I’ve just invented Plogging
Posted on | March 7, 2008 | 45 Comments
Ron’s got wifi in. Well, he persuaded the print company next door to give us the username and password of their network. As he rightly pointed out they don’t use it in the evening and he doesn’t smash their faces in when they come in for a drink.
This means I can connect to the internet with an iPod. This is good. I found the best thing about having an iPod touch was that you could post a blog post without anyone knowing you were actually having a poo. At least one of my recent posts has been posted whilst I’ve been evacuating a lumpy, brown python. How do you know I’m not having a poo in Ron’s right now?
It’s cool. It’s the next step forward for the internet. What do we call it though? Poo + Blog.
It’s obvious, isn’t it?
I am the first Plogger.
Go Plogging!
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45 Responses to “I’ve just invented Plogging”
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March 7th, 2008 @ 11:08 pm
Plogging — that sounds raunchy.
March 7th, 2008 @ 11:26 pm
Sitting, as I am, on the iplogger at this precise moment, I can only wonder what we did before these iplogs came along. Can you imagine communicating with the world on a Dansette? (Under fifties, feck off!)
March 7th, 2008 @ 11:32 pm
what with all the shite around here I thought you’ve been plogging for months
March 8th, 2008 @ 12:00 am
It there no end to your talents?
I’ve done this a few times using the PSP, it’s not exactly easy though. You get a metaphorical and literal pain in the hole at the same time…
March 8th, 2008 @ 12:44 am
Who ever knows what else blogger is doing while blogging. Some have been known to blog while, shock horror, reading the Indo or watching the Late Late.
March 8th, 2008 @ 1:35 am
Plogging…
sounds like that game that used to be around when I was a kid… Pogs…
Bet no one thought it would be used for this kind of thing though… :D
March 8th, 2008 @ 2:38 am
apple pie
March 8th, 2008 @ 3:05 am
Plogging is all well and good for you bluebloods. Shlogging on the other hand is a more apt for us working class suckers. Thats Shitting and Logging out or in; depending on the milk of magnesia. I’m the first Shlogger ! Yee hawwwwwww.
March 8th, 2008 @ 8:07 am
You’ll be able to do your banking and your wanking outside the comfort of your own home.
March 8th, 2008 @ 8:49 am
Can that ipod thing take phone calls … I was unlucky enought this week to be in the middle of a nice long log comming out and half way through the fucking phone rings … it broke my concentration and the mussels in me arse contracted thus breaking my log in 2 .. and you know then its gonna be a bitch to wipe the ass …
Is there any such thing as moist toilet roll … Im sure there must be a market for that ..
when i was living in japan … jesus the toilet had fucking 100s of features on it … there was one for a water spraying up the jacksey…i swore never to try it just in case like I might become addicted to the feeling and never get off the fucking thing
March 8th, 2008 @ 9:06 am
moist toilet roll it’s called “savettes” or just ask for wet wipes.
March 8th, 2008 @ 9:30 am
Real men wear dangleberries.
March 8th, 2008 @ 9:36 am
I print out this blog to wipe my arse. I call it blog-roll.
March 8th, 2008 @ 11:40 am
I must get me one of those ipod touchy thingys
March 8th, 2008 @ 11:41 am
usual were accused of just talking shite …
now were actually talking about shite
is this a step forward or a step backwards ..
Monkey … thats nothing
The pinnacle of anal hygene in olden days was the use of a dead swans neck to wipe. This, however, was limited to a group of Cistern monks who lived off the coast of scotland, so had nothing better to do with their time. Nobody else could afford to use a swans neck, dead or alive, so they had to make do with moss, or a handfull of leaves.
March 8th, 2008 @ 11:53 am
But Feynman, it’s not the hygiene aspect of it that I’m concerned with.
The reason I wipe my arse with a printout is that it’s the only way I can quell my near-overwhelming desire to take a shit on the computer whenever I read the blog.
March 8th, 2008 @ 12:30 pm
Perhaps Twenty could commission someone to make bogroll from this blog. I can see it now:
“Twentysoft – Twenty’s most popular posts on your loo roll, with a comment on every sheet”
March 8th, 2008 @ 12:32 pm
Hold on Twenty …
Didnt u do a life blogging from Ron’s last patricks day.
If hes just got the wifi ..how did you manage to do that.
By teh way … are u gonna do another marathon blogging session from Rons this coming patricks day ?
March 8th, 2008 @ 12:34 pm
A tip for any DIY enthusiasts; Don’t use photo-paper!
March 8th, 2008 @ 12:36 pm
Didnt u do a life blogging from Ron’s last patricks day.
Yeah, modem.
Not sure about this year.
March 8th, 2008 @ 1:02 pm
NOT SURE ABOUT LAST YEAR EITHER.
March 8th, 2008 @ 1:52 pm
Finished book. Liked it. Favourite bit: “Wants it we do. Yeeeees”
March 8th, 2008 @ 2:01 pm
You’re not the first plogger, I was. Though I meant I was plugging something on the blog (www.myspace.com/thejuiciestmusic – see?). Not the other. So given the brown and lumpy association, I’ll gladly hand the title over to you and leave it there!
Blogroll is funny :)
March 8th, 2008 @ 2:08 pm
Bridget Hourican’s review of The Book in The Dubliner is reprinted here; http://tinyurl.com/3dxjc8
It’s a fair review, and The Book gets 4 stars. Don’t know whether that’s 4 out of 4, or 4 out of 20, but the impression I got was definitely a thumbs up. Fair play to her. Not bad for a girl.
