Spending spree!!

8th February 2008

posted in Blog |

Tonight’s Euro Millions lottery jackpot is set to be €130m, which is fucking fantastic because 130,000,000 is my lucky number. Here are some of things I’m going to buy when I win:

Newstalk 106 and I’m going to make Brenda Power be the cleaning lady and it will become Radio Twenty - All 80s, All the time. Yeah.
A pair of matching lions
James Brown’s skeleton - get up offa that thing
An executive box at Old Trafford which I will fill with people who will constantly abuse Cristiano Ronaldo with megaphones. They will not rest till they make him cry
The bit of land that Pat Kenny is in dispute with his neighbours about. Then I’m going to put a cluster of travellers on it.
Some slaves (from many different countries so it’s not racist or anything)
A new TV for Ron’s, it’ll be a genuine Sorny too
A team of people who will give away free copies of the Big Issue while standing alongside those trying to sell it
A forcefield for my house, cool
A motorbike with a sidecar so me and Bastardface could zoom around town and he could bite cars and pedestrians
Loads of organs for people waiting for transplants, then I’d auction them to the highest bidders

What would you buy? (hypothetical, of course, coz there’s no chance of you winning it because I’m going to win it).

This entry was posted on Friday, February 8th, 2008 at 12:17 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On February 8th, 2008 at 12:36 pm Didihno said:

I’d probably buy a used airliner.
Fill it with foreign drivers, and that w@nkbag senator.
Hire an islamic fundamentalist pilot.
Give him a map of Dublin with Dail Eireann circled.
I think you know where I’m going with this…..

2 On February 8th, 2008 at 12:44 pm SAm Crea said:

Jesus, no comments yet, I bet they are all making lists, and trying to figure out how to put a bulleted list in a comment…

CAnt top the knackers in Pat Kennys garden(he thinks) so I wont bother

But I would buy a brand new shiny Red bicycle like I’v always dreamed of

3 On February 8th, 2008 at 12:55 pm Damien Mulley » Blog Archive » Fluffy Links - Friday February 8th 2008 said:

[…] of the King, what he’s do if he won the Euromillions. Two words: Assassination […]

4 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:06 pm Rusty said:

I’d top up my exotic poisons cabinet. Christmas really took a chunk out of it.

“Surprise Auntie Maura, I made you and your lovely children a yule log this year!”

5 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:12 pm Govstooge said:

I would buy the building I work in and blow it up. I would leave a handpicked selection of people trapped inside. Funfunfunfunfun.

6 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:23 pm Mastaaa said:

I would rent a pack of mincing sumo wrestlers, and I would have everyone one I dont like, even a little bit, gang raped back to the stonage by them.

Then dump in my bosses eyeball.

7 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:24 pm Roy (irish taxi) said:

I like Newstalk! keeps me sane in the Taxi!

I’d buy a private hospital.. you can pretend you’re doing good while still raking it in.

I’d do the odd poor person for free to salve my conscience

8 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:25 pm Mastaaa said:

As in you’d “do” them?

9 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:28 pm Sid trotter said:

I’d buy Andrea Corr’s minge and use it to house my horse

10 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:33 pm itchybollix said:

I’d buy Paul Williams a source that is a not a cop so he’s have to write some facts for a change.

11 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:35 pm Lung the Younger. said:

First I’d buy Athlone.
Then I’d buy a few dozen air-to-ground missiles.
Then I’d pay for some flying lessons.

12 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:37 pm gimmeaminute said:

Me love.

13 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm Conor said:

I’d buy 129,999,999 scratch cards using my €1 left over for the scratching

14 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:43 pm Northsider said:

I’d buy the Sindo - and then i’d shave Barry Ego’s head and make him wear a manky tracksuit - all day, every day.

15 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:44 pm Johnny5 said:

I’d buy the internet.

16 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:47 pm Mastaaa said:

I’d buy Bertie.

17 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:47 pm Mastaaa said:

And still have bucketloads of change…

18 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:47 pm samantha maguire said:

What Itchybollix said plus:

Hire a private detective to find Yippee

Hire an assassin to eliminate those wankstains in Cork who are clogging the airwaves, aided by their pals in RTE, with their stupid “dispute”

Buy Clive Owen, for obvious reasons

Buy Jose Mourinho, for obvious reasons and to manage our national team when I get bored with him

19 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:51 pm Conan Drumm said:

A Dail seat, for the free parking (in perpetuity) when I’m in Dublin city centre.

20 On February 8th, 2008 at 1:52 pm Denny said:

Ride on northsider! and take a big poo on a plate and get fuckwit o’connor to eat it

21 On February 8th, 2008 at 2:01 pm This was supposed to be the future.... said:

A machine to intercept duck thoughts.
A new host body.
A crime fighting kit & cape.
My own critian rock bannd. So i could burn them alive.
Sanskrit lessons.
A zombie
My own terrorist cell.
A nemisis.
Asthma.
Two badgers.

