Some people
Posted on | April 21, 2008 | 68 Comments
“So do you like flying?”, said the old woman next to me as I gripped the armrest with all my might and prayed to all the Gods I could think of (just hedging my bets).
“No”, I muttered.
“Are you nervous?”, she said.
“Ah-ha”.
“Ah sure, isn’t it a great way to go?”
“What?!”
“I mean, it’s so quick to get from A to B. I couldn’t go see my relatives without the old plane.”
“Oh, a good way to travel. Hah, yeah. Whatever.”
“So is it the flying you’re afraid of or the crashing? It’s just that I have a fear of confined spaces, that’s what I’m afraid of.”
“I see.”
“Look! There’s a bit of land now. And a mountain. You wouldn’t want to crash into a mountain!”
And so it went. I love talking to people on planes.
Also, a quick piece of advice. If you have a camera that has a ‘lens error’ and it’s one of those compact ones where the lens comes out when you turn it on but the lens won’t go back in, don’t pay any attention to people on message boards who say ‘I found pushing the lens back in with all my might fixed the problem’.
It certainly stopped the lens sticking out but I’m not sure all those tiny screws were meant to fall out and the camera is not meant to make a noise like an electronic moose when you turn it on.
And it still says ‘lens error’.
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68 Responses to “Some people”
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April 21st, 2008 @ 8:58 am
Oh no, not a digital camera day. I might as well start the ball rolling then. Change the batteries, numbnuts.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:01 am
No, it’s properly fucked!
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:03 am
Lets namedrop here 20, I had the exact same experience with my digital camera and found the exact same “solution” “online”.
You bought a cheapish Nikon in the camera shop, didnt you!
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:03 am
sell it to Dave and buy a new one.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:07 am
Ass – yep, nice little camera but I’ve had it less than a month and it’s bollixed.
maggot – even Dave isn’t stupid enough to buy it.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:08 am
Hell Twenty – I have faith in your powers of persuasion!
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:08 am
Ah, internet “solutions”. Rendering repair-men obsolete and providing delusions of electronic mastery since 1998.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:17 am
Fucking common sense would tell you not to push against a motor that has seized, and to take advice from some cunt who probably gets his jollies from playing World of Warcraft is a recipe for disaster.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:37 am
What you probably need to do is lubricate the engine in the camera.
Water is the best substance for this task.
Simply dip your camera in a bucket of water and you have my personal guarantee* that your camera will work better than ever.
*note : all guarantees are null and void.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:39 am
I concur with Morgor, lubrication is best but I would dip your camera (attached to a length of string) into Mary Harneys minge, works far better than water.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:41 am
Im calling bullshit Puerile, I tried that but the thing turned out to be dryer than the Sahara.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:43 am
You are 50,000 times more likely to die on a plane than you are fiddling with your lens.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:48 am
If it’s Len’s error, let Len go and fucking fix it.
April 21st, 2008 @ 9:56 am
Where were you flying to Twenty, not that I care
April 21st, 2008 @ 10:02 am
A major European city.
April 21st, 2008 @ 10:27 am
He was in Limerick for Nailerzz conference on “how to use the web effectively as a communication medium”
Did you pick up loads of tips Twenty?
April 21st, 2008 @ 10:28 am
I now feel that my stabbing people in the arse (with a knife) skills are up there with the best of them.
April 21st, 2008 @ 11:08 am
Damn – as he didn’t actually say he was on a plane I presumed Ron had now a heliport facility.
April 21st, 2008 @ 11:32 am
Have you tried sticking the camera up your fat hole?
April 21st, 2008 @ 11:36 am
electronic moose – nice one
April 21st, 2008 @ 11:50 am
Twenty, soon you will be able to phone a qualified professional from the plane and talk through your phobia. Won’t that be great?
April 21st, 2008 @ 12:07 pm
Dear J5,
I looked for a culchie on Friday Night as per your request, but being foreign I didn’t know how to identify one. All the fuckers in Rathmines looked the same to me. In the future please give me some pointers on culchie spotting.
