I have no idea
Posted on | May 23, 2008 | 121 Comments
“Twenty”, said Dirty Dave, “you know the way whatisname went on about the theory of evolution?”
“Charles Darwin?”
“No, Crocodile Dundee. But anyway. If we’re all so evolved and stuff, how come men still have nipples?”
“Erm…”
“What purpose do they serve? We cannot allow our young to suckle from us as we do not produce youngling juice. Therefore they are useless and if evolution were really truly real men would have nippleless chests.”
“It’s a reasonable point”.
“So, if this disproves evolution it must then prove the existence of God who made men with nipples because he thought it looked better. Sort of like an Opel Manta with a body kit. Nipples are merely spoilers for men”.
“Deep, man. Deep”.
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121 Responses to “I have no idea”
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May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:11 am
actually men can produce milk. (see my link)
I generally use mine with my porridge in the morning.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:21 am
Do you express?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:23 am
He’s from Waterford he gets dragged out of bed at 5am by a burly farmer and milked dry
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:25 am
I never noticed that I had nipples until I’d read this post, (and took off my bra.)
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:29 am
express?
I’m dry for now, gimme your addresses and I’ll mail sachets of my milk to you.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:30 am
Heh. My daughter’s always suggesting her Daddy feed the baby from his Hairy Boobs. Perhaps men are evolving breasts – the nipples are just the start of it.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:31 am
Check out morgor’s wikki link – How scared would you have been as a teenage boy if you’d lactated after ‘self stimulation of nipples’.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:35 am
“Perhaps men are evolving breasts – the nipples are just the start of it.”
So it is evolution rather than early middle age spread combined with deep laziness? Ah, that’s much better. Even sounds like I’m a bit advanced.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:35 am
On that point, throughout the ages theologians have spent chunks of their lives arguing as to whether Adam had a belly button. Think about it. If he had no Mum, why would he have a navel?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:37 am
It’s going to get more common, with all the hormone based contraceptives and such like the water supplies have shown a marked increase in oestrogens. I would say we could share the feeding burden but of course it also makes men sterile, so we will have lactating breasts but no children.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:38 am
I reckon Brian Cowen could raise triplets.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:41 am
“I reckon Brian Cowen could raise triplets”
That’s nothing Harney’s fat reserves would alleviate starvation in the third world.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:42 am
On that point, throughout the ages theologians have spent chunks of their lives arguing as to whether Adam had a belly button. Think about it. If he had no Mum, why would he have a navel?
What would he have gazed at when listening to goth music then?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:43 am
I swapped my nipples for a TomTom.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:43 am
While God created Woman from his belly button fluff…
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:44 am
Did you swap them with Fred Freegan, Xbox?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:45 am
I’ve just been reading about this in The Ancestors Tale. It’s all to do with sexual selection; “peacocking”. Hairlessness evolved through sexual attraction and considering this, women evolved ahead of men. When this happens, the opposite sex are thought to ‘drag behind’ and their bodies can follow the traits of the more evolved sex to try and catch up, in this case the retention of nipples.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:47 am
If we’re all so evolved and stuff, how come men still have nipples?”
“Erm…”
“What purpose do they serve?
Male nipples are the equivalent of the female brain ?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:49 am
Harney’s fat reserves would alleviate starvation in the third world.
I’ll bet she avoids Norwegians and Japanese
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:53 am
I remember seeing a documentary once about a gay couple who adopted a newborn. He prepped for months and was able to successfully breastfeed the baby. Crazy! This is a scientific and quite witty overview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiXp_See_Bs
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:53 am
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
You may kiss my hand maggot.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:54 am
Theologians are thick cunts.
Hear that hitman from vegas was using the name Luciano?
Any relation to Lucky??
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:54 am
I was just finessing the insulting accusations Morgor.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 9:56 am
No look maggot and Morgor,
I am always confusing you 2,
But then I remember one uses name extensions,
And now you cant both be at it,
so sort it out,
This is not a poem.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:00 am
Sam – I was using name extensins long before Morgor – way back when Twenty called me his wriggly chum!
Just been to Jo’s always excellent blog for the first visit of the Day – purely coincidence Morgor a chara.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:01 am
now I’m really confused, cause I knew one of you had been at it for ages…
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:03 am
If you cant beat them/..
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:04 am
hehe, “morgor the sexist” and “maggot the sexist” could get a bit confusing.
