I have no idea

“Twenty”, said Dirty Dave, “you know the way whatisname went on about the theory of evolution?”

“Charles Darwin?”

“No, Crocodile Dundee. But anyway. If we’re all so evolved and stuff, how come men still have nipples?”

“Erm…”

“What purpose do they serve? We cannot allow our young to suckle from us as we do not produce youngling juice. Therefore they are useless and if evolution were really truly real men would have nippleless chests.”

“It’s a reasonable point”.

“So, if this disproves evolution it must then prove the existence of God who made men with nipples because he thought it looked better. Sort of like an Opel Manta with a body kit. Nipples are merely spoilers for men”.

“Deep, man. Deep”.

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121 Responses to I have no idea

  1. actually men can produce milk. (see my link)

    I generally use mine with my porridge in the morning.

  2. Twenty Major says:

    Do you express?

  3. Puerile Pish says:

    He’s from Waterford he gets dragged out of bed at 5am by a burly farmer and milked dry

  4. Monkey Balls says:

    I never noticed that I had nipples until I’d read this post, (and took off my bra.)

  5. express?

    I’m dry for now, gimme your addresses and I’ll mail sachets of my milk to you.

  6. Jo says:

    Heh. My daughter’s always suggesting her Daddy feed the baby from his Hairy Boobs. Perhaps men are evolving breasts – the nipples are just the start of it.

  7. Jo says:

    Check out morgor’s wikki link – How scared would you have been as a teenage boy if you’d lactated after ‘self stimulation of nipples’.

  8. SuperGrover says:

    “Perhaps men are evolving breasts – the nipples are just the start of it.”

    So it is evolution rather than early middle age spread combined with deep laziness? Ah, that’s much better. Even sounds like I’m a bit advanced.

  9. On that point, throughout the ages theologians have spent chunks of their lives arguing as to whether Adam had a belly button. Think about it. If he had no Mum, why would he have a navel?

  10. Puerile Pish says:

    It’s going to get more common, with all the hormone based contraceptives and such like the water supplies have shown a marked increase in oestrogens. I would say we could share the feeding burden but of course it also makes men sterile, so we will have lactating breasts but no children.

  11. maggot the magnificent says:

    I reckon Brian Cowen could raise triplets.

  12. Puerile Pish says:

    “I reckon Brian Cowen could raise triplets”

    That’s nothing Harney’s fat reserves would alleviate starvation in the third world.

  13. Twenty Major says:

    On that point, throughout the ages theologians have spent chunks of their lives arguing as to whether Adam had a belly button. Think about it. If he had no Mum, why would he have a navel?

    What would he have gazed at when listening to goth music then?

  14. I swapped my nipples for a TomTom.

  15. Jo says:

    While God created Woman from his belly button fluff…

  16. Jo says:

    Did you swap them with Fred Freegan, Xbox?

  17. John B says:

    I’ve just been reading about this in The Ancestors Tale. It’s all to do with sexual selection; “peacocking”. Hairlessness evolved through sexual attraction and considering this, women evolved ahead of men. When this happens, the opposite sex are thought to ‘drag behind’ and their bodies can follow the traits of the more evolved sex to try and catch up, in this case the retention of nipples.

  18. maggot the sexist says:

    If we’re all so evolved and stuff, how come men still have nipples?”

    “Erm…”

    “What purpose do they serve?

    Male nipples are the equivalent of the female brain ?

  19. maggot the sexist says:

    Harney’s fat reserves would alleviate starvation in the third world.

    I’ll bet she avoids Norwegians and Japanese

  20. Deborah says:

    I remember seeing a documentary once about a gay couple who adopted a newborn. He prepped for months and was able to successfully breastfeed the baby. Crazy! This is a scientific and quite witty overview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiXp_See_Bs

  21. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

    You may kiss my hand maggot.

  22. SAm crea says:

    Theologians are thick cunts.

    Hear that hitman from vegas was using the name Luciano?
    Any relation to Lucky??

  23. maggot says:

    I was just finessing the insulting accusations Morgor.

  24. SAm crea says:

    No look maggot and Morgor,
    I am always confusing you 2,
    But then I remember one uses name extensions,
    And now you cant both be at it,
    so sort it out,
    This is not a poem.

  25. maggot says:

    Sam – I was using name extensins long before Morgor – way back when Twenty called me his wriggly chum!

    Just been to Jo’s always excellent blog for the first visit of the Day – purely coincidence Morgor a chara.

