If I could rejig the English language I’d remake some of the past tenses of verbs to make them more hilarious and funky sounding.
For example:
“Where did you get that lovely jumper?”
“Oh, my Granny knat it for me”
or
“Poor old Joey fell to his death after falling out of the window. He managed to grab one of those poles that stick out of buildings in Harold Lloyd films but although he clang on for ages he couldn’t hold on.”
It would make English a much better language, in my opinion. What past tenses would you change?
I will think, I think and I thunked.
I shug yer ma.
“Smitten” to “Smut” definitely.
I count, she counts, they count
I cunted, she cunted, they cunted.
Doors should be shitted, not shut.
I ski today, and I skid yesterday.
Much like MJ’s idea…
I’d shorten “wouldn’t” to “wunt”
“shouldn’t” to “shunt”
and “couldn’t” to…yeah, you all get it by now.
If you were born in the southeast of the country and considered it normal to talk of
“getting Squez up again the wall”
(Queens english translation – The Gentleman was squeezed against the Wall)
You would wonder what all these people from the foreign parts of Ireland were talking about
“Poor old Joey fell to his death after falling out of the window. He managed to grab one of those poles that stick out of buildings in Harold Lloyd films but although he clang on for ages he couldn’t hold on.”
It would make English a much better language, in my opinion.
Jaysis Twenty, sure we’ve been speaking like that in Kilkenny for AAAAAAGES!
Ye big townie skanger ya.
(Where’s the shape?)
shat…..quality…..”I just shat in your kitchen”
Reminds me of the old reliable:
Why was Lieutenant Uhura black?
Coz William Shatner.
Phoenix Pork ?
Did – dud
Rode – rid
Rid – rud
Said – sid
Peed – pid
Pooed – pod
Teed – tid
Brought – brawt
Smote – smoat
etc etc
What the Fock, has the Phoenix Pork got to do with anything??
another south-east one :
His Ma trun a rock at me yesterday.
or
There were cans trun all over the place.
lollygogging to…………,no actually,thats pretty perfect as it is.never mess with a classic
I dan’t know
This just reminds me of the gendarme in the Brit TV series “‘allo ‘allo.” So fock iff.
It’s all disgracious.
More use of words which are only used now with “dis-” on the front please.
That would make me gruntled and heartened.
reminds me… why isn’t there an accepted contraction form of “am not”? as in, ‘i amn’t getting in that car with you pennywise.’
Random I am the appointed one.
Amn’t is used quite a lot here, Finn.
Kilt should be the past tense of kill. Curiously it should also be practiced on people who wear kilts.
“Can you see the boat from here” he said.
But “Are you lookin’ at me” he skanged.
It’s all well and good chiming in from around the country with your paltry few local words, but to really see the masters of this you have to cast your eyes Northward… to the “practitioners” of Ullans – our third language.
For those who can access it (damn subscriptions) this makes for fantastic reading…
http://www.ireland.com/newspaper/ireland/2008/0508/index.html
The jumper didn’t fat.
why isn’t there an accepted contraction form of “am not”?
I ain’t?
I’m not?
I amn’t just rolls off the tongue though.
It rollt off my tongue more easily yesterday though.
Dawg, that is fucking mental. “it’s a wee brave day the day”. Jesus. It’s a billy-connolly-based-phonetic-language. Love to have done it for the leaving.
I’m a Corkman living in Kerry and apparently, up here, the past tense of Scrap is Scrope! As in “What happened your face?” “Oh I scroped it off a wall lasted night when I fell over pissed.”
That’s exactly the kind of thing I mean. Much better.
Och, ’tis a brae braw nicht tonight!
Can I ask – was “poor Old joey” in a Harold Lloyd film, or did he just reach out assuming something would be there cos he saw it on tv?
Also, poo-ed (or whatever it is) should be pood.
Morgor it’s arnt. I am not doing that= I arnt doing that. As in are not.
