Pipe bombs
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on May 28th, 2008
Pipe bombs. Everywhere you go these days people are talking about pipe bombs.
I bet come Hallowe’en the old ladies down in Moore Street (who I assume are still the only people you can get fireworks from) will be going around with their big coats on shouting “Bangers! Rockets! Sparklers!” and then when you get up close they’ll say “Lookin’ for any pipe bombs, luv?”
Last night two pipe bombs were left in different parts of Dublin but army bomb squad experts were called to the scenes and dismissed them as ‘elaborate hoaxes’.
Now, I can imagine someone having to elaborately hoax a nuclear bomb or one of those ones where it has a spirit level trigger and if the level moves too much it goes off or a bomb where if you’re on a bus and the speed of the bus goes over 50mph then the bomb is armed. But how elaborate does a pipe bomb hoax have to be?
A length of pipe closed up at both ends with the word ‘pype bom’ written on it?
Or maybe there was a series of clues sent to the Gardai.
“Look Jarleth, what does this mean at all?”
“Well, it’s a picture, Tadgh”.
“I know that, ya clown, but what does it mean?”
“Well, that’s a picture of a block of Cavendish tobacco and a great big arse”.
“Jaysus, this is quite the conundrum.”
*some hours later*
“You know, the tobacco could be used for a pipe”.
“Pipe, you say”.
“But what about this arse?”
“Hmmm….”
*many hours later*
“So Peter Sellers was Inspector Clouseau and an arse is a bum and when he said ‘bum’ he meant ‘bomb’!”
“Jesus wept, there’s a pipe bomb somewhere!!”
Anyway, they do seem a bit crap, these pipe bombs. But if they’re 10 for a fiver I’ll get a few down Moore Street.
What about those cigarette bangers? Much funnier than you think.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:11 am
I think Jarleth and and Tadgh got way too much credit just now.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:15 am
1
Jarleth?
May 28th, 2008 at 9:23 am
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Yes Jo, Scarlet Jarleth. Got bullied as a kid and joined the Guards to get back at the perpetrators.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:33 am
3
What exactly transforms a normal hoax into an ‘elaborate hoax’? Some sort’ve suduko puzzle attached? Maybe even the times crossword?
May 28th, 2008 at 9:36 am
4
The Crosaire, not the Simplex
May 28th, 2008 at 9:37 am
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Any Crosaire do-ers here?
May 28th, 2008 at 9:37 am
6
Get a grip Jo. Where would any of us get the time to do a crossword? Most of us can’t spell either.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:39 am
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I do it, coz once you know the way he thinks, it’s easier than the Simplex.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:42 am
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Ah, the spelling could be worse
May 28th, 2008 at 9:42 am
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Easier than the simplex!
Timan, perhaps you are some sort of Savant
May 28th, 2008 at 9:43 am
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I think the proper term is ‘Idiot Savant’.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:45 am
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That was actually quite funny.
Well fuck it anyway.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:50 am
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It’s spelled ‘Tadhg’.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:50 am
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Most of us can’t spell either.
I can. Watch.
E I T H E R
eat my dirt
May 28th, 2008 at 9:51 am
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All I meant was, if the Simplex clue is ‘14th Century Columbian poet’ and you don’t know the answer, then you’re fucked, whereas with the Crosaire there’s at least a chance you can work out the answer.
BTW, it’s a lot safer here than it is on the Dundrum thread at the moment.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:56 am
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Jo, I do it every Saturday. (Crosaire that is).
I’m stuck on two clues to finish the last one.
With the paper,back in the water(7). _ _ n _ u _ n
See you sound initially (6). C_ _ _ er
May 28th, 2008 at 10:02 am
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C’mon, Tinman!
I was trying to be polite, MB :)
May 28th, 2008 at 10:09 am
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The only simplex that goes on around this blog is likely to be herpes simplex.
Sorry, but word puzzles are beyond me, what with being intellectually challenged and all that.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:15 am
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heh
speak for yourself, Herpes Boy
May 28th, 2008 at 10:19 am
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Clue 1 - Penguin?
May 28th, 2008 at 10:20 am
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See you (cu)?
sound initially? The initial of sound? What is sound’s initial? Or does it mean the beginning of sound.
See, I hate it. And even when I get the answer, it does nothing for me.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:22 am
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Oh, Jesus, ok, that’s a good one.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:22 am
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Ok, the second one is copper (Cu is the name for copper in the table of elements).
The only word I can think of so far for the first one is sunburn, but I don’t think it’s right.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:23 am
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Sidling closer to SuperGrover in admiration.
