Just don’t lie about it

So Paddy’s Day is coming up and traditionally it’s a time when our politicians swan off to other countries. They represent us abroad and showcase our great nation by providing gifts to fellow politicians abroad, as pictured below:

They fly first class, they stay in top hotels and apartments and frankly it’s nothing more than a week long jolly for most of them. Sure, we hear the bleating from the opposition but Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore would be the first cunts in the queue if they were in power. We’d listen to them from the New York Ritz or whatever talking about how much St Patrick’s Day means to people all over the world and that they were spreading the good word of Ireland to all and sundry. Irelandevangelists.

We can complain about the air fares, the hotel prices and all that, but what difference does it make? It’s always going to happen and it probably does have some benefit to our tourist industry – and sending Brian Cowen to a country we no longer want to be friends with is absolute genius when you think about it.

But I wish they wouldn’t pretend like they’re doing a load of work in these places. Apparently the Minister for Transport Noel Dempsey has been in Sydney since the start of the week and has a full schedule of transport related appointments. What? Fuck off. What the fuck could he have to do in Sydney that has any bearing on transport in Ireland?

Is there some Crocodile Dundee figure over there whose brilliant naïveté is going to find a solution to the mess that is the M50? Are great Australians like Harold Bishop and Merv Hughes going to fix the Port Tunnel and the congestion at the Red Cow roundabout? Will Chopper produce a Powerpoint presentation that will demonstrate how an streamlined and reliable train service can be rolled out across the country? Does Russell Crowe really have a foolproof and cost-efficient plan to introduce a bus service to rural areas?

Fuck off. Honestly, I can accept them buggering off and spending money like royalty because that’s just what they do but don’t try and pretend you’re working, you cunts.

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87 Responses to Just don’t lie about it

  1. Puerile Pish says:

    Thanks to Bertie going to Brussels I cannot go because there are no hotel rooms available within our company budget (2c at the last call) so I for one am supporting their junkets. The other thing is they cannot afford holidays what with their meagre salaries and only working 1/3 of the year so they do need a break like the rest of us.

    They should send Bertie to Nigeria so he could teach them a thing or two about corruption.

  2. updown says:

    Send them all to courtown for a week. That’ll get the travel bug out of their systems and they can get back to work (or whatever it is that they do)

  3. Sid Trotter says:

    I have it on good authority that senator mary henry is chubby and has been looking at keys in Japan

  4. Puerile Pish says:

    That photo is classic, it looks like it was taken at the Alzheimers clinic, two grinning buffoons in charge of countries…scary shit

  5. Change_Of_Address says:

    Dempsey would be better served going to Melbourne and taking a peek at Erinsborough General Hospital where, despite there only ever being one doctor on duty, there are no queues and no end of miraculous recoveries.

  6. Pants Man says:

    Merv Hughes is giving Noel Dempsey a crash course in moustache growth and fast bowling. Dempsey will come back looking like a cross between a 1970′s German porn star and Ian Botham. My mind is boggling.

  7. The Pope is a Nazi says:

    Whatever B B B Bertie is giving Dubwa looks suspiciously like cannabis !

  8. satchmo says:

    Send Bertie to the white house but instead of shamrock let him bear gifts of tampons (used Mary Harney ones) from one cunt to another…..
    Send Mary to taliban held basra province and tell her she dond need a burka…
    Send Enda Kenny to Phnom Penh bearing gifts of Cathal O Searcaigh poem books that should suit him…..
    Send Brian Cowen to Seirra Leone for the world conference of rubber producing nations and let him proudly display his lips……
    And as for the P.D’s put them all on a bus (2 seater one will do) and drive it off a fucking cliff….
    Send Noel Dempsey to Thailand so he has some chance of getting a ride

  9. Puerile Pish says:

    Satchmo, the burkha comment is redundant anyway as Billy Smarts Circus is hardly going to part with their big top , which is about the only thing that would fit the sow.

  10. satchmo says:

    Well i hear Gordon Brown wants to get rid of the dome that should do her.

  11. chuntzu says:

    ‘Course the major downside to all these politicos heading off thar sáile is that the cunts come back. Could somebdy ring our flag carrier and have all the flights diverted to Antartica where they’d have to live off penguins and their own fat until the stonger cannibalised the weaker. You can just seek Biffo chomping on Mary Coughlan’s haunch.

    Oh God, it hurts, Twenty, it hurts!

    De feckin’ Aussie polis wouild be damn quick to sort out drink driving and speeding, I speak, alas, from personal experience.