April 21st, 2008 @ 12:10 pm
No pics worth taking in Amsterdam anyway, at least I presume that’s the major European city of which you spake
April 21st, 2008 @ 12:12 pm
Forgot to add: shit, fuck, cunt, wank, bollocks
Forgot where I was for a second
April 21st, 2008 @ 12:14 pm
Lots of culchie students in Rathmines.
Signs to look for are football jersies, sullen slack-jawed fuckwitted expression, beginnings of beer-belly at 20
April 21st, 2008 @ 12:19 pm
Ah yes, flying. It’s so much more fun when you’re sitting beside someone who’s scared shitless.
It’s people like you who make it into the joy it is for the rest of us.
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:01 pm
Some randomer talking to you on a plane is almost as annoying as the twat that’s cutting your hair trying to make small talk with you.
I just want to sit in silence during this extremely awkward but essential experience of having a man touching my hair and head with his grubby Johnny Blue smelling fingers
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:05 pm
Here’s an interesting one on hygiene…
The next time you are in a public cubicle “dropping the kids off” and you go to flush the toilet, think about the last hand that touched the flusher and where it was!
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:09 pm
One of the benefits of having lots of foreign workers, means that when I get my hair cut, it is usually by the same eastern european girl. She merely smiles and cuts my hair, and I just ogle her quite spectacular breasts.
The last time I got my hair cut in Dublin, some rather effeminate guy (not gay, a sure fire faux-mosexual) was rather annoyed when I refused his polite offer to “shape my eyebrows” I then shaped my eyebrows into an expression of deep confusion, and left feeling rather paranoid.
3/4 length trouser wearing cunt….
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:12 pm
I think most people are physically conditioned to “drop the kids off” in their own jacks (assuming they ain’t homeless that is).
Besides, after flushing, the next step is usually to wash one’s hands anyway, so what the fuck difference does it make whose dick-beaters were last manhandling the flush handle?
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:14 pm
I suspect Burgos washes his hands like a cat, by licking them.
So i don’t blame him for worrying about the toilet handle.
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:16 pm
Fitting for someone whose name closely resembles that of Chris de Burgh
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:23 pm
Now HE should get his eyebrows shaped, the monobrowed freak.
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:26 pm
“Now HE should get his eyebrows shaped, the monobrowed freak.”
If the cunts could use the knife below the chin and above the shoulders that would be favourite
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:29 pm
yeah twenty I saw no posts from you over saturday and sunday … though you had been arrested for assaulting londis counter staff.
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:37 pm
Giver O’Shite:
Some of us work in buildings where there are many co-workers, some of which are male. Get a job and stop leeching my tax money you twat
So, it doesnt bother you that some cheap cunt might wipe his dirty hairy hole with 1 sheet of paper, thus resulting in a yellowy / brown finger tip, then flushing the jacks using this yellowy / brown finger. When you use the shitter next even though you wash YOUR hands after, you still have to touch the now yellowy / brown flush handle.
And another thing, the next time you sit on the toilet seat think about the last thing that was sitting on it.
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:50 pm
I do have a job and I don’t leach yours or anyone else’s tax money.
I must’ve hit a nerve. Guess it was the Chris de Burgh comparison. I admit it was low
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:51 pm
Oh, and I too work in a building.
I just don’t shit there
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:53 pm
I have now reflected upon about the shared toilet thing in work. Yes, there are definitely germs. S I wash my hands. What’s your point exactly? What alternatives do you recommend? Drive home every time Mr. Hanky comes a kmnocking?
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:53 pm
i would attempt to give advice but i actually hammered the screws into my metalwork junior cert day exam and since then i dont trust me.
April 21st, 2008 @ 1:54 pm
*knocking*
April 21st, 2008 @ 2:05 pm
3/4 length trouser wearing cunt….
I hate 3/4 length trousers and all those that wear them
April 21st, 2008 @ 2:06 pm
people who wear 3/4 length trousers generally wear sunglasses indoors too.
April 21st, 2008 @ 2:08 pm
PP, If you spot anyone drinking Smithwicks, it’s safe to assume they are of culchie stock. Failing that just pick someone at random, there’s a good chance they’ll be a mucksavage as the only cunts that drink in that pub are from Mayo.