Is that a pen in your pocket, SG…
May 28th, 2008 at 10:23 am
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pipe bombs are indeed bad……not as bad as the coffee jar bomb….sales of maxwell house were through the roof up here during the 80’s and 90’s……..talk about giving your day a jump start….
May 28th, 2008 at 10:23 am
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But why the sound intitially?
May 28th, 2008 at 10:24 am
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Well done, SG! See, he’s more savant, while I’m more idiot.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:24 am
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Nah, Jo, coloured pencils. They don’t leak onto my tanktop
May 28th, 2008 at 10:25 am
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But together you can save the world
May 28th, 2008 at 10:25 am
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SuperGrover and SuperTinman, a crime fightin’, crossword puzzlin’ duo
May 28th, 2008 at 10:27 am
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Save it from what? I can just see myself at the Superheroes AGM -
‘I’m Spiderman, & I can weave a web’
‘I’m Tinman18, and I can do cryptic crosswords’
May 28th, 2008 at 10:29 am
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We would make a better team than Jarlath & Tadgh
May 28th, 2008 at 10:30 am
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It’s probably copper alright. The third letter of the first clue is the first letter of the second.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:30 am
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Well, save it from the frustration of unfinished crosswords, I suppose
It’s a service, don’t sell yoursef short
May 28th, 2008 at 10:31 am
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Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax disc.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:32 am
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I’m Supergrover and I can do this Bosco thing with my nob
May 28th, 2008 at 10:32 am
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If it was all like the penguin clue I’d like it - it’s all the little bits of letters and words that I’m not so keen on. And sometimes theanswers jsut make no sense to me at all. Like there’s words in the clues just there for the sake of it.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:33 am
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What Bosco thing, SG - does your nob squeak out “hello boys and girls”?
I can see myself as just the sidelick in this duo, coz I can’t match that.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:35 am
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I hope the above has nothing to do with red pubes..
and do you really want to be the ’sidelick’ in this scenario :)
May 28th, 2008 at 10:36 am
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Remember the Tongue Twisters?
May 28th, 2008 at 10:37 am
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Oh God!
May 28th, 2008 at 10:39 am
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I can’t believe I typed that…
May 28th, 2008 at 10:47 am
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I’ve made an elaborate pie bomb hoax – a Denny Steak and Kidney with a clock sticking out. My mother found it in the kitchen and diffused it.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:49 am
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That sounds more convenient than elaborate - now if you’d made it yourself, perhaps fluted the pastry…
May 28th, 2008 at 10:51 am
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Perhaps it really was a “‘pype bum’ ” and it was just his colonic irrigation kit left behind by mistake - people leave all sorts of things behind in cafes and on public transport, false legs, teeth, glass eyes…..
May 28th, 2008 at 10:51 am
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We used to tie caps around a match and it made a hell of a banger. Made a lot of noise on the school bus espcially when it was in the hood of someones parka.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:52 am
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2 bolts screwed into opposite ends of the same nut with pared match heads in between makes a great banger when thrown high in the air! For the more adventurous, instead of match heads use the powder from .22 rounds.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:56 am
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I hope the above has nothing to do with red pubes..
Really Jo, I’m going to have a word ith your Ma!
Remember the Tongue Twisters?
Open goal.
So Twenty, what is your advice about the European referendum - do you think the Irish people should vote yes or support terrorism by voting no ?
May 28th, 2008 at 10:57 am
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Hilti nails detonated by dropping a shore lid on them
May 28th, 2008 at 10:58 am
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maggot - I would never think about telling people how to vote.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:58 am
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VOTE PENIS
May 28th, 2008 at 10:59 am
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Why do boys have this need to make loud noises?
May 28th, 2008 at 10:59 am
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Because loud noises are cooooool
May 28th, 2008 at 10:59 am
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My ten month old son is showing strong signs of being a drummer. Sigh.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:01 am
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Petrol bombs are simple and effective and always look cool if you’re seen on TV lobbing one on a street!
May 28th, 2008 at 11:01 am
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VOTE PENIS
Was that the real Twenty or Brian/BaldDevil or whoever was impersonating Fred yesterday ?
May 28th, 2008 at 11:02 am
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And you’re after that aura of je ne sais scumbag
May 28th, 2008 at 11:03 am
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Jo, no danger of him becoming a musician, so
May 28th, 2008 at 11:03 am
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A friend of my old man taught us how to make pipebombs with weedkiller etc, and we spent many a happy weekend blowing up sandpits and rabbit burrows. Until we were caught by my old man and he battered me. All a bit unfair as it was his mate who taught us how to do it.