  12. maggot says:

    Are any of the feckers vsiting Nepal ?

  13. size ten says:

    Don’t care where they go, who they see, or what they spend.
    Every man for himself.
    Fuck off, get your own lifeboat, you should have learned to swim when the lessons were free.

  14. Half a MILLION euro? Bertie says its good for Ireland that they travel…In terms of the unholy fucking state of the health system its not much but it might help a little.
    A friend of mine has breast cancer and has VHI membership, she has developed another lump…bad news for her since she’s having to deal with the utter incompetency of the HSE.She arrived for a full body scan on Monday and was told that VHI or no, the machine wasn’t available due to cuts….
    Personally, I hope Bertie chokes on his Paddy’s day lunch in Brussels.

  15. roosta says:

    They should go to Egypt or China and find out how to deal with mischievous bloggers….

  16. Twenty Major says:

    .She arrived for a full body scan on Monday and was told that VHI or no, the machine wasn’t available due to cuts….

    Someone really needs to take a fall for this kind of shit. It’s incredible that nobody is being held accountable.

  17. irish american says:

    wow thats a real swell picture of your president and mine.your a really swell nation to have a dowme syndrome sufferer for a president thats soooooooo nice.

  18. Conan Drumm says:

    Perhaps Noel Dempsey will arrange for Dame Edna to take over as Min for Health. At least then we’d die laughing.

  19. jothemama says:

    Nice post, love the photo and the Crocodile Dundee idea. You call that a Metro system/Motorway/Port tunnel?…..

  20. Cupid Stunt says:

    I believe Mary Harney is spending a week in India…

    …Gate Takeaway on the Belgard Road

  21. Monkey Balls says:

    G’wan owwa dat Twenty. You expect me to believe that they have ‘planes now that can take off with Jabba The Harney on board? I’m not stupid.

  22. Puerile Pish says:

    Can someone explain why no-one is held directly accountable for the shite like LittleSapling described? I am not holding the UK up as a paragon of virtue but at least whena minister fucks up they offer themselves up for the chop. Even Alistair Darling offered to resign over Northern Rock and it was fuck all to do with him. I always thought the reason you get paid to be in a senior position is that you took some measure of responsibility. What really fucking irks me is the ongoing support by other ministers of the government. In Harneys case they are probably afraid of being consumed alive.

  23. Puerile Pish says:

    Mr Balls I believe in Harneys case they charter the Antonov 225

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonov_An-225

  24. PattheRat says:

    I think it is important to Irish people that our leaders are seen around the World. It kinda is a reminder that although we have a bit of new found lolly and havent flooded their countries with 10′s of thousands of illegal immigrants we havent gone away you know.
    The ole well has dried up and no more multinationals want to sponsor shitloads of us to not work in doss job, join a union and a golf club and think we’re the best cunts in the world. So here’s our semi-coherent uncles of politicians to show you that we may come a knocking soon.

  25. maggot says:

    Here Twenty – if these feckers get all these perks as part of their “job” then surely as an author yu’ll be able to claim tax relief on all the major and guinness consumed at Ron’s and elsewhere – research for the book and all that sort of thing ?

  26. Shane says:

    Why don’t you all stop voting for the stupid cunts and then you might make a difference.

  27. Excellent idea Shane…now if we can just persuade the other three million…

  28. seriously though, this woman has three children under 10, works hard, pays tax etc and can’t get arrested in a hospital…nuts!.

  29. Puerile Pish says:

    I think the concensus on this blog was most of the readers did indeed vote against the current government. However the rest of the greedy grasping cunts who voted for Bertie and his cohorts obviously outweighed the type of sociopath who reads this blog.
    There are more issues with the internal culpability at the moment in particular in the Health Arena.

  30. Paul says:

    You leave Merv the Swerve out of it…. A true legend.

  31. PP..definitely.
    My friend had a biopsy last friday on her new lump(s) – plural the cancer has spread and for three consecutive days this week she’s been fobbed off.She was able to get the results of her last biopsy two day later.
    She appears to be under the care of a few doctors..and they don’t appear to talk to each other.She knows she’s not getting the treatment she deserves and needs in order to save her life.She has no choice because thats all thats available to her in Ireland.She’s complained to anyone who’ll listen in the hospital but No one it seems is responsible at the end of the day.
    Mary Harney is the minister for health and she’s responsible for the HSE.Regardless of whether she accepts responsibility or not, I hold her responsible and anyone who voted for this needs to have the vote
    taken away.

