Watch out
February 29th. A day that comes along only once every four years. It is, of course, a leap year.
It’s also a day when women go mad with themselves going around asking men to marry them. It’s the only day they’re allowed do it by law and dammit if there isn’t going to be mayhem on the streets of Ireland today. Everywhere you go there’ll be a woman waiting to jump out at you and propose marriage.
Knees will be scuffed as they are knelt upon and rings shall be thrust upon unsuspecting male victims who will shriek in fear of committment.
There’s only one way to avoid all this and that is to spray yourself with a solution made up from nettles and dandelion wine as women are allergic to it. It makes them break out in hives and sends them back to their lairs where they will have to wait another 4 years to prowl the streets with the Breretons box, containing the diamond ring they were inspired to buy during the pre-film advertisements in the Savoy on a Saturday night, and the speech they had practiced over and over to get it just right.
Men, be careful out there.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:18 am
I’m a bit of a Leap Year veteran – I’ve successfully survived 2 tours of duty with the close personal friend and its safe to say I won’t be home until Saturday.
Do men get engagement rings when women propose? I always thought it should be an engagement XBox 360.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Look on the bright side. You only have to remember your wedding anniversary two and a half times every decade.
On the same note, a happy birthday to anyone out there who was born on this date. Ya poor fuckers.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:37 am
I’d never heard of this tradition before.
Why would anyone want to get married?
Marriage is for queers.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Elton John, Michael Jackson , the list is endless.
FACT.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Yeah, and apparently if you said No, you had to pay a fine, anything from a kiss to a pair of silk trousers, so Dave’s World said anyway. Imaging a minger asked you to marry her and you had to kiss her. Yuck.
Oh and good luck at the Blog awards. I look forward to Twenty splattered across the Sunday papers, having swung open the door of his limo as he arrives outside the Alexander Hotel. Ahh yeah, Jameson in one hand, smoke in the other, legs spread open as he clambers out, giving all an sundry a glimpse up his dress. I believe when you don’t wear underwear the people in the hood call it “bushing it”. Just something to bear in mind. “Major bushes frightened bloggers”, nice. May the night be fantastic and the taxi’s home be a plenty.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I’m safe. I’m already hitched. Instead I have to go to 9th and a 10th birthday parties. These leap year babies get cranky if you don’t turn up on the rare occasion of the birthdays. I believe there will be jelly and ice cream.
February 29th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Mmmm jelly and ice-cream. mind if I join you?
February 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Did any of those actors from Hill Street Blues EVER do anything again on TV? I mean, Joe Spano?
February 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am
what would be the point of ever doing anything after being in the greatest show ever?
February 29th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Gentlemen, you have absolutely nothing to be afraid of. A minger will give you the ride of your life. No chance of catching an STD either. For Christ sake, they even pay for their own drinks.
Just treat her like you would any member of the Garda Síochána, and don’t give your real address.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Ha ha Monkey Balls you are mad.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Never heard you moan about a missus there twenty, what’s the bag there? Any tales of ‘almost-but-didn’t’ to relate there now?
Johnny 5 I assume you can fill us in if himself won’t?
February 29th, 2008 at 11:16 am
I wouldn’t like to say but I will.
Twenty’s cousin proposed to him on the 29th of February 1992. He accepted. They were engaged for 6 months when he caught sleeping with another of his cousins(her brother). She was from Drumcondra, Bertie Ahern was the TD for the area at the time. That’s where twenty’s irrational hatred of Bertie comes from. Twas Bertie who asked Archbishop connell to request dispensation from Rome so Twenty, the inbreeding scumbag, could marry his cousin. He’s never forgiven him.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Twenty, i reckon your going to be appauled and saddened by the fact that jigs ‘n’ reels has been cancelled. What are you going to do with your time now?
February 29th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Johnny5, which of the two cousins was it he married in the end?
February 29th, 2008 at 11:22 am
ah jasus the good old days when the bitches were stuck in the snug bar only, and four or five mackesons later sent off home to put the dinner on,her auld fella in the spit and sawdust trying to hand back a pint of slops for a packet of kerry blue and the barman telling him to fuck off,the only leaping that was done when he got home and leaped all over her in the bed and after the deed was done he lays there farting and snoring all night,and there you have it leap year a la 1951.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Farting AND snoring? True class!
February 29th, 2008 at 11:29 am
the 50’s : the era of the metrosexual.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:31 am
I was hoping for something more in the vein of ‘yeah his bird’s a minger’ but how and ever…..
February 29th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Twenty would you do me the honour..?
February 29th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Johnny5, which of the two cousins was it he married in the end?
Neither. They married each other. They have two children now. You might know them, they sang for Ireland in the Eurovision.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:39 am
hehe Johnny5, what were those fucking cunts names again?
February 29th, 2008 at 11:42 am
The Majorettes I think.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:44 am
All lies, I tell you.