He did say the battering was for my own sake as I could have blown off my hand, but he was lying because his battering caused me real pain whereas the bombs only ever had potential pain.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:04 am
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I used to make petrol bombs as a kid. Full on milk bottle half full of petrol and J-cloth sticking out. Highly dangerous and an incredible buzz. Also used to blow up my toys with home made bangers. Jesus, how I didn’t blow my fingers off I do not know.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:06 am
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All this giving off about pipebombs is a bit rich coming from a Government that says it wants to cherish genuine Irish Culture and traditions.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:07 am
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Nah maggot, ‘VOTE PENIS’ sounds like the real Twenty to me.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:07 am
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Well, so you know it’s the real maggot, rather than provisional maggot or continuity maggot, in future all my posts will have a secret codeword in them.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:10 am
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A vote for Twenty Major is a vote for penis?
May 28th, 2008 at 11:10 am
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is the code word ‘maggot’?
May 28th, 2008 at 11:11 am
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My mates Dad caught him making petrol bombs and he sent him to his grandmother’s for punishment.
Guess where she lived - Derry!
I went up to see him and experienced my first riot.
Honestly you couldnt write it!
May 28th, 2008 at 11:15 am
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STEVE PONI
May 28th, 2008 at 11:15 am
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EVE IN POTS
May 28th, 2008 at 11:16 am
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EVE POINTS
May 28th, 2008 at 11:18 am
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I STOP EVE
May 28th, 2008 at 11:20 am
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No N?
May 28th, 2008 at 11:20 am
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oops, no N.
Why are we doing this?
May 28th, 2008 at 11:21 am
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Isnt this fun!
May 28th, 2008 at 11:21 am
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I EVEN STOP might be a good one
May 28th, 2008 at 11:21 am
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yep
May 28th, 2008 at 11:22 am
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How about this one - give it a fucking rest
May 28th, 2008 at 11:22 am
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POSIE VENT
May 28th, 2008 at 11:22 am
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is the code word ‘maggot’?
Nope. But I cannot say any more as that would give the game away!
May 28th, 2008 at 11:22 am
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Up yer gicker Pat
May 28th, 2008 at 11:24 am
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Fuckit anyway but VEIN PESTO is a good one
May 28th, 2008 at 11:24 am
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Fight! Fight!
Another boy thing Jo!
May 28th, 2008 at 11:25 am
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Fuck you Supergrover you illiterate sex pest
May 28th, 2008 at 11:25 am
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Actually, that IS good
May 28th, 2008 at 11:25 am
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I’m not illiterate
May 28th, 2008 at 11:26 am
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If you meant illegitemate, touché…
May 28th, 2008 at 11:26 am
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Ew, vein pesto.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:27 am
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Well dyslexic then
May 28th, 2008 at 11:27 am
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heh, you spelled that wrong, you are illiterate
May 28th, 2008 at 11:27 am
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Jo, fancy a teaspoonful of vein pesto?
May 28th, 2008 at 11:27 am
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D’OH!
May 28th, 2008 at 11:28 am
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Jaysus, have to go and do 5 minutes of actual work. Slavedrivers.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:30 am
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Is vein pesto any more disgusting than Haggis?
Discuss.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:33 am
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Seems unlikely.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:35 am
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Ah some rats arterries can be tasty with a bitta garlic and herbs.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:36 am
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Where did rats come into it? Hmm, I should rephrase that, perhaps.
Good quality parmesan is key.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:39 am
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I never came into the pesto but it could be the missing ingredient. mmm salty
May 28th, 2008 at 11:40 am
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Ehh apparantley
May 28th, 2008 at 11:40 am
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apparently
May 28th, 2008 at 11:42 am
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hi guys
sorry to interrupt the flow of conversation here but i need some help
does any one how to unlock a pdf file so it can be copied and pasted in word ?
hopefully there is some little program for it that does not require a degree in programming
Bet MB knows
Much obliged lads(and Jo)
May 28th, 2008 at 11:44 am
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Jet My Rat Now ?
May 28th, 2008 at 11:46 am
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If you want to unlock a PDF file make sure you have permission from the authorities and that they stay on the sex register for 5 years
May 28th, 2008 at 11:46 am
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Why did the five American soldiers cross the road?
The pipe-bomb didn`t give the cunts much choice…
May 28th, 2008 at 11:47 am
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Sorry chanchan, not a clue.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:47 am
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Was posting with much haste SG so the symantec was more important that the syntax
May 28th, 2008 at 11:48 am
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google it!
May 28th, 2008 at 11:48 am
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Desie that is bad taste
May 28th, 2008 at 11:48 am
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Chanchan - if you go into “Edit” you’ll see “copy file to clipboard” - then paste into word.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:49 am
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Chanchan Channie do chan do wop
we’ll always beee together da oooo yeah!