April 21st, 2008 @ 2:15 pm
i’m from the country and never touch smithwicks… or any beer at all.
April 21st, 2008 @ 2:21 pm
I just started drinking Smithwicks about 2 weeks ago.
But then again, I drink just about anything.
It’s surprisingly nice, I always assumed it was an old man drink.
April 21st, 2008 @ 2:33 pm
Smithwicks is for when you are too full after a big dinner to drink Guinness.
April 21st, 2008 @ 2:38 pm
i can only drink wines and spirits since oxegen last year.
April 21st, 2008 @ 2:47 pm
“i can only drink wines and spirits since oxegen last year.”
Why because you were drinking recycled piss at overinflated prices, serves you right for not taking drugs.
April 21st, 2008 @ 3:16 pm
it does indeed, and i didn’t spend a cent on alcohol the whole weekend!
being as cheap as i am though, i grabbed literally everything that was handed to me, probably drank some harpic or something in the middle.
April 21st, 2008 @ 3:46 pm
I bet J5 wears 3/4 length trousers, the cunt
April 21st, 2008 @ 3:55 pm
do people that wear 3/4 length trousers wear double length socks?
April 21st, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
Just to flash out my 3/4 length trouser tirade…
The problem with 3/4 length trousers, quite apart from them being for girls, the men who wear them half to wear those even girlier footsocks that don’t even come up to their ankles.
It is also my considered opinion that the David Becham wannabees (imagine wanting to be like him) spend far too much time on their hair.
there is a very simple rule to having hair if you are a man; if you cant put some water on it, run your hands through it and then fuck off out the door, it’s too long. You then go to a barber (not a fucking Styling Emporium) and say “Like it is now, just shorter”
If you start holding up pictures of Becham or some fucking pop star, just go and kill yourself
April 21st, 2008 @ 3:58 pm
litany of errors; flash – flesh / have to, not half too
April 21st, 2008 @ 3:58 pm
I bet J5 wears 3/4 length trousers, the cunt
Only during the summer.
April 21st, 2008 @ 3:58 pm
*and “Beckham”, obviously
my corrections are soon going to be longer than my comments
April 21st, 2008 @ 3:59 pm
i’m from the country and never touch smithwicks… or any beer at all.
If you’re not a woman, you’re a fucking geebag.
April 21st, 2008 @ 4:00 pm
ahhh “geebag”
suddenly I am 8 again, I have not heard that in a long time
we’ll be calling each others spas next
April 21st, 2008 @ 4:03 pm
fuck up rob ya spa
April 21st, 2008 @ 4:09 pm
Or we’ll be saying “You’re claimed”
April 21st, 2008 @ 4:15 pm
shave the head once every 8 months and dont touch it for another 8 months is my hairstyle.
April 21st, 2008 @ 4:15 pm
Hippy
April 21st, 2008 @ 4:18 pm
Or we’ll be saying “You’re claimed”
you’re taken ya spa
April 21st, 2008 @ 6:34 pm
A good tip for broken camera’s,especially ones you broke yourself is to bring it back claiming it fell down the jacks as you were having a piss. They shove in a plastic bag and give you a new one pronto. This only applies of course if you’ve been a cunning cunt and paid for insurance.If it’s really smashed piss on it anyway just incase they take a sniff,pakistani salespersons in pc world tend to be untrusting cunts,the cunts.
April 22nd, 2008 @ 2:10 am
Tommy: If you buy anything in PC World, you’ve already lost the game.
April 22nd, 2008 @ 10:45 am
Twenty, I agree with you on planes… Though last Sunday, I had the nicest flight of my life, and didn’t feel sick once, as opposed to the nausea and pain and suffering I usually go through on take off and landing.
Thank GOD.
April 22nd, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
Don’t thank god, catholic.
Thank me.
April 22nd, 2008 @ 4:38 pm
omg – flying makes me so nervous I could puke jus thinking about it. I used to be fine until the electrics on a flight from London to Perth cut out about five times – a couple of those over Burma. chunder.