My printer ran out of ink last week. I do need to print stuff from time to time. Like plane tickets or those anonymous threatening letters I send to newspaper editors and TV presenters.
So I went into one of those shops that specialises in printer ink yesterday, as good a place as any to find printer ink. I walked in the door.
“Goodbye!”, said the bloke behind the counter. Seriously. Then he realised what he said. “I mean, hello!!!”
I told him I was looking for ink for a particular brand of printer. He did some looking up on the computer for me. Then gave me the sales pitch.
“Well, you have basically three options. Option one, do you have old cartridge with you?”
“No”, I said.
“Well now you don’t have basically three options. You have basically two options. Option one, is basically new cartridge. Cost €27. If you have old cartridge we can refill and cost you €16 but you don’t have so don’t worry.”
“Ok, I won’t.”
“Second option is this. Is basically old cartridge but refilled with ink. Is €20.”
“And is there any real difference between them in how they work?”
He thought for a moment.
“Well this one”, he said pointing at the new one, “is exactly new while this one”, he said pointing at the other one, “is exactly not new.”
“I see”, I said bamboozled by the complex world of printer ink. “That’s certainly a lot to think about. Tell you what, I’ll just take the new one.”
So I did. And he didn’t say “Hello!” as I was leaving. That was a real disappointment, I have to say.
I once bought a printer – but its no good for porn
Heh
Reading this I just saw the “subliminal” message on the book cover. Probably the last but sure still…
What a harrowing tale.
Twenty – I think it’s time you got yourself a Personal Assistant. I was going to say an aide-de-camp, but God knows what foul comments would ensue from J5 and MB.
Just steel them from work.
That would be a crime Nonny. And sinful.
Goodbye
When unsure on how to spell a word, I use a differnt one, like pilfer.
I hate that leftie git.
Sorry lads, what about “cry babies” did I spell that ok.
No, Nonny. It’s spelled C U N T S
Heh, I like it Mr 5.
That’s Pilger and he’s cool. I’m just taking the piss Nonny; my spelling is shite their sometimes too.
I like this simple tale. This shop assistant sounds like a helpful chappie and it would be nice to see someone making him a cup of tea.
Pilger is the Harney of Journalism!
The shop assistant sounds like a cock, if the best he could come up with is one is new and one is not. He should be promoted to manager of PC World.
I like going into shops and buying a mars bar and toilet paper.
It’s an image thing.
I bet you he was Indian.If he offered option a to me I would like to say to him “I certainly will my Hindu Friend”
All the staff in PowerCity are knackers!
King size Mars bars ?
I once saw the inside of one of those ink refill type places. A harrowing site I can tell you. You could only imagenta the conditions they work under.
just try and blot it from your memory
He was an Eastern European of some kind.
The ‘Goodbye!!’ as I walked into the shop was priceless.
Ibanez – you pun with great squill.
being able to make a good ink pun is a cyan of genius.
Ibanez and Johnny5, work it out, only one of you may use the Word “harrowing” in any single thread.. In fact after johnny used it, I dont think(under the blog-commentators convention 2001) it can be used till 22 posts later.
Twenty I buy my cartridges in tesco. However I have never had any adventures or unusual stories of doing so..
It’s usually cheaper to buy a new printer than to buy ink replacements. My back garden is full of the fuckers.
I saw printers in Dunnes for €29.99 last week. Lexmarks I think they were.
It’s OK, you’re welcome.
Sam, why don’t you eat my ass with a spoon?
yes king size mars bars, I usually open the wrapper and warm them for a while and smear chocolate on the toilet paper as I’m paying for them.
i just clicked the link at the side to amazon (I was trying to see the subliminal message) and I notice that the four recommendations below are for Paul Williams Books – Are they trying to piss you off because of Poor sales?
go on, try it. Click the book picture to your left…
Make sure you recycle this one Twenty. Otherwise as us novice ocean current lovers know it is heading for the merry-go-round that is the North Pacific Gyre. It’ll more than likely end up in some Sperm whales prehensile whale cock via his larger than life jap eye, the result of which will be giant white, green and red sperm moseying all over the ocean. Don’t think the hippy fuckers in green peace would be able for that one.
Piano Player finger found.
great story
Itchy that is awful. Funny, but awful.
Twenty, how is your book doing? I was thinking about that this morning. Which in turn led me to pondering how many books one would need to shift in order to make the best sellers list. I rang a good pal of mine who began yapping on about genres and category etc. but, how many is it? I want to know? I want a number?
You need to sell more than others and be in the Top Ten in terms of quantity sold It doesnt matter how many as long as you beat most of the rest- you thick cunt!
The cheek of you Ratface or whatever you name is, I see you mother invested a lot of her time in rearing you well.
I meant at the moment, what kind off figure you would be aiming for.
Will Mrs Sarkozy get her kit off for Prince Philip ?
nonny, i read in the paper yesterday that the booook so far has total sales of about 600.
Funny thing, Twenty. Went on the same errand not a month ago. Ink for my printer £66. Cost of new all-in-one printer (so now I can scan my old porn!) £39.99 plus when I need ink (same ink, same manufacturer as now but different cartridges) the cost will be £24.99
Even for a thick old cunt like me that was a no-brainer.
Where do you want me to send all these prints of Massai tribeswomen from the National Geographic?
£66 for ink? Is it solid gold ink? Fucking hell.
And the usual address SoS
Ah ha I found the answer. This tell you all about the best sellers business,
http://www.ireland.com/blogs/presenttense/2008/02/04/how-many-sales-make-a-bestseller/
I was drunk the day this thread was active, and subsequently missed my chance to relate the following true story;
I was working in a large computer shop, when a lady came up to me looking to buy ink for her printer. As I walked with her towards the area of the shop where we kept the inks, I asked her what brand and model her printer was. She had it written down on a piece of paper, so I brought her to the correct stand. When we got there, I asked her if she wanted colour ink, or black.
“What’s the difference?” she asked.
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