’, for example. Or ‘my bad manners are, at some point, going to get me into trouble’. You can’t just say ‘my bad’ and expect people to understand what you mean”.
“Come on, Jimmy. Everyone knows what it means. Don’t you watch TV?”
“No”.
“Aren’t you hip the kidspeak that they speak these days those kids?”
“What? And no”.
“Look man, it just means, ‘Sorry, I am at fault here’”.
“So why couldn’t you just say that?”
“It’s much longer”.
“It’s three words longer. Do you think you’re going to fucking miss out on something important happening because you said three extra words?”
“Well, I suppose not”.
“Me neither. Never say ‘my bad’ to me again or I will pull off your arms then shove them up your hole”.
”I feel ya”.
“What?!”
“Nothing. I’ll just get you another pint”.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
your bad …… you’re Bad tut tut ya fuck
June 4th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
No, I think your bad is what he meant.
I could explain it to you if you’d like to come with.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
I think so as well just couldn’t think of anything smart arsed for first comment
June 4th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Twenty lit the blue touchpaper (bertie thread) and retired to this thread!
June 4th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
He does that everyday now, goes to an afternoon thread where he gets 10 minutes peace & quiet before we catch up with him again.
It’s like paying fetch with your dog and throwing the stick on to a passing bus, so you can sneak off for a pint.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
In his case throwing an orphan on to a passing citroen 2CV (biofuel).
June 4th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I was saving this for a post more directly related but by then I would have drank loads and forgotten it, but some cunt actually said ‘LOL’ to me the other day…
AND he was Dutch and ‘LOL’ wouldn’t even be the acronym anyway. Prick.
Sorry.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
LOL is a Dutch pickup term – he was after your body. Botty. Whatever.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Probably would be LOL in Dutch anyway, Xbox. Dutch is just English with extra j’s. It’s probably ljaugh oujt ljoujd.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Sales guy in our office was on the phone about some new customer and said “they’re a multlinational outfit, but the mothership is in the UK.”
Jesus.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
He deserves a serious testicle punching Tin. And I speak as a pacifist.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Did he say ‘Lol’ as in the start of lollipop or ‘L.O.L’ as in ‘el-oh-el’?
Obviously he deserves to be killed either way, just curious.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
So you gotta shoot the puppy Twenty, or eat the frog.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
“My bad” makes me clench my teeth but “I feel you” or “you feel me?” is perfectly welcome since it reminds me of “The Wire.”
June 4th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I feel ya, Medbh. Jimmy wouldn’t get that though.
S&C, I shot a frog once. And by shot I mean dropped a great big rock on it.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
LOL as in Lollipop.
It should be LUL in Dutch, or technically ULL, but no one is reading anymore anyway.
June 4th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Frogs don’t bleed very much, do they? From my youth, if I remember correctly there mainly just guts and goo
June 4th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I was in Dunnes yesterday and a customer was arguing with the girl behind the till and she actually shouted “you’re a bitch.com”
I pissed myself laughing, but on the way home on the bus I couldn’t help but weep for the youth of day.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Ahem, surely Twenty, you meant the title to be “You’re Bad”.
Is that a total no no to do that on blogs? I reckon that’s pretty annoying. Sorry, I’m a newbie and my blog pubes haven’t grown yet.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
No, I meant the title to be as it is.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I’ll get me coat
June 4th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
You’re bad wouldn’t relate to the story at all…
June 4th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I’ll get me other coat
June 4th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Alas, Apostrophe Amnesty is needed the world over.
I think you’re a bitch.com is funny. I can’t imagine saying it in anger though, wouldn’t everyone just laugh?
I have heard two things that put the fear of god into me: First, apparently the youth say ‘book’ instead of ‘cool’ becauase that’s what comes up when they predictive text cool, and htey can’t be arsed changing it – now they can’t be arsed saying ‘cool’ either. THe apathy!
Secondly, my mother told me she’d seen an American kid talking about her bible camp, and how they’d learned to ‘fellowship’ really well.
Is no verb sacred?
June 4th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
someone said “roflmao” to me earlier today
June 4th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Alas, Apostrophe Amnesty is needed the world over.
Do you want Gay Byrne to have a heart attack?
June 4th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
did he mean badder then Michael Jackson, cos he’s bad.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
No he’s mad
June 4th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Yes, Heart Attack for Gay Byrne, please.
So Peader, how do we go about bringing that on
June 4th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
He hates bad grammar and bad pronunciation.
Did you never hear him raving on about the soft irish ‘t’ ?
June 4th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
“Alas, Apostrophe Amnesty is needed the world over.”
Yeah, I’m lazy today, didn’t read it properly, skipped to end so I could read the funnies as soon as possible. Dealing with silly little account executive girls all day in work. I’m feel the bum in the Gary Larson cartoon being consumed by pigeons.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Nah – I have’nt listened to the sanctimonous cunt in about 20 years. If he hear his voice on the radio or TV, the channel gets changed.