  32. and just to clarify by ‘this’ I mean a Fianna Fáil led government with the green party as a mudguard, one member of an ailing political party (PD’s) who clearly dosn’t have the skills to manage such an important portfolio.
    I have nothing against MH personally, she’s a good debater in the house..but Ff only kept her in the loop so that she could take the rap for the mess that our health system has become while greedy FF concentrated on promoting their mates in construction and salting away cash for themselves.

  33. nkvd says:

    eirevangelists!

  34. Fourth Former says:

    Wogan mentioned MacDara again today. What’s going on?

  35. Peadar says:

    I don’t think he has commented in a while. Has he been blown up?

  36. Plop says:

    “Is there some Crocodile Dundee figure over there whose brilliant naïveté is going to find a solution to the mess that is the M50? Are great Australians like Harold Bishop and Merv Hughes going to fix the Port Tunnel and the congestion at the Red Cow roundabout?”

    The Red Cow Roundabout/M50 design is being overseen by Aussie consultants.

  37. NH says:

    The real scary thing about this is that they normally leave Willie O’Dea to look after things while the rest of them live it up.

    A coup would be good craic all the same.

  38. Gluaistean says:

    Mary Harney going to India?
    I guess she wanted to go someplace where she would be held sacred…..

  39. SuperGrover says:

    quiet around here today

  40. SuperGrover says:

    pissy day. in dublin anyway. what about you muck savages? raining there too?

  41. SuperGrover says:

    one of those days. no energy in the air

  42. SuperGrover says:

    even culchie-baiting is half-arsed

  43. SuperGrover says:

    hey twenty, maybe this is the end. maybe there is some other new improved blog where they’ve all gone to say cunt even more

  44. Twenty Major says:

    Good luck to them.

  45. SuperGrover says:

    aye

  46. Peadar says:

    Who you calling muck savages you fucking knackers cunt.

    Ye its raining

  47. Puerile Pish says:

    At least you knackers and muck savages can see the weather, we imported labour are locked in a dingy office with the view of another dingy office. Roll on the bank holiday where I can wear a silly hat and pretend my ancestors once slept with a bog trotter.

  48. SuperGrover says:

    at least we can relieve the monotony by doing stuff. god help you and your grey fields and damp oul’ cunts going around on bikes

  49. Puerile Pish says:

    Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! my grandmother was a peat shovelling culchie , I am off to chop down my family tree.

  50. SuperGrover says:

    nothing to see pp it’s a shit day

  51. SuperGrover says:

    every fucker here is wired up to cheltenham. betting i understand. having to hear all the ins and outs is another thing. how come people don’t gather round the telly cheering each lotto ball as it rolls out? same thing.

  52. SuperGrover says:

    culchies mostly to be honest. well, they get excited about sandwiches and fanta, so…

  53. PattheRat says:

    “Stuff” as in “gorraneestuff?” you shower of pasty face, Aslan lovin, pram pushin, pyjama wearin, non All-Ireland winnin, work hatin heroin addicts

  54. SuperGrover says:

    just off out to spend my scratcher on smack. hold on, where’s me jimjams? and me stroked ipod.. ah, crazy world’, what a tune, that christy boy really speaks to me

  55. SuperGrover says:

    this internet thing. there was a time when only flat-dwelling civil servant culchies got to criticise a modern city dwelling dubliner. and then they’d get a kicking for their trouble. well, got to give them an outlet, i suppose. bless them

  56. nonny says:

    ahha ha. Twenty Major, you are an absolute nutter. We can only hope you don’t have children.

  57. PattheRat says:

    Better off spending your scratcher on elocution lessons if you’re anything like the King of the Dubs aka Bertie the Drummer Boy.
    Fuckin embarrassing cunt “De de de de….”

  58. Peadar says:

    Man United and Dublin have a lot in common. Everyone hates their fans. Bunch of useless bandwagon hopping tossers.

  59. SuperGrover says:

    Ah, Bertie’s a grand lad. Just likes his Bass and a quiet life. Leave him be. A Northsider too… salt of the earth

  60. SuperGrover says:

    takes a mucker to turn everything into a sports metaphor. the only ones they can grasp

  61. sandwiches and fanta, where?

    there’d better be some hang ones left!

    Cmon ta fuck!

  62. SuperGrover says:

    that’s more like it, morgor. a proud cap-wearing murphy’s swiller. good on ya

  63. PattheRat says:

    Fanta my bollix. Its Club Orange all the way – great cut to it!

