Many years ago Dirty Dave woke up one morning, opened his eyes and discovered that a butterfly had taken up residence on the bridge of his nose. He found it strange as it restricted his vision but even when he waved his hand at it it did not budge.
He flicked one of its wings gently but it still would not move. He took this as some kind of sign, like nature was trying to send him a message of some kind. As Dirty Dave rarely showers there was no danger of the butterfly being washed off his face.
That night in Ron’s he came in as if everything was normal.
“Erm, Dirty Dave”, I said, “you know there’s a butterfly between your eyes?”
“Yes, Twenty. I am not Ray Charles. I am not Stevie Wonder. I am not Blindy Reilly who got his eyes blown out by a dodgy firework he bought from some lady on Moore Street.”
“Well, if you can see it why don’t you get rid of it?”
“Because it is there for a reason. Once that reason becomes clear then he will leave of his own volition.”
“Right. Weirdo.”
Some time later Stinking Pete came in and he too enquired as to why this butterfly was allowed residence between Dave’s eyes.
“All I know is that it would be wrong of me to rid myself of this beautiful creature. The universe is full of mystery and when the mystery is solved then my time as a butterfly perch will be complete.”
Then Lucky came in and he too asked the obvious question. When Dave gave him a long winded answer he made a gesture of Italian annoyance and called him some kind of pig. Splodge came in, took one look and figured he’d be best off not asking. Then Jimmy came in and said “Dave, why the fuck do you have a butterfly between your eyes?”
“Because, Jimmy, nature has decided I must nurture this wonderous insect. If I were to make it leave then I would be snubbing that which made us all and that to which we ultimately return. There’s a lesson in morality here, a lesson in life, a lesson in-”, at which point Jimmy thwacked him right between the eyes with the copy of the Evening Press he’d had in his hand.
“Here’s a lesson, shut the fuck up”.
The next day Dave’s parents died. So the moral of the story is that butterflies are jinxing cunts.
Dave, the human fly paper ?
Aw.
Poor butterfly.
I thought it was just feeding from the crust on Dave’s face.
twenty..are you telling us all to shut-the-fuck-up? I knew what would happen when Jimmy walked in the door…fucker.
Roger Daltry is on This Week in a tick
Beverly Cheese Grin detail has broken my heart. This country is a depressing fucking shithole; twenty; you should be available to medical card holders
end of boozy bollix
goodnight
In primary school once I insisted on having a funeral service for a butterfly…
…the fact I was 11 at the time makes it kinda embarrassing though.
The Evening Press.??
Jaysus, that’s an old story Twenty.
A slap from Dev as well as a slap from the crozier. I bet that smarted.
Good job Jimmy killed it or that butterfly could have created a hurricane in South America.
Or the Evening Press might have been jinxed. Or even Dave’s nose was jinxed for all these years but the jinx just took a while to kick in. Maybe it was all written in the Book of Time of which we are all doomed to follow the script. Maybe Dirty Dave was just a mere player on life’s stage doing his bit-part as The Fool, a comic echo of the larger story! A parallel to reinforce the moral! Who else has been thwunked between the eyes by the meedja lately? Bertie! Bertie is Dave’s tragic counterpart! Bertie even rhymes with Dirty! The butterfly being a metaphor for his flighty financial ways. Or something.
Bertie is Dave and, in important ways, Dave is Bertie! It’s perfect! Twenty you are a blogger of Shakespearean-type stage-craft!
He never actually said that the butterfly was killed.
He just said that he was hit between the eyes.
Perhaps it was a precision strike and he deliberately missed the butterfly. (i don’t know for sure how much space is between Dirty Daves eyes.)
i don’t know for sure how much space is between Dirty Daves eyes.
Good point – what religion is Dave ?
They say if a butterfly flaps its wings in Bejing that 9 millions bicycles will weave its way into the UK charts
… or is the lesson here “get busy talking complete bollocks, or get busy living?”… or something…
I’m confused.
How do Dirty Dave and the rest of the boys feel about butterflies now? Has he extended the utmost respect to all insects out of fear that something even worse might happen?
If the comments reach 50 today I’ll be surprised.
I’m off to do some fucken work anyway. There’s not much to say about butterflies, not even a good pun.
Maybe this butterfly is telling us to turn over a new leaf.
50 Pat? 50?
I’ll be suprised if they hit 15.
post 15.
yes.
(just to piss Twenty off)
15? -Damn!
Why did nobody warn me yesterday that the Turk’s Head serve the shittiest Guinness in Ireland? Eh? Are you trying to poison me?
I’m embarassed to admit that I fell asleep at the bar, and was escorted off the premises by a bouncer at 10:45, just before the band started up. I bet they were shit anyway.
test
Could they have slipped you a mickey finn ? Have you checked your undercarriage in case they took advantage of your unguarded back door ? A boy has to be careful these days!
I found a splendid new bar in town underneath tara street station.
Any bar in Temple Bar should be avoided (except the porterhouse).
temple babar’s have a habit of throwing me out for no reason any time i’m there.
http://calgary.cityguide.ca/babarcpo-20071028194819.gif
Morgor the editor – the bar under Tara St is shite, full of wankers and it rattles every time a dart goes over – a la Mary Poppins and the cannons. If you’re that far just go to Mulligan’s instead.
