How it all changed
Old Paddy at the bar was talking last night:
Oh lordy, I remember the good old days. Yes sir. Times were better then. No doubt about it.
What a country we had. Full of poets, writers, artists, wits and wags. And I don’t mean peroxide slappers that go out with footballers. Everywhere you went there was somebody with a great story, a fantastic fable, a splendid song.
And everybody was your friend. You could leave your door unlocked and people would just pop in, have a cup of tea, a piece of the freshly baked brack every household had made of a morning and you’d just talk. About life, politics, sport, your cousin who went to school with a fella who knew one of your cousins. It was a simple life, a creative life, a life so idyllic and tranquil that Ireland was perhaps the best country on earth to live in.
That all changed though. Oh God how it changed. People will never forget the date. April 24th 1999, the year that alcohol came to Ireland. At first we didn’t quite know what to make of it, we’d never seen anything like it before. A drink that made your head all woozy. We thought it was great stuff to begin with. The poems became more raucous, the songs more thigh slapping, the stories and fables more incredible and hilarious but soon it became obvious there was a real problem. It was shocking and something we didn’t know how to cope with, you couldn’t imagine great men like Brendan Behan getting drunk so this new development had a huge impact on society.
Youngsters would get their hands on this alcohol and I’ll tell you this and tell you no more, they went mad for the booze, so they did. Teenagers would get flaggins of cider and sit in fields and drink and then stagger to the chipper, once a meeting place for great minds, get a battered sausage and large single of chips, eat it up, vomit it up and sometimes get into fights.
Then they started with the breaking of stuff. Randomly smashing bus shelters or shop windows or the wing mirrors off cars. The worst was the traffic cone absuse. Previously the traffic cone was a well respected part of society, it served a great purpose, a cordoning off of a particular area but with the advent of hooch these fine, upstanding cones were taken and moved and worn as hats and then nobody knew where was to be cordoned off at all. It was chaos, I tell you.
You knew society was gone to the dogs when things like that started happening. I can’t even begin to mention the other terrible effects it had, like singing and dancing. We’d never had that before and to see once great minds lepping about the place like electrocuted retards was hard to take. Public urination, something so abhorrent to us in the past was common place and while it’s true that everybody was friendly now people were picking favourites. ‘Yer me besht friend, so y’are’, you’d hear people slur and all the other friends would feel rejected and then pick a best friend themselves and so it was that lines were drawn and divisions were made. Is it any wonder things are so violent now? That’s how gangs started, you know.
When I think back on it now I can feel a tear come to my eye. Such a great nation, a wonderful land, spoiled by the introduction of alcohol less than 10 years ago. I shudder to think where we’ll be in another 10. Me, I won’t be around to see it but you lot will.
Now, give the lads a drink on me, Ron. Pints of Jaegerbombers all round.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:22 am
and in next week’s episode,
How The Latin Mass protected us from Clerical Sex Abuse.
How the “One Man – One Vote” system ruined Irish Politics, replacing as it di the “One Brown Envelope – One Big Favour” system
April 24th, 2008 at 9:22 am
He forgot to mention that after alcohol appeared for the first time on April 24th, kebabs appeared for he frist time on April 25th (and in many cases re-appeared about half an hour later)
April 24th, 2008 at 9:29 am
heh
April 24th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Traffic cones are deceptive buggers..It’s a lot more difficult to wear them as hats than it looks. A LOT more difficult.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:44 am
you’ll break your neck wearing some traffic cones.
i was only young at the time but i could’ve sworn alcohol was in ireland before 1999.
i remember one small village near me actually set up some charity thing building a bus shelter… didn’t get damaged at all until it was completely finished and then it got made total sh!t of.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:53 am
There’s an interesting one, Irish people always refer to flagins and nagins.
neither word is in the dictionary.
A flagon is a cider or wine container, dunno where nagin/nagon comes from….
