*bring bring*

“Hello?”

“Hi Twenty, it’s me. Dirty Dave!”

“What is it, Dave? I’m really fucking busy today. This better not be one of your stupid phone calls”.

“No no! I promise”.

“Ok”.

“Right, your whole entire family is being held hostage and they’re going to kill them. To save their lives would you eat the scabs off Amy Winehouse’s face?”

“Jesus fucking Christ”.

*click*

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32 Responses to *bring bring*

  1. O'Reilly says:

    That’s scary, it’s not the same girl.
    I’m selling me crack pipe.

  2. Anto says:

    I wonder where she got the tape in this one….Thanks Rick

    http://rickoshea.wordpress.com/2008/03/21/amy-winehouse-gets-naked/

  3. 10 Park Drive says:

    She has one helluva talent, though.

  4. Monkey Balls says:

    What, she sucked you off too, 10PD?
    Most people only know her for her singing.

  5. Loco Lobo says:

    Would Bastardface eat her? Or the cat?

  6. TouchingVirus says:

    Manky

  7. Paul McClean says:

    She has the body of a 75 year old skag fiend.

  8. maggot says:

    A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money.

    Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, “Did
    you see me rob this bank?”

    The man replied, “Yes, I did.”

    The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

    He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man,
    “Did you see me rob this bank?”

    The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did.”

  9. Bob Slobber says:

    I would lick the mashed potato of her flange. Love that stuff…..

  10. Katt B says:

    Hello Mr T.

    I am a foxy cat called Katt. I live with two humans who lavish attention on me when I demand it. They call me Katt when in actual fact my real name is Ursula. I have some sexy markings and an even sexier demeanour and would love to meet Throatripper for some fun and maybe more???
    Let me know, I will send some pix if he wants?
    Miaoowww X

  11. Twenty Major says:

    Erm…he says ‘no thanks’.

  12. Ibanez says:

    all that poor woman needs is as we in Dundalk some TLC

    the ‘lectric chair

  13. Katt B says:

    Ahhh. He really sounds like my kinda cat though. Tell me a little bit more about him and maybe I can coax him out of his shell. Does he like his tummy rubbed like me? I am using their computer thing and if they catch me there will be trouble. Let me know soon! Please…

  14. Twenty Major says:

    Fuck off Bald Devil.

  15. 10 Park Drive says:

    Maggot. Tell a more recent joke willya.

  16. Dick Rusty (The Krusty) says:

    Fuck off Bald Devil.??
    Je ne comprende pas!

  17. maggot says:

    I take it you are unmarried 10.

  18. Monkey Balls says:

    I’ve been looking for a new bitch for my crew. I have mashed potato.
    (Well, I know where I can get some.)

  19. SAm Crea says:

    Is the Green font on the front of the book, not exactly the same green that adorns the beautiful little odd-shaped cartons that your majors come wrapped in??

    Is this subliminal advertising…

    Are you a front for PJ Carroll and Co??

    Answer the Question Mr Major!!!

    Answer the Question!!!!

  20. SAm Crea says:

    Sorry,

    getting carrried away reading this tacky detective novel at the mo, and I thought I was Jessica Fletchers Bastard Child (after she was impregnated by Jim Rockford)

  21. Twenty Major says:

    The answer is no.

  22. SAm Crea says:

    Here comes Nurse Ratched with my pills….

  23. SAm Crea says:

    so sleepy now….

  24. itchybollix says:

    I’d eat her scabs; then sell them on ebay. I’ll also take O’Reillys crack-pipe while I’m there….off tangent a little – see those maths fiends from kerry?/limerick? make a killing on the ebay software? nice.

    My bank-robber joke

    Did you hear about the dyslexic bank robber?

    “Hands in the air mother-stickers; this is a fuck-up!”

    ahem

    Off to the kealings for Guinness; good night.

  25. Can you give me Dave’s daytime number Twenty. He’s a lot more interesting than the cunts i have to speak to all day…

  26. Spudser says:

    Twenty, the book’s shite. All the arse lickers in here are wrong. Well written, but shite.

  27. Monkey Balls says:

    What the fuck are you on about Spudser?
    Well written my arse!

  28. itchybollix says:

    this fella in the pub sold me a sheep called emily

  29. Marty says:

    Did you hear about the dyslexic rock musician?

    He sold his soul to Santa.

  30. Monkey Balls says:

    If I’d known it was you Itchy, I wouldn’t have sold you that sheep. She’ll have jumped the wall in your garden by now, and be on her way back to me.
    Same time next week?

  31. VoiceOfTreason says:

    I’d crawl over a million, billion miles, just to wank on her shadow, and I’m not exaggerating.

    However I’d find those pus filled impetigo blemishes a little hard to stomach, so I’d let your family die Twenty.

    Sorry.

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