Mongrels
Posted on | April 11, 2008 | 45 Comments
“You know”, said Stinking Pete, “I remember my father saying something to me once and it stuck with me all these years.”
“What was that – ‘You’re a smelly cunt, get out of my house’?”
“Haha, Jimmy. No. It was around the time of Live Aid and he was watching news reports of the famines in Ethiopia and Southern Italy. Says he ‘Famine victims are like old mongrels’.”
“You what?”
“He reckoned they were the same as old mongrels”.
“Yeah, I heard that bit, but why?”
“Well, his theory was that if you were eating a steak and you got a chewy bit both of them would eat the bit you spat out”.
“Jesus Christ.”
“He also reckoned Mary Harney would do the same but she’d be a bit more sly about it. Like you’d spit it into a napkin and then when the table was being cleared she’d pretend to help and then scoff it down like a big, hungry famine mongrel. You know, perhaps a good way of solving the health service crisis would be to put diseases and hugely dangerous hospital infections inside large amounts of cake then get Mary Harney to come along and inspect the hospital and when people’s backs were turned she’d eat all the cake and the infection that killed 15 people in a month because the hospital lacked basic hygiene facilities would be gone and let’s face it, nothing could survive Mary Harney’s stomach acid.”
“Go back to talking about mongrels again, would you? I’m in no fucking mood to talk about Mary Harney”.
“Ok. I once had a three legged mongrel. I called him Stumpy Golightly. He had brain damage and he once ate a big pile of some other dog’s shit then sicked it up in the middle of my bed, ate it up again and revomited it in the corner of the room. I didn’t notice for three days. Man, that was some smell, let me tell you.”
“I’ll be back in a minute, I’m just going to kill myself…”
“Ok. I love mongrels.”
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45 Responses to “Mongrels”
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April 11th, 2008 @ 9:38 am
Whaaa?
April 11th, 2008 @ 9:42 am
Never could get used to dogs eating shite. It may be their only flaw as a species.
April 11th, 2008 @ 9:46 am
Oh I doubt it’s their ONLY flaw. I”m seem to remember my old dog took the greatest of pleasure in rolling in the smelliest thing he could find. Corpse, cow shit, you know, that sort of thing. Quite fucking annoying when you’re miles from anywhere and about to drive home.
April 11th, 2008 @ 9:47 am
There are sound reasons as to why they do these things.
April 11th, 2008 @ 9:48 am
Was that the corpse you’d just dumped “miles from anything”?
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:06 am
I understand that a dog licks his balls because he can , what I don’t get is , why they eat shite
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:26 am
Stinking Pete & I have a deep spiritual connection, Twenty, right at the moment I have a three-legged mongrel, too.
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:32 am
Can I send him to visit?
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:35 am
There are sound reasons as to why they do these things.
Can you expand on this please maggot? I seem to remember reading about some rock-star saying the same thing a good few years back, that eating your own shit was good for you. Can’t remember exactly who it was, but I think it was James Hatfield. He maintained it was beneficial to health or something. It certainly wasn’t beneficial to making music.
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:37 am
Stinking Pete & I have a deep spiritual connection, Twenty, right at the moment I have a three-legged mongrel, too.
Ye but he’s talking about his dog not his girlfriend
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:42 am
MB do you mean James Hetfield of Metallica? They’ve made some great music
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:44 am
Eating your own shite beneficial to health?
Even James Hetfield wouldn’t go that far I don’t think.
My husband has said he would willingly raise JH’s lovechild. THe man is a rock god.
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:46 am
Your husband is a wise man
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:47 am
Sorry Peadar, but only for getting the name wrong. Yes, I do mean James Hetfield of Metallica, the same fucker who cried for Napster to be shut down.
My theory on the matter is, Shit In / Shit Out.
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:49 am
The sandman will get you for that
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:49 am
Ahhh.
April 11th, 2008 @ 10:51 am
Sorry again Peadar, it was Lars Ulrich who cried about Napster, not James Hetfield.
Have a look at this old classic; http://tinyurl.com/293eq4
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:07 am
I’ll check it out later. I’m in work
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:15 am
I’m off to look for a three legged dog just so’s I can call him Stumpy Golightly.
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:22 am
Sorry again Peadar. I keep forgetting that others are accessing this from work. It’s a cartoon, but contains a fair amount of foul language.
Probably best to leave it for later.
I swear this time that I won’t ever post anything else without a warning if it warrants one.
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:24 am
MB – I would lull everyone into a false sense of security re links and then, WHAM, post a link of the mankiest porn ever, laced with viruses. Serve them right…
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:27 am
I remember that cartoon. Funny funny.
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:30 am
No way SG! I might have been called a cunt many times in the past. I’ve even called myself a cunt on occasion, but it doesn’t mean I have to be one.