Thats all i can think of now.

22 On February 8th, 2008 at 2:07 pm The Daily Magnet said:

Well seeing how the AUD is probably worth about 30p, I guess that would leave me more than enough to buy Tasmania…

23 On February 8th, 2008 at 2:24 pm Conan Drumm said:

Actually, first thing I’d buy is the CCTV footage from the place I bought the ticket.

24 On February 8th, 2008 at 2:28 pm Silly Old Sod said:

I’d buy your book, Twenty.

25 On February 8th, 2008 at 2:45 pm morgor said:

I’d buy Jerusalem and put up a disneyland there.

26 On February 8th, 2008 at 2:57 pm Scratcher in the States said:

Naturally, I would buy every copy of Twenty’s upcoming book propelling him to the New York Times best selling list and a spot on the Oprah show so he could unleash the wrath of bastardface on her in front of a live TV audience.

27 On February 8th, 2008 at 3:27 pm problemchildbride said:

I’d buy happiness, which is for sale. But I wouldn’t be idle. I’d turn right around and sell small chunks of high-end, gold-plated, monogrammed happiness to discerning miserable bastards thus increasing my pile of money and allowing me to buy happiness in bulk from poor but jolly Chinese labourers. You’ve got to speculate to ahumourate.

28 On February 8th, 2008 at 3:59 pm The Bad Ambassador said:

I’d hire lucky luciano to take care of the following people…….
Alan HughesLouis WalshDavid McSavageIan O’DohertyBarry Egan… actually this could get a bit long so… the offices of Independent News and MediaLisa MurphyTom CruiseMaura Derrane

29 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:00 pm The Bad Ambassador said:

…and the fuckers who stripped out the HTML tags which should have created a bulletted list of some description in my post.

30 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:01 pm cnuts retard said:

I’d gather together every breed, creed, and colour of retard with every affliction known to man and get them all to live around cnut and when he moved I’d move them with him, then I’d pay SAm crea wads of money to disagree with him!

31 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:02 pm 10 Park Drive said:

I woul buy 10 Park Drive.

32 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:11 pm size ten said:

I’d buy my own car park so I could park and ride1

33 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:23 pm samantha maguire said:

BA, I’m fairly sure you wouldn’t have to pay Lucky that much to get rid of that list? A first class air fare to get over to Cruise perhaps, but otherwise I’d say you could enter into negotiations regardless of whether you win. If you add the RTE sports department, I’ll throw a few bob in. We might get a group rate. Maybe he has a nosey cousin who could locate Yippee…?

34 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:25 pm Medbh said:

I would have a house built where all the available wall space except for bathrooms and kitchen would be glorious oak bookshelves with a massive collection of first editions.
And I would buy a pet monkey.

35 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:27 pm Joe said:

I would buy, I mean hire, the attractive actresses from Home and Away, Neighbours, Hollyoaks and Coronation Street and make them perform the script that I have written that won’t get shown on TTV.

36 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:33 pm Andraste said:

A new liver.

37 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:46 pm pot said:

I would buy up every Unicorn in the world and seven hundred Irish Virgins and hide them in the undiscovered part of Roscommon, then I’ll set up a blog called IVU and post live footage of sexual activity between both parties, I think this could challenge even your fine blog for top spot!

38 On February 8th, 2008 at 4:57 pm The Bad Ambassador said:

Sorry, I should have clarified…. when I said “take care”, I actually meant “take care”.

I would have Lucky beat said people until they were in a permanant vegetive state and required round the clock care. The I would, in a heart warming public gesture (because nobody would know I had bank rolled the earlier attacks), employ Lucky as their full time carer. (I’m sure he is as adept at prolonged torture as he is at assassinations).

I’d love to take a crowbar to Alan Huges myself but I fear it would look like a gay hate attack. I would have to camp the attack up a bit - maybe swing the crowbar with my left hand so I would look un-coordinated and girly?

(Forgot Gavin Lambe Murphy too)

39 On February 8th, 2008 at 5:00 pm BigUlsterman said:

I’d buy Gerry Adams a car that drives itself.

40 On February 8th, 2008 at 6:08 pm Anna said:

You, Twenty.

41 On February 8th, 2008 at 6:23 pm pot said:

I’ve just been told that I’d stand a better chance with an equal number Unicorns and Irish Virgins fair enough if that’s the way it has to be!

42 On February 8th, 2008 at 7:22 pm nova said:

haha..you are so Funny..

43 On February 8th, 2008 at 7:28 pm Maggie said:

Mastaa - too late - allegedly Bertie has already been purchased.
Twenty, I’d rescue Bastardface and give him a good home!

44 On February 8th, 2008 at 7:50 pm Twenty Major said:

How dare you, Maggie.

Could you provide Bastardface with all the orphans he can eat? I think not.

45 On February 8th, 2008 at 7:50 pm Twenty Major said:

And you can’t buy me, Anna. I am not for sale.