  26. SAm crea says:

    now I’m really confused, cause I knew one of you had been at it for ages…

  27. If you cant beat them/..

  28. hehe, “morgor the sexist” and “maggot the sexist” could get a bit confusing.

    Causing confusion is fun though….

  29. maggot says:

    Sniff – unlike Morgor I don’t overdo it!
    He’ll go blind you know!

  30. Crock says:

    I saw a big tit leaving the 51 last night. Would have said hello but I was impeded by his silly name.

  31. I dunno, ‘F4Free’ was his user name though…

  32. organdonor says:

    Sorry ,Couldnt resist..

  33. cunts.

    Anyway Twenty I was expected a scathing assault on the civil servants working for irish rail.
    Thats what people are bitching about it my office.

  34. Train Drivers are the laziest Jobsworth cunts on earth..

  35. slightly off topic but I’m sure it’ll be appreciated.

    Did you know it’s possible for a man to fit his penis inside another mans penis and have sex with it.

    Just thought you folks would like to know.

  36. Jesus Christ Morgor..Im eating a fucking sausage roll here!!

  37. Holemaster says:

    If the right woman plays with my nipples if drives me nuts so they are useful for me. I wouldn’t like to evolve out of them at all.

    I think it also depends on blood type whether or not I enjoy it. I figured that out myself, all on my own.

  38. SuperGrover says:

    I hate anyone touching my nipples, even me.

  39. Holemaster says:

    “Did you know it’s possible for a man to fit his penis inside another mans penis and have sex with it.”

    Oh Jesus Morgor no. No..no…. NO.

  40. Have you ever split a hotdog in half?

    It looks like that’s gonna happen but it doesn’t.

    I bet you’re wondering how I know this…

  41. SAm crea - says:

    Major is probably watching Dr Phil, cause its about one of his things… and he is charging his hate meter..

  42. I prefer nurturing my shame spiral…

  43. Holemaster says:

    I love like to replenish my love bags

  44. Holemaster says:

    every damn post, a fuckin mistake.

  45. SAm crea - says:

    Holemaster, just pretend your like From Cork, like..

  46. Twenty Major says:

    He prepped for months and was able to successfully breastfeed the baby.

    That is just wrong.

  47. maggot says:

    Look what one of my cousins – Ernie – did in Brazil. He has gone down in history, the first maggot Martyr

    http://sti.bmj.com/cgi/content/abstract/80/3/183

    Then there’s that little parasitic fish guy, the Candiru – that goes up wiggies – and the barbs get stuck!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru

    http://www.infectiousvideos.com/index.php?p=showvid&sid=0398&o=60&idx=17&sb=daily&a=playvid

  48. SAm crea - says:

    Morgor if I were your boss.. 9.11, most pressing matter, be the first to comment on twenty major blog…

  49. SAm crea - says:

    shit i just typed 9.11 on the internet, I’m going to sit here and wait for the CIA to kill me..

  50. maggot says:

    Morgor IS the boss – isn’t that right Sir Alan ?

  51. Monkey Balls says:

    Morgor is my lounge-girl.

    (Don’t try to deny it Morgor! I can get proof!)

  52. I’ve been here since 8.

    What’s a lounge-girl?

  53. SAm crea - says:

    Munster Rugby Fans are the New Man Utd Fans…

  54. Monkey Balls says:

    A lounge-girl, as if you didn’t know Morgor, is the person who goes to the bar and gets your drinks for you.

    Commonly referred to as ‘your bitch.’

    (Do you remember now?)

  55. Jo says:

    Aw, Twenty, that was gross enough the first time.

    Love the idea of Twenty watching Dr Phil and replenishing his hate meter.. andd the same spiral etc.

  56. OK Twenty, if I didn’t have nipples, where would I keep my ring?

    What?

    Alright, no need for that, I only asked…

  57. I’m more of a lounge-lizard than a lounge-girl.

    And I only had to the bar so much cos you drink like a 70 year old vicar’s wife supping on her christmas sherry.

  58. Monkey Balls says:

    That’s not fair Morgor. I was buckled by the time you arrived.

  59. SuperGrover says:

    Morgor, how many drop-down options have you got now in the Name field?

  60. organdonor says:

    oh sorry..too slow..

  61. Puerile Pish says:

    There is a fetish practise of widening ones japs eye by inserting objects. You start off small with sweetcorn and gradually increase to the size you require/desire. I would post a link but the web police are on my ass after the buttplug incident yesterday.

  62. Rob says:

    Firstly, The Boring Bit: Men have nipples because for a certain time in the womb an embryo has the potential to be either sex.