Causing confusion is fun though….
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:04 am
Sniff – unlike Morgor I don’t overdo it!
He’ll go blind you know!
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:09 am
I saw a big tit leaving the 51 last night. Would have said hello but I was impeded by his silly name.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:11 am
I dunno, ‘F4Free’ was his user name though…
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:13 am
!
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:14 am
Sorry ,Couldnt resist..
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:16 am
cunts.
Anyway Twenty I was expected a scathing assault on the civil servants working for irish rail.
Thats what people are bitching about it my office.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:17 am
Train Drivers are the laziest Jobsworth cunts on earth..
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:18 am
slightly off topic but I’m sure it’ll be appreciated.
Did you know it’s possible for a man to fit his penis inside another mans penis and have sex with it.
Just thought you folks would like to know.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:20 am
Jesus Christ Morgor..Im eating a fucking sausage roll here!!
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:20 am
If the right woman plays with my nipples if drives me nuts so they are useful for me. I wouldn’t like to evolve out of them at all.
I think it also depends on blood type whether or not I enjoy it. I figured that out myself, all on my own.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:21 am
I hate anyone touching my nipples, even me.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:22 am
“Did you know it’s possible for a man to fit his penis inside another mans penis and have sex with it.”
Oh Jesus Morgor no. No..no…. NO.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:24 am
Have you ever split a hotdog in half?
It looks like that’s gonna happen but it doesn’t.
I bet you’re wondering how I know this…
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:25 am
Major is probably watching Dr Phil, cause its about one of his things… and he is charging his hate meter..
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:26 am
I prefer nurturing my shame spiral…
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:27 am
I love like to replenish my love bags
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:27 am
every damn post, a fuckin mistake.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:35 am
Holemaster, just pretend your like From Cork, like..
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:36 am
hehe
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:37 am
He prepped for months and was able to successfully breastfeed the baby.
That is just wrong.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:38 am
Look what one of my cousins – Ernie – did in Brazil. He has gone down in history, the first maggot Martyr
http://sti.bmj.com/cgi/content/abstract/80/3/183
Then there’s that little parasitic fish guy, the Candiru – that goes up wiggies – and the barbs get stuck!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru
http://www.infectiousvideos.com/index.php?p=showvid&sid=0398&o=60&idx=17&sb=daily&a=playvid
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:38 am
Morgor if I were your boss.. 9.11, most pressing matter, be the first to comment on twenty major blog…
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:39 am
shit i just typed 9.11 on the internet, I’m going to sit here and wait for the CIA to kill me..
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:41 am
Morgor IS the boss – isn’t that right Sir Alan ?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:44 am
Morgor is my lounge-girl.
(Don’t try to deny it Morgor! I can get proof!)
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:44 am
Breast feeding man
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:49 am
I’ve been here since 8.
What’s a lounge-girl?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:50 am
Munster Rugby Fans are the New Man Utd Fans…
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:56 am
A lounge-girl, as if you didn’t know Morgor, is the person who goes to the bar and gets your drinks for you.
Commonly referred to as ‘your bitch.’
(Do you remember now?)
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:01 am
Aw, Twenty, that was gross enough the first time.
Love the idea of Twenty watching Dr Phil and replenishing his hate meter.. andd the same spiral etc.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:03 am
OK Twenty, if I didn’t have nipples, where would I keep my ring?
What?
Alright, no need for that, I only asked…
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:05 am
I’m more of a lounge-lizard than a lounge-girl.
And I only had to the bar so much cos you drink like a 70 year old vicar’s wife supping on her christmas sherry.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:07 am
That’s not fair Morgor. I was buckled by the time you arrived.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:08 am
Fair point.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:12 am
Morgor, how many drop-down options have you got now in the Name field?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:18 am
99
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:19 am
69?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:19 am
oh sorry..too slow..
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:23 am
There is a fetish practise of widening ones japs eye by inserting objects. You start off small with sweetcorn and gradually increase to the size you require/desire. I would post a link but the web police are on my ass after the buttplug incident yesterday.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:24 am
Firstly, The Boring Bit: Men have nipples because for a certain time in the womb an embryo has the potential to be either sex.
Secondly, The Sad Bit: Twenty, that question has been asked rhetorically by many an idiot, so shame on you for dredging up such a cliched load of old bollocks.
Thirdly, The Factual Bit: I have great nipples
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:24 am
Who do you reckon grassed you up PP ?