Except for one big, nay GIGANTIC error she made, and I quote;
“you may even become a fanatical fan, and join ubiquitous commentators Bald Devil, Northside Langer and Maggot.”
It’s commenters, Bridget, commenters.
Monkey Balls loves Johnny5.
March 8th, 2008 @ 2:31 pm
thanks for the link monkey … im out east so Ive no access to any stuff. maybe i could pay your fare to come over here and deliver me that book
March 8th, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
PO Box MONK3Y, Tallaght
Cheers
March 8th, 2008 @ 2:37 pm
Re: the dubliner article
dont mind about that lack of women reference twenty …
shure wasnt the genius sergio leone (of the heinz spaghetti westerns) always reprimanded for
(a) never having women in his films
(b) if they were women they are either
i. Shot
ii. Raped
iii. acting as prostitutes/sluts
iv . all of the above
March 8th, 2008 @ 2:38 pm
Oops, forgot me tag;
Monkey Balls loves Johnny5
(OK, I’ll stop now)
March 8th, 2008 @ 4:33 pm
jesus twenty; having read that review i’d say your in there……cigarette bridget?
March 8th, 2008 @ 7:24 pm
Big fuck-off cigar, Bridget?
March 8th, 2008 @ 9:06 pm
Sorry to be off topic. Twenty, I’ve been in Easons in Sligo, looking for “The Book”, three times this week. Useless shower of Cunts. They keep telling me “it’ll be in, tomorrow”.
March 8th, 2008 @ 9:54 pm
You have started something new there Twenty. Folks used to read or do crossword puzzles in the shithouse: You’ve opened up a hole nether world to pooing. Hey! Hre’s an idea! You can write another book, “The Joy of the Shithouse.” Reading for serious shitters.
March 8th, 2008 @ 10:12 pm
‘Our products are normally despatched from the Channel Islands and therefore 1st class delivery to the UK will usually take 3 to 5 working days. Please allow extra time for deliveries to Europe and the Rest Of The World.’
Sure they go to an awful lot of trouble for a three quid book!
March 8th, 2008 @ 10:21 pm
Must be a real sickener that comment number 24, eh?
Bald Devil loves you all.
March 9th, 2008 @ 3:03 am
Oh my God, I feel sick.
Monkey Balls loves Johnny5
(I swear, that’s the last time)
March 9th, 2008 @ 3:53 am
Whiskeyintheditch, you, and all other readers of this fine blog should know that there’s no such thing as being off-topic, so long as you mention The Book. I have used this ploy myself on several occasions, and have yet to be reprimanded. Look, I’m using it now! It’s almost like a license to post comments.
But I digress. Your predicament of being unable to procure for your good self a copy of the forementioned Book, within the confines of a sub-branch of that purveyour of books (with a small b) that appeal to the Lowest Common Denominator class of reader, called Eason’s, which in itself I believe is a sub-branch of that massive oligarchical empire that goes by the name of WH Smith’s, but I could be wrong, saddens my heart.
But the problem is partly of your own making. Your failure to apply a fuckin’ heavy baseball bat to the head of the fuckwit you spoke to in Eason’s will most likely cause untold delay in that branch actually ordering the book, and then God only knows what sort of retards they choose to keep hidden away in the warehouse!!
My own local branch had it on a trolley that moved around the shop floor for a few days. While I wasn’t looking last week they put it on the shelf they call ‘On Promotion’ -Nowhere else. Not ‘Humour’, not ‘Irish Fiction’, not ‘First Ever Book By A Writer Of An Irish Blog’.
Get them to check on their computer. It’s very likely In Stock, but lost in the wrong section, beside the Harry Potter. Or still in a box over by the cigarette counter.
Be firm with them. You have nothing to lose but your €8.99
March 9th, 2008 @ 4:29 am
I’m expecting a banger of a fuckin’ hangover later this morning, so, in anticipation of any questions I might be asked;
Yes, I have had issues with the staff of my local Eason’s, and the management, and their stupid bastard security staff who follow me everywhere but think I can’t see them.
Yes, the management in Eason’s are of the same mentality as the staff. Total waste of fuckin’ time.
No, I am not Twenty Major.
March 9th, 2008 @ 8:22 pm
I’ve have now tried 3 different book shops and still can’t find your book – whats the story?
March 9th, 2008 @ 8:33 pm
MB are you awake?
Did you take the cure?
March 9th, 2008 @ 10:03 pm
Which bookshops did you try?
March 9th, 2008 @ 10:11 pm
Yes, I’m awake, and just finished tidying up my website.
I took the cure; A few more cans, a bottle of cheap wine and 2 swigs of Domestos.
Quiet ’round here today, isn’t it?
March 9th, 2008 @ 10:27 pm
Bought the book today in Easons in Liffey Valley.
It was sitting, cosy as you like, right beside Paul Williams latest Tome. Would this be the only possibility of you sitting quietly beside Mr Williams..
March 10th, 2008 @ 9:05 am
2 X Easons and 1 X Hughes – not happy
They were south side – does that matter?
March 10th, 2008 @ 9:06 am
No, it should be in all of them. Let me check with publishers etc.
March 26th, 2008 @ 1:47 pm
[...] toilet (which is why some people have dropped theirs in the bowl). Now, I’m not advocating ‘plogging’ (though Twenty is about a decade too late to have claimed to have invented it), but there’s [...]