Serious discussion of the Lisbon Treaty
Posted in Blog by Twenty Major on May 13th, 2008
“How are you going to vote on the Lisbon treaty, Jimmy?”, asked Splodge.
“I haven’t really given it too much thought, I have to say. I’m vehemently opposed to doing anything that Fianna Fail or Fine Gael or the PDs or Labour think is a good idea but voting no would be siding with Sinn Fein, and those cocksmokers can go fuck themselves. So, having now considered all my options I shall abstain from voting altogether”.
“And you, Ron?”, he asked.
“I think, bar the influx of Romanian thieves that plague this city like flea ridden rats, the EEC, or whatever the fuck they call it these days, has been good for Ireland. People talk about us losing sovereignty but sovereignty is a hugely overrated concept and frankly the cunts that might make more decisions from Brussels can’t be any worse than the cunts we elect over here. So for that reason I think I’ll vote yes if I can be arsed actually closing up my bar to go and vote. Which I probably won’t. So it doesn’t really matter.”
“Twenty”, said Splodge again, “what’s your take on this whole situation?”
“I’m with Jimmy in that anything the political parties want, I don’t. However, there’s some talk that our neutrality might be affected if we say yes so I’m leaning towards the yes vote because I think we need to be less neutral. We’ve turned into a nation of affected, manscara wearing metrosexuals. Where is the spirit of the great Celtic warriors? Where are our ginger beards and heavy clubs with which to batter people about the head? Ireland needs to get into a bit of a war to toughen us up. Our youngsters, bar the odd Limerick rapper, are all a bunch of fucking pussies. Some shooting and bayoneting and scimitar action would sort them and future generations out. We could start small, invade the Isle of Man for a bit of practice. Then get right in there and war about the place like proper men. So yes for me, if I can drag myself away from writing my second book that the publishers are keen to have finished sooner rather than later playing my Playstation. Which I probably won’t be able to do so it’s all academic anyway.”
“Pete?”
“I’m voting ‘penis’”
“What?”
“I’m going to draw a great big penis on the ballot paper. If I can be bothered going all that way when I could just stay at home and draw penises on my sketch pad.”
“What about you, Splodge?”
“I’m voting no”.
“How come?”
“Well, I don’t give a fuck about us losing our neutrality, about lack of sovereignty, loss of vetoes, whether or not we have a expenses fiddling, fancy lunch eating commissioner, changes in civil rights or anything else. The reason I’m voting no is because Lisbon is in Portugal and Cristiano Ronaldo comes from Portugal and Cristiano Ronaldo is the biggest cunt on earth so I’m not voting yes to the biggest cunt on earth unless the vote is to torture him to death in front his mother, the cunt”.
“Can’t fucking argue with that”, said Ron.
—–
VOTE NO TO LISBON. VOTE NO TO RONALDO.
—–
tink i’ll vote maybe!
May 13th, 2008 at 12:45 am
Vote yes.
If you vote no you are saying “we’ve bled them dry; fuck them”
Typical greedy attitude by the typical racist paddy of the 21st century.
Vote yes; don’t make me ashamed to be Irish.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:16 am
1
Heh, “racist paddy”. Here, Pot, I have Mr Kettle on line 2, he says you’re black.
Cheers wenty, at last a succinct and relevant reaoning of the issues behind Lisbon. More informative than the mainstream media anyway.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:39 am
2
Heh, ‘wenty’.
Talk more about ginger bearded Celt types, it was very mythic. Am amused by the voting ‘penis option’, but I’ve just read the last bit about torturing Ronaldo to death in front of his mother, and realised I didn’t read this properly and that now I wish I hadn’t.
Off to war with you, then, Wenty. Enjoy.
May 13th, 2008 at 5:26 am
3
he’s a good football player, even if he is a big vagina
May 13th, 2008 at 6:13 am
4
Don’t whine on about the assholes in power over there - the bigger assholes are the thick paddies that can’t be bothered actually getting up of their lazy ‘I’m entitled to me pint and me dole’ arses and get information about why they should vote….
Laugh it up Bhoys - but the writing is on the wall for any of you that haven’t a hell of a good income now and an even bigger bank balance against whats coming down the tracks at you.
The Knackers have a better work ethic than most of you!
May 13th, 2008 at 6:50 am
5
Holy fuckballs Gluaistean you’re a proper fucking wanker and there is no doubt about that.