He making it difficult to read the papers now he’s now banging on about road safety -
Gaybo – please fuck off and die – oh no wait, if he dies then we’ll have 40 years of Late Late re runs to sit through. Arghhhhhhhhh…….
June 4th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Hokay!
June 4th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
My old man could not stand gay byrne, because he used to say lovely lovely and very very. One superlative please. He asked my Dad once to appear on the show for some reason (no idea why, he’s not famous) and he told him to feck off.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Holemaster – your father has class and taste…..
June 4th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Holemaster, is this your Dad?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiIsIE8iT28
June 4th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Oo, Gay Byrne, I read the soft ‘t’ rant – annoying it may be, but not annoying as his hideous creepy voice.
We stayed in Ballymaloe house on a fmaily holiday once, and GB was standing by the door as we came in, very conscious of being noticed. He was being introduced to some fawning people,
‘And this is Michael’s dad.
‘Hel-lo, Michael’s’ dad.’
Vomit!
And my Granny used to live on his road, friends of hers had a New Year’s Eve party, invited the road, him too, not to leave him out. He came for about half an hour, chatted and left – a week or so later they got a bill for £400 for appearance fees.
Maybe I’d better say Allegedly.
June 4th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
An asshole to work for by all accounts.
And this whole bullshit about him opening our eyes to the world through the Late Late really gets my balls in a knot. He was the one how decided what we did and didn’t see. There was one fucking channel for God’s sake and he ruled it.
Hey Jo, Ballymaloe no less. Mmm, there you are now.
June 4th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
I don’t mind my bad as much as people telling me that they are in a good place right now. Or a bad one.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I’m sensing a lot of sexual tension between Stinking Pete and Jimmy.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
And the old “Go to your happy place” argument
I find that telling these people to fuck off away from me makes wherever I am after they have left my “happy place”
June 4th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I’m in a really shit place right now. I’m writing this with one hand coz I’ve my other one over my nose coz of the smell of the guy on the DART opposite me. And he’s just plugged his phone into a socket under my chair that I didn’t even know they had on DARTs. Where the fuck do these halfwit inbreds come from?
June 4th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Sorry, had to vent there coz know you lot all finished work ages ago.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
The worst acronym I’ve heard is b.s. as in bullshit. how crap is that??
June 4th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Not so much sexual as violent. Violenty sexual, perhaps.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
That’s an unpleasant thought Twenty, but if you have a camera it could be lucrative.
June 4th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I think you’re probably the only keen customer, maggot.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Gay Byrne is a complete prick. A woman I worked with years ago told me about a time she invited him, along with about 100 other people, to a new house she had built in Devon. She had met him through work several times and socialised with him (her bad I know) and other media type friends. He came to the party, a good time was had by all and about a week later she received an invoice from him, billing her for a personal appearance. Hee!
June 4th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
That was uncalled for Twenty – but, in the light of Bertie proving his innocence I understand the need to lash out. I’m off for some Tunnocks Tea Cakes.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I think you’re probably the only keen customer, maggot
I don’t know, people seem to be happy to read your torture post, why not violent sex as well?
June 4th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
“I’m off for some Tunnocks Tea Cakes.”
you too maggot? The six pack or the really big one?
June 4th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
The big ones were on special offer at Spar!
Delicious.
June 4th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
We already know you’re american Twenty, you can stop pretending.
June 4th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
BAD – Michael Jackson (alternate version)
Your butt is mine, you pre-teen boy
Gonna play with you, like a rubber toy
gonna eat your meat, right off the bone
like macauley when he was home alone
It’s my bad, or your bad
apostrophes are sad
So now I’m bad and you’re bad
Now Culkin, get nude
June 4th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Get nekkid, surely.
I know where morgor’s been – we missed you morgor!
June 5th, 2008 at 12:45 am
I confused Morgor with maggot for a while, until I realised that morgor is funny and maggot, well, I’ll be diplomatic and just say, he’s not…
…because he is an odious prick with a rather misplaced superiority complex.
June 5th, 2008 at 1:24 am
It’s not that I have a superiority complex Rob – you really are inferior. Even to gluestain. Now fuck off and die.
June 5th, 2008 at 1:53 am
After all Rob – I’m not
1) in “accounting” – do you sharpen the accountant’s pencils ? Empty the wastepaper bin ? Make the coffee ?
2) defending Bertie
3) going to a radiohead concert.
June 5th, 2008 at 3:33 am
“Gay Byrne is an annoying woman ”
True Dat
June 5th, 2008 at 5:32 am
You can all fuck off to hell you shower of festering cunts!
Oops, I thought this was the houses of parliament.
Sorry, my bad.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:59 am
‘My bad’. That’s fucking awful. I had the misfortune to be on a bus packed with a group of girls who were coming from school a while back. They were all nattering away, being a pain in the arse, when one of the group’s mobile rang. The little bint silenced her friends by holding up her hand and saying, ‘moment please! Cellular!’ The horrific mis-use of the word ‘random’ is another major concern for the nation’s well-being.