Here’s a site for you, and you only; http://tinyurl.com/5hvcv
NOBODY ELSE GO NEAR IT!!!
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:37 am
Oh no, is it a porn and virus cocktail?
I’ve just had the bizarre experience of listening to Twenty on Phantom on podcast – sounding very grand and gravel voiced altogether.
My dearest was on the radio this morning – and I forgot to listen (hence finding blog award interview).
Addle-brained.
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:38 am
heh, that’s the dogs bollix twenty – bizarro logic
my mongrel likes to roll in shite and dead birds etc
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:39 am
It doesn’t matter if its porn, bad language or what.
I work in an open plan office and it wouldn’t look good if I spent half my day on youtube.
I can just about get away with reading twentys postS and making a few comments.
I was away yesterday but I’ve just read the post and scanned through the comments. I missed great crack. I haven’t even looked at his bebo page yet but I had a great laugh reading everyones comments
Great lyrics MB
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:43 am
A guy turns a corner, and stumbles across another bloke knocking the arse off a labrador.
“Oh my God”, he declares in disgust, “How low can you get?”
“A jack-russell!” says the other bloke.
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:46 am
27 comments in to a post about 3 legged mongrels and nobody has mentioned the McCartney marriage ?
April 11th, 2008 @ 11:55 am
No – and let’s keep it that way.
April 11th, 2008 @ 12:23 pm
holdonasec! hetfield eats his own shit?
April 11th, 2008 @ 12:24 pm
No, you’ve got it all mixed up B.
Hetfield eats Paul McCartneys shit, while heather beats him with her wooden leg.
April 11th, 2008 @ 12:27 pm
obviously where stumpys other leg(s) ended up
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/6/19/nation/11262103&sec=nation
April 11th, 2008 @ 12:28 pm
good site there MB, thanks
April 11th, 2008 @ 12:37 pm
so not only is there a human international organ trafficing network, there’s also a canine international limb trafficing market too?
jesus.
he does look happpy though, that dog with two mickeys. i guess the old expression is true.
April 11th, 2008 @ 1:58 pm
Two dgs are sitting in a bar and one turns to the other and says, “I used to have a blog, but now I have just gone back to mindless barking.”
April 11th, 2008 @ 2:32 pm
No Johnny5 today, I see. Does that mean the Limerick clown tracked him down & arse-stabbed him over the comment where he asked him if his Nana fiddled with his mickey??
Oh god, I’m cracking up again
April 11th, 2008 @ 2:50 pm
Nice one Fourth Former :)
April 11th, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
There was an interview on CBC radio last week with this guy who solved the high infection rate in a Michigan hospital. He created a checklist of what they had to do when inserting cathaters and what not.
It seems so basic but they didn’t even have a set of steps that they had to follow when doing ordinary procedures. The rate of infections dropped dramatically as a result.
April 11th, 2008 @ 3:31 pm
Yep – I’ll try again with this little story:
http://forninepounds.blogspot.com/2008/03/draw-your-own-conclusions.html
April 11th, 2008 @ 3:36 pm
While vignettes like that stick in the mind, I really think the issue is one of global underfunding and overoccupancy. Irish Times story on Ennis had occupancies peaking at 105.9% and at “a low” of 99.9%. No chance you can keep a hotel clean at those levels, never mind a hospital.
April 11th, 2008 @ 3:52 pm
I do agree with that, RN. But then part of me wondered, after hearing that story – no matter how beleaguered you are as a health care professional, if you’re picking a tube up off the floor and sticking it back into someone, can you really just blame that on low wages and underfunding? Surely there’s a moment where personal choice and accountability come into something like that.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-nurse, and when people say we just need to bring the nuns back or whatever, I think that’s a bit stupid.
Like Medbh says, it doesn’t take that much…
To me the disparity between private sector health and safety rules and general practice in the hospital is the real shocker.
April 11th, 2008 @ 3:59 pm
You’re absolutely right jo – there is (or should be) such as thing as pride in your work and self-respect.
While you’re right about the private hospitals being shiny and clean and new, there are far fewer junior doctors wandering around with far less senior support, and the consultants are only there every so often.
If I were ever properly acutely sick, it’s public all the way. If it something involving a waiting list….
April 11th, 2008 @ 4:18 pm
“Can I send him to visit?”
Ahh well I’d say yes, Twenty, but at the moment I seem to have more than my share of mongrels to deal with. Maybe next spring…
April 14th, 2008 @ 1:08 am
Dogs eat their own shit to diagnose internal problems. They’re clever like that.
Next time you have a cold, try mixing a cleveland steamer in your lemsip and save yourself fifty squids at a quack’s expense. You never know…
April 17th, 2008 @ 2:41 pm
Dogs eat shit granted. But I rather a shite eating dog than a boney, bendy, scratchy fuckin cat. Horrible untrustworthy scheming little fuckers. God I hate cats.