Care bears
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on May 14th, 2008
One for the road has a post about Golliwogs.
Far be it for me to perpetrate racial prejudice but if every country or type of people had a racist doll made about them wouldn’t that even things up?
Like ‘Little Nadia - the Romanian doll’ who steals from you when you’re not looking, is permanently pregnant despite being hideously ugly and gets picked up at the end of the day by her father/husband in a 08 reg van.
Or ‘Paddy Ayslum’ - the Irish doll that’s in America illegally but thinks it should be treated differently to other illegal immigrants because of John F Kennedy or the famine or something.
You should get two dolls with the Nadia doll - a teeny little permanently asleep one for her to hold.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
How about a Jihad Jack-in-the-Box. Wind it up and listen. Just as the song comes to ‘Pop goes the weasel’ the little puppet inside shouts “Allah Akbar!” and blows the lid off the box.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
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As for the Gollywog issue. Simple, just make a White Trash Junior doll. Complete with pot belly, wife beater, trailer park home and Klan hood. Even things up.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
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Scouse Doll: Wind it up and it robs you blind
May 14th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
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Scots Doll - Fat and hairy and reeks of chips
May 14th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
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Actually, that was unfair. I apologise. Some great Scots people out there. Like, you know, that guy, emmm, ah fuckit, smelly haggis eating freaks
May 14th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
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I would like to complain, this blog is merely an exercise in racial stereo-typing dressed up as debate.
As I said I would like to complain, but as I intend to sit back and enjoy it, I won’t
May 14th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
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Irish Doll (northside edition): Fake tan, bleached hair, velour tracksuit with a bottle of WKD and 20 players.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
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small technical point PP, “WKD” is a bit of a stretch for my fellow northsiders, so they call it “Wikka”
May 14th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
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The black gentlemen in the gents toilets all over Dublin, I wonder how much in tips they make in an evening?
May 14th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
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They make fuckall off me. Since when did having a piss become taxable?
May 14th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
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father/husband in a 08 reg van?
-I’m presuming this is just the one bloke, yeah?
May 14th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
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Like ‘Little Nadia - the Romanian doll’
Is this the Romany Doll which can hail from any part of Eastern europe not just Romania - Romanians get just as pissed off with this mistake as I do when I hear that british classic “Fuckin Mick’s”
May 14th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
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A Belgian geezer, assured cellar this one.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
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Frog the French exchange Student doll - basically complains about everything and says its all better in france but doesnt fuck off back to france..This is Doll one in a series of dolls ,yank,huns etc to follow..
May 14th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
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hehe organdonor, that one sounds very familiar, if you just add “theives it’s roomates psp” to the description.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
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The french guy I was living with even complained about Irish pasta.
“En Frahnce, the pasta cook much more quickly”.
Cheap cunt was always buying tesco value shit.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
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also the female version wont put out the punnany,despite walking around in a g-string and flirting like a streetwalker..
May 14th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
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Muslim Blow Up dolls anyone?
May 14th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
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Kermit the frog
May 14th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
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The Peurile Pish Doll - Comes inside it’s own closet
May 14th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
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Why not make existing dolls more real-to-life while were at it?
Barbies should have numerous surgery scars, dark roots and shit fake tan.
Bob the builder should have a beer gut, tattoos and a dirty old AC/DC t-shirt on.
The Bratz dolls should have even less clothes on (let’s not forget the spare tyre hanging over their micro-skirts) A tramp stamp tattoo on the top of their arse would probably be in order too.
I’m sure there’s more examples, but I couldn’t be fuckin arsed to think today.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
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Spanish Je Je Doll
Wind up and does fuck all for you.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
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Southside Sara Doll
Wind it up and she goes “omyfuckinggawdnooway” on constant repeat.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
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Whoever moans about a golliwog DOLL should be fucking beaten to death with one.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
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Des Bishop thinks he’s the Ken to every Irish Barbie
May 14th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
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How about a Twenty doll. You’re a cunt, he’s a cunt, she’s a cunt, they are cunts, maggot’s my mate.And repeat. Just kiddin’ guys.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
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is that the iraq inflateble doll that when he gave her a lovebite she blew herself up, he must have been an ugly cunt.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
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I’m going to make a knacker doll that smells like burnt sticks and drinks toilet water our of jam jars.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
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Russian Stripper Doll
Take off her clothes layer by layer till you get to….
I need to get out.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
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I always wondered why an Orange Teddy Bear was called Sooty ? Was Harry Corbett of the Roman persuasion ?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
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The Corkman doll - does fuck all except complain about how shite everwhere else is and winds YOU up.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
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You’re a cunt, he’s a cunt, she’s a cunt, they are cunts, maggot’s my mate
Heh! Isn’t jealousy great?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
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“I always wondered why an orange Teddy Bear was called Sooty. Was Harry Corbett of the Roman persuasion?”
Don’t know maggot, but judging by the sounds Sweep used to make I’d say Harry had more than his hand up his bum.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
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Thanks for the italics tip Monkey!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
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I hated Soo with a passion!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
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Soo was the “girlfriend” brought in when people started asking questions. She had a kind of Yoko-effect on the whole programme.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
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One of my friends tried to intest Hasbro in a “My Little Pony Abbatoir” - with real blood and all.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
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One of my friends and I made up a game called “Grand Theft Auto - Knacker Version” where everyone drove white Hiaces and you got points for buying the biggest jewellery and marrying cousins. He even mocked up a cover based on the original and left it in Xtravision.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
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An Irish Mother Doll.. comes with free invisible flagellation - can be set on fire and then get up and make you a cup of tea… batteries required for sighing..
May 14th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
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Michael Jackson doll - plastic
Orlando Bloom doll - wooden
May 14th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
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The Emo doll - affects real boredom!
Bill and Monica commemorative doll set - fully ejaculating wind-up Bill and wipeable blue dress for hours of fun. Extra gism sacs available for purchase.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
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Austrian dollhouse with bonus hidden basement.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
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heh
May 14th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
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The United Nations doll set - Rwanda/Darfur/Cyclone Nargis commemorative editions come with removable balls and empty rhetoric.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:01 am
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the living doll - cliff richard wine tasting doll with life-like vomiting sound effects(free vineyard with every doll)
May 15th, 2008 at 12:12 am
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Heather mills version with extra stumps and shoes, im thinkin of bounty cut out dolls ! fucken rip off they were.
May 15th, 2008 at 1:05 am
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New york doll now ”cant hold a candle to you”
May 15th, 2008 at 2:02 am
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a ‘Paddy” doll would have to have a huge arse - from sitting on it all day - and a big pocket - for putting all the dole fiddled money in - and of course a huge hankie to wipe the tears from all the poor-mouthing thats done!
May 15th, 2008 at 6:13 am
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Where can I get a wooden Pat Kenny as featured on the Late Late Toy Show?
May 15th, 2008 at 7:22 am
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Glasgow Rangers S&M Doll. Beats everybody in Scotland but takes it up the ass when it goes to Europe.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:50 am
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Are they like sort of big white furry fuckers that live on icebergs and eat eskimos ?
May 15th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
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I know quite a few of those Irish illegal immigrants, most of them being my first cousins.
In America we would call these dolls “Dublin Disco Donkeys” They would call bars discos, wear plastic clothes, gel their hair like the Gotti bouys and call any Irish person not from Dublin a hillbilly although none of us Yanks see any fucking difference.
May 21st, 2008 at 2:45 am
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