Walking into the supermarket I am accosted by an elderly lady.
“Buy some sardines!”, she says.
“What?”
“Buy a tin of sardines!”
“Why?”
“We’re collecting them!”
“You’re collecting tins of sardines?”
“Yes. Buy some sardines!”
“Who are you collecting them for?”
“Albanians!”
“I see”.
She then went to another person and urged them to buy sardines too. I did not buy sardines but it certainly has to be the most unusual request ever made to me outside a supermarket.
Damien Mulley is a fucking knob, isn’t he?
You should have bought the sardines.
And eaten the fuckers. On toast with mayo is nice, although impractical outside a supermarket in the face of an elderly lady.
i was offered a free skip bag.
I asked would it be collected for free??
No it would cost 65 Euro, or whatever I cant remember.
Bit like getting a free johnny with a 200 euro ride off a prozzie…
Gimme – we certainly lack portable toasters. They would make the world a better place.
John, are you lost?
Any time I see those charity food collections, I make a point of donating two or three cans of extra-strength lager. It’s quite amusing to see the faces on the do-gooders, and it doesn’t cost very much. There y’are.
Do Albanians especially like sardines? I think the old ladies are making a bit of an assumption there. They should buy them tuna. Everybody likes a bit of tuna.
Are Albanians some kind of seal or walrus that exclusively eat Sardines? If you hold the tin of sardines up, do they balance balls on their nose and jump through rings?
***balls on nose is not a reference to some weird tea bagging activity you sick bunch of cunts****
All Albanians are kunts including my Bus Driver
Any of you Oirish over dare see OReilly going nuts on you tube
O’Reilly is our very own American Facist
Perhaps they’re planning to house the Albanians in the tins, and then eat the sardines themselves.
Good God, what did the poor Albanians do to deserve the attention of the “Mentaloulwans”
Is Albania not stinking enough without innundating it with godforsaken sardines…
godforsaken sardines??
Maybe “sardines for Albanians” is an exchange scheme, like “new lamps for old”. They send us their young people to work in our Spars and hotels, and we send them, well, squished fish…
godforsaken sardines??
Yes – what a way to end up – in smelly cramped conditions, with sardines farting all around you and when the lid is finally opened you find yourself looking at a hungry albanian licking his lips…..Ughhhhhh
I’m with Dessiegee. If you end up dead in a tin lying beside 9 other dead members of your species, it would be fair to suppose God had forsaken you. Plus they pack the sardines so quickly after death, their souls can’t get out of the tin. It’s the souls that give them that particular flavour.
Dover soul?
And i see Diessiegee has just said much the same thing. Polgees, Dessiegee.
Twenty, lemon soul. Although you can get sardines in a tomato soul sauce.
Would a sardine that knew when to hold his tongue be the soul of discretion?
Of course, do you think sardines are idiots?
I don’t know what to think anymore.
No Worries Problemchildbride – I did’nt cop the souls being trapped in tin till you mentioned it – Thats it I’m off to the supemarket to open up all the tins and excorcise all the ghosts -
Would the last uneaten sardine be the soul survivor?
since when are sardines and sole related??
I’ve never eaten a sardine. Are they as nasty as they look?
apart from just both being fish..
are we scraping the bottom here??
Ah I just read the question propply. But if ever there was a warning about what loose lips can do, the sardine is it. Sardines are the world’s leading cause of sinking ships.
My daughter has just informed me her big toe is itchy. This is new and besides an abrasive fingernail I don’t know how to cure it. Off to consult a medical dictionary.
Sam I think we were floundering around for connections
And hark you on your perch thinking you are so smart.
No, not really, I just think he’s a knob. I was going to post on his site but got paranoid that he’d probably be able to track down my family and rape them using my I.P. address.
is this the same Mulley?? i thought he was gone off the aul rape since the “Traveller incident”…
joke..
whats the difference between a sardine and an albanian?
The sardine stinks only after it’s dead….
What gobshite will be first to say we’re having a whale of a time in this plaice….oh, fuck…
thats like that Gypsy Moth joke..
What is the porpoise of this thread?
Sorry
Damien Mullet
I’m still thinking about PCB’s post no 26.