Johnny5 married his hand. I was best man.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Twenty had it away with the maid of honour on the wedding night.
Good times.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:53 am
“Johnny5 married his hand. I was best man.”
Which hand? and did that mean that the other hand was a bridesmaid, and if so did you shag it in true best man tradition?
February 29th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Try and keep up, PP.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
[...] contesta que no a la proposición, la mujer que se declare puede pedirle que según la tradición (escocesa, por lo visto) pague una multa (o que se quite alguna prenda, así que aquí imaginación al [...]
February 29th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Some spik just called you a beardy cunt, Twenty.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Donna and Paul.
http://www.answers.com/topic/donna-and-joseph-mccaul?cat=entertainment
February 29th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
or Joseph. as the case may be.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Somebody better give me credit for my majorettes gag pronto.
that’s comic gold so it is
February 29th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I almost smiled Johnny5.
I’m taking no chances today – phone is off the hook, doors barricaded and landmines laid.
Outlandish claims about Twenty. The truth is that he fathered Amy ( her surname is the giveaway – Winehouse, the “event” happened behind the ashtray at Ron’s place )with the woman who was eventually Stolen away by Bertie – hence the feud.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
There’s credit, you needy prick!
February 29th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I would have thought he would be refused credit
February 29th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Some spik just called you a beardy cunt, Twenty.
It’s worse than that, I think he called me Scottish.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
The game’s up Gurr Cake, we know your real identity. And I’m not sure how happy Twenty will be to find Frank McCourt commenting on his blog.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
What a lameo tradition, no one wants to marry anymore, fuckin yucky. And if you do marry, it should be an ugmo because they will always have your dinner cooked on time, I heard it in a song.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Pardon my blatant blog abuse but did anyone ever see a Joe Jackson gig? If so was it good?
February 29th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Jesus you are all ignorant fuckers, he basically said the tradition of proposing etc was Scottish, but the practise is actually believed to Irish in origin although the Scots did pass a law formalising the arrangement so the men had to pay a fine if they refused. As with most things Scots there was some kind of monetary value involved. I will however rise above the obvious racist undertones of your remark Mr Major you bog-trotting cunt.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
It’s all take take take with you shower.
I provide daily tidbits of comic genius and what the fuck do I get in return. Fuck all that’s what. Not so much as a cunting smiley.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Will you marry me, Johnny5?
February 29th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
“practiced over and over to get it just right”
LMFAO, spot on
February 29th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
‘Pardon my blatant blog abuse but did anyone ever see a Joe Jackson gig? If so was it good?’
Ye I saw him once. It was crap. He kept falling over while trying to moonwalk and tried to ride and 8 year old in the front row
February 29th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
You’d be the first to scoff in derision and fire off petulant insults if some cunt was foolhardy enough to show you a smiley (as well you should, frankly)
So quit yer moaning, cockbag.
Cruddy Bang, careful what you ask for
February 29th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
“Ye I saw him once. It was crap. He kept falling over while trying to moonwalk and tried to ride and 8 year old in the front row”
You sure that wasn’t yer uncle at the wedding?
February 29th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
What wedding? jasus these 29th thing has everyone obsessed with marriage
February 29th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Joe Jackson is shite. The only decent song he ever did was that “Shaddupa ya face”
February 29th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Imagine the shock if a woman asked a guy to marry her today and he said yes straight off the bat, totally deadpan.
It would have to be the first case of an Irish man doing what his missus wants after only being asked once. ;-)
February 29th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
…rings shall be thrust upon…
Not all bad then.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
What are talking about Monkey, what about ‘Is she really out with him? Is she really gonna take him home tonight, la la la I don’t know the rest of the words la la la la’ That is a good song. Anyway, it is a bit late now as I have the tickets, which apparently are shit tickets. The ‘Upper Circle’ and seats are not allocated so I’ll probably be getting lashed with pints of beer as opposed to enjoying the show.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Johnny5 are you single? Your comments are so funny that I would like to marry you.
February 29th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
of course he’s single. He’s short, fat and extremely fucking ugly. That’s why he’s funny. It’s a defensive mechanism
February 29th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Seriously Nonny, I saw him a long, long time ago, and he was alright. Then he changed direction, doing some kinda Big Band stuff. I lost interest after that.
I reckon you might even be in for a treat. Ol’ Joe was always a likeable kinda bloke, and I’m sure he won’t let you down.
But no, I don’t want to buy the tickets off you.
March 1st, 2008 at 5:25 pm
No man in Ireland has ever seriously proposed marriage to a woman, it’s always been the women who hassle them into it.
No men ever want to get married, if it was up to them no one would be wed, and all children would be illegitimate.
We women just let youse THINK it’s all your idea, but we know you need to feel macho and assertive, so we let you pretend you’re in charge.
March 5th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Yippee, we know its not our idea.
My poor brother was harassed by his current wife for about 2 years or so to marry her.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
ha ha