    Secondly, The Sad Bit: Twenty, that question has been asked rhetorically by many an idiot, so shame on you for dredging up such a cliched load of old bollocks.

    Thirdly, The Factual Bit: I have great nipples

  63. maggot says:

    Who do you reckon grassed you up PP ?

    I’ll bet it was that Brian.

  64. maggot says:

    If it wasn’t for male niples more women would be lesbians.

    And that is a fact.

  65. Puerile Pish says:

    Maggot, unfortunately new monitoring software in place. The Network nazis believe that they have the power to fuck up my day by restricting web access, blocking mails and forbidding downloads. It gives them a sense of power in their daily lives ussually reserved for the evenings when they take on their World of Warcraft alter egos and swap hit points. I am sure Geeky O’Tool from the networking department feels more comfortable as ZZZZZZARG the slayer…Cunt.

  66. maggot says:

    What a bummer PP – I’ll call off me ma.

  67. Puerile Pish says:

    Although in revenge I can walk into their department, recite different flavours of Linux and watch them all ejaculate in their pants.

  68. Jo says:

    Rob, I was going to say that about waiting for the sex to form, but then I wondered about the whole male and female sperm issue, and isn’t sex genetically determined, and therefore decided from the start? So I didn’t

  69. RandomNoise the Explanation says:

    Gender is genetically determined but hormonally effected. The zygote is indeterminate until it’s mature enough to produce either the male or female hormones corresponding to its genetic make-up, and these hormones then influence the development of the body to one gender or the other.

    That was the science bit.

  70. Puerile Pish says:

    Jo you are right, sex is determined at point of fertilisation.

  71. maggot says:

    It’s not quite that simple RandomNoise.

    Sorry about the absence – I had to go find some vaseline – blogger’s nipple

  72. Puerile Pish says:

    Of course in my case sex is determined by how drunk/drugged the woman is.

  73. Monkey Balls says:

    I usually try to sway the gender of my offspring by supporting my sperm as it makes it’s way through me mot’s plumbing.

    C’mon the Boys! Get in there, my son! etc.

  74. maggot says:

    Thanks for sharing MB!

    Have a Candiru on me.

  75. Peadar says:

    I love when my girlfriend plays with and licks my nipples. Am I weird?

  76. maggot says:

    Of course in my case sex is determined by how drunk/drugged the woman is.

    No need for that PP – I can share the secret of being irresistably attractive to any normal woman- Chocolate.

  77. Giver O'Shite says:

    82 comments on male nipples?? Is this what the world is coming to?

    Let’s get back to important matters such as those of the faecal variety as per every other thread

  78. maggot says:

    I love when my girlfriend plays with and licks my nipples. Am I weird?

    No – but your girlfriend is!

  79. maggot says:

    82 comments on male nipples??

    To be fair, we did get sidetracked onto wiggies

  80. Peadar says:

    No – but your girlfriend is!

    Why? Are men weird for liking womens nipples?

  81. maggot says:

    Are men weird for liking womens nipples?

    Women’s nipples are usually attached to funbags so it’s totally different.

    Are you sure you haven’t hooked up with a lady-boy Peadar?

  82. Jo says:

    maggot, are you just teasing or bizarrely narrow of mind. You’re not alone, PP.

    So what’s the answer regarding sex selection? I worked hard at getting my baby boy and it seemed to work for me – am I just deluded? Do male sperms not males make?

  83. you need female sperm for female children.

    My parish priest told me this.

  84. Tinman18 says:

    Don’t mind them all, Peadar, I think it’s great as well – and the rest of you should try it.

  85. hehe, that reminds me, did you hear that thing about the vatican science advisor (fnar fnar) who has said that he believe there could be aliens on mars.

    How the fuck does that fit in with their dogma? I thought religous freaks all believe the world was created 6000 years ago or is that just american ones?

  86. maggot says:

    maggot, are you just teasing or bizarrely narrow of mind.

    Which comment Jo ?

    About the gender of the baby – the first factor is indeed the chromosome compliment of the Sperm – it can be X or Y.

    However other factors come into play – not fully understood – in resoect of things like sperm mobility – such as vaginal PH.

  87. Jo says:

    Por PP and his nippular turn ons, maggot.

  88. Jo says:

    But that still doesn’t explain the presesnce of nipples – is there or is there not a stage where it could go either way – if a boy sperm gets there, could it still turn into a girl?

  89. maggot says:

    Por PP and his nippular turn ons, maggot.

    Do you mean Peadar or are you cross I told PP the way into every (normal) woman’s drawers, Chocolate ?