Do the sardines suck the ships down?
They should buy them tuna. Everybody likes a bit of tuna.
Good idea but wouldn’t gift vouchers be handier. All in one vouchers that you can use in any shop. Then they could eat what ever they want, not just sardines and tuna.
What a great idea, even if I do say so myself.
Whats involved in setting up a charity? Anyone?
It would be a great way to make a liv oh I mean a great way to help people less fortunate.
Fierce close today ain’t it? Fierce close.
I’ve a headache, so I have. There’s thunder on the way. Think I’ll have a lie down
Off the topic of sole, and in relation to an earlier theory: http://www.twentymajor.com
He means it about war…
If you’re afriad of DM tracking you down, John, change your name to (drum roll)…Ray!
Anyway, are you not supposed to teach the cunts how to fish rather then giving them the fish.
I think That Oulwan was coddin ya twenty, lookin for a free tin for her albanian hubbies tea.
No, not really, I just think he’s a knob. I was going to post on his site but got paranoid that he’d probably be able to track down my family and rape them using my I.P. address.
What makes you think I can’t do the same thing with your IP address? Or just send it to Mulley?
You are so gonna get raped.
Teach them to fish and you destroy your market base.
And rape is Spanish for monkfish. I love a bit of rape meself.
he’d probably be able to track down my family and rape them using my I.P. address.
How would you rape someone with an I.P. address? Is it sharp?
Oh. Right, well some of my family are women, so they’ll probably be safe. My ignorance has once again ensured me a helping of rectal armageddon.
Jo, wtf is that? Does this mean we’ve all unwittingly enlisted?
How would you rape someone with an I.P. address? Is it sharp?
are you going to wear your Subnet mask Twenty?
Ba-dum Tishh!!
no fucker eats sardines.
fucking midget fish.
why do they never collect anything decent, like spuds, or oven chips or onion gravy meatballs?
Probably because they reckon we wouldn’t give them decent stuff. COD’s idea (post 5)of giving them cans of extra-strong lager is a great one, I’m definitely gonna do that.
(His name’s Change_of_Address – it’s not my fault his name abbreviates to COD – I wasn’t trying to do another fish pun)
And BTW, why is “abbreviates” such a fucking long word?
Tinman, “Do the sardines suck the ships down?”
They do it by nibbling, persistent nibbling, though the shots may be long and the iron it be hard. They nibble and laugh as they nibble, which is extra clever. Cunfuseus say “patient little sardine have much to teach fisherman and cruise line director.”
Of course these days they have screwdrivers too to loose the bigger nuts but traditional sardines stick to the old nibbling ways.
Ah, PCB that why your parents make you eat them telling you “they’re full of iron”
That’s odd alright.
Reminds me of the wierdest thing anyone ever said to me outside of a shop.
“Excuse me,” said this large fucker in a poorly fitting suit, sort of like a low rent bouncer.
“Do you mind coming back into the shop? You appear to have left without paying for your items.”
Of course, I just clocked the cunt and moved off.
why do they use nets to catch the little fuckers then instead of a nice big magnet?
You should have told her Albamians were last year , now it’s the Chinese and offered to buy a tin of crab !
Ew.
Sardines are like the garbage of the sea.
They’re the seafood equivalent of a hot dog.
What the fuck is wrong with hot dogs?
hotdogs are the food of kings.
Because kings like to eat a combination of fat,lungs lips and skin.
But who can deny them, they’re fucking kings for fucks sake.
why do they use nets to catch the little fuckers then instead of a nice big magnet?
Fishermen are extremely stupid. That’s why so many of them drown – thousands of years and the cunts haven’t realised that they shouldn’t go out in bad weather.
I liked Tinman 18 no 9 comment
Keep the fuckers in the tins and throw them back in the sea, who cares!!!
Who likes the ones in tomato sauce ?
I think they make great sandwiches with a splash of Tabasco.
Ahhh Albania. Happy nights. King Zog.
Hot dogs are made from the ass holes of animals and that’s why they look good with mustard splashed on them. Enjoy!
Here, that’s probably the same old hag who asked me to buy 20 Albany for the Sardinians last week.
