I had a very quiet weekend, I must say. Went for an Indian with the lads to celebrate the book coming out. We had the most unsmiling waiter of all time though. This vexed Jimmy the Bollix.
Although the waiter was reasonably efficient Jimmy didn’t like his straight faced antics. When it came time for the bill, and we’d stuck a decent tip on top, Jimmy says “Smile?!” at the waiter.
“Yes”, says the waiter, his face not moving from the stern expression he’s carried all night.
“Can you smile?”, asks Jimmy.
“Yes”, says the waiter not smiling.
“Give us a smile!”, says Jimmy.
“Yes”, says the waiter without so much as the slightest upturn of his mouth.
Jimmy eventually accepted he was dealing with a deadly serious waiter and not a smiling, happy-go-lucky waiter. So we made our way back to Ron’s and as we got to Leonard’s Corner we saw a car waiting at the lights, about to turn left at the Headline Bar to head towards town.
Now, I’m sure you’ve all seen those ‘hip-hop’ cars where all the hip-hoppers are chillin’ and all that other stuff they do. The hip-hop music is blasting and as the arms rest out of the window the guy driving makes the car look like it’s dancing in time to the music by braking and revving and such stuff. Generally these cars are big American cars or pimped-up motors with spoilers and lights and a trunk full of bitches.
I have to say the effect is more than a little hilarious when you see it being done by some cunt in Carlow registered 03 Micra.
Thanks for reminding me about Carlow on a Monday morning. Prick.
No problem at all, cuntchops.
You and the boys should travel (armed to the teeth) to Arklow, it is a prime spot for watching the “Gangstas” of the Wicklow Massive , crawling the streets in their rides, having impromptu sound offs and generally looking like cunts. Many a time I thought that the pre 97 Puntos,Fiestas and Mitsibushi Colts reminded me of livin’ in South Central LA.
And in defense of your waiter, he has probably developed a self protection mechanism after being subjected to parties of drunk stag parties making racist innuendo and trying to put on a fake Indian accent.
You sure it wasn’t Dusty the turkey doing his Eurovision gig? What a bunch of wankers you Irish are.
Dustin The Turkey has Dana spitting feathers!
We are perfectly civilised in dining rooms across the city, Pish. He was just a person who did not smile.
Oh, I love it as a person working serving others, when they tell you to smile, cause they are having fun, so why arent you. Well because I am working, and I hate my job, you cunt, and I really particularly hate you you cunt, and wish you were dead. Die you cunt. CAn I get you anthing else?
Well Done to Glen Hansard the North side gimp.
And I always try and avoid Arklow if at all possible.
Jesus, you have put me in a bad mood now.
Smile, you’ll feel better.
I cant believe, after all your constant expletive-ridden, railing against everthing that is cuntish, everything that is so very Ryan Tubridy about the world, that you are one of those people. I am totally disillusioned… I thought…
oh whatever, Nevermind..
Jaysus Twenty, you must have a bank account within seagulling distance of Ambrovich’s; waiters with botox, that’s some serious service. The bill must have resembled that of a the You S of A’s GDP.
Don’t get ahead of yourself now, you should get back to the good old days of a home cooked candle lit pedegree chum dinner with bastard face; the mutts nuts.
Look it’s Monday why not be positive, my girlfriend worked in a job where they had to chant:
“I am happy, healthy and enthuasitic”
Now that’s pure cuntishness of the highest order.
waiters? bunch of cunts……especially when this happens…..
Quote of the weekend,
Customer:”I thought you people were meant to be jolly and happy?”
me: You people? You mean waiters?
customer: “No, fat people”
As is my spelling
haha, Manuel.
hahaah Manuel. I hope you scalded him somehow.
“03 Micra. for sale. carlow.”
http://www.cbg.ie/Cardetail.aspx?CBGID=-6&ID=1760524
and only *7* fuckin’ grand.
ha manuel,I’d have pissed in his soup.
If it’s a Micra, I think the technically correct term is ‘Hippity Hop’ car.
Be good to waiters. They get to handle your food before you do and if you really piss them off they have any number of bodily fluid garnishing to choose from.
I heard about a waiter who wiped his dirty penis on a complaining customer’s steak. Gives eating cock a whole new meaning.
funniest waiter story ever.
Hungry waiter is about to go out on the floor to drop 2 gourmet pizzas, and decides to sneak a piece of pepperoni…
When he drops the plates to their intended customers, they just stare in amazement at their waiter. After a long few seconds he notices the trail of cheese from her plate to his his mouth…. bloody melted mozerella…
TRue story
i really hate micras.
Better Waiter joke:
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
“Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “with your hand on my steak?”
“What” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?”
And where I found it …http://www.workjoke.com/projoke85.htm
“And where I found it …http://www.workjoke.com/projoke85.htm”
Seems that light-fingered knob Monsieur Monstre from last week has triggered a new age of transparency.
I just got soaked walking the dog. Cheer me up Twenty.
bag of sugar and a blow torch…..the fuckers….
I know I didnt bother smiling when I served people I calculated to be a)cheap or b)mean. Serving drunk, stupid men in a country that isnt your own means annoying comments whether they’re nice or not, just annoying and stereotypical. He’s probably had a lot of annoying customers and is now a seasoned hard-faced nutter.
story not joke
Yes.
>>Generally these cars are big American cars
>>or pimped-up motors with spoilers and lights
>>and a trunk full of bitches.
An raibh an “trunk” sin sa “boot”?
;-)
Agus cén fáth a raibh soitheanna ag na hip-hoppers?
WTF ? Posts in Arabic ?
The opposite is more annoying.
Overly friendly chatty people that won’t shut up and fuck off.
They are usually angling(how the fuck do you spell that) for tips…
waiter has just returned from pom a dom land after buying himself a child bride,cannot bring her into eire something about immigration and not yet old enough for a bit of the other,poor bastard reduced to the five finger widow,and to make matters worse a load of red faced paddies arrive outside in an 03 micra noise of which is unbelieveable makes the fillings fall out of your teeth,and the bastards have the temerity to ask me to smile fuck them Im off to the snug as soon as i get rid of this rabble.