One from the North…
Whats wrong with yer car? Has it stopped startin’?
No, Its started stoppin’
I’m fixin’ to quit.
My eight year old daughter still says “brang” instead of “brought”….e.g., “I brang my schoolbag with me to school”. Gave up correcting her years ago….thinking of using it myself now…
Priest to Bridegroom
Did you bring the ring ?
Yes Fadder I brung it.
Snap cantona!…great minds think alike etc.
Is it shit, shat, shit or is it shat, shit, shit?
Amn’t is also often followed by ‘not’ too, making it even more delightful….I’m not making much sense..’amn’t I not?’
Anyway, that’s not the question… isn’t it not..
Years ago I caught a bit of a news magazine program in which a Southern backwoods redneck crick twang mother was describing her severely injured son’s recovery from a long-term comatose state. I think he’d flipped his four-wheeler over in the mud or something. She said she knew he was on the road to recovery when she asked him to grab her hand if he was still present in some sense, and he did–”He squezzed and squezzed.”
Yes, short ‘e’ there. Beautiful!
LL, it’s shit, shat, shat – I have shat myself, not I have shit myself.
Alan Smithee, we say aren’t already. And Pork is South Dublin posh speak, as popularised by ‘Ross O Carroll Kelly’, who I do not find funny. You’re not down with our Irish Lingo.
I have a four year old so we speak like this a lot in our house. There’s no point correcting them, it’s natural gramatical progression – sometimes it just doesn’t work!
And will you be wearing that Pool jersey there?
Sure I near got me face broked the last time I war that!
On Jo’s last point, ‘I brang’ has been popular in our house for years..
That support band, They stinked, stunk, stenk, stank or stunked?
Stonk
Pardon me
They stonk
suck – sack?
I just want to say well dun Man U
Who, loike, focking rattled your cage Jo,
Your probably a skobe..
He span on his heels … Ah no, Twenty already used that one.
Jo. I have’nt spent time there since the late ’70s. And then it was the north. By the way I managed to get in touch with the mod, well one of the handlers, and am invited to the party etc.
I wasded out on the town last night
Gotted drunk, wint looking for a fight
Along cim a skanger, from Cork, a langer
Bet him good till he squizzed out shite.
Correction “A shite”
“Waddin Sa”
(queens English translation:
I was not in attendance Yesterday, Sir)
Sorry should be
“Waddin in sa”
I’m terribly sorry, for that grammatical faux pas..
That SAm Crea, is a quare tick yoke.
Giz the ass off that fag boy
Translation:
Please may I have the last drag off that cigarette
Loadza differences around the country:
West: Jaysus, thats fierce bad.
North West: Jaynee, thaats wild baad.
Cavan: Jeesus, thats oojes (spelling?) bad.
Cork/Tipp: Thats wicked bad.
Or the opposite (Cork): Thats majestic elike!
and the dublin “dat does be bruutal”
“Do you see that pretty girl over there just wanked at me”
haha, bravo.
Keeskennis
More coffee spluttered over keyboard.IT department very unhappy
I’m sorry I drunk as much as I did yesterday. If I’d a’stayed awake, I’d a thunk of some good ones for this thread.
Ya snuz, ya luz!
I tried to climb up a tree and when I reached the top it was the highest I had ever clumb. Ever!
clasic , i remember a guy in school telling me once that he “just did a shat in the jacks”. stupid cunt. maybe it was you 20?
I know a nordie who says ‘it’s not yours, it’s mines’ and swole instead of swollen – his face was all swole after it got kicked in.
I just cam on your face
I thought shat was a word? Shat. Shat… It IS shat… it’s not shitted… jesus, what is it?
Oh… ‘just did a shat’ .. no, that’s not right. Should be dunned.
Or dunnied. Fool.
i digress slightly
what the FUCK is with scottish people saying DIDNAE instead of DIDNT
squoze – past tense of squeeze
I knew squez was a word, some people told me it waddent.
Tipperary