9 Million bicycles in Bejing. Only one puncture repair kit though.
i haven’t been into town for a pint in ages. just lost interest. getting old, i suppose.
used to be particularly fond of the old foggy dew. and jj smyth’s in aungier st.
Which one is mulligans?
poolbeg st.
With the Van morrison lookalike barman. just as miserable too.
only the barman is miserable, it’s a proper pub, no messing. What’s the verdict on the new Peter’s Pub. Can’t see the difference myself
worst bar in dublin=quinns
i’m a bit of a groggy dirty looking idiot but they thought that i was loaded on drugs
Just in front of the Dept of Health(hawkins Hse). That’s why twenty drinks there from time to time. See if he can catch the love of his life Matta Harney leaving work
possibly the worst professional review ever:
http://www.nme.com/reviews/the-horrors/8216
the worst bar in dublin eh? I’d vote for Q bar.
I’d say it was designed with cunts in mind.
it has a bebo morgor
http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=4425447929
and number 29 wasn’t meant to go here, sorry.
problemchildbride @7 is surely on the money. I’ve seen this whole business been referred to as the “butterfly effect” several times in the media in the last few days – particularly with regard to Gráinne Carruth’s evidence. So, she’s the butterfly (or as problemchildbride said, the butterfly is his financial dealings – same thing), Bertie is Dirty Dave and the media (or the tribunal) is the Evening Press. (The allusion to that particular paper can be read into further, no doubt. eg, what John Waters was saying on The Late Late about how Bertie putting Carruth in that position goes against his own and Fianna Fáil’s culture.)
“The next day Dave’s parents died. So the moral of the story is that butterflies are jinxing cunts.”
The next day (or the next week) Bertie bit the dust. Jinxed.
Bertie has some Brass neck on him!
http://breaking.tcm.ie/ireland/mhojgbkfauey/
jesus problemchild/eoin/twenty
that’s all way over my head
would it suffice to say bertie is a slithery slut of a bollix
maggot, bertie doesn’t give a fuck any more. he’ll probably reinstate ray burke, michael collins, michael “stroke” fahey and ivor callely as a going away present for rubber lips. and if you see him out around esker cemetary with a shovel, that other arrogant prick liam lawlor might be rejoining as well.
Yeah – q is pretty shit. Zanzibar is horrendous too. full of fucked up eastern europeans and skangers.
Did he ever give a fuck ?
no but at least he’s not pretending (badly) any more
porridge, sure “stroke” fahey never went away, he’s still a councilor, and even though you have to sit X amount of days a year to keep your seat and he couldn’t due to prison, he applied to keep it because he was “ill” and all the rest of the cunts in galway council approved it.
FUCKING CORRUPT CUNTS IN THIS FUCKING COUNTRY.
NOT ONE OF THOSE CUNTS HAS THE SLIGHTIST BIT OF DIGNITY,BACKBONE OR ETHICS. FUCKING FIANNA FUCKING FAIL.
ahem.. sorry.
here’s a nice calming picture for you
http://eu.art.com/asp/sp-asp/_/PD–12325090/SP–A/IGID–12325090/Butterfly_of_Happiness.htm?sOrig=SCH&ui=8F4A4607D8EA4A878381312007B4D735
So the butterfly is the crooked politician, and the paper has been used by some devious cunt to twat the politician? Did the butterfly have a bank account?
This is all a bit deep when one is pissed as a fucking parrot, I’ll tell you that much, Twenty.
Surely the opprobrium belongs to Jimmy – if he hadn’t swatted the butterfly Dave’s parents would still be around – though I cannot say if that would be a good or bad thing.
Opprobrium, maggot, opprobrium?
Where did you get that word?
I had to look it up. Apparently it’s an American death metal band from Louisiana.
You’re a disgrace!
Did the bottie seem OK M.B ?
I was worried about you.
Where did you get that word?
I’m learning Irish. That handsome* man Eamon O’ Cunt has persuaded me it’s my sacred duty
* handsome relative to Cowen – Jesus that cunt was hit with the ugly stick.
maggot, I should learn Irish, though I fear I never will.
A friend in college was a great Irish speaker – hung out in the Irish club on Harcourt street – ols fashioned Guinness prices, no doubt.
He was from Drogheda, and stood for the anthem at the end of discos though, so it may be a den of republicanism.
Still.
Jo – did you interfere with Monkey Balls drink last night ? See post 16.
Thank you for your concern maggot. My arse is fine. Had a No.2 today, and it slid out like a greased monkey on a fireman’s pole. Never before in my life have I had such an easy experience on the jacks.
Oh hold on, wait a minute…NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
maggot, thanks for your concern, but I do believe my arse is fine.
Had a No.2 earlier on, and it slid out like a greased monkey on a fireman’s pole. Never before in me life have I had such an easy experience in the jacks.
Oh no, wait a minute…
NNOOOOOOOOO!!!