  90. maggot says:

    It’s complex Jo – you can, experimentally, change the path of development with in utero hormone application so that an XX might have some or many male features and an XY some or many female features but the foetus would still be genetically XX or XY

  91. Jo says:

    Oops, Peadar – get them confused too.

    I’m not cross about the chocolate, but nor am I convinced it’s the gateway to sexual favours either.

  92. Jo says:

    Oo, you’re very clever maggot.

    Intelligence and chocolate, now there’s a mix. Intelligence, chocolate and humour – a winning combo! If only you liked having your nipples played with… :)

  93. maggot says:

    Oh come on ! Wave a big bar of Galaxy or Cadbury or Lindt etc under any normal girl’s nose and she is putty in the predatory male’s hands!

    Girls who attack male nipples are going straight to Hell – there was an encyclical about this in May 1399!

  94. maggot says:

    If only you liked having your nipples played with… :)

    They are too busy with the chocolate to worry about perversions! LOL

  95. Puerile Pish says:

    OK, I have traded my three rohypnol for five toffee crisps and a giant dairy milk. I am off out tonight if I don’t get a ride, I will be buying some DDT and destroying as many blowfly larvae as possible

  96. maggot says:

    Christ PP – as if my species don’t have enough to worry about with Vapona, Flit guns and those strangely attractive humming blue light things that got poor Hill – her real name was Hillary, but blowfly humour means she was always known as Aunt Hill.

  97. Tinman18 says:

    Getting back to the original post – Twenty, did you really end the conversation with “Deep, man. Deep.”?

    And were you wearing love beads and sandals when you said it?

  98. Peadar says:

    Thanks Jo, I new my girlfriend was weird.
    You don’t know what your missing out on maggot.
    Or do you have strangely deformed nipples that you won’t let any woman near? Or perhaps a third nipple?

  99. Peadar says:

    Shit, I meant I knew my girlfriend wasn’t weird. Shit!

  100. Puerile Pish says:

    I would like to state that comment 101 was perpetrated by some heinous imposter not the real Puerile Pish. In the interests of preserving my genitalia from possible mutilation by by girlfriend I am making this very clear.

  101. Scawgeen says:

    we are all part of a huge intergalactic experiment, that time forgot, we have two of everything down the side and one of everything down the middle, we are not to question why but just get on with it, disease, sickness and infertility will end the experiment.

  102. Monkey Balls says:

    Peadar, we almost went a whole day without saying it today, and then you go and mention ‘Shit’ twice in comment #105.

    Stay back late in work for a penance!

  103. fatmammycat says:

    Male nipple are for licking.

  104. maggot says:

    As cats lick their bums Fatmammycat I wouldn’t let you near mine!

  105. maggot says:

    Liar ? Every cat I’ve know, with one exception*, licked it’s bum!

    *God Love him, Oscar was the dirty dave of the cat world.

  106. Phil says:

    man, you get far too many comments – i ain’t gonna read em all, but you fuckin’ crakck me up. Frick’in hilarious stuff! You should join us on a photo meetup someday. Photoshop some old man/woman faces on us all if you like…

  107. Monkey Balls says:

    Hey Twenty!

    Any chance of givin’ us a lift on the back of yer Honda 50 to this here ‘photo meetup’ thingy?*

    Frick’in Phil sounds like gud crakck. I don’t what he’s on about, “‘photoshop’ faeces” onto him and his buddies, so I suggest we just throw shit at them and take photos.

    *You don’t ride over cobblestones, I won’t cum on your back. -Deal?

  108. Twenty Major says:

    Sounds fair enough to me, MB.

    I don’t have a camera though.

  109. Twenty Major says:

    I do have a regular supply of poo though.

  110. K8 says:

    Blokes have nipples because they started life as a female. Girls rule. Simple as, really.

  111. steph says:

    A better question to ask is why mens balls are on the OUTSIDE of their body?
    Don’t you think it would be more practical to have that junk tucked away,not swinging in the breeze begging to be kicked??

  112. Monkey Balls says:

    Blokes have nipples because they started life as a female

    -Ah yes, the old Evolution argument again. Try to keep up girls!

  113. Monkey Balls says:

    You don’t have a camera Twenty? Why did you think you need to bring one?

    Here’s a picture of me on me way home from me last photo shoot. http://tinyurl.com/5opumu

    Two of us could carry more than that, and they’re easy to sell.

  114. Jo says:

    Em, steph, everyone knows that – sperm needs lower than body temperature to be produced well, too hot on the inside.

    The real question is, why has it not evolved to be kept in the pocket, in sachets.

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