“Don’t whine about the assholes in power over thre” Where the fuck are you? are you one of the cunts who left the country but checks in from afar to tut tut at it and chastise us for stayin. You’re a fucking wanker, go fuck yourself.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:06 am
6
Lisbon Treaty, what a load of shit! I’ve been listening to debates on the radio about this for the past 4 weeks or so and not one fucker talking about it makes any sense. The latest gem has to be “Don’t worry if you don’t understand what the treaty entails or if you think its overally complicated and poorly written, just vote yes and all will be well”. What kind of shite direction is that? My mind was made up once that smug ex-leader of ours declared that it would be an act of sheer lunacy if the Irish people did not return a “Yes” vote. If in doubt, leave it out.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:19 am
7
Twenty, whats this about neutrality? There’s nothing in the Irish constitution about neutrality, it’s just government policy.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:38 am
8
Ronaldo is a cuntfuck - he’s a pretty boy diving waste of space who consistently bottles it on the big occasions (maybe except the penalty on the weekend) and is largely annonymous when man u are in europe.
There is no discussion on the treaty in the media - seems to be divided into “it’s too tricky to read it, so vote yes” (as LC said), or “it’s soooo tricky, vote no”.
The neutrality question is that Lisbon expands the EU Rapid Reaction Force thingy which will mean Irash troops serving more in conflice zones. Not a bad thing really.
Think I’m leaning towards No, just cos it’s been snuck through in too many other EU countries.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:59 am
9
“Irash troops serving more in conflice zones”
Jesus. Spelling is on fire this morning. Coffee please.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:01 am
10
I am sensing… animosity
May 13th, 2008 at 9:08 am
11
Hng a minute, which way am I meant to vote, twenty? You haven’t been very clear
May 13th, 2008 at 9:28 am
12
If Ireland votes no to the Lisbon Treaty thing then you will never, ever win the Eurovision Song Contest ever again.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:34 am
13
That’s quit possible anyway cogly,
Though if it’s a no vote, we’ll get the ‘try again there lads’ nudge.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:38 am
14
Its times like these you just need sound advice from those you trust. Im waiting for Ray D’arcy to tell me what to do. God bless you Ray.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:47 am
15
Haven’t got a rashers Ibanez.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:49 am
16
cant stand any politicans, read in the Dublin Bible(herald) yesterday that Brian Cowen had warned his Cabinet to keep quiet, there was to be no leaks. So out comes some bitch from Fianna Gael to say, it reminds her of the phone tapping incident in the eighties??????? What was worse was the penises in the herald even gave her the time of day…
May 13th, 2008 at 9:52 am
17
then were all DOOOOOMED, doomed I tells ya.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:53 am
18
Oh and I think Ill vote Penis as well..
May 13th, 2008 at 9:53 am
19
I don’t know much about this Lesbian Treaty.
Does it mean we get more mickey-dodgers, or less? In what manner are they being distributed? (There’s no point if they don’t come in pairs.)
And what’s the big fuss about them joining the Army? Sure aren’t half of them in there already.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:09 am
20
Im going for the fourth option and voting massive hairy flange
May 13th, 2008 at 10:10 am
21
Thanks for clearing everything up for me Ass-per-usual.
I had completely forgotten how hairy Lesbians actually are.
Put me down for a resounding YES! I love a bit of flange with a fringe.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:22 am
22
I’d say Ronaldo scored more goals this season than there are people who are bothered to vote
May 13th, 2008 at 10:26 am
23
I’d say “Fuck off and find a football-related blog to bore similar-minded retards on.”
Or at least use the word “Cunt”
May 13th, 2008 at 10:28 am
24
hehe good post.
the whinging pussy’s always worried about their neutrality piss me off.
We’re quite obviously on the side of wealthy european countries and america.
We’re just too cheap to back it up with soldiers like every other country in our “team”.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:29 am
25
I’d say “Fuck off and find a football-related blog to bore similar-minded retards on.”
Or at least use the word “Cunt”
nicely said monkey balls.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:30 am
26
Some examples Anto;
I’d say that Ronaldo cunt scored more goals this season than there are people who are bothered to vote
or;
I’d say Ronaldo scored more goals this season than there are cunts who are bothered to vote
or better still;
I’m a cunt, and I’d say Ronaldo scored more goals this season than there are people who are bothered to vote
May 13th, 2008 at 10:33 am
27
Hey, another scorcher today!