Twenty, this is my 3rd time attempting to post the same comment. If they ended up in your spam collection, please only release one of them. I already look like an idiot. Thanks.
maggot, thanks for your concern, but I do believe my arse is fine.
Had a No.2 earlier on, and it slid out like a greased monkey on a fireman’s pole. Never before in me life have I had such an easy experience in the jacks.
Oh no, wait a minute…
NNOOOOOOOOO!!!
Butterflies are gay
Moths are the real cunts. Never trust a moth.
Heh, are you suggesting I put breast milk in it on the sly? That would only have boosted his immune system in the end…
I have a memory all of a sudden, of a girl I knew talking about the Turk’s Head, and bar maiding, and being told to empty the dregs of old pints back in to the – well, the what? That can’t have been true, you wouldn’t get it back into the keg, would you?
Don’t mind me.
especially the big ones..whatya call em behemoths
behemoths… giggle. They keep company with thrippos…
I thought Ibanez was making saucy reference to your “curves” !
i shall start drinking now to get into the state of enlightenment required
this won’t go the 500 postings……
Hopefully it wasn’t Glen Campbell’s Elusive Butterfly of Love!
glen campbell has this ad on tv3 at like 3am every night that i wind up compulsively watching for no reason.
some crappy 10 disc country classics cd.
my crazy grandaunt just insisted i bet on a 150-1 horse for her, she’s gonna tell me she meant the winner anyways and go insane.
That grandaunt of your’s doesn’t sound crazy to me at all. Quite the opposite in fact. That’s a surefire bet, whatever happens!
And speaking of horses, whatever happened to London Tim? He went to Cheltenham, and never came back.
Just hope he’s not getting his stomach pumped, a la Marc Almond!
actually she claims somehting like 3000euro a week of the state each week, despite never leaving the kitchen in her life, she’s a f*cking genius! i should try to learn off her…
…nah I haven’t even attempted to talk to her since i broke free of her spell she had on me to make me wanna be a priest, i decided i wanted to be the man who fill potholes instead or the fella that reads the obituaries on the radio… seriously.
has marc almond ever got the nickname “sex dwarf”?
Why would Marc Almond get a nickname like sex dwarf?
Monkey Balls – feeling better ? Undercarriage OK ?
Concerned. Don’t be ashamed, you need to talk about what happened!
he’s a midget and has a song called sex dwarf.
and lord did we f*ck up our bets.
How the fuck did we end up here?
it’s my fault… salt.
maggot, you’re taking an unhealthy interest in my arse lately. Here’s the answer to all your questions: http://tinyurl.com/67j4bh
Just concerned about the well being of a poster I admire MB – most contributors here, myself included, are riff raff!
Dear God, here is little hope for the ROI
http://breaking.tcm.ie/ireland/mhojgbmhidoj/
The silver lining is that the Shinners are dropping.
Have you seen the Sindo yet? (No, I didn’t buy it! I was in McDonalds earlier and read a complimentary copy.)
Full of blatant FF propaganda, glorifying Bertie & praising Biffo on almost every single page. It’s enough to make you puke, even if you don’t read it in McDonald’s.
They even went as far as to run a feature knocking the younger Fine Gael politicians in their ‘magazine’.
McDonalds ? You lucky sod – I could murder a big mac meal! With FF in the ROI and the cunts we have up here I’m amazed there aren’t more emigrating. I’d head to the Lebanon myself except that that FF loving bastard MacDara is there. I wonder if that is where FF keep their dirty money ?
I reckon the emigration boats will be filling up again soon.
Another thing, the Shinners only get a temporary rise in popularity down here as a protest vote against the rest of the bastards. They’ll never get anywhere in real terms. We’re stupid cunts down here, but we’re not that stupid.
Today’s shinners are FF in the 20s. Scary thought.
What did you have in McDonalds ?
I had a sausage and egg McMuffin meal with black coffee. €3.60 it was, but I got my money back by throwing 3 copies of the Sunday Independent into the bin before I left.
Chuffed with meself, I am.
That is living mate!
Going to have to be a bacon sandwich here and toasted cinnamon and raisin bagel with strawberry jam here.
I’m on me third can of beer already, but only ‘cos me dealer’s let me down, again. Two fuckin’ days, with nothing to smoke except cigarettes.
I hate days like this- Having to get up out of bed every 20 mins for a piss.
I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this before, but if I’m using my computer, I’m in bed. It’s true.
I use a laptop, but I have 3 external hard-drives connected to it now, so it kinda makes it non-portable. I have to be in bed to use it.
Anyway, I like being in bed. I’m a lazy cunt, and I’m not getting up until my arse is better.
Lanacaine cream might help you mate. Bed is the best place to be in this shitty weather – I’ll bet Twenty is still in his scratcher, with cap and nightshirt !
Lanacaine cream? I’ll take that advice, coming as it does from one with experience in such matters. Wait ’til I get my hands on the bastard who sold me this Deep Heat!
As for Twenty, I’m sure you’re right. Only you forgot to mention the 4-poster bed, and bucket of industrial-strength Vaseline at arm’s length.
Monkey Balls and Maggot. Are you two fucking each other?
How dare you!
Yes