May 28th, 2008 at 11:53 am
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Thanks Jo
already did that and you have to pay 50 notes for some program to do it. Ah it will be easier to write it off the screen and type it up.
What are you talkin aabout Patrick ? I think you should be on the Dundrum post
May 28th, 2008 at 11:54 am
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ChanChan depends on how the PDF was created in the first place and what you want to do with it. If you need to edit the text you are in bother if you don’t have the full application. If you just need it looking like it is word follow Maggot’s suggestion. If you need more help you can e-mail directly but that will be billed at $50 an hour and I will speak in a bad Indian accent.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:55 am
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Ah maggot its blocked i cant even print it
some cunt thought he was being clever not letting any one touch his document.
I would love to show him i was too clever for him ,but it looks like im not
Keep it wrigglin
May 28th, 2008 at 11:57 am
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Surley it’s a good Indian accent, just bad English.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:58 am
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Stick your monitor up on a photocopier
May 28th, 2008 at 11:58 am
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Or take a photo
May 28th, 2008 at 11:59 am
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Oops, sorry PP - I didn’t mean to queer your sales pitch!
May 28th, 2008 at 11:59 am
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PP,a half scotish half indian accent would be wonderful, you could have your own talk radio show
May 28th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
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In which case he deserves an abusive e mail or two chanchan.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
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I was singing the ending from Grease by including your name you fucking no life cheapskate petty knobjockey
May 28th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
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Methinks PTR has been at the bottle of Powers and is eager for a fight
May 28th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
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Dont worry bout him maggot, he wasnt going to get a shilling. I am learning the ways of the scot.
SG, how do you convert photos to word ? I like your way of thinking
I think its easier quicker and to do the old fasioned way and write it out.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
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“does any one how to unlock a pdf file so it can be copied and pasted in word ?”
Hey Chanchan, bring it up to Moore st to those mobile phone “fixers”. They’ll unlock anything.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
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little patrick wouldnt be fit for a bottle of powers,
A babysham in his hip flask and he thinks he is a big lad.
Pat go away and wash yourself
May 28th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
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Sorry Pattherat about the bad taste joke - here’s one to make up for it
Two Muslim women are walking down the road with tight fitting rucksacks, when one says to the other “does my bomb look big in this?”
or alternatively
A man walks into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and says, “you’ve got one minute to get out of here before the place blows!”
A tortoise in the back shouts, “you bastard!”
May 28th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
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That’s better, if you’re going to tell jokes in bad taste, it’s important that they’re funny, I feel.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
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So it’s OK to slag Muslims but not Yanks.
Fuck that, you invade a country for profit, kiliing countless civilians, you deserve to die, never mind have jokes made about you.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
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I have Acrobat distiller, I reckon i could do it for you but after your money comment and dissing of my ethnic origins it would be 75 Euro.
Hoots mon, Much cheapness sahib
May 28th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
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Could the tortoise not go out the back door?
May 28th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
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will you take a cheque ?
May 28th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
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His shell would protect him anyway, its a bollocks joke
May 28th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
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Ranty rant, SG. I just think ‘does my bomb look big in this’ involves a certain amount of joke, whereas ‘hah, the soldiers got blown up’ is less humorous. I’m not arguing about the politics of either effort.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
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I think the tortoise will be going out the back door - and at some speed as well…
May 28th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
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Wouldn’t he cook inside it, PP?
May 28th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
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Jo, that wasn’t mainly for you…
On May 28th, 2008 at 11:48 am PattheRat said:
Desie that is bad taste
May 28th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
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He would of course cook inside it, Jo.
That’s what Spring Rolls are.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
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http://badtastebears.com/
I can’t believe there’s a forum!
May 28th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
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Bad Joke:
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They’re staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the
corner.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: ‘My God, it’s Jesus!’
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters
and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks
the pints slowly, one after another.
After he’s finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: ‘My God! The arthritis I’ve had for 30 years is gone.
It’s a miracle!’
Jesus then shakes the Aussie’s hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets Go, the man’s eyes widen in shock.
‘Strewth mate, the bad back I’ve had all my life is completely gone!
It’s A Miracle.
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
‘Fuck off, mate, I’m on disability benefit.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
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Jo, did you see you can get a free Brian Bear on that site?
It calls Twenty a fucker & condescends to the rest of us.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
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Nothing beats Viz’s Fred West Bear - in cuddly tank top.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
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nothing small about me Chanchan and I believe in good hygiene and your oul lass can testify to both those things
May 28th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
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Tinman stop being bitter, why not accept that we are not as clever and socially aware as people like Fred,Brian and Nonny. We will just have to aspire to be like them. Although in Fred’s case the use of soap would be good.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
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