Thank fuck I’m still entitled to me dole and me beer!
How are things in the office, love?
May 13th, 2008 at 11:02 am
28
you’re a lazy cunt MB.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:03 am
29
I am happy to work indoors in order to pay taxes so that monkeyballs can get the scratcher and do fuckall except drink beer in the sun. Better than more roads. Seriously. At least it’s getting used for something good.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:07 am
30
Morgor, you could just as easily not have your name linked to a site if you have nothing to link to.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:09 am
31
morgor, I’ll have you know that I have to go downstairs to the fridge every time I need another cold can.
(Still have a few empty flagon bottles lying around though, so I save on trips to the jacks.)
May 13th, 2008 at 11:11 am
32
Super G, leave Morgor alone. The guy has Super-Powers. He cycles home from the pub.
Mess with him at your peril.
(He’s also adept at grassing you up to your girlfriend, but I doubt you have any worries in that respect.)
May 13th, 2008 at 11:18 am
33
I take it all back MB.
You’re dedicated, focused and amazing.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:20 am
34
Fuck you MB. I was all for subsidising your waster lifestyle. Now I want my money back so I can give it to hospital consultants.
You two are gay homo bennies.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:27 am
35
I am totally immune to being offended Morgor. I am lazy, and I’ll be the first to admit it, but contrary to what a lot of people might be misled into believing, I have a job.
I was working last night. I got stoned, watched a few DVDs, (Shaolin Soccer is hilarious!), and then slept for a few hours until it was time to come home again.
Through laziness and neglect on my part, the postman just dropped another dole-cheque through the letterbox. More beer money. If I can resist getting too sloshed, I just might drop down to the SW Office and sign-off.
Then again…..
May 13th, 2008 at 11:31 am
36
Men that don’t like football are women.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:40 am
37
Bertie says vote yes, so vote yes.
I can’t put into words how much I hate that cunt ronaldo.
MB are you a security guard? Best job for lazy wasters
May 13th, 2008 at 11:46 am
38
He can’t be a security guard he speaks English.
If politicians are telling us to vote Yes, be warned it will lead to a right royal shafting.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:51 am
39
I’m still reading the Nice treaty information pamphlet for suck fake.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:58 am
40
J5 tongued so many mens assholes that he can’t tell right from wrong anymore.
This is what makes him watch football.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
41
Yes, I am the worst security-guard in the whole wide world. It’s better than working. Being capable of speaking English only means I have the job for life if I want. Anything goes wrong, I just blame Johnny Foreigner. It’s not like he can defend himself.
Now, back on topic, I’m still waiting for my leaflet on the Lesbian Treaty to arrive in the post. I have no idea what it’s all about, but here’s my wishlist;
1. All butch lesbians, off to Spike Island! Immediately.
2. A maximum of 3 items of clothing allowed on any one lesbian at any given time, including shoes and underwear. (A pair of shoes = 2 items)
3. Government grants available for production of Homemade Lesbian Videos, which are then distributed freely among the straight male population.
4. Mortgage relief for first time lesbian buyers who do not install curtains.
5. A weekly all-nude Lesbia-thon, broadcast live from The Point every Friday night, replacing the Late Late Show, and hosted by yours truly.
Is it really too much to ask for?
May 13th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
42
Vote No. They’re up to something.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
43
If you can tell me what’s gay about tonguing mens areseholes I’d be delighted to hear it.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
44
as long as you don’t enjoy it, it’s ok
May 13th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
45
J5 is right (for a change) What kind of a man doesn’t like football? For fuck sake!
May 13th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
46
J5, i actually can’t think of any comeback to that. . .
you cunt.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
47
So these cunts are teling us to vote “Yes” if confussed. Are they for fucking real. Tell them to fuck off and explain it properly by voting NO.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
48
J5 is right (for a change) What kind of a man doesn’t like football?
A Newcastle supporter….
May 13th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
49
right about football I mean, not the other thing. Fucking queer
May 13th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
50
Football is gayer than tennis.
I actually can’t think of a gayer sport than football, maybe golf, hmm not really, cricket, no at least they still have wooden bats. erm . . . handball.
yeah, handball, football. they’re on a par.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
51
ballet dancing is gayer than football.
but that’s not really a sport i suppose.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
52
bumming is gayer than ice skating
May 13th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
53
Oh yeah, almost forgot that Ronaldo is a proper maderia cake eating, diving, portugeezing, cheating cunt….
May 13th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
54
ice skating should only be watched when it is female solo. and then with rapt attention
May 13th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
55
I bet morgor goes shopping in Ikea with his girlfriend whenever the football’s on, the horrendous fucking benny that he is.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
56
Is benny the greatest word ever?
May 13th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
57
SG, not in J5’s book.
Some sports look gay but aren’t. (cage fighting).
Others look more manly but are actually gayer (American football is way gayer than rugby).
Others are strictly gay but have a straight mans following ie football, faggot italians wearing shorts pretending to be injured while dancing with balls.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
58
I would vote for hairy flanges too.
Is Dana still singing her sweet songs ?
May 13th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
59
I’m voting yes as it looks like ill need EU help to get me out of beirut although going back to Irland for the summer is almost as unappealing as staying here with the mad bastards walking around with RPG strapped to their backs.
But I agree that Ireland needs to have more involvemnet with wars , you don’t see any of the fighters here wearing mascara or wearing poncy shirts with a nig polo player on the front.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
60
Vote NO, then in three months time, vote YES.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
61
J5 is a professional dancer who wears exclusively Prada.
He watches “Sex in the City” religiously with his female friends who value his smutty insights into relationships.
He flits from sugar daddy to sugar daddy like a butterfly.
or so the private detective informed me.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
62
J5 is a professional dancer who wears exclusively Prada.
He watches “Sex in the City” religiously with his female friends who value his smutty insights into relationships.
He flits from sugar daddy to sugar daddy like a butterfly.
or so the private detective informed me.
All true. I still like football though and as such I am not gay.
so go felch a young lad, morgor, you horrible little queer
May 13th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
63
What do you call a queer on a tram?
Benny on the Luas.
(Might only be understood by a small number of Dubs born in early ’70s)
May 13th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
64
Excuse me macdara.
What the fuck is a “nig polo player” when it’s at home?
If it’s what it looks like, I hope your get a mortar bomb up the hole, like right now!
May 13th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
65
Morgor what happened to the spaghetti link??
I can watch only match of the day, as brain cant deal with 90 mins,
..unless I have a bet on…
Or its the world cup…
May 13th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
66
MB - re nig polo player. I’m thinking N is beside B on the keyboard
May 13th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
67
I remember Brain Cant. He used to be on Playschool back in the 70s
May 13th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
68
men’s team sports in general are gay. any excuse to dress up in natty little uniforms, mince around in front of large groups of frustrated male supporters who wish they were as good at being gay as the players and have the occasional public group fondle. all of which makes women’s team sports (excepting gaa and camogie) very exciting indeed. oh yes
May 13th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
69
well spotted SuperG. Never would’ve noticed that meself.
Still think macdara is a cubt though!
May 13th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
70
benny on the luas - nice one, holemaster.
(dublin, late 60s)
May 13th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
71
I was born in ‘61. I don’t get this “Benny On The Luas” thing.
Will some kind soul please explain it to me?
May 13th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
72
Based on an old schoolyard joke…
Kid 1 - Are you a benny tied to a tree?
Kid 2 - No
Kid 1 - Benny on the loose!!
May 13th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
73
Oh!
May 13th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
74
Monkey Balls take your righteous head out of your arse you ignorant mother fucker. spot a spelling mistake when you see one it should have been Big Polo Player as in RL shirts.
But thanks for the vote of confidence and the death wish MF.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
75
Not as good as;
Kid 1 - Would you ride a Knacker for £20?
Kid 2 - Sure, why not?
Kid 1 - What about his wife?
May 13th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
76
What sort of cunt would ride a knacker for £20 even it was a woman?
May 13th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
77
Yeah, that one was popular too
May 13th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
78
I’d love to ride a skanger. A proper skanger in a cheap tracksuit with 20 johnny blues in her knicker elastic.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
79
Jaysus, Holemaster, not exactly beyond the realms of possibility, is it?
Or do you really just love the fantasy?
May 13th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
80
McD,
can you not afford an editor? I have about 3 spare ones, all fit-looking birds too, if you’re really stuck.
I’ve made spelling mistakes meself, but I usually see them sooner than anyone else, and I can correct them immediately. Your’s was what I would’ve termed ‘mortifyingly bad’. If I ever commit a similar atrocity, I’ll be changing me tag.