April 24th, 2008 at 9:57 am
It’s naggin, & it’s a recognised bottle size
April 24th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Here’s an idea. Start up a brewery.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:01 am
it’s still not in the dictionary.
If you do a google search you’ll only get Irish sites or “naggin’”
April 24th, 2008 at 10:29 am
In Scotland you used to be able to order a noggin, which is a measure against a gill before you fucking Europeans turned up and reduced our whisky measure to metric which is a smaller measure. Cunts didn’t even reduce the price.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Nogin the nog was my hero though I had a sneaking admiration for Nogbad the bad.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Here’s an idea. Start up a brewery.
As if anyone reading (or writing) on this site to even organise a piss up in a brewery never mind start up a brewery.
I once made homebrew and bottled it too early. I was fourteen and hid it in the attic. It exploded and pissed through the ceiling. I got fucking leathered for that one, nowadays I could have declared my syndrome was responsible.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:36 am
ah, that turns up something,
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/noggin
How much is a gill?
Is it like a dram/drop/shot?
April 24th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I made homemade wine before, it wasn’t very nice but it was rocketfuel.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Nagin usually comes from the wife, Morgor.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:47 am
I was wondering when Bernard Manning would show up..
April 24th, 2008 at 10:52 am
A gill was 142ml, whisky was served in quarters until the nineties when it was served in fifths. There are still pubs who sell the equivalent of quarters in Glasgow.
In England they were sold in sixths because they are pussies
April 24th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I’ll say this for the septiics, at least they allow high proof spirits to be sold – none of this 70 percent mouthwash.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:16 am
stagger to the chipper, once a meeting place for great minds, get a battered sausage and large single of chips, eat it up, vomit it up
Alcohol causes bulimia ?
April 24th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I’ll say this for the septiics, at least they allow high proof spirits to be sold – none of this 70 percent mouthwash.
Yeah, last time I was there the barman gave me some 158 proof bourbon. It was nice but it burned. A good burn though.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:28 am
158 proof is equivalent 79 percent which is fucking rocket fuel. Most whisky is diluted for sale so is about 35%/40% if you buy direct from the distellery you can get 60%
April 24th, 2008 at 11:30 am
I think what I am trying to say is we are being conned and not to let yer proofs and percents get mixed up.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:43 am
A fair nit-pick PP – I take my hat off to you.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Puerile Pish, The reason you have got smaller measures now is not cos of the europeans.
Its cos you are all tight fuckers.
why else would the pubs sell 25ml measures instead of 35ml, thats closer to a 6th of a gill.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Only because I am a Scot and like to know I am getting value for money when getting drunk. I am still such a heathen I rate the quality of wine by it’s alcohol content..thus Buckfast is a great vintage in my book.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:57 am
I find alcohol is great for keeping the weight off. I feel so brutal I cant face food. Top Tip Girls
April 24th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
The fastest way to restrict the sale of drink is to reduce the price of drugs.
The fastest way to increase the price of drugs is to restrict the sale of drink.
The drinkest way to increase the sale of drugs….
Hang on a sec….
I’m sorry, what were we talking about again?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
so… the druggiest slink of a whale is the fastest sale of… ?
April 24th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
The solution is very simple;
Let me do what I want
Fuck Off
rinse and repeat
April 24th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Was in the Czech Inn in town last night and saw they were selling absinth, and assumed it was that mild stuff that they sell over here. Boy was i wrong. 75% proof on the bottle.
Mixed with jaegermeister, it is a fine beverage. Provided you dont have to go to work in the morning. Utter cunts are making me suffer.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Your deefinitly a scot so. I like the fact that everyone is so tight cos it means everything is a proper price not like ireland. id say if some pubs put 2 euro on a pint people would still go.
In my mates local they put the price of the pint from £2 to £2.20 to keep the rif-raf out. The place was deserted and the price came back down.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
The drugliest drink to price…
The drinkliest way to….
BLLEEEUUUURRRGGHHHHH!!!!