I’ll bet it was that Brian.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:26 am
If it wasn’t for male niples more women would be lesbians.
And that is a fact.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:29 am
Maggot, unfortunately new monitoring software in place. The Network nazis believe that they have the power to fuck up my day by restricting web access, blocking mails and forbidding downloads. It gives them a sense of power in their daily lives ussually reserved for the evenings when they take on their World of Warcraft alter egos and swap hit points. I am sure Geeky O’Tool from the networking department feels more comfortable as ZZZZZZARG the slayer…Cunt.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:31 am
What a bummer PP – I’ll call off me ma.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:32 am
Although in revenge I can walk into their department, recite different flavours of Linux and watch them all ejaculate in their pants.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:44 am
Rob, I was going to say that about waiting for the sex to form, but then I wondered about the whole male and female sperm issue, and isn’t sex genetically determined, and therefore decided from the start? So I didn’t
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:51 am
Gender is genetically determined but hormonally effected. The zygote is indeterminate until it’s mature enough to produce either the male or female hormones corresponding to its genetic make-up, and these hormones then influence the development of the body to one gender or the other.
That was the science bit.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:54 am
Jo you are right, sex is determined at point of fertilisation.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:59 am
It’s not quite that simple RandomNoise.
Sorry about the absence – I had to go find some vaseline – blogger’s nipple
May 23rd, 2008 @ 12:02 pm
Of course in my case sex is determined by how drunk/drugged the woman is.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 12:16 pm
I usually try to sway the gender of my offspring by supporting my sperm as it makes it’s way through me mot’s plumbing.
“C’mon the Boys! Get in there, my son! etc.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 12:33 pm
Thanks for sharing MB!
Have a Candiru on me.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 12:48 pm
I love when my girlfriend plays with and licks my nipples. Am I weird?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 1:15 pm
Of course in my case sex is determined by how drunk/drugged the woman is.
No need for that PP – I can share the secret of being irresistably attractive to any normal woman- Chocolate.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 1:28 pm
82 comments on male nipples?? Is this what the world is coming to?
Let’s get back to important matters such as those of the faecal variety as per every other thread
May 23rd, 2008 @ 1:29 pm
I love when my girlfriend plays with and licks my nipples. Am I weird?
No – but your girlfriend is!
May 23rd, 2008 @ 1:30 pm
82 comments on male nipples??
To be fair, we did get sidetracked onto wiggies
May 23rd, 2008 @ 1:42 pm
No – but your girlfriend is!
Why? Are men weird for liking womens nipples?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 1:55 pm
Are men weird for liking womens nipples?
Women’s nipples are usually attached to funbags so it’s totally different.
Are you sure you haven’t hooked up with a lady-boy Peadar?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 1:58 pm
maggot, are you just teasing or bizarrely narrow of mind. You’re not alone, PP.
So what’s the answer regarding sex selection? I worked hard at getting my baby boy and it seemed to work for me – am I just deluded? Do male sperms not males make?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:03 pm
you need female sperm for female children.
My parish priest told me this.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:03 pm
Don’t mind them all, Peadar, I think it’s great as well – and the rest of you should try it.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:07 pm
hehe, that reminds me, did you hear that thing about the vatican science advisor (fnar fnar) who has said that he believe there could be aliens on mars.
How the fuck does that fit in with their dogma? I thought religous freaks all believe the world was created 6000 years ago or is that just american ones?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:17 pm
maggot, are you just teasing or bizarrely narrow of mind.
Which comment Jo ?
About the gender of the baby – the first factor is indeed the chromosome compliment of the Sperm – it can be X or Y.
However other factors come into play – not fully understood – in resoect of things like sperm mobility – such as vaginal PH.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:20 pm
Por PP and his nippular turn ons, maggot.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:21 pm
But that still doesn’t explain the presesnce of nipples – is there or is there not a stage where it could go either way – if a boy sperm gets there, could it still turn into a girl?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:27 pm
Por PP and his nippular turn ons, maggot.
Do you mean Peadar or are you cross I told PP the way into every (normal) woman’s drawers, Chocolate ?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
It’s complex Jo – you can, experimentally, change the path of development with in utero hormone application so that an XX might have some or many male features and an XY some or many female features but the foetus would still be genetically XX or XY
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
Oops, Peadar – get them confused too.