  64. Peadar says:

    It’s not a metaphor

  65. SuperGrover says:

    I am tiring of this charade now… truthfully, I am of culchie stock, don’t like Aslan, like the countryside and think Bertie’s a cuntface. Just for the record. Just getting a rise out of inter-county rivalry but I am no Derek Mooney a la Winning Streak so I give up

  66. ye jackeen cunts, if I don’t git my hang sangwiches, me and mammy will tear your fields ta shit in our ford 2000.

  67. Peadar says:

    Ye club orange is nicer than fanta but club rock shandy tops the lot

  68. pat is actually right, it is club orange and not fanta though.

    And waterford culchies don’t drink murphys, its a guiness, warm from the shelf.

  69. PattheRat says:

    Pat is always right dude!

  70. Joan Finnegan says:

    Dear Sir/Madam,
    can you please re-issue my P60. Case number12701-E.

    Thank You,
    Joan

  71. porridge says:

    no, but here’s a brand spanking new p45 for you. good luck

  72. Pinkie says:

    Jabba the Harney — oh dear God that is funny!

  73. Big RC says:

    Is that a marijuana plant he’s handing over? That could go some way to explaining some of the “speeches” that cunt Bush has given.

  74. Just to get back to Twenty’s post and my angry comments…My friend was told today that the new lumps are inoperable.
    She wasn’t given a time frame but they also told her that more chemo would be pointless.
    She still can’t get that scan.
    It costs €2400 you see.
    I hope all of the ministers have a lovely St Patricks Day abroad.
    I’ll be travelling to Dublin to spend some time with my friend.

  75. Medbh says:

    I’ll take a pot of cheeba over shamrock anyday but shrub doesn’t deserve it. Plus his taste runs towards coke.

  76. Twenty Major says:

    Sorry to hear that, Sapling.

    Medbh – he’d smoke the roach end.

  77. itchybollix says:

    http://www.rte.ie/news/2008/0313/Members%20Interest.pdf

    The first one that I come across to make me wonder about how politicians have a calling to represent their fellow citizens, and are not in it for the filthy lucre, is Sean Barrett.

    Where does he get the time to represent his fellow citizens.

    I’ve got a fucking classic story from my mum re: Ivor Callelly and ray Burke that I’ve just rememembered.

    later

    politicians; money lovers; don’t give a fuck about anything else (most of them anyway)

    going to go through the rest now..looking forward to Dara O’Brien; he must owe Guido a fortune from the gambling table; he’s fuckin’ shite at blackjack; gombeen.

  78. itchybollix says:

    Sean Haughey

    draw- freudian slip – jaw dropping

  79. itchybollix says:

    O’Keefes in Cork too have portfolios that buffett would smile at.

    no members of the dail sell dope, guns or fucking as far as I can see

    gl to the tara protester – that, Dick Roche, was a fucking disgraceful ast of pettiness

    good night

  80. colonel cockburger says:

    Just thought you’d like to know Sydney was voted “Worst Mass Transit System in a Major City” last year.
    Thats a global report so our own Minister for Transport should fit in pretty well.
    Paddys Day not a bank holiday in Oz so its celebrated on Sat.
    Dont worry I am going on a solo operation on Mon to disgrace the nation, should be drunkest man in Australia.

  81. paddy says:

    My guess is that Noel Dempsey might be getting tips from Australian politicians on how to tender for toll roads. Something along the lines of make sure the notes are unmarked, non sequential and there’s a fuck off big suitcase full of them.

  82. SeanR says:

    I hope those who’ve gone to the sun get skin cancer, bastards!

    Now they’ve gone, let’s change the law and keep them out as undesirables. Perhaps, set up an immigration points system with a big minus for people who’ve worked in Dail Eireann:

    Q1. Have you ever been a member of Dail Eireann?
    Then deduct 1,000 points from you application.

  83. Drexler says:

    They are dead right to head off; Patrick’s day in Ireland is a load of shit. Entirely vacuous. We are taught that it’s about the coming of Christianity when in fact it’s the biggest paganfest you ever saw. If Michael Collins hadn’t fucked everything up we might have something proper to celebrate. The fact that our national holiday celebrates something that happened sixteen hundred odd years ago seems to suggest that we haven’t achieved anything of greater significance since. St Patrick’s Day is the most non-sensical holiday I’ve ever known.

  84. Neal Salomon says:

    Just goes to show how much the tickets are marked up, when they become available so cheap online.

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