Lips and asshole
You should have bought them, Major. How much could sardines cost anyway??
Were they for Albanians in Albania or Albanians in Ireland?
I once played a game of sardines with a girl. Got a great dry ride off her all the same. Fucking great she was too!!
A dry ride??
Ponce… :)
bang of sardines off her?
I wish I was a girl. I just had this great idea;
You get a sardine, right? Then you stick it up your cunt, tail-first. Then you work your muscles, (Or whatever it is you have down there), so that his little head keeps popping in and out.
You make a video, and pop it on YouTube.
Instant fame!
(Remember, I thought of it first, so I expect royalties!)
Italics, italics everywhere
Easy knowing I’m pissed now!
Ah… Monkey Balls… This reminds me of a naughty video cover i saw (in Amsterdam, where else?), it was called “Willing Eels”.. and there was a woman on the front (think MILF) and a batch of eels. Most bizarre adult vid theme I’ve ever seen.
Rumbled again! Bah!
I’ll have to find more obscure things to get me ‘inspiration’ from.
Will someone mention canaries please?
I’ve just had another idea, but I don’t want to be the one who strays off-topic.
Holy fuck! It’s dark outside!
No wonder it’s so quiet,- I thought it was 2:00pm, not 2:00am.
Twenty you should have bought the sardines,chewed them up in your mouth,and spit them in the old cunts face,get a bus load of blind lesbians,watch them attack her like flies to shite,and then shout fuck the albanian cunts the scrounging bastards right in her face and walk away laughing.
I have little to add to this thread, except to say that I am wrting this message from Newark, New Jersey. I am in fact counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike, which will please all you Simon & Garfunkel fans out there.
I wonder if the old racal is sitting down with his pop tarts as I write ?
Ok, MB, “I’ve never been to the Canaries, have you?”
This had better be good.
Risky Tinman – mainly cause he probably can’t remember what drunken perversion he came up with at 2:10 in the morning.
What have albanians ever done for us? Apart from the..
I looked up Albania in wiki hoping to find something to put finish this up with.
Nope. Nuttin.
John and James Belushi and Eliza Dushku.
And also apparently many famous doctors, scientists, composers and sportspeople.
You should have looked up “famous albanians” Ibanez.
Right, here goes;
Me Auntie Mary had a canarie,
Up the leg of her drawers.
While she was sle…
No, sorry. It’s gone.
‘Post-traumatic stress-related memory loss’ is what the Doctor calls it.
Sorry Tinman.
I feel used now
tubridy again so *sigh
bug, no, nothing’s ever worth that!
There’s a support line worth setting up – for when it gets so bad, you consider Tubridy.
I feel your pain bug – at least have a drink to numb the pain
Who gave Major the weekend off??
Sardines are a delicacy in Albania. The reason this is so is all down to the films starring the zany comedian Norman Wisdom. Wisdom’s films were the only decadent Western films allowed to be seen in Albania, and in one of his films (Trouble in Store) the hero uttered the never to be forgotten by Albanians words – ‘I like sardines on toast’ thus generating a mania for sardines and toast that gripped Albania for many years.
Do all Albanians have white hair, pale skin and pink eyes?
If only I’d waited for your support messages Jo & Jus…
At least I’ve since killed most of the brain cells where the memories were. That Major must be down the country for the gaa
Adonis, I used to have a mate who was an Albaino. I can confirm all your assumptions, but you left out the most important one.
They are all Hermaphrodites, which means, (Yes, you’re right!) -They can go fuck themselves!
Monkey Balls,
You’ve pulled some cheap stunts here on Twenty’s blog, in a rather futile attempt at drumming up interest in your own blog, which can be found at http://monkeyballs.baywords.com/
Any good ones in the pipeline?
No Brian. I’ve given up that sort of stuff.
That’s the cheapest one yet, MB.
96 responses and not one gratuitous pilchard gag. I’m disappointed.
Seems so appropriate that “brine” makes another appearance on a seafood thread.
Maggot – ba dum dum ksshhhhh!
So that ebola virus… pretty nasty eh.
This place on holiday?
True conversation.. Awful :)