Unless the wages were like, really, really good.

46 On February 8th, 2008 at 7:58 pm fatmammycat said:

Brendan O’Connor would have to start being VELLLY wary of Italians.

47 On February 8th, 2008 at 8:13 pm Bald Devil said:

Were you on the Luas at 0905 today? I just ask because there was some bearded old cunt having a smoke and annoying the shit out of other people on it this am. I congragulated him and asked if his name was Twenty Major and he told me to fuck off. A shoe-in if you ask me. Bald Devil meets Twenty Major, should have kicked your fuckin head in while I had the chance…
Bald Devil loves you all.

48 On February 8th, 2008 at 8:15 pm Bald Devil said:

And before you ask, congragulate is an old English word for offering your thanks whilst wishing to kick someones head in.
Bald Devil loves you all.

49 On February 8th, 2008 at 8:38 pm Twenty Major said:

You wouldn’t stand a chance, you slapheaded cunt. I was taught by the master.

http://tinyurl.com/3acl4p

50 On February 8th, 2008 at 8:58 pm Bald Devil said:

Ahh, Hong Kong Phooey. Number one super guy! Hong Kong Phooey. Quicker than the human eye!
Multi Coloured Swap Shop fan eh? Back in the day when Noel Edmonds was nearly cool. Saturday mornings indeed…!

http://www.seth-smith.org.uk/images/blog/fletcher.jpg

A know a fox who could solve anything…

Bald Devil loves you all.

51 On February 8th, 2008 at 9:00 pm Anna said:

Twenty - everyone is for sale, dahling. You won’t need wages; trust me.

Warmed up today by cashing in my Irish Lotto ticket from Wednesday. 150% profit on my investment, I might add. Ridiculously rich, here I come!

52 On February 8th, 2008 at 10:20 pm Crock said:

There’s a rash of beards on display in Dublin these days… they’re can’t have been so many beards here since 1978… what the hell is up? You can’t all be ugly and oozing personality. Is the tash about to make a come back??
I’d buy Dundrum Town Centre and turn it into a barber shop.

53 On February 8th, 2008 at 10:49 pm Bald Devil said:

http://www.monkeybawl.com/index.htm

And you and Monkey Balls have the cheek to call my blog tedious and lame??
Bald Devil loves you all.

54 On February 8th, 2008 at 11:41 pm fc20 said:

Damn, I found twenty in Canada!
http://www.snotr.com/video/723

55 On February 8th, 2008 at 11:58 pm laughykate said:

It’s not enough for me, because I would like to buy the entire airline industry. Every last plane. Mine. Mine. Mine. Also Satan’s soul, I think I need him on my team.

56 On February 9th, 2008 at 1:31 am SeanR said:

Buy up all the food in Ireland just to piss Harney off …

57 On February 9th, 2008 at 2:18 am ProudEnglishman said:

I would ship all you Bogswimmers to the Yanks. I would build a palace in the middle of Dublin.

58 On February 9th, 2008 at 11:44 am Monkey Balls said:

Re # 53;
Bald Devil, I never called your blog tedious and lame. I called you a cunt. There IS a difference.
And monkeybawl.com is an unfinished WEBSITE, not a blog. The clue is in the name.
I’ve just had a life-changing experience recently, which has prevented me from devoting the necessary time to building the site. When I eventually get around to it, I’m gonna piss all over your “Blog”, from a height.
Thanks for the publicity.

59 On February 9th, 2008 at 6:16 pm Micosavo said:

“get up offa that thing”

brilliant

60 On February 9th, 2008 at 7:19 pm Loco Lobo said:

A new TV for Ron’s? You skinflint!

61 On February 10th, 2008 at 1:00 am Mary Dote said:

I’d buy Gracelands and turn it into an Irish themed bed & breakfast. …………
All the staff would dress like Elvis and speak in Cork accents.

62 On February 10th, 2008 at 4:36 pm Puerile Pish said:

I would buy Scientology and throw Tom Cruise out on his neck. I would then fleece all the eejit members for a number of years before telling them it was all a load of old cock

63 On February 11th, 2008 at 1:05 pm The Scawgeen said:

You wouldn’t buy a whole pile outta the Irish Lotto, the prizes are laughable, I was standing in my local shop Saturday evening having a natter, when I was goggle eyed by the amount of money taken in for lotto tickets in a 5 minute period. The punters are the unfortunates here, why should the ‘charities and good causes’ get the biggest share of the lolly ??

I’ve gone through 2 leather recliners since last September, by simply pissing myself every time the Winning Streak Game Show comes on. The prizes are sheet. Every contestant who spares the time to appear on the show should be guaranteed a car, a holiday home (to own) and at least 100,000 grand and the chance to win a million with at least 25 chances for the ferris wheel to stop at the magic million. Chances are and I’m not a betting person the ‘ucken thing would still land on 16,000 every other time…toodle pips !

64 On February 13th, 2008 at 6:55 pm Pat Kenny said: