Past tense
Posted on | May 12, 2008 | 75 Comments
If I could rejig the English language I’d remake some of the past tenses of verbs to make them more hilarious and funky sounding.
For example:
“Where did you get that lovely jumper?”
“Oh, my Granny knat it for me”
or
“Poor old Joey fell to his death after falling out of the window. He managed to grab one of those poles that stick out of buildings in Harold Lloyd films but although he clang on for ages he couldn’t hold on.”
It would make English a much better language, in my opinion. What past tenses would you change?
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May 12th, 2008 @ 2:09 pm
I will think, I think and I thunked.
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:13 pm
I shug yer ma.
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:15 pm
“Smitten” to “Smut” definitely.
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:16 pm
I count, she counts, they count
I cunted, she cunted, they cunted.
Doors should be shitted, not shut.
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:23 pm
I ski today, and I skid yesterday.
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
Much like MJ’s idea…
I’d shorten “wouldn’t” to “wunt”
“shouldn’t” to “shunt”
and “couldn’t” to…yeah, you all get it by now.
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:39 pm
If you were born in the southeast of the country and considered it normal to talk of
“getting Squez up again the wall”
(Queens english translation – The Gentleman was squeezed against the Wall)
You would wonder what all these people from the foreign parts of Ireland were talking about
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:47 pm
“Poor old Joey fell to his death after falling out of the window. He managed to grab one of those poles that stick out of buildings in Harold Lloyd films but although he clang on for ages he couldn’t hold on.”
It would make English a much better language, in my opinion.
Jaysis Twenty, sure we’ve been speaking like that in Kilkenny for AAAAAAGES!
Ye big townie skanger ya.
(Where’s the shape?)
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:50 pm
shat…..quality…..”I just shat in your kitchen”
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
Reminds me of the old reliable:
Why was Lieutenant Uhura black?
Coz William Shatner.
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
Phoenix Pork ?
May 12th, 2008 @ 2:54 pm
Did – dud
Rode – rid
Rid – rud
Said – sid
Peed – pid
Pooed – pod
Teed – tid
Brought – brawt
Smote – smoat
etc etc
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:05 pm
What the Fock, has the Phoenix Pork got to do with anything??
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:06 pm
another south-east one :
His Ma trun a rock at me yesterday.
or
There were cans trun all over the place.
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:22 pm
lollygogging to…………,no actually,thats pretty perfect as it is.never mess with a classic
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:30 pm
I dan’t know
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:33 pm
This just reminds me of the gendarme in the Brit TV series “‘allo ‘allo.” So fock iff.
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:46 pm
It’s all disgracious.
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:53 pm
More use of words which are only used now with “dis-” on the front please.
That would make me gruntled and heartened.
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
reminds me… why isn’t there an accepted contraction form of “am not”? as in, ‘i amn’t getting in that car with you pennywise.’
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:59 pm
Random I am the appointed one.
May 12th, 2008 @ 3:59 pm
Amn’t is used quite a lot here, Finn.
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:06 pm
Kilt should be the past tense of kill. Curiously it should also be practiced on people who wear kilts.
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:07 pm
“Can you see the boat from here” he said.
But “Are you lookin’ at me” he skanged.
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:12 pm
It’s all well and good chiming in from around the country with your paltry few local words, but to really see the masters of this you have to cast your eyes Northward… to the “practitioners” of Ullans – our third language.
For those who can access it (damn subscriptions) this makes for fantastic reading…
http://www.ireland.com/newspaper/ireland/2008/0508/index.html
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:19 pm
The jumper didn’t fat.
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:21 pm
why isn’t there an accepted contraction form of “am not”?
I ain’t?
I’m not?
I amn’t just rolls off the tongue though.
It rollt off my tongue more easily yesterday though.
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:22 pm
Dawg, that is fucking mental. “it’s a wee brave day the day”. Jesus. It’s a billy-connolly-based-phonetic-language. Love to have done it for the leaving.
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:29 pm
I’m a Corkman living in Kerry and apparently, up here, the past tense of Scrap is Scrope! As in “What happened your face?” “Oh I scroped it off a wall lasted night when I fell over pissed.”
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
That’s exactly the kind of thing I mean. Much better.
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
Och, ’tis a brae braw nicht tonight!
May 12th, 2008 @ 4:47 pm
Can I ask – was “poor Old joey” in a Harold Lloyd film, or did he just reach out assuming something would be there cos he saw it on tv?
Also, poo-ed (or whatever it is) should be pood.
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:06 pm
Morgor it’s arnt. I am not doing that= I arnt doing that. As in are not.
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:11 pm
One from the North…
Whats wrong with yer car? Has it stopped startin’?
No, Its started stoppin’
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:16 pm
I’m fixin’ to quit.
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:18 pm
My eight year old daughter still says “brang” instead of “brought”….e.g., “I brang my schoolbag with me to school”. Gave up correcting her years ago….thinking of using it myself now…
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:20 pm
Priest to Bridegroom
Did you bring the ring ?
Yes Fadder I brung it.
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:21 pm
Snap cantona!…great minds think alike etc.