I’m gonna have a lie down.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Connemara cash strength irish whiskey. 57.9% – Always in the hip flask. None of that foreign muck!
April 24th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I really don’t use my hipflask enough.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
hard to wear a hipflask without looking like a tosser. shame, that, but true
April 24th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
look you cunts it is either % or proof. I though you lot were a nation of drinkers.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
SG, I wouldn’t wear one, I’d just have one in my coat.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
It’s interesting that as alcohol becomes more expensive and more difficult to consume our birth rate decreases. Cheap poteen and legal booze way back and population explosion. It’s how ugly people can get laid.
Years ago I drank in a Glasgow bar where a regular would come in at 9, have 3 doubles and go home with a sour face – Friday night was obligatory nookie night, he was bracing himself – she was a beast. Mind you – he was no oil painting either and his missus, according to one of the wifies, had a couple of Vodkas herself in a different bar.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
“In Scotland you used to be able to order a noggin, which is a measure against a gill before you fucking Europeans turned up and reduced our whisky measure to metric which is a smaller measure. Cunts didn’t even reduce the price.”
Don’t blame the Europeans for the Scots vintners being greedy skimming bastards and conveniently forgetting to downwardly adjust the price for the metric conversion.
Tight shites.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Although God know their Irish equivalents are as bad or worse
April 24th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Brenden Behan, the pioneer of the pioneeer movement….
April 24th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
good post major… twas funny!
April 24th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Puerile, proof is double volume,
ie 40% by volume is 80% proof…
In the states you may have come across 151 rum
its 75% by volume,
most irish whiskeys are between 35 and 40% by volume.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Whisky is the devels jism. Bourbon is the devils jism with too much sugar in it.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Scotch blended shite & sugary bourbon is the devils jism, yes.
Single malt is glorious though
April 24th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
and so whiskey is your choice J5 I presume??
April 24th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
The Irish make the best blended whiskey in the world, I have to bend to Islay for Malts. Malt whisky in Scotland varies so much dependent on source.
And Giver, be careful of the word Scotch you may just sound American. Scotch is a drink, so you should have said Scots or Scottish.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Sam , check your bottles when you go to work . There is no fucking percentage in proof. Percentage relates to ABV, Proof is measured in degrees.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Those Islay malts are what god would drink. Best scotch (only messin-scottish) product ever. I Love the way there are millions of varieties here. I was talkin to a guy who reckons you can buy a big cask of good whiskey for about 3 grand direct from the distillary and there is no tax charged on it.
Any truth in that PP ?
It could be a good investment but you would have to drink it.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Yes, those were the days, Twenty.
But I’m still mystified as to why there are always diced carrots in the vomit seen on the streets and in the jacks.
Does this mean drinker/vomiters are healthy eaters? You know, organix and all that?
April 24th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I only drink the blood of dead members of the British royal family.
Either that or Dutch Gold.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Irish bottles dont give a proof reading(??? or whatever you call it) just % by volume… AS far as I know its an american thing = proof that is! Sorry if I got anybody’s back up, was just proffering my tuppence worth..
April 24th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
J5 drinking that German Shit will kill you…I think Dutch Gold is all right though
April 24th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Islay Bowmore 12y.o. mmmmmmmmmmmmm
April 24th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
drank Glenmorangie recently and thought it tasted like dettol (fucking antiseptic I mean) The only whiskey I like (irish) is jameson, no fancy singles or anything else, and american whiskeys are for Dickheads (their taste notwithstanding)
April 24th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
How much are these fucking Jehovas witnesses costing us in legal fees?? The parents of the imminent twins who need the blood transfusion now say they wont block the decision of the high court…. Cunts… Could have saved us a whack of money, if they had just saw sense at the start..
April 24th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
As far as I am aware, the only countries that have a somewhat decent record of making whiskey are Ireland, Scotland and Spain.