Now apologise to all the Niggers!
May 13th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
81
* stands back *
May 13th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
82
ps
I’m Black!
May 13th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
83
Sorry, I meant Blank.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
84
oh my flying spaghetti monster link, meh, it’s not my website you know. I don’t have one.
Way too much effort.
try my new link, you’ll like it.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
85
That’s some job you have morgor. Wanna swap?
May 13th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
86
I agree with the Lesbon Treaty but I don’t think they should be allowed to adopt.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
87
“Jaysus, Holemaster, not exactly beyond the realms of possibility, is it?
Or do you really just love the fantasy?”
My path never crosses with these people SuperGrover. I only ever see them disappear under the front of the Range Rover.
BTW, I don’t know how to do the reply thing with captured quoted text, I’m a spa.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
88
ok. meet me at the same place and we’ll swap underwear.
I think that counts as a legal contract.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
89
“BTW, I don’t know how to do the reply thing with captured quoted text, I’m a spa.”
Me neither. Yes you are.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
90
Getting drink for them from the offie is a good way in…
May 13th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
91
Under 18 and all
May 13th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
92
No worries Walter, old chum!
The impression I got off Questions & Answers last night was that every farmer was getting at least two, but the really fit ones are not allowed outside Dublin.
I wasn’t really paying much attention though, to be honest.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
93
now there’s a plan.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
94
Holemaster & Supergroover
I asked the same question here a while ago, and the replies I got fucked up the blog.
Hang on ’til I find you a guide, or I’ll do one meself and post a link.
Think of poor Twenty!
May 13th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
95
Grand so.
How about we swap shite stories instead. I had pellets this morning.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
96
I have a new angle on this. Let it bake as long as possible until turtle’s head is reached. Then the whole thing will be quicker and easier. Don’t go scurrying to the jacks at the first back shiver.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
97
The perfect poo is the “lightly oiled banana”. No wiping required.
It’s been a few weeks, though.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
98
And the worst is the Guinness-induced Mr. Whippy.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
99
Pellets, eh? Could’ve been worse.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
100
Jesus, somebody bail me out here. The silence is deafening.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
101
you owe me one SG.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
102
You should have left him babbling into the ether about the poo.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
103
SuperGee - I think you have a very germanic interest in all things scatalogical - are you by any chance related to the royle family?
May 13th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
104
Shit, forgot to change name back.
That’s better.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
105
Nah, I’m just willing to talk about the strange things that we all experience, yet are somehow taboo. It’s sort of a speciality.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
106
Talk of poo on this site is hardly taboo.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
107
Pooticles for example
May 13th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
108
Formatting in Italics or Bold?
Step this way….
http://tinyurl.com/5kjbxh
May 13th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
109
Maybe taboo is not ‘le mot juste’
May 13th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
110
cool
May 13th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
111
thanks monkeynuts
May 13th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
112
Better still, skip my shite by using http://tinyurl.com/5opumu
May 13th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
113
Let the record show that MB is a hero for explaining to us non geeks how to go bold or italic.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
114
That’s MonkeyNUTS!! to you, superG.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
115
Pooticles. Hahaha.
My missus sometimes accuses me of feeding her particles of poo when I lay an SBD on her.
It truly pisses her off. But my uncontrolled mirth usually wins her over.
Pooticles. I shall use that.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
116
does strikethrough work? test
if so, you just need an S instead of an i or a b.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
117
testMay 13th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
118
ah, you gotta use the tag “strike” rather than just “s”.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
119
underline?
May 13th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
120
test
May 13th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
121
ah feck off then
May 13th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
122
Randomnoise, you are too quick in your assumptions.
What Monkey Balls is really doing, is drumming up interest in his pathetic blog.
Then he began to feel guilty about it, and posted another link directly to the picture, which he can’t seem to be able to put on his blog.
Trust me, I know him better than you.
Altruistic bastard.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
123
what?
May 13th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
124
demit anyway
May 13th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
125
Monkeyballs does seem to be having trouble putting pictures on his blog.
RandomNoise is indeed altruistic.
I am not, however, a bastard.
Still loving
thisstuff.May 13th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
126
underline work?
underpants work is better. . .
May 13th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
127
Not you RN, I’m the altruistic bastard.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
128
You sure are MB, you sure are.May 13th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
129
italicsstrikethrough
bold
May 13th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
130