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:25 pm
Is it shit, shat, shit or is it shat, shit, shit?
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:26 pm
Amn’t is also often followed by ‘not’ too, making it even more delightful….I’m not making much sense..’amn’t I not?’
Anyway, that’s not the question… isn’t it not..
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:31 pm
Years ago I caught a bit of a news magazine program in which a Southern backwoods redneck crick twang mother was describing her severely injured son’s recovery from a long-term comatose state. I think he’d flipped his four-wheeler over in the mud or something. She said she knew he was on the road to recovery when she asked him to grab her hand if he was still present in some sense, and he did–”He squezzed and squezzed.”
Yes, short ‘e’ there. Beautiful!
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:58 pm
LL, it’s shit, shat, shat – I have shat myself, not I have shit myself.
Alan Smithee, we say aren’t already. And Pork is South Dublin posh speak, as popularised by ‘Ross O Carroll Kelly’, who I do not find funny. You’re not down with our Irish Lingo.
I have a four year old so we speak like this a lot in our house. There’s no point correcting them, it’s natural gramatical progression – sometimes it just doesn’t work!
May 12th, 2008 @ 5:59 pm
And will you be wearing that Pool jersey there?
Sure I near got me face broked the last time I war that!
May 12th, 2008 @ 6:07 pm
On Jo’s last point, ‘I brang’ has been popular in our house for years..
May 12th, 2008 @ 6:13 pm
That support band, They stinked, stunk, stenk, stank or stunked?
May 12th, 2008 @ 6:15 pm
Stonk
May 12th, 2008 @ 6:17 pm
Pardon me
May 12th, 2008 @ 6:22 pm
They stonk
May 12th, 2008 @ 6:30 pm
suck – sack?
May 12th, 2008 @ 7:24 pm
I just want to say well dun Man U
May 12th, 2008 @ 7:27 pm
Who, loike, focking rattled your cage Jo,
Your probably a skobe..
May 12th, 2008 @ 7:36 pm
He span on his heels … Ah no, Twenty already used that one.
May 12th, 2008 @ 8:18 pm
Jo. I have’nt spent time there since the late ’70s. And then it was the north. By the way I managed to get in touch with the mod, well one of the handlers, and am invited to the party etc.
May 12th, 2008 @ 8:43 pm
I wasded out on the town last night
Gotted drunk, wint looking for a fight
Along cim a skanger, from Cork, a langer
Bet him good till he squizzed out shite.
May 12th, 2008 @ 8:44 pm
Correction “A shite”
May 12th, 2008 @ 9:11 pm
“Waddin Sa”
(queens English translation:
I was not in attendance Yesterday, Sir)
May 12th, 2008 @ 9:15 pm
Sorry should be
“Waddin in sa”
I’m terribly sorry, for that grammatical faux pas..
May 12th, 2008 @ 9:18 pm
That SAm Crea, is a quare tick yoke.
May 12th, 2008 @ 10:16 pm
Giz the ass off that fag boy
Translation:
Please may I have the last drag off that cigarette
May 12th, 2008 @ 11:19 pm
Loadza differences around the country:
West: Jaysus, thats fierce bad.
North West: Jaynee, thaats wild baad.
Cavan: Jeesus, thats oojes (spelling?) bad.
Cork/Tipp: Thats wicked bad.
Or the opposite (Cork): Thats majestic elike!
May 12th, 2008 @ 11:43 pm
and the dublin “dat does be bruutal”
May 13th, 2008 @ 7:08 am
“Do you see that pretty girl over there just wanked at me”
May 13th, 2008 @ 8:46 am
haha, bravo.
May 13th, 2008 @ 10:22 am
Keeskennis
More coffee spluttered over keyboard.IT department very unhappy
May 13th, 2008 @ 10:59 am
I’m sorry I drunk as much as I did yesterday. If I’d a’stayed awake, I’d a thunk of some good ones for this thread.
Ya snuz, ya luz!
May 13th, 2008 @ 1:48 pm
I tried to climb up a tree and when I reached the top it was the highest I had ever clumb. Ever!
May 13th, 2008 @ 3:05 pm
clasic , i remember a guy in school telling me once that he “just did a shat in the jacks”. stupid cunt. maybe it was you 20?
May 13th, 2008 @ 6:34 pm
I know a nordie who says ‘it’s not yours, it’s mines’ and swole instead of swollen – his face was all swole after it got kicked in.
May 13th, 2008 @ 10:59 pm
I just cam on your face
May 13th, 2008 @ 11:44 pm
I thought shat was a word? Shat. Shat… It IS shat… it’s not shitted… jesus, what is it?
May 13th, 2008 @ 11:49 pm
Oh… ‘just did a shat’ .. no, that’s not right. Should be dunned.
May 13th, 2008 @ 11:59 pm
Or dunnied. Fool.
May 14th, 2008 @ 5:18 pm
i digress slightly
what the FUCK is with scottish people saying DIDNAE instead of DIDNT
May 19th, 2008 @ 5:47 pm
squoze – past tense of squeeze
February 2nd, 2009 @ 3:03 am
I knew squez was a word, some people told me it waddent.
Tipperary