Bourbon is a different type of drink apparently, and if loving Jack Daniels is wrong, then I don’t want to be right
April 24th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Bad Jehovah Witness related pun (I already sense that PP will groan)
“The parents said they would not interferon with the decision”
April 24th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Jack Daniels isnt bourbon, but that is only a detail…
I used to drink Jack Daniels, but then I lost my virginity, threw out my comic book collection and stopped saying “sure man” at the end of everything I say…
Fuck Punchestown is on…
Laters guys
April 24th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Thanks for telling us what you did yesterday Sam.
I really do not see how drinking Jameson is “good” and Jack Daniels Jum Beam, whatever is somehow “bad”
To me if I like the drink, I drink it, I would hate to be trapped in some vortex of compliance where I had to make choices based on whether it is deemed cool or uncool by someone else, particularly one who is about to watch horses run around a field.
But to each their own is my belief… you should try it sometime
April 24th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Jum Beam? I must stop drinking during lunch, or stop working while the pubs are open
April 24th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Jameson 18 year old is yer only man – pure bootiful.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
An earlier post refers to the words flaggin and naggin, thhere’s also a word called waggin (or wagon)which is an old fashioned term for a slapper/tart/scrubber
April 24th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Whiskey/Whisky is very much a personal preference there is no right or wrong (except Bells which is minging). I prefer Bushmills as a blend, Bowmore or Glennfiddich as a malt. I would not say any is right or wrong, but people who say all Whisky/Whiskey is shit have a palate more suited to sucking silt out of Harneys arsecrack
April 24th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Jack Daniels is a drink by cunts for cunts.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
And yes I meant silt you filthy bastards
April 24th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Found out today that “bint” is actually arabic for girl.
Unrelated to bickering about which whiskey is the whiskey-ist, but struck me as cool.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Try using Bint on Friday night and see how far it gets you. I am not reckoning that because it is Arabic you will get less mouthfuls of abuse.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Silly bints just don’t understand their languages.
Bint is a wonderful word – similar to cunt, the “nt” sound at the end makes it fun to say.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Johnny 5, do you want to go out for a bacardi breezer some time??
April 24th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Bint sounds like an ingenious concoction of bitch & cunt. Poetry in other words.
PP, when I said Scotch, I was indeed referring to the drink, god forbid I should sound, or read, like an American
April 24th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Bitch/cunt cocktail – heh, i like that a lot.
Clever arabs.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
SAm, if you’re buying, I’ll have a blue WKD….
April 24th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
and rob, I guarantee you after more than ten years of slinging beer to all types; from very rich to very poor and everything in between, I can say that, you can say a lot about someone by what they drink/how they behave in a bar. Gets to the point where you can guess what a complete stranger is going to order before he does…
Me, I drink Guinness. From that you can tell, I have very smelly farts..
The only way to correctly drink US whisky is cowboy style- from the bottle neck(remembering to re-cork using your teeth)
April 24th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
as for horses running around a field, well i just gave a bookie a tenner, ruby walsh got home first, then said bookie handed me (well electronically) 45.00
woohoo!
April 24th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I only drink what Nailerzzz drinks, because that is the benchmark to aim for.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I bow to your punting skills SAm.
For the record, I bet on a horse when I was 7, it was at the 2.30 at Chepstow (Summer 1980) a horse called Safari Time.
I occasionally check the racing post and with welsh police to see if the horse ever finished that fucking race.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I bet on one horse ever and I won 50 quid.
Maybe I should do the lotto…
April 24th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Quit while you’re ahead MtRG.
If you’re behind, you should keep on going though.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Is anyone going to “pose” for yer man the nudey photographer when he sets up a shoot in the Docklands in Dublin on 17 June….More to the point who would you like to pose nude with you…..
Me. I’d do it if I could persuade the now 50 year old Andie Mc Dowell to do with me…
April 24th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Nailerzzz drinks his Nana’s piss.
April 24th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Twenty..how about this as a topic tomorrow and you could share your views with us
April 24th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Which?