I’m not cross about the chocolate, but nor am I convinced it’s the gateway to sexual favours either.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:31 pm
Oo, you’re very clever maggot.
Intelligence and chocolate, now there’s a mix. Intelligence, chocolate and humour – a winning combo! If only you liked having your nipples played with… :)
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:32 pm
Oh come on ! Wave a big bar of Galaxy or Cadbury or Lindt etc under any normal girl’s nose and she is putty in the predatory male’s hands!
Girls who attack male nipples are going straight to Hell – there was an encyclical about this in May 1399!
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:34 pm
If only you liked having your nipples played with… :)
They are too busy with the chocolate to worry about perversions! LOL
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:50 pm
OK, I have traded my three rohypnol for five toffee crisps and a giant dairy milk. I am off out tonight if I don’t get a ride, I will be buying some DDT and destroying as many blowfly larvae as possible
May 23rd, 2008 @ 2:54 pm
Christ PP – as if my species don’t have enough to worry about with Vapona, Flit guns and those strangely attractive humming blue light things that got poor Hill – her real name was Hillary, but blowfly humour means she was always known as Aunt Hill.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 3:00 pm
Getting back to the original post – Twenty, did you really end the conversation with “Deep, man. Deep.”?
And were you wearing love beads and sandals when you said it?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
Thanks Jo, I new my girlfriend was weird.
You don’t know what your missing out on maggot.
Or do you have strangely deformed nipples that you won’t let any woman near? Or perhaps a third nipple?
May 23rd, 2008 @ 3:14 pm
Shit, I meant I knew my girlfriend wasn’t weird. Shit!
May 23rd, 2008 @ 3:26 pm
I would like to state that comment 101 was perpetrated by some heinous imposter not the real Puerile Pish. In the interests of preserving my genitalia from possible mutilation by by girlfriend I am making this very clear.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 4:06 pm
we are all part of a huge intergalactic experiment, that time forgot, we have two of everything down the side and one of everything down the middle, we are not to question why but just get on with it, disease, sickness and infertility will end the experiment.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 4:52 pm
Peadar, we almost went a whole day without saying it today, and then you go and mention ‘Shit’ twice in comment #105.
Stay back late in work for a penance!
May 23rd, 2008 @ 5:07 pm
Male nipple are for licking.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 6:35 pm
As cats lick their bums Fatmammycat I wouldn’t let you near mine!
May 23rd, 2008 @ 10:43 pm
Liar.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:20 pm
Liar ? Every cat I’ve know, with one exception*, licked it’s bum!
*God Love him, Oscar was the dirty dave of the cat world.
May 23rd, 2008 @ 11:59 pm
man, you get far too many comments – i ain’t gonna read em all, but you fuckin’ crakck me up. Frick’in hilarious stuff! You should join us on a photo meetup someday. Photoshop some old man/woman faces on us all if you like…
May 24th, 2008 @ 3:39 am
Hey Twenty!
Any chance of givin’ us a lift on the back of yer Honda 50 to this here ‘photo meetup’ thingy?*
Frick’in Phil sounds like gud crakck. I don’t what he’s on about, “‘photoshop’ faeces” onto him and his buddies, so I suggest we just throw shit at them and take photos.
*You don’t ride over cobblestones, I won’t cum on your back. -Deal?
May 24th, 2008 @ 9:55 am
Sounds fair enough to me, MB.
I don’t have a camera though.
May 24th, 2008 @ 9:55 am
I do have a regular supply of poo though.
May 24th, 2008 @ 11:19 am
Blokes have nipples because they started life as a female. Girls rule. Simple as, really.
May 24th, 2008 @ 3:33 pm
A better question to ask is why mens balls are on the OUTSIDE of their body?
Don’t you think it would be more practical to have that junk tucked away,not swinging in the breeze begging to be kicked??
May 24th, 2008 @ 4:03 pm
Blokes have nipples because they started life as a female
-Ah yes, the old Evolution argument again. Try to keep up girls!
May 24th, 2008 @ 5:16 pm
You don’t have a camera Twenty? Why did you think you need to bring one?
Here’s a picture of me on me way home from me last photo shoot. http://tinyurl.com/5opumu
Two of us could carry more than that, and they’re easy to sell.
May 24th, 2008 @ 8:34 pm
Em, steph, everyone knows that – sperm needs lower than body temperature to be produced well, too hot on the inside.
The real question is, why has it not evolved to be kept in the pocket, in sachets.