April 24th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
I think his Nana’s piss is bottled under the trade name Bud Lite
April 24th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I love black bush
April 24th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
I’m also quite found of blonde, & brown bush
April 24th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Anto – I’ve signed up for the nudie photographer.
Some details from the official press release
Participants must register at http://www.spencertunickireland.ie to take part in the installations. The Cork installation will take place as part of Cork Midsummer Festival on Tuesday 17th June and Dublin will take place in the Docklands on Saturday 21st June. Participants will only be nude for a short period of time and must be over 18. In exchange for participating, attendees will receive a limited edition photograph, from the event they attended, by the artist.
i’ve seen some of his work before it looks quite good. Only problem is it will be an extremely early start on a saturday morning 5am’sih.
April 24th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I’ll tell you this and tell you no more…
As soon as you hear someone say this you know you’re in for the long haul. Best thing to do is line up the whisky, whiskey, Jack, Jim, Johnny and fucking Jeremy if you have to and settle in for an evening of nodding.
I think that the difference between bourbon and whiskey is that bourbon’s made with rye. But I could be wronger than a baby sandwich about that. I always thought bourbon should taste better than whisky, just like brandy sounds delicious but isn’t.
April 24th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Nailerrz new song?
I’m Nailerz I’m hard
I talk like a retard
I’m out on parole
For stabbin ho’s in the hole
I’m rubbish in the sack
I like to think I’m black
but to them I’m a cracker
Just a Limerick knacker
April 24th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
One point to note about MR Badass Nailerz, is that he poses for photos with legally held firearms in hotpress. Now there is no way in hell, that anyone with even the slightest rap sheet (no pun intended) is going to get a licence for a shotgun. Think its all an act…
April 24th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Jack is wack! Wither the rum? And none of your Bacardai shite neither.
April 24th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
FMC, is that hair under your oxter there???
April 24th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Nope, pretty smooth today. Not Savalas smooth, but Billy Zane-esque for sure.
April 24th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
if its very ealry it’d not be nude in the proper public, moreson just some drunks hollering around you.
April 24th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I haven’t drank Bacardi Breezers since the great booze shortage of that party I was at in Rathfarham in ought 4.
Don’t worry, I killed a couple of alsatians the same night to prove I’m not of the brown persuasion.
April 24th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I’d wager you were the root cause of the shortage, J5. The watermelon one is particularly easy to bring back up again.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
can anyone clear up a booze related fact for me.my mate reckons jameson isn’t a prod whiskey.i do.he states the fact that jimmy mcnulty in the wire drinks it and wouldn’t touch prod whiskey with bubs’ cock.
also,for what its worth,powers is a real mans drink.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Nostalia isn’t what it used to be…
April 25th, 2008 at 1:33 am
99
April 25th, 2008 at 1:35 am
100 I like drinking whiskey in the ditch. Shane MacGowan style
April 25th, 2008 at 1:41 am
i basically only drink whiskey… in the ditch being preferable too.
April 25th, 2008 at 8:03 am
I remember that episode of The Wire when McNulty stated disgustedly that Bushmills was protestant whiskey and lamented the fact that there was no Jameson. Bear in mind that the producers/scriptwriters are american and therefore perhaps not the world authority on such matters. I’d always been led to believe Jameson’s was proddy whiskey. Bushmills probably is too, after all it’s distilled in the North (hence the fact that it’s blended too, blending still being illegal in the Republic, perhaps the only thing we haven’t fucked up yet)
April 25th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Take it from a taig from Norn Ireland. Bushmills is the black prod whisky/whiskey and Jameson is drunk by Taigs…
April 25th, 2008 at 10:33 am
That’s bollix Anto !
I get a lot of pleasure from all the plastic paddy bar-stool warriors swilling guinness – it does’t come much more Anglo-prod than that !
April 25th, 2008 at 11:01 am
see.alcohol and religion do mix.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
like fire and oil.
April 26th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
i have woken up drunk as a goat today…there were shots and the floor of my room is wet
April 26th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
